Duty of a Knight, Duty of a Princess

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Alternate retelling of my previous story, A Knight's Shield, a Man's Heart

One-shot, SethxEirika (impossibility)

Not a romance. An exploration of what love really is and how empty its absence is.

What if the one you truly loved was forbidden to you? If you could not truly be with the one with whom you truly felt real, the one person who kept you afloat in an unflattering sea, and the only one to blame was…yourself?

He were sworn to a duty; she was born into royalty- the idea of love wasn't simply impossible: it was a disservice to your kingdom to even think it.

---

A storm. Looking up into pure, dreary, uncut blackness; a deep gray fog that pierced the skies and blunted them all the same until there was a blanket of obscurity hanging completely overhead.

It was not merely the darkness but the rain (damned unending rains!) and the lightning (unwelcome light in the unwelcome darkness) that brought about this undeniable feeling of…oh, what was it?

Despair.

Torment.

Helplessness.

What, just what was that feeling? Think! Think if you have ever felt that you were alone, ever alone, ever alone, always alone. That for all your problems, for all the lightning thrown at you from above, you have no one, no one to turn to.

What is love, then? To love is to find one person with which you truly feel at ease. A one to rest your shoulders on, to confide your fears, your troubles in without being judged.

A person with whom a man could lay his head and cry without fear of being chastised for his weakness. A person with whom a woman could cry with and find an understanding.

Love is the absence of storms.

Rather, a storm is merely the absence of love.

Then, it may come as a surprise that this, our story, takes place on a beautiful, sun-soaked, cloud-less, blue-sky day with the blessings of the Divine smiling upon the Kingdom of Renais.

A setting which in and of itself (ironically, and almost mockingly) had no absence of love.

---

"My lady, we have arrived."

Seth rode forth to the edge of the ridge on his chestnut steed; Eirika followed suit on her white horse and peered over. Beside and below them roared a vicious waterfall, one that send water cascading down into the small stream below. The warm sun bathed over the rocks below and the fresh scent of mountain wildflowers permeated the air.

The princess dismounted, as did her retainer, and they both tied their horses to a branch (somehow, neither felt entirely comfortable that their horses wouldn't just up and gallop away without a restraint).

"I see," responded Eirika, and scoped out her usual path down the ridge and down to the waterfall. "You will stay here and watch for me, then?"

"Yes, milady."

"Seth, please…" added the princess, turning back to the knight. On her face was a quiet, calm look along with a gentle, gentle smile. She spoke in a pleading tone, as if, against all worldly suggestion, he should refrain. Always refrain. "Please…do not think to look at me while I am bathing."

"I would not dare to do so, Princess."

Eirika seemed satisfied, as she set off down the path, winding downward and doubling back along the stream's edge to the base of the bathing falls.

After seeing her disappear from sight (downward into the ridge), Seth let a sigh escape his lips. Turning around to face away from the ridge and the falls, he sat on the ground and looked toward the mountains far off in the distance.

This…to bring her here was his duty. That was what he did- he was proud to do so. He was happy to do so. To guard, to aegis, to oversee, to escort his lady Eirika. That was his duty, and he would follow it to the end. Any end, even if it meant simply being another subject.

Seth had never wanted any recognition for his deeds. He cared nothing for decorations; he accepted his awarded accolades but begrudgingly, as they were the natural fruits of his labor, and he would not gnash the seeds he sew, under any circumstances. Nor had his father been one to want decorations. The one who gave him life, he…he had never served under a sovereign liege, but he had been a working man, a man who believed a good deed was its own reward and had to settle for as much. Traits like this, oftentimes, were passed from father to son, as it was in this case. Seth was proud he carried this duty: it only proved him more human, affirmed his sense of purpose.

But…

Why? Was there something wrong with him? Virtue is its own reward, so why then wasn't he happy? Because, there was undeniably something missing there.

Now, Seth rose to his feet and found himself again on stable (more so than before? Or less so?) ground.

Ahh…it, it hurts. It…burns me from the inside. What could have brought this on me, this unpleasant feeling? Is this…is this feeling all because I am…?

No, Seth wasn't feeling sorry for himself. Far be it from him to drown in his own woes- such a behavior was self-indulgent, and Seth lived for others. His personal happiness was second to his personal sacrifice- others above yourself, always. That was the creed, the oath of every knight in service to Renais. They did not throw themselves in the line of duty, putting themselves in harm's way for their lieges, simply because it was a "very rational line of work". No, they knew that they were throwing their lives away, and they were at peace with it, because to them everyone else's lives were worth two gold to their one.

