Glorfindel: We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!
Tin: Erm…. Nice pink dress Glorfy…. Hey, isn't that Ariel's?
Legolas: Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat!
Ala: Oh god… ARIEL! CAELI! STOP LENDING THE ELVES YOUR RED LIPSTICKS!
Ariel: Hey, he did ask very nicely //winks//
Caeli: And frankly, it's not our fault that Tinuviel has a warped mind and too much spare time!
Ariel: And frankly, we don't care about what you authoresses want the elves to look like!
Caeli: And frankly, you can't control us anyway!
Tin: And frankly, my dears, I don't give a damn!
Ala: ….
Elrond//pitying look// Poor dear, she's finally cracked.
Tin: I AM NOT INSANE! I HAVE LOVABLE PERSONALITY QUIRKS!
Elrond: Yes deary, whatever you say… anyway, before the little men in their white jackets come and take Tin away –
Tin: WHITE JACKETS ROCK!
Elrond: ANYWAY, Tolkien owns it apart from Ariel and Caeli!
Chapter 26Ariel's POV
Once Glorfindel showed me the way out, I stomped away, dripping water and a few bits of slimy grassy stuff that one always gets covered in when one is tricked into falling into a pond.
Stupid Caeli, stupid Glorfindel, stupid goddamn Middle-earth and all its stupid goddamn problems
I stalked back to where we were all camping out under a big tree and then remembered that as this wasn't Rivendell, no one had anything to do and so everyone was sitting under the big tree.
Jeez, can't a girl get some privacy to fume in peace?
I turned around and stalked off after glaring at each member of the Fellowship. A moment later, Legolas put his hand on my arm.
"What's the matter, Ariel?" he asked. I opened my mouth to lose my temper and then closed it again, remembering that it wasn't his fault that life sucked, and in fact he was one of the few things in it that didn't suck.
"Nothing… everything… me," I said, not sure what I was talking about but storing it away for future analysis. Generally, when I said things without understanding them they actually made sense – well, one eyed one toed rhinoceroses with orange sparkly stripes omitted. "I just want to be on my own for a while so I can think." Legolas nodded and I smiled at him before walking away.
After walking for a few minutes, I realised I'd forgotten why I was angry in the first place, then that made me remember and be angry all over again. So I restarted being the stomping grumpy thing that dripped bits of pond slime. Well, I'd been dripping pond slime and been grumpy before I remembered, but I hadn't been stomping, just dawdling along lost in thought.
Haldir jumped out from a tree and glared down at me.
"You should not be here, this area is not public," he told me. I glared at him.
"I can't see anyone there and I'm not planning on setting it on fire, so bugger off and annoy someone else," I snapped at him. Yeah, I knew it wasn't the best idea to annoy an immortal being who happened to own several pointy things and also happened to be the Marchwarden, but all I wanted to do was sit down on the steps instead of on the grass.
"You should not be so rude to your betters," he told me. I subjected him to my Death Glare of Doom.
"Well, according to all your elven stories about Eru, he loves the Secondborn just as much as the Firstborn, so how is it that you're my better?" I asked angrily.
Shit… I'm not from this world, I don't count as one of Eru's secondborn, so I'm just an unimportant teenager pissing around getting in the way…
My eyes widened as I realised that.
Now I can really see why all those Mary-Sues get turned into elves, life would be so much easier if I belonged here, although I've never been too in love with being clichéd
"Fine, whatever, you're better than me, now please just leave me alone and go complain to Lady Galadriel about how I should be chucked out of Lothlorien immediately," I muttered and sat down on the steps.
"Do you really think anyone would let you go when there are orcs nearby?" Haldir asked me.
"I'm not a kid, you can't 'allow' me to do things like that. It's not in your job description to try and control stray females who aren't scared of your pointy arrows," I told him.
"If you are not a child, why do you act like one?" he asked in that snooty voice that really annoyed me.
"Because people laugh and making people laugh is about the only thing I'm good at, ok? Now you can go and gloat," I told him and leant my head down on my knees.
"So you pretend to behave one way just to make people laugh at you? Humans do come up with the most ridiculous ideas," Haldir said pompously. I looked up at him.
"Ok, Mr Marchwarden Haldir," I said, not knowing what his title was but figuring he wouldn't appreciate just being called Haldir, "You try being a normal teenager, getting struck by lightening and ending up in your favourite book where people's moral values are completely different to yours and 'people' consist of immortal beings that happen to be a completely different intelligent species. Add on falling in love with a fictional character and deciding to follow him on a dangerous trip to save the world where you will probably be killed within six months by means of being impaled on some stinky thing's sword. You try coming up with a better coping mechanism."
