Honestly, I rather dislike this chapter. Hence why it took me so horridly long to write it. Well, one of several reasons. It's not a very cheerful chapter, for starters, and it was a bit tricky. Okay, so it was a total bitch. Like I know a lot of you probably still think Casey is, but this chapter is going to show you, or, rather, remind you just how... Derek can be.

But another reason I dislike this chapter is because Derek does not, I feel, sound quite like Derek in it. He's a bit too eloquent sometimes, and I dunno, something about the apathy he gave off to me just didn't sit quite right as a tone (writing Edwin in Strange Attractors, has, I fear, rubbed off on me quite a bit). I mean, now I'm sure none of you will like this chapter very much (despite how much you all have looked forward to it), and I can already predict the protests I will be getting, m'darlings. But remember, this fic's an angst for a reason, not a comedy. And, more importantly, remember that it's not the end. There are still TWO more chapters. And hopefully I won't botch those up.

This chapter also brings my little subplot into play in kind of a big way. I like the subplot, plus you get a rare showing of George and Nora and so forth. It's kind of ironic, actually, but I digress. I also don't own Life with Derek. Except any original characters or changes to the old ones that I might have invented. And the plot, I suppose.

"We were waiting for the right moment... turns out there wasn't one."

And you thought things were crazy before in this nuthouse! What with the whole me-secretly-lusting-after-Casey thing, and then with me not-so-secretly-lusting-after-Casey, and then with the whole me-being-in-love-with-Casey dilemma... And then, of course, with the exciting events of a secret affair with my stepsister and then-girlfriend under everyone's noses, and then the all-out war that ensued as a result of the combustion of said relationship. Well, turns out there is drama in this family that is not even remotely Casey-related.

I know! Who would've thought, right? I always thought she had the monopoly (the irony) on drama... but apparently the kids are giving her a run for her money right about now.

Let's just say it's a very good thing the 'rents never found out that I was screwing my stepsister. I'm pretty sure Dad would've had a coronary and Nora just might have had a stroke if they accidentally found out about that. Good thing I'm discreet. Except when you dump me (assuming I give a damn about it), and then I make you suffer. But I digress.

The point is that my brother is a moron. I blame my brother because he's a bungler who can't really keep a secret to save his life. Lizzie's a bit more capable, you know?

Anyway, I was actually making out with Vicky when all of this was going on, hands under her clothes, the whole (well, okay, we weren't having sex because it was like, seven o'clock on a school night, and Marti was awake, and anyone could walk in...) nine yards. I was very pleasantly distracted and distanced from the situation, but this is what I gather happened from what I've heard...

Basically, Edwin and Lizzie lied to Nora and Dad. They both said they were going to be at friends' houses. You know, for dinner and homework or a project of some sort. No big deal. They've been doing it a lot lately, and the both of them are fairly decent liars. So the dishonesty bit wasn't the problem, although Nora and Dad had a bit of a problem with that. Trust me, you have a secret relationship with your stepsibling, and you become a pretty damn good liar, my friend.

The irony is that they didn't even leave the house under fraudulent purposes because they didn't leave the house, period. I find that a lot more complex than actually going out together, but of all people, I understand how hard it is to date your stepsister. Because public stuff is basically a no-no, assuming you don't want to wind up a guest on Jerry Springer, so Casey and I never went out in public once. Unless that visit to her Uncle Donny in T-dot counts.

So, therefore, their little plan was sadly busted when Nora came upstairs. Apparently she was jonesing to kick my dad's ass in Monopoly. Again. Obviously that takes her to the Games Closet, which is, of course, where she walks in on Edwin and Lizzie kissing. I think Nora was pretty loud with the gasping and the shouting, but I really don't understand why that surprises her. Come on. They hang out in there all the time, and they're pubescent. Clearly stuff is going to happen. Especially if their older brother and sister shacked up. Not that Nora and Dad know this, but nonetheless, is hanging out in a closet filled with board games normal for any 'tween? No, I think not. No matter how abnormal Edwin is.

I mean, come on, was Dad born yesterday? Naturally, Nora's first move is to pull Edwin off of her daughter and drag him down the stairs by his ear, threatening my poor brother all the way. She spent a while down there shouting at Dad, telling him to watch his son (but ah-ha-ha, the wrong son! 'Cause I'm the one who deflowered her precious baby). I think Lizzie might've tried to jump out of a window. Not to kill herself or anything, just to run away from the awkward talk that was bound to ensue. Can't say I blame her. But I guess she couldn't just throw my brother to the wolves like that.

Edwin really doesn't know what he has, you know. You don't get loyalty like that from a girl any day. Plus she's obviously too good for Stinky, but that's not the point. Edwin ought to appreciate it.

Still, though, I don't really get Nora's reaction. I mean, she's worried about Edwin? Edwin, the trustworthy, sensitive, nice, non-player brother? Who happens to be what, ten, thirteen, whatever it is? She's got a hormonal horndog under her roof, and Edwin's the one she worries about? Or does she just think that Casey hates me so much she's immune to my charms? 'Cause I can tell you right now, my charms aren't defective! And I can also just flat-out deny that because clearly Casey is anything but immune. If I wasn't her stepbrother, we'd probably have had sex weeks ago. I'd use the term make-up sex, but I'm not sure we've fully forgiven each other for everything.