Seth himself was the same- no exceptions. His mind worked like a finely oiled machine. Every action, every reaction, every alternative, every possible outcome of every possible situation was accounted for. He could have put himself up to being a fine master of the "Game of Kings", if he could, as a natural result, save lives by playing. He could not do as such; there were more places he was needed, one being the very position he now occupied in service to the royal family of Renais.

Seth was one of the calmest and more composed commanders Renais had seen, for these reasons. Seemingly nothing affected him- to see traces of emotion on his person was a rarity, and often those mild displays of anger or joy were evenly matched by an inner feeling of unbridled fury or unrestrained exhilaration, respectively. Inside hung those same gray clouds, those same storms and bolts of lightning surging from the mouth of the sky and the lips of the gods.

Somehow, he couldn't help but feel sorry for himself- the fact that whenever he looked at her and realized that the world would never, ever accept them, he felt as if a hammer had struck his heart. He wouldn't describe it to himself, (oh, he wouldn't ever, ever, ever dare mention it to anyone else) but he could not pretend that this indescribable feeling did not exist.

He hated it. He hated the world for this. He felt so terrible.

Seth the man (the knight, the general, the retainer, et al….) looked around, first back to the ridge where below lay the waterfall on which he could not lay eyes, then back to the mountains on the horizon. Sitting down again, he turned himself back toward the ridge and started counting the hairs on the horses.

---

The water.

Oh, the water.

Princess Eirika ran her hands through her velvety turquoise hair and sighed a bit of the day's stresses away under the water's touch. She mashed the petals of the wildflowers that floated by on the falls between her little fingers and spread their fragrances along her body and in her hair. The smell of the flowers and the feeling of the water washing over her back and her body invigorated her.

She couldn't think of anyplace else she'd rather be at the moment. A place where she could wash all these unpleasant, gnawing feelings eating away at her insides. A place where she could retreat to escape the harsh inevitabilities of life. A place that she could call her own.

Her clothes, her stockings, her skirt, her undergarments, her sword, her mail were all cast aside on a rock, for the time being, forgotten. Now, nothing stood between the refreshingly cold water and her beleaguered skin.

"Aah…so refreshing…"

The princess looked up toward the ridge where Seth undoubtedly stood standing guard, protecting her from harm.

Just as he always is…Seth wouldn't consider letting me come to any harm. Nor would he…

She glanced back to the beating, pulsing falls and then quickly up to the ridge overlooking once again- maybe, in her perfect world, she would see a lashing of fire-red, that maybe the proud knight would let his desires get the better of him and throw caution to the wind.

She laughed to herself. No, he…he knew better than to do something as foolish as that. Even if he would, in some blasted, twisted, unthinkable alternate reality, do such a thing, she couldn't…she couldn't endorse it. Maybe she would pretend it never had happened, or maybe she would tell him off.

No, that would be far too less of a punishment to impose on him for such a sinful, self-indulgent act. Why, it would only be her duty proper as the Princess of Renais to punish her perverted subordinate with demotion, or perhaps even to purge him as a knight. She would have to do so. It was only right, after all. She would not have herself be seen as against the "greater good", after all.

But she did not want to do so.

She couldn't fight her feelings. She couldn't fight any fight willingly. Yes, she would fight with her body to save her people. But to fight her mind against what she wanted? No, she was not about to do that. She wasn't about to delude herself, against everything her heart told her, that she did not love that man.

That man…

She was in love with that man. She had dreams of all kind about that man. Without that man, her heart ached. There was nothing…ha, it was silly, but…there was nothing to live for without him. No, no! That wasn't true! Her people, her duty, her brother. There was plenty left to live for. But just try to explain to someone else this feeling she had whenever she saw that man. It wasn't possible- it simply wasn't.

She was in love with that man.

But she called him Seth, and she couldn't be in love with Seth.

Eirika turned her head up to stare at the wall from which the waterfall was spilling down. Whether from water or from wind or simply from age, she did not know, but the crag was worn and weathered like the roots of an elder tree. And in that elder wall, water washing over her hair and through her eyes, she could almost begin to see her elders, her ancestors speaking to her.

They cursed her. They hissed her name with a seething venom that took her aback and made her gasp though nothing really was there. It surprised her, it scared her, and it disappointed her. But they were right.

They…they're right, aren't they? That's why I can't…they're all watching me. Everyone's watching…I can't let everyone down. I can't. I can't

She played their game. She wasn't going to win, but she wasn't going disregard all the proper rules either. She did what she had to, that's all.