Haldir, being a dignified elf, just raised his eyebrows while processing this.
"Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the whole 'I know the future of this world better than the resident telepathic, future-seeing beautiful elf queen' part? Because knowing exactly what will happen, from what people will say at a particular moment to knowing that I had to let someone die because otherwise the world would be doomed, isn't quite my idea of a great time," I informed him. Haldir raised his eyebrows.
Say something, damn you! Don't just raise your perfectly plucked eyebrows at me!
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.
"I was hoping for some advice. As you're the Marchwarden you're presumably fairly intelligent," I informed him. Haldir nodded.
Don't you dare say something arrogant!!!
"Stop acting like a child," he told me, and left. I sat there with my mouth hanging open for a moment.
Did he just give me five-word advice and walk off? Rude!
After a minute I removed my jaw from the mud and walked back to the others.
"Ariel! Where did you go? I asked Haldir but he wouldn't tell me!" Caeli said, running up to me. I glared at her, then forcibly relaxed.
New, sane Ariel does NOT commit murder.
"I needed some private time," I said. Everyone gave me very weird looks. "Stop looking at me like that, I know I'm covered in mud!"
STOP STARING AT ME!
Oops, didn't mean to say - yell - that out loud. Operation Sane Ariel isn't going so well!
"I'm trying this new thing where I'm sane," I informed them. Gimli raised his eyebrows. "Scratch that, I'm trying this new thing where I'm saner than normal."
"Sane? You're not sane!" Caeli said incredulously.
"Funnily enough, I noticed! It was just, I had a conversation with Haldir and something he said made me feel like being a little bit sane for a while," I said. "Well, it wasn't really a conversation, he annoyed me, I yelled at him, he annoyed me some more, I yelled at him, he told me to stop acting dumb and walked off."
"Since when have you listened to authority?" Aragorn asked. I shrugged.
"Erm… Haldir's an authority figure to me? That's the first I've heard of it!" I said cheerfully. "And I'm going to go have a bath because I look like Muddy the Mud Monster!"
"You are Muddy the Mud Monster," Caeli was obliged to point out.
"Yes indeedy, Monstrous Mud Muddy am I!" I announced with a curtsy and fell over. "Ouch."
"What happened to being sane?" Caeli asked, her eyebrows raised in a perfect parallelogram.
Shut up stupid brain!
"Sanity and elegance and poise and – " I struck a pose "And all that jazz!"" – in tune to Chicago – "are totally different things!"
"I rest my case," Caeli muttered.
Caeli's POV
After the conclusion of Ariel's sane period I turned to give her that "private time" she said she needed. I wandered here and there in various directions until I saw Haldir's back disappearing behind a Mallorn tree. I think it's high time we made friends Mr authority figure!
"Heya Haldir!" I called cheerfully. He stopped and turned round.
"Hello Caeli," he said politely in return.
"So…. Where are you off to?" I asked, trying to make conversation.
"The Training grounds." He answered serenely.
"Who's beating up who this time?"
"I don't believe there are any planned fights happening at the moment,"
"Ooo so you're practising yourself…." I waited for him to elaborate but continued when he didn't "so… who are you going to practise with?"
"Perhaps Legolas or Glorfindel, they are good companions of mine but they rarely visit,"
"Any friend of Glorfindel is a friend of mine!" I said smiling
"Likewise," he said, but didn't seem to mean it. We arrived at the training grounds which were now full of elves with all manner of dangerous weapons. Glorfindel was duelling with an elf I hadn't met yet but when he saw us approach he stopped and came to meet us, sheathing his sword.
"Caeli," he said with a smile and kissed my hand like some medieval knight.
"Haldir," he greeted the elf to my left in the traditional elvish way – hand on heart and a little bow. It occurred to me that maybe it would be a good idea to try that myself one day 'heya!' didn't seem to work on middle-earth as well as it did on earth. Glorfindel's eyes flashed back to my expectant face and smiled and came to give me a hug. I tightened my arms round his waist.
"I've missed Caeli hugs!" he said, releasing me and planting and kissing my head. I just smiled stupidly; everything was good when he was around. Suddenly Haldir began to talk quickly to Glorfindel in elvish gesturing to me every now and again. As they talked Haldir's expression changed from surprise to bewilderment, back to surprise and then happiness. Eventually they turned back to me.