I never forget. And she can't, no matter how much she wants to (but does she want to? I mean, I'm pretty damn unforgettable, like that stupid love song. I wouldn't want to forget screwing me either). Moving on and moving past things is very different than forgiving them. And I haven't really forgiven her for everything. Because she basically tore my heart out of my chest, ripped it into little pieces, and then proceeded to grind those pieces into sand, throw salt water on them, and then set them on fire. That kind of pain leaves a scar... on your psyche, none of this physical/soul business!

Anyways, despite all this, no one is foolish (or brave, I suppose) enough to interrupt me. Except Casey. Casey, Casey, Casey. It's not that I mind or anything. It's just very odd not to be immediately blamed for anything going on in the house, especially something such as this, which I am actually implicated in. To be fair, Nora and Dad did sort of have their hands full. I mean, poor Dad! His feeble mind can only handle so much. He's so clueless about these things, too, so Nora probably has to spell it out for him and everything... assuming she's not too upset to get any words out.

Vicky's luscious lips were a lovely occupation for me and my lascivious tendencies. And yes, perhaps that doesn't make any sense, but using triple-barreled Keener Casey vocab words is not a particular talent I've indulged lately. Because why would I need to? Plus, since I'm not that guy, I don't really give a crap about academics and all that garbage that has no bearing on your real life. Why bother when I can coast by on my considerable charm?

Of course Casey bursts in my door like she owns the place. When I've got my hand up Vicky's skirt. I mean, yeah, she's been in here more times than I can count, most of those visits nonsexual, and everybody knows I don't bother with knocking... but given the state of our current situation and the fact that I'm fairly certain she knew I was in here fooling around with her cousin, you would think she'd knock. So, either the fact that she had her way with me in this very bed and has been there, done that (hence the informality), gives her this nonchalant attitude, or the urgency of the situation made her disregard all her compunctions about entering without knocking.

Not that I ever knock when I enter. And Casey would know.

However, I must say, Casey deserves some credit for her reaction. I would've thought the prude in her would've completely freaked out or gagged or gotten nasty. It's an awkward situation, and it would still be an awkward situation even if Casey was just my stepsister. As opposed to being my ex-girlfriend AND stepsister. Instead, Casey merely cleared her throat because Vicky and I were too wrapped up in each other to notice the door opening. "Sorry to interrupt," She managed, surprisingly not stuttering or sounding too disgusted. "As much as I'd love to leave you two alone to play Derek's favorite sport, tonsil hockey... I'm afraid his family needs him. Rather urgently. So, Vicky, do you mind if I borrow your b-boyfriend for a bit?" Casey stated a little sarcastically.

At this I finally pulled away from Vicky. I was annoyed because she'd not only ruined a perfectly hot make-out sesh, but she also expected me to come with her. Without even asking me! I don't drop my business for her. Or for my family, for that matter. Her difficulty pronouncing "boyfriend" kind of gave her away. Vicky glowered at her cousin. "Well, cuz, my need for him is much more urgent," Vicky retorted, rolling her eyes and pressing her lips to my neck. Don't I know it, V.

Casey made a face when Vicky wasn't looking, crossing her arms over her chest. I barely concealed my snicker. "Look, this is a family meeting, and it's an emergency. Derek should be there. Your sexual urges can wait," She remarked crossly. The look Casey gave Vicky was truly a death glare to be proud of, and it was kinda almost like they were fighting over me. Which, if I wasn't so certain that was a completely delusional thought, I would obviously be totally into. Then again, I guess it is a bit awkward, having the cousin who steals everything from you suddenly start dating your ex. Maybe she feels like Vicky's moving in on her territory, one of those bizarre girl things about not dating exes or former crushes.

That was a pretty dumb thing for Casey to say, though, admittedly, because she knows full well my sexual urges can't wait. But I'm expecting her to make sense, and of course that's never going to happen. Because she wouldn't be Spacey if she did. "What's wrong?" I drawled, immensely bored with the situation already. See, I was trying to see if I could somehow get out of it. Casey and I have different ideas of emergencies. Her idea is anything remotely chaotic or crisis-like, no matter how minute, and mine is limited to death or injury. But mostly death.

I was thinking, quite wisely, that this had better be good if she's got me considering it. Casey scowled at me. "Well, apparently my sister and your dumb brother have been dating. For, like, months. And why do I have a sneaking suspicion that you might've known about this, Derek?" Casey interjected irritably. Well, of course I knew about it. I know about everything that goes on under this roof. They'd still be giving each other goo-goo eyes and looking away shyly if it wasn't for me. And, ugh, Casey's such a freaking hypocrite.

Now, see, I knew that not telling her would piss her off more than confirming her suspicions, so I changed the subject. "And this is a big deal because? They're twelve. I mean, what are they gonna do, buy ice cream together? Do Dad and Nora have something against ice cream floats now?" I countered, rolling my eyes. Like, seriously, what kind of damage can they do? Casey continued glowering, so I kept talking, "Come on, Casey, they're 'tweens. They do this kind of stuff all the time, and it's probably just a phase. They'll get over it eventually."