After ascertaining her body was fully cleansed and rejuvenated, she stepped forth from out of the water and shook herself down. The sun lapped upon the rocks, so she sat on a particularly large rock and sifted her hair in-between her fingers. She ran them through; just like she knew he would do if anyone threatened her well being; just like she wished he would do to her…

But that was just it, wasn't it?

She shook her hair out, and, still wet, put her clothes on again.

Seth is above that. He does not think such things of me, his lord. I cannot think such things of him either. I owe him as such. He is a man of duty. I must be a woman of the same.

One last garment she had to robe herself with: her smile. Now fully garbed, she returned to the watchpoint.

---

The storm. The storm does terrible things. Two people, caught between a storm, have no way of knowing how the other fares. On one side of a storm, one man stands cut down by winds (but still living!), and fears his friend is dead. On the other side, another man stands cut down by winds (but still living!) and fears his friend is dead. Through extenuating circumstances, neither ever makes contact with the other. So then, who are they to each other but dead?

Love is the absence of storms.

Rather, a storm is merely the absence of love.

---

Eirika…she is above things like this. She was born of royalty. She understands her place, perhaps…perhaps unlike I. She is a woman of character. I must be a man of the same.

Seth turned up his head and greeted the princess- she, smiling and looking joyous as ever. He smiled as well, rising to his feet and bowing.

"My lady."

"Ha ha…gracious as always," the princess said, sweeping her hand by in a free gesture. Her hair hung loose and free and swung about as she did, her eyes sparkling in the light and her face and lips pillowy and tender. "I trust I look presentable enough? It is not often I can travel here, after all."

"You are…"

Seth stopped. More than presentable? Beautiful? Gorgeous? Striking? Breathtaking?

"Quite presentable."

She laughed, seeming to be not unhappy with the 'compliment'. "Thank you, Seth. You are too kind."

Am I, my lady?

Mounting her horse as Seth did, the princess rubbed the soft head of the equine and ordered it back down the sloping path from which they came, back to Castle Renais.

"Very fair weather today, wasn't it?" she remarked off-handedly.

Having trouble undoing the knot on his horse's tie, he grunted and finally loosed it before turning (more visibly flustered than usual) to Eirika. "Indeed. Nary a cloud in the sky, save for maybe a few."

"Are you alright, Seth?"

Seth conjured a smile on his own face to match the one on hers. "Please, milady. You worry too much about me. I am fine. Let me be your guardian. I would give my life for you."

Turning her face down to the neck of her horse, she nodded, and they rode.

---

His smile.

He really would do anything for me, wouldn't he?

His smile was a strong, manly one. His smile was the one feature Eirika knew he could not fabricate. That was the one mark on his face that proved to her he would not lie. And he did not lie. He would indeed give his life for her without a second's hesitation.. He would give his knight's life for her liege's life. And that was fine. That was the way it should be.

After all was said and done, she really didn't know what was best for her, did she? She couldn't well go off on her own fanciful journeys of the heart when so many wiser people were advising her not to. This was the way it was supposed to be- that was something that happiness could and should be derived from.

And to think, maybe all this time, I was simply being ungrateful…

---

Her smile.

Through everything, milady is a strong young woman, isn't she?

Her smile was a beautiful one, very fitting of an eligible young woman as her. She was born to fine stock- Seth recalled her mother (bless her heart!) was a beauty as well. She was a prince's princess, no doubt. He was a knight. To what sum did that equate? He was her loyal guardian. What that meant was that he guarded her, not only from lance and sword but also from the figurative arrows and halberds of ill will.

There are moments I forget who I am. I won't make that mistake again. I won't undermine her good will that way. Never again.

---

Riding forth through the cloudless sky towards Renais in silence was an easy task.

Eirika turned and saw the staunch knight, untainted by temptation and sinful feelings.

Seth turned and saw the beautiful, graceful princess, she of pure heart and clean mind, who must be protected and given only the best.

They approached the castle town at a good pace, and as they did, they turned themselves upwards at the sound of a distant rumbling and the gentle pattering sensation on their shoulders. On the horizon, looming over the castle large, was a congregation of black clouds and gray mist, obscuring any clarity the skies above would have had.

Eirika spoke, but Seth finished.

"Looks like"-

-"a storm."

---

Love is a silly, masterless beast that must be tamed.

And after all was said and done, they suppressed every last feeling that crossed their mind about the other. For all the time to come, they lived, "happily", in the castle, only seldom remembering the inner, primal, indescribable feeling that dwelled in a remote corner of their hearts. This was for the best, for all parties involved. Yes, for the best.

But…

Did they truly know what was best for them?