"Sorry about that Caeli, I just needed to clear a few things up with Glorfindel… perhaps you would like to have a duel? I'd like to get to know you better." He said smiling all the time. Wow, what did Glorfindel just threaten you with? I flicked my eyes over to Glorfindel who just gave me his 'wasn't me' look.
"Umm, no, thanks but no, I'm no match for you really," I said honestly.
"How modest!" He said, smiling approvingly at Glorfindel "But I insist," he said and offered me a sword. I didn't take it.
"Believe me Haldir, the day I can actually use one of those things, there'll be no modesty,"
"I can't believe one who has trained with Glorfindel has no talents," he said, practically forcing the sword into my hand. I gave Glorfindel a 'help!' look but he just told me to 'have fun'. I glared at him and seriously considered removing one of his arms with my sword but quickly decided against it, not because it would have been an unjust punishment, in fact would have been exceedingly just and would have probably fallen under the category of 'the merciful deeds of Caeli', but because I knew the day I managed to do that particular elf any harm was the day I gave up chocolate. Wait! There's no chocolate!
So, content with thinking hateful thoughts about the elf I USED to have a soft-spot for, I went to meet my death at the end of Haldir's sword.
It actually started ok, but quickly got a lot worse. I was soon receiving very painful hits left right and centre, bruises from Moria hadn't healed yet and I got an extra bolt of pain whenever I was hit on one of them. Haldir was just about to disarm me completely when I decided to go for an old trick, I looked just behind Haldir's left shoulder said in amazement "It's a skinny dwarf!" as he turned I easily knocked his sword out of his hand. He turned back to me.
"Where?" he asked.
"Nowhere, but I win!" I said, leisurely holding both the swords, well I say leisurely, that's how I was trying to make it look, actually I was in a lot of pain. Haldir looked as if someone has just told him that Santa doesn't exist. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"You tricked me!" he accused.
"You tricked me when you made it look as if you were going for my right when actually you were going for my left," I replied.
"But that's an established technique!" he protested.
"Well, that was just a not-quite-so-in-fact-not-at-all established technique," I said, grinning happily. Glorfindel chucked. "I'm going to talk to YOU about this later!" I said crossly, I still hadn't forgiven him for letting me get involved in this in the first place.
"I seem to have offended every female I've talked to today," he said
"Too right you have!"
"You're over reacting…." He said and reached out to but an arm round me, but I stepped out of his reach.
"I am NOT!" said angrily, I was going to have this talk in private, but if he wanted to have it now, so be it. "You just let me go into this fight, even though you KNEW that-"
"Can I have the sword?" said Haldir's comparatively very small voice. He looked slightly scared. I gave him his sword and turned back to Glorfindel. "Umm," said Haldir, I turned slowly back to him, trying not to shout at him "would you like me to take yours as well?" he asked probably thinking I could argue better without it, wrong!
"No, I'm keeping this one!" I said and aimed it at Glorfindel who actually took a step back.
"Ok…" said Haldir and then walked off, very fast.
"Now," I said to Glorfindel, still aiming the sword at him "Do you really think its funny to put someone who touched a sword for the first time a few months ago in a duel with someone who's been using one for the last million years?!" I asked
"He's not quite a million years old…" said Glorfindel.
"A thousand, whatever, the point is, he didn't know I can't use a sword and therefore he could have hurt me! Didn't that ever cross your oh-so-wise mind?"
"I know Haldir, he wouldn't have hurt a lady,"
"Oh for goodness sake. Its not that I'm a GIRL, sometimes it isn't you know!" I shouted and then added "although to be honest, I have to agree, in this bloody male world, most of the time it is!"
"So now you're blaming us for treating you as lady which is what you are and showing you respect for that?" retorted Glorfindel. At the point, I just couldn't help it, I threw the sword at him. Needless to say he caught easily. Damn it.
I walked off, mostly the only solution in such situations. I strode angrily through the trees and nearly bumped into Legolas, I was about to share (or shout) all my troubles to him when I realized, he was a guy and would never understand and so I walked away. Literally a few steps later I came across Aragorn, presumably on his way to the training grounds.
"Oh my god, why are there guys EVERYWHERE!" I shouted at him. He gave me a puzzled expression but I didn't have the mental composure to say anything so I just shook my head and walked on. As walked I seemed to past more and more male elves until I actually wanted to punch one of them for no other reason than being male.
At last I heard Ariel calling me from somewhere up above me. She was sitting on a flet, leaning against a tree trunk.
"Hiya Caeli!" she called.