Casey gave me a withering look, moving closer to Vicky and me. "Oh, really, Derek? Like you got over it?" She rejoined pointedly. I didn't flinch, although I felt like it because, damn it, that was still a bit of a sore spot, much less to have her pressing down on it. So I glowered back, and Casey's smile turned smug and victorious. "Especially when Edwin seems to think that he's in love with my sister." I felt a lot like rolling my eyes because, really, how stupid is Edwin? A. I told him he wasn't. We already had that dumb conversation. B. Does he think that would really get him out of trouble? Because, hell no, that would just make things worse! And I knew stupid Slutzilla was thinking "just like his brother" or something equally inane, which really pissed me off. I mean, ew, being compared with Edwin? The horror!

I snorted. "Well, that was stupid. But that's Edwin for you, always overestimating those feelings of his." I tried to flop back down on my bed and go back to that happy place I'd been in before... but I was really getting annoyed about this whole thing, and, as usual, Casey was ruining everything for me.

Surprisingly, up until this point, Vicky had said nothing. She chose that particular moment to speak, through nearly hysterical giggles. "Wait a second here, cuz... Little Lizzie's dating a dork like Edwin? Wow, you guys really do like to keep it all in the family, huh?" She gasped out incredulously. Well, that's not a typical reaction. Most people would focus on the step-thing, but I guess it makes sense that she wouldn't.

Now, both Casey and I took offense to that (true) comment, of course, but Casey was the one who spoke. She rolled her eyes. "Coming from a girl who's dating her stepcousin, does that really surprise you?" She snapped. Vicky looked outraged and was about to respond with something even bitchier when Casey grabbed me by the wrist. I was jolted by the sensation because it was the first time we'd touched in weeks. She dragged me to the door, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Vicky. "Look, you can have your boyfriend back when we're done sorting this out. And I know you're losing heat and all, but I think you'll keep," Casey damn near growled, even more nastily than her last retort. I was kind of impressed to see that kind of venom from her not directed at me, for once.

Then Casey slammed the door behind her and attempted to try and drag me down the hall and then down the stairs. I crouched a little and anchored my feet there. I was about to speak, but then Casey whirled around to scowl at me and spoke. "Don't make me pull you by your ear," She threatened in a low voice. After that, I really didn't have much of a choice. I was going downstairs either willingly or not, so I might as well be a good boy just this once so I didn't wind up earless like van Gogh. I trudged downstairs, eager to get this whole shling over with, and there was the whole family, minus Marti, who'd been exported to the neighbors, sitting around like an intervention. They looked mildly glad to see me.

Casey and I sat down on the couch, and I tried to move as far away from her as possible. The glares I received let me know this was not acceptable behavior, but who the hell cared about me at that moment? "You know why you're here, right, Derek?" Nora asked. I nodded, bored. I'm here because my brother's a moron who can't keep a secret. There are so many better things I could be doing right now. Like Vicky. Nora stared as if she expected me to elaborate. "Your brother and stepsister are dating. Don't you have something to say about that?" She continued to press.

I just rolled my eyes, wishing I was sitting in my recliner instead. "Just as long as it's not Spacey, I don't really care. Because that would not only be morally wrong but also illegal," I said smoothly, mockingly. Casey had started a bit at the first part. Like she actually thought I was glad Edwin wasn't with her because I still had a thing for her... when really I just said that because I like being difficult. Casey's mouth was a thin line, and it kinda looked like she wanted to make a comment about how I'd started nasty rumors about her and my little brother, but she didn't. I glanced over at Lizzie, who looked simultaneously worried and defiant, and consequently, I perked up a little bit. "My only real problem with this whole thing is that Lizzie is obviously too good for my brother... but I guess there's no accounting for taste," I said with a shrug.

Edwin looked a bit annoyed with me. Not that I cared. My biggest problem with this whole affair is that it stopped me from a make-out session I'm entitled to. "What a horrible thing to say!" Nora exclaimed, sounding kind of outraged. I shrugged. Is it horrible because I'm kind of condoning it or because I'm insulting Edwin? Like, seriously, did she expect me, of all people, to have a cow? After all the crap I've pulled? This. Is. Nothing. Especially because I've topped it. I mean, hello, I fell in love with my stepsister, and I only got those two together to keep them out of my hair.

Then Nora turned all serious on us because Dad was still processing the whole thing. She leveled her most serious stare on Casey and me. "Did either of you two know about this...?" She floundered for words to describe Lizzie and Ed's relationship and wound up just gesturing to the two of them with a funny look on her face. I debated what to say and committed to nothing, watching Casey's reaction. She sighed and frowned a little, and then she started tattling.

Nora's face fell like she was disappointed in Casey, and Casey looked down, ashamed she'd kept something from Mommy-Whommy Dearest. This ought to be good. "I... Well... Um... Lizzie told me that she liked him. Um, between Christmas and New Years', I think. And I always kinda figured Edwin liked her because he was always looking at her... But I thought I talked her out of it!" Casey explained, her voice quickly turning panicky. Even I could not believe this, actually. I knew she wouldn't approve, but I never thought she'd try and talk her sister out of liking someone she didn't approve of. Still, it reminded me of how I'd tried to get Edwin to stop liking Lizzie. Sometimes we're eerily alike, I think.

Lizzie crossed her arms at her chest and scowled at Casey, shuddering as she remembered it. She shot her sister a betrayed look first, though. Casey knew that Edwin liked Lizzie? When even Lizzie didn't? And, for that matter, when she found it unable to believe that I could even be in love with her? No wonder Liz feels betrayed. Even I feel deceived because apparently Casey actually is a mildly observant person! "Yeah, Casey, want to tell Mom about all the mean things you said to me? Like how it was incest and how I was sick and stupid. And how Edwin wasn't good enough and that he was too oblivious to ever know how I felt? Oh, and how you said you'd disown me as a sister if I went after it, and how it was wrong to like him, and how Mom and Dad would ship me away!" Lizzie shouted, clearly carrying some pent-up rage. I think we all stared at Casey in shock because, well, who ever thought she had that in her?

Nora was torn between being angry at Lizzie and being furious with Casey for making Lizzie feel that way. She compromised by giving Casey a dark look and staying pissed at Lizzie. She alternated looks between the both of them. "Well... both of you should've told me, so that we could deal with this... situation... as a family," Nora managed to choke out, grimacing. She sighed, glancing at Lizzie. "And, Lizzie, while your sister had no right to be that awful to you, that doesn't mean that she wasn't necessarily right. I'm sure Casey only did what she did because she thought she was acting in your best interests," Nora continued diplomatically. Casey perked up a bit, and Lizzie slumped in her seat.

My stepmother sighed, leaning back against her chair heavily while Dad just sat there like a deaf-mute. "And, Lizzie... I'm sorry, but I really don't think you've thought this through. It's one thing to a have a little... cr-crush... on your stepbrother... But dating him? Lizzie, there is no way something like this can possibly end well. Did you even stop to think of what this could do to our family, how it could tear us apart, when you break up?" Nora chastised in a harsher voice. Lizzie's eyes filled with tears, and I felt bad for the poor kid. Because it felt like she was getting blamed for someone else's mistakes: mine and Casey's. We had damn near torn the family apart with our fighting even before... everything... and no one had ever known.

That being said, I wasn't stupid enough to inform everyone of that because Casey would just deny it and make me look like a liar until I started describing her naked body, birthmarks and freckles and all, in great detail. And then we would be in trouble. And, frankly, this was supposed to be about Edwin and Lizzie, not me and Casey for once in our damn lives... and, you know, sometimes I happen to like it when all of the heat isn't on me once in a while.

It bothered me that Nora didn't mince words. And the implications were just as painful. Like that Edwin wasn't in Lizzie's best interests. And that they would break up, period, and it would be messy. And that Casey'd been right about some of that awful stuff she said. Honestly, I was surprised, too, that Lizzie or Edwin didn't bring up that time they'd seen me and Casey making out. So, in order to take the heat off Lizzie, I opened my mouth to speak but was surprised when Edwin beat me to the punch. What was up with my tongue today?

"Look, Nora, it's not like that. I mean, no matter how this thing works out, I'm always going to love Lizzie. And even if she broke up with me because she was cheating on me or whatever... it'd be okay. Because neither of us is going to react like that," Edwin practically pleaded with her. He impressed me by looking her straight in the eyes. My brother was surprisingly eloquent, but I suppose a girl can do that to you. He sighed, an imploring look on his face. I should've taught him how to pout and manipulate his way into getting what he wanted. Then again, what the hell would I say in his place? How would I talk my way out of this? "We don't want to ruin this family, Nora... We just have these feelings, and ignoring them isn't going to help anything because we'd still be feeling the same way. We'd just still be in the closet about it, and I happen to think that that's a far more dangerous feeling, unrequited... whatever... than the healthy, normal relationship my girlfriend and I have," Edwin insisted boldly.

Okay, first, I totally had to hide a snicker at his all-too-ironic mention of that fatal closet. Because, okay, gay thing aside, obviously they'd been found there. I raised an eyebrow, noticing how he emphasized what she was to him. Had they been allowed to sit next to each other, like myself and Casey, ironically enough, they would doubtless be holding hands right now. Edwin and Lizzie have always been stronger together than alone and apart, and I envied them for that a little. And I saw Lizzie smiling back at him, and the quick look he directed to her as his stare shifted, the brief quirk of his lips. And maybe Lizzie was the lucky one, to have a guy that cared that much about her. Maybe my brother had a backbone after all.

Poor Nora was kind of speechless from my brother's little speech, but she recovered rather admirably. She coughed, clearing her throat, wide-eyed. "You say that now, Edwin, but your little relationship isn't going to last. You're barely teenagers, and you change your minds every week. No matter what you say, it will end, and it will be forever awkward between you. Frankly, I don't think either of you two should be in a relationship, period, until you're mature enough to understand what that is and what it means, let alone a relationship with each other," Nora continued bluntly, completely assured of what she was saying, giving the both of them a look.

That was just about all I could take. Admittedly, Nora did have some good points... but there were some flaws in her logic that needed correcting, and no one else was going to do it... And it needed to come from someone who wasn't Edwin or Lizzie. "Let's see, Nora, so you're basically going to force them to break up... because you're afraid that their breaking up is going to wreck our family, correct?" We all blinked to take in this contradictory statement. I rolled my eyes. "Given that that contradicts your very goal, the way I see it, there's not much of a choice. You either force them to break up, undermining your point and causing them to resent you for the rest of their lives.... and, for that matter, romanticize their short-lived relationship, and they'll probably just get together the minute they leave this house, and then it'll get messy... Or else you just accept them and wait for it to come to its natural, eventual end and trust that they can resolve it on their own and actively help them resolve any difficulties with the help of Casey's guidance counselor. Because, Nora, either way, it's never going to be the way it was before. There's no going back," I advised her authoritatively.

My eyes briefly met Casey's, and she gulped and looked away. I gave Nora time to digest what I'd just said... Basically, you know, how it was pointless to do anything because everything had already changed. I purposely ignored Edwin and Lizzie's miffed and grateful looks. Frankly, I didn't think that their break-up would be that messy. They'd been friends first, real friends, and they'd be friends after. Edwin was always going to love Lizzie because she was family. But he's not actually in love with her, the dumbass. I crossed my arms behind my head, relaxing, smug as hell. Because, hell, even if their break-up was ugly, it'd be nothing compared to WWIII.

I'd just given the 'rents an awful lot to think about, and was it just me or was Casey maybe smiling a little? But she hates them together... Surprisingly, it was my dad who spoke next, jolting me out of my reverie. "That's all well and good, Derek, but we can't very well let our kids be together under our own roof, much less when they lie about it the way they did. We don't have that luxury, and what kind of parents would we be if we allowed that to happen? We can't just not punish them for this... because, really, it's not acceptable for brother and sister to date. And it's bad enough that you're dating Cousin Vicky as it is!" Dad said calmly at first, getting progressively more worked up as he was foolishly allowed to go on.

Had I any shame, I would've flinched. But I didn't. I'd had to fight a snort, though. Because I'd dated my stepsister first. I set the freaking precedent. And a part of me wanted to tell them that just to see the stunned, disbelieving looks on their faces. I thought if I told them they'd understand, like I did, that if this damn family survived me and Casey breaking up, it could damn well survive anything else. The family, as far as I was concerned, was more indestructible than Superman. I almost snorted when he asked what kind of parents they'd be. They were a few steps up the ladder from criminally negligent, really. And they'd never noticed that I'd been sleeping with my stepsister under their own roof. So, see, you already let it happen once before this. That makes twice.

Dad sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, I didn't exactly foresee this happening... But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and let it happen. You two are just kids, and maybe you're experimenting, and that's okay... but you cannot date. Please," Dad said in a tone that was simultaneously firm and pleading. Pa. The. Tic. That's all I have to say. Casey was squirming in her seat, so, hell, I decided to up the ante. Ed and Lizzie didn't really deserve it. After all, they'd only made out in the closet.

So I cleared my throat loudly, drawing everyone's attention and smirking. I made sure to meet Casey's gaze knowingly, and you can bet that I took a lot of pleasure in watching her pale dramatically. As she imagined, no doubt, exactly what I was going to say to them. If, for instance, it would involve revenge plots or bisexual boyfriends or shower break-up sex or birthday sex or wake-up sex or sex on any available surface in the house or car sex or heartbreak or how she'd lost her virginity to me, her stepbro, player extraordinaire, or maybe that time where she'd dragged me to the bathroom AT SCHOOL because she thought she was pregnant with my kid and fortunately wasn't.

I could've said any and all of that, sure, but I didn't. I just wanted to watch her sweat like a pig. I crossed my arms over my chest defiantly and glanced between Tweedledee and Tweedledum. "They've been going out for the better part of three months, and you want to know how I know that? Or why I don't care that they're together or completely not phased by it or even surprised? I know that because Edwin told me he liked her months ago, and I told Lizzie he liked her. I'm the reason why they're together... I've known from the beginning, and I didn't tell anyone," I admitted dramatically, smugly. Gasps all around, folks.

Casey, most of all, looked horrified. I delighted in causing that. Dad and Nora were confused as to where to direct their anger most effectively. So they turned on the familiar target, my lovely self. "Si-Si-Since... I should've seen your hand in this! But what the hell were you thinking, Derek, getting your brother and stepsister together?!" Dad sputtered, clearly furious. He doesn't really want to know what I was thinking, trust me.

Nevertheless, I rolled my eyes and answered him with as much honesty as I could. "Well, I was thinking that I needed to get them out of the house so I could have sex with my girlfriend, and that was a convenient way to do that. Since they both liked each other, I just made it happen. And I was feeling happy and a bit generous, so I wanted to spread my good mood because, frankly, it was pretty damn depressing watching them mope over each other," I informed Dad bluntly. Casey gasped, horrified I'd referenced her in there, and in a completely tactless and vulgar manner, and no doubt feeling guilty that she was the inadvertent cause of this fiasco. "And believe me, they're just lucky you're all so clueless, or else they would've been found out from Day One," I added a moment later, feeling pretty satisfied with myself.

No one else really was. Although I'd gotten Liz and Ed together and defended them, albeit for my own selfish reasons. But that's just who I am, and they should get used to it. It took Dad and Nora a long amount of time to confront the issue of me having sex, which rather disappointed me. I mean, didn't we all know that was going to happen? Yet they responded so much faster to Lizzie and Ed, who were a total surprise. "Derek, I cannot believe you would stoop this low... I don't understand how you could... do that!" Not even Casey's words, that time. I wasn't really paying attention to who was talking, but whichever parent it was was faltering.

I rolled my eyes and looked straight at my dad. "C'mon, Dad, seriously? I've flirted with girls since friggin' Kindergarten. Don't act so freaking oblivious. I know Casey told you about all the girls I brought back to the house... and I continued to bring them back even after you grounded me for that. So I don't get how it can be such a shock that I'm sexually active. Hell, even Edwin knew that... I'm safe, and I don't have any STDs... Haven't gotten any girls pregnant..." Here I couldn't help but glance at Casey, whose cheeks burned as she looked down, clearly embarrassed. Because she was one of those girls, and, well, damn the pregnant thing got her. I looked away quickly. "So I don't see what the problem here is. It's my life, after all, and I can do what or who I want." Dad gaped at me, mouth so wide open that I could practically see his dinner.

I tossed my hair, shrugging indifferently. "And I don't get why you're mad about me having sex with someone who was my girlfriend. She was my girlfriend, so of course I was going to have a physical relationship with her," I interjected irritably, going over obvious facts. Casey was growing particularly uncomfortable, and, had someone other than me been paying her even the slightest attention, they may have wondered why she was acting like that. They might've thought it was suspicious.

And, Snowflake, it was a hell of a lot more than her just being awkward and prudish about talking about my sex life. Because she was a part of it too. And I know she's not that much of a prude. Dad and Nora should've gotten the kids out of the room, but they might as well know about my sex life. They might learn a thing or two. The poor kids looked simultaneously horrified and fascinated. Least I could do, really.

What Dad actually said in response to that was unusual. "You said was. Why isn't she your girlfriend anymore, huh, Derek?" Dad asked pointedly. His tone was harsh, and, I'm not gonna lie. It kind of hurt because I heard the implication in his words. Did you dump her after you got what you wanted? She must've not meant that much to you. Because you have a new one now. And was it just a sex thing?

My eyes locked with Casey's. She looked unsure and queasy and uncomfortable to say the least. But I wasn't about to back down. For a moment, I debated what to say, then decided to puff myself up. "I broke up with her." I tried to say it all nonchalantly, forcing myself to look away from Casey at the last moment. The look in Dad's eyes said I'd confirmed whatever awful things he thought about me, but they weren't true. And, you know, even assuming they were, it's his fault because I grew up with only his influence, practically.

It pissed me off that he just thought he could judge me like that because I don't have girlfriends I don't like. I liked all of them, and, damn it, I FREAKING LOVED HER. And I don't think Dad will ever get that. I'm, honestly, not even sure Casey can ever know what that was like for me, but it was different, okay? It meant something, all right?

Unbelievably, Crazy spoke. "Actually, Derek, I'm pretty sure she dumped you," She argued automatically with authority in her voice. I raised an eyebrow, motioning for her to go on. Wanna tell them how you know that, huh, Case? We might be on civil speaking terms now, but that doesn't mean we talk much or about any of that. Things were just starting to get interesting. Realizing that everyone was staring at her, she quickly recanted. "Um, at least, uh... That's what I heard at school. Something about his jealousy issues and the overphysicality of their relationship," She stammered awkwardly, eyes darting around. I was torn between being angry and driving the knife in a little more to embarrass her. I smirked a little.

Obviously I decided to embarrass her. After all, I still enjoy that. Because the best way of resolving anger is through revenge. Well, okay, I know it's not, but this is passive-aggressive word revenge, so it hardly counts. "So she said she couldn't handle me, eh? Guess I was too much man for her." I smiled like a shark, intending to repay her insults with a few of my own. "Oh, well, I never heard her complaining about that part of our relationship... She enjoyed every bit of it, from what I can recall... But, no, actually, the reason I broke up with her was because she was still in love with her tool of an ex-boyfriend," I stated frostily, trying to keep the bitterness out of my tone and glowering openly at Casey.

She swallowed, turning paler and paler. Like Casey the Friendly Ghost. I think the rest of the family was watching us rather like a tennis match, going from one to the other. See, I don't... I haven't been giving Casey the good old treatment, being a jackass like I used to. Because, I don't know... some crap about me m-maturing... And just... Why bother paying that kind of attention to her anymore? I'm pretty damn moved on. She doesn't deserve my attention anymore, even the negative kind. So I generally just ignore her. Because I don't care, and I don't really want to care. I'm happy this way not thinking about her. Not obsessing over how to make her life miserable. But there are rare occasions where I can't resist this urge just because it's so damn fun to push her buttons and see what happens.

Like, do I look stupid enough to tell our parents that we slept together? And that I was in love with Spacey, much less dating her? After all, I have a rep to uphold, and there's really no use in rehashing the past. I mean, I'm never going to tell anyone, probably. Why would I? I can keep secrets, unlike Casey. Some things are just private, and the past is better left forgotten. Not that I'll ever forget, per se. You don't forget your first, remember? But my point is that Casey doesn't know I'm never going to tell them, and I can still enjoy this one thing I have over her.

Casey sighed and looked almost sort of broken. She didn't say anything for a pause longer than she should have. "Maybe so, Derek, but you already knew that going into it. If you weren't so selfish..." She said softly, trailing off as she ran out of things to say. She didn't know how to finish that sentence. And it made me burn a little because how was I selfish? I'd been the best damn boyfriend she could've ever asked for. I was not freaking selfish!

But I didn't say anything, merely gave her a look that could kill and turned back to the parents coolly. "I might be selfish for wanting the undivided attention of the woman I care about, but she was only with me because she couldn't be alone. And how's that for selfish? I wasn't the one who broke her heart, now was I?" I rejoined coldly. After that, no one really knew what to say or understood the situation. But I glanced at Casey, who was cagey and fidgety and unable to look at me (real typical). Oddly, she'd hardly defended herself. I let my lip curl up in disgust. When I noticed everyone else, they were staring at me like they'd never seen me before.

Son of a Bitch. They didn't know, did they? They couldn't, right? I felt the panic start to flood into my veins, but when I realized I felt like Casey, it abated significantly. No, Derek, they don't know. You can calm down. If they knew, they'd be shouting or something. They'd at least say something. It's not exactly something you don't have a damn thing to talk about. Then Dad and Nora slowly looked away from me, exchanging a glance of silent conference, and their decision was forming.

Nora sighed, looking suddenly much older than her years. "Look, kids, we need to think about this some more... And we can't have you both here, so um... Edwin, can you go stay at Teddy's house for a couple days?" Nora asked, giving my brother an expectant look. We didn't have any family in the area, either of us, so she couldn't exactly ship him off to a family member. The nearest relative is Aunt Fiona in Toronto, and that was hardly an acceptable option. Nevertheless, her answer surprised me a lot because it actually sounded like they were considering allowing it.

Edwin looked pissed, and he had a right to be. Obviously he could've stayed here. All they would've had to do was put Lizzie in Casey's bed with Casey, who would doubtlessly try and keep them apart. However, Edwin's used to getting the short end of the stick, so he grudgingly agreed. He also knew that they weren't really giving him a choice. "And what am I supposed to tell Teddy, huh, Nora? That I've been kicked out of my house for dating my stepsister?" Edwin asked rhetorically. His sarcasm impressed me. I also knew that going to Teddy's house itself must be pretty unpleasant because Ed (and the rest of us) aren't exactly fond of the guy.

She gave Edwin a rather irritated look, but my brother continued talking. "You can send me away, Nora, but I'm not going to stop feeling this way. And Lizzie's feelings aren't going to change either, even if you get Casey to manipulate her for you. We all know this is just a stop-gap measure until you figure out what you're going to do. And it's freaking pointless. But whatever, you know, I'll go pack, since you want me out and away from your daughter so badly," Edwin sniped before storming upstairs. Almost immediately afterward, Lizzie bolted like a frigging dear and went up after him. No one thought to stop her because it looked like at least one of the four people (excepting me, of course) remaining in the room was going to have a nervous breakdown.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at this show of idiocy. I mean, theoretically, my brother and Lizzie could be having goodbye sex up there. Fortunately, my brother and Lizzie aren't like that. We can't all be like I was at the tender age of thirteen, now can we?

For a long, interminable moment, we just sat there in silence. I'm not sure any of them quite believed what had just happened, much less that it had actually occurred. This moment was wonderfully and effectively broken by my girlfriend, who chose that very moment to flounce down the stairs. "Der-ek, are you ever going to come upstairs so we can finish what we started?" Vicky whined. I winced but only slightly at her pronunciation of my name. As soon as I could collect myself somewhat, I turned around to face her. After that depressing conversation, I wasn't really in the mood, but I must keep up appearances.

My dad was even less pleased upon Vicky's arrival. His whole face had soured considerably. The distaste was plainly written all over Casey's face. I waited a moment, smirking and opening my mouth to encourage her. "Given the circumstances, Victoria, I think you ought to go home," My father said stonily. It was not the suggestion it at first seemed. The circumstances being, of course, that his son and stepdaughter had already been found making out that day, and he didn't want to think about his other son having sex with his stepcousin that day.

Vicky made a face, nodding. "Oh, so Ed and Liz hooking up was a bit too much for you to deal with today? Is that it, the step-thing?" Vicky drawled a bit nastily. Sometimes I forget how mean she is. There are moments, you know, when it's not so appealing. Casey glowered at her, and for a minute I thought she was going to forcibly shove her out of the room. What's worse, Casey noticed the way my eyes instinctively darted towards her and looked down, ashamed.

My girlfriend placed a hand on her hip, waiting for someone to say something. She looked at me expectantly, but I didn't feel like saying anything. It was Nora who finally spoke. "Victoria, dear, it's been a long day, and now's really not a good time for any of us. You can some see Derek some other time, okay?" Nora suggested helpfully, motioning for Vicky to go. Vicky pouted and started to walk towards me. She's never one to follow orders or do what you tell her to do.

Then Casey rose, silently, a rather vicious look in her eyes. She gets that way when it comes to defending our family. "Vicky, get out before I throw you out," She warned. Vicky made a face at Casey, fingers trailing along the edge of the couch. Her fingers stroked my arm, so I kept my eyes on her. Then Vicky leaned over, placing one of her hands on my face, and crashed her lips into mine, marking me as her possession. I didn't especially like it, but I kissed her back for show. Then Vicky pulled away slowly, smirking. She patted my cheek with what I suppose you could call affection, and then Casey marched over to us, grabbing Vicky's arm with a wholly unexpected force and dragging her out of the room.

She literally threw her out of our house, murmuring something about sluts, I think. On the one hand, I was kind of impressed, but on the other... Vicky's still my girlfriend, and I do like her and appreciate things about her. And not just the fact that she puts out, you know. I like that she's an unapologetic bitch about half of the time. I like that she's not like other girls, that she doesn't get all whiny or emotional about things. I even like how she'll do just about anything to spite Casey. And I know that Vicky's a human being and that all of that's just a front for her insecurities, a protective covering for who she really is.

You see, Vicky and I are a lot alike, and I can appreciate that for what it's worth. It's so much easier to be with someone like me, someone who thinks like me. After Vicky left, I decided to go back upstairs and maybe get some sleep, fed up with the pointless silence in the living room. It was as if someone had died, when all that had really happened was the apparent revelation that Edwin and Lizzie were dating. Newsflash, if my parents paid any attention to them AT ALL, it wouldn't exactly be a revelation.

I suppose I should feel guilty for that, but I really can't. Anyway, as I was heading to my sanctuary of peace, I was stopped in the hallway by my little brother. He put his hand on my arm, and I turned to him wearily. Admittedly, I was kinda proud because he'd managed in one day and with one kiss to put this family in more turmoil than I had ever achieved in my whole existence. Then again, if they knew what had happened with me and Casey: sex, lies, and total annihilation, that title might currently be mine.

Edwin looked up at me, a grim smile on his lips and a full sports bag in his hand. He wore his resignation remarkably well. I would've refused to go, if I was in his situation, but I'm not Edwin, after all. "Thanks, bro. It was great, what you did for us," He said sincerely, going in for a hug. I pulled back before he could hug me, giving him a look.

"What I did for you?" I asked, feigning confusion. "I did nothing. I don't know what you're talking about." Edwin gave me a look that suggested he didn't buy it. Whatever. His stupidity. He stepped towards me again, and I stepped back. "Edwin, you know my no-hug policy. I mean, jeez, kid, you're just going to be gone a couple days. It's not like I'll never see you again, dork," I retorted, pushing him away a little bit.

He gave me another one of those looks before practically running at me in a hug I was unprepared to accept. "Like I said, Derek, that's your policy, not mine..." He pulled away a little to look at me, sighing a little. "Besides, you don't know that, Derek. For all I know, they'll send me to Uncle Robbie's or ship me off to military school!" Edwin protested, looking worried. I guess this is kind of my problem now since I'm the cause of it all... but I can't let them ship my brother away.

For the record, I don't think that's what they're going to do, but dealing with this sort of thing is kind of unprecedented. I sighed, fighting the urge to roll my eyes, and clapped my hand down on his shoulder. "Look, Edwin, that's not going to happen, okay? If they send anyone to military school, it'd be me. And, besides, if they even think about it, I'll find a way to get you out of it, okay?" I promised, looking him straight in the eyes. And I knew exactly what I'd say to take the heat off of him, but it'd have to be a last resort. I couldn't stand to see how grateful Edwin was, so I swallowed and looked away. "Anyways, Ed, I've never been more proud of you. Both for standing up for you and your girlfriend, and, more importantly, being a smartass," I continued, squeezing his shoulder.

Then I pulled away from him, face impassive once more. Blink-and-you-miss-it compassion, that's what I call it. I smirked, naturally, and told him, "See ya and wouldn't wanna be ya, Ed. Have fun at Teddy's!" Edwin scowled and waved weakly, heading down the stairs. I assumed he'd already said goodbye to his girlfriend in private and headed into my room, flopping down face first onto my bed, which still smelled like Vicky (sex, heavy perfume, and candy). She'd accidentally (on purpose, perhaps?) left behind some of her clothes lately. I shut my eyes, intending to forget this whole awful night which had left a sour taste in my mouth.

And, just when I thought my night couldn't be any more ruined by my stupid family, Casey freaking McDonald comes into my room. Once again without knocking. I'm starting to see why it bugs her so much, although the difference between the two of us is that I just wouldn't open the door, period, knowing it was Casey. I made a noise into the pillow, half wanting to scream. The sad thing is that I didn't even have to look to know it was Casey. I could feel it in the way my muscles tensed, in the way the fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up as a result of this wave of awareness. Well, I mean, she did open her mouth, but who else was gonna open my door without knocking? She's the only person that stupid in the house, the only one who thinks she has that right.

Instead, I managed somewhat sedately, "What do you want, McDonald?" I didn't bother to turn and look at her, period. I wasn't really listening to her like I could've because I was trying to sleep.

The odd thing was that she didn't start talking like I expected her to. There was a certain hesitance in the air. When Casey finally spoke, it was in a small voice, and it wasn't about either of our siblings, like I expected. "Derek, I need to talk to you," She said in a voice that was weak, not even remotely demanding. I found it odd that she had to ask permission because it had never stopped her in the past. She talked to me whenever she wanted to talk to me, regardless of whether or not I wanted to talk to her.

I shrugged minutely. "So talk, Crazy. Nothing's stopping you," I mumbled, making a vague hand gesture. Still Casey remained mute, and I found it utterly bizarre because she was never silent. Nothing had ever stopped her from talking before, yet here she was, short of words. I just wanted her to get out of the damn room so I could sleep. "Dammit, Casey, just spit it out already. There's a limited amount of time before I fall asleep here, regardless of whether you're talking or not," I told her irritably.

This statement was enough to jolt her into speech. Finally. She took a deep, audible breath, and I rolled my eyes. "Listen, Derek... What happened earlier with Lizzie