Disclaimer – I don't own Kingdom Hearts

One Step Ahead

By Crimson Skies

You asked me once how long we've been friends.

It surprised me. It seemed to really matter to you, though, so I seriously thought about it. Our friendship was something that had always been, that would always be. Did it really matter how long? We'd still be friends, right? Knowing this, I was able to smile and admit that I didn't remember. The indignant look on your face was too much.

I couldn't help but laugh.

You understand, right? You've always understood me better than anyone. It's just the way I am. Sometimes though, sometimes I feel like I don't know you as well as I think.

I trust you.

And then you started to laugh along with me, and it didn't really matter anymore. You were there with me, right at that moment, and everything was right in the world. I don't understand why, but it was.

That seems like so long ago.

I wish we could go back to those days. I wish we could go back to the days before we were torn apart. Somehow we ended up fighting. Somehow there was a misunderstanding between us that caused this rift, this unbearable rift.

But I still trust you.

I don't think I could ever stop trusting you. The connection I have with you runs deeper than any other. It doesn't make sense. Why you and not Goofy, Donald, or Kairi? Why is everything different whenever it concerns you? I don't get it. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why you?

Now I stand here, sealing the door, locking away the heartless. And you. Everything in me tells me this is wrong. Kairi is safe, the worlds are saved, but you are gone. Now what? All this time, I was determined to find you again. Finally I found the real you, not the one that the darkness had taken. Then moments later you were gone again. There was something I did wrong. There must have been something.

You spoke to me, just as I was about to give up hope. Seeing you there, on the other side of the door gave me strength. Knowing you were there was enough to make me try again. I didn't want to disappoint you. I couldn't let you down. I realized also, that you were on the wrong side. When the door closed, you'd be shut inside. I wondered why you felt the need to do this. Why sacrifice yourself? Didn't you realize that I need you here with me?

I once thought that being number one was everything. I strived to surpass you in every way. Every time I thought I'd succeeded, you suddenly seemed that much better. It was frustrating. No matter what I did, I could never beat you. Even those few times I won our contests they were always empty victories. Sometimes I would get so focused on our rivalry that I forgot our friendship.

It was stupid. I know better now. You weren't trying to be superior to me. Really, you were helping me to improve. I would be so upset, thinking that you were arrogant and smug. No, you were simply confident in your own abilities. You wanted me to have that same confidence, that same strength. So every time I improved you pushed me harder. I was the one who got so obsessed with who won and who lost.

This drives home to me how much better you really were. You've always been more mature, stronger. Only after disaster struck did I forget our rivalry. I thought of you as my best friend, a precious person I would scour worlds to find. I would have followed you into the darkness itself. I tried to, back on the island, and I failed to reach you in time. I wonder what would have happened if I had made it. Perhaps you being taken by the darkness saved me from the same fate. If so, then I owe you more than I could ever repay. Either way, I will never forgive myself for letting you go so easily.

As I met your eyes for the last time, there was guilt there, so heavy that I couldn't bear it. What did you think you'd done that you had to atone by sacrificing yourself? But it was your decision to make all the same. And I had to let you do it. As the opening shrank, staring into your eyes, I saw a message meant for me. I don't know what it said at first. I know it was there, and it meant something to you, but I just didn't know what.

"Take care of her" you said. But that's not what you meant. It wasn't a lie, precisely, but it's not what you meant. I guess I know you better than I thought I did. And at the same time, I don't know you at all. I'm still wondering why that hurts so much. There's something in your eyes that I've seen before. You've always tried to hide it. I think I'm beginning to realize now.

Somewhere along the way I think I've begun to feel the same. It's always like this. You lead and I follow. You're first to do everything: first to fight, first to finish, first to love. This time, though, why do you have to go where I can't follow? For the first time I understand, but it's too late. I should have realized back then. If I had, we wouldn't have wasted all this time.

Even though you told me…

It was just an average day, the same as all the others. I'm not sure what I was thinking then. You told me something important to you, and though I didn't know it then, important to me as well.

...told me that you loved me…

It was dusk. The setting sun had painted the waters and the island in shades of red and orange. You and I were sitting on the end of dock, watching as the stars came out. And as we rose to leave…

...I didn't quite understand…

"Hey Sora?" you said, stopping. I took a few more steps to catch up to you before replying.

"Yeah?"

"I love you…" you told me. It came out as a simple fact. But back then I was too naïve to understand what you meant…

"I love you too, Riku," I replied with a customary grin. Slinging an arm over your shoulder, I propelled us towards the boats.

…because you're always one step ahead of me…aren't you, Riku?