"A girl!" I exclaimed, "At last!" I said and climbed the ladder up to her flet.
"Yup, I'm a girl well noticed" she said when I had got up.
"Can I ask you something Ariel?" I said.
"Go ahead,"
"Why are there guys EVERYWHERE?! Just why? Why are there so many? Why are they the only ones doing anything? Why do they seem to cover middle-earth like annoying flies, and most of all WHY ARE THEY SUCH IDIOTS?!" I shouted. Ariel regarded me with calculated calm.
"Did you and Glorfindel fall out?" she asked.
"Yes.." I said. HJHHhhhasdfHow does Ariel seem to know everything sometimes?
"What did he do?" she asked.
"How did you know it was him,"
"Firstly because you're so angry and secondly, if it was you it would have been over and forgiven by now,"
"Who are you today? Galadriel or something?"
"No, I'm just in a state of supreme and all encompassing wisdom," she answered zen-like.
"Whatever," I said and flopped down beside her.
"So, what did he do?"
"Didn't stop Haldir forcing me into some stupid duel,"
"Hmmm," she said but not a lot else. It was surprisingly calming sitting up there in the leaves, a good place to think.
"Oh no, I've just shouted at Aragorn…" I said, suddenly remembering.
"Why'd you do that?"
"Cause he's a guy,"
"Ah, yes… a common occurrence around here…"
"Maybe I should apolo-"
"Yup," she said,
"Ok," I said and got up to do just that.
"But he's in the training ground with Glorfindel,"
"Good, you can apologise to both of them,"
"I see the insane Ariel has returned, I am NOT apologising to Glorfindel for shouting at him when I meant it and still mean it!"
"Suit yourself, you know what you're missing!"
"What?"
"Glorfindel duh! I happen to know he's a perfectly reasonable elf who would never mean any harm to you."
I was silent for a while and then realised she was right.
"…."
"Yup!"
"Damn it"
"Totally!"
"Well, guys don't have to deal with PMS do they?"
"No…"
"Ok… I'll go do something…. About everything…"
"Go on then,"
And so I left.
But as soon I had climbed down the ladder and I was just about to turn around towards the training ground I heard a sound behind and knew it was Glorfindel. So typical! Why can't you just stay were I left you like a good elf? I need time to think!
"How did you know where I was?" I asked, turning to face him.
"I asked a few elves and a man where I might find highly annoyed mortal female." He replied, he was giving me that look that I'm sure he knew would always make me forgive him for anything. I looked down at my feet, not quite sure what I should be saying. I looked up at him again, he was just looking at me as if he knew there was something I wanted to say. But, I didn't really feel like saying sorry, not that I didn't mean it, it just seemed a pathetic thing to say. So I just walked up to him circled my arms round him in a hug and then smiled when he hugged me back.
"Sorry…" I mumbled into his shoulder.
"That's ok," he answered and gave me a light kiss on my head.
"Damn it, you're too good for me you know that?" I asked, looking up into those blue eyes of his.
"I know," he said with a grin. I rolled my eyes at him and broke out of the hug.
"I need to go apologise to Aragorn, do you know where he is?"
"No, but I don't think he's that offended, he knows you," Glorfindel assured me.
"Oh God, have I already got a reputation for randomly shouting a perfectly nice guys?" I asked anxiously.
"You have? What did I miss when you were out defeating orc armies?" he asked.
"Umm… not much… lots of running, screaming, hiding, a bit more running, that about sums up the world experience,"
"Whatever keeps you in one piece," he said.
"Well exactly!" I said. He drew me into another hug, but just hugged me a bit too hard. "OUCH!" I shouted. Glorfindel let go of me quickly.
"What have I done?" he asked looking shocked.
"Put pressure on my bruises!" I complained.
"The bruises that where made worse by that duel with Haldir right?" he asked nervously.
"Those ones exactly!" I said.
"Oh…" he said, looking suitably apologetic
"Uhuh!"
"Sorry…."
"Forgiven… kinda"
//Dodges gone-off fruit thrown by loyal readers// Hi… so…. How are you//Dodges more fruit// We're sorry! In fact Ala in particular because it was mostly her fault this time, I'm sooo sorry (Tin: I finished my half about six weeks ago!) And I missed you guys! And the story! And I love you all! Am I forgiven?
But I do totally realise that we have to update more regularly, otherwise me and Tin will both have jobs and children by the time we finish this! But, we hope you enjoyed the last chapter, thanks for all the reviews (one advantage of not posting for ages is the reviews between!) Please review (as always) and have a happy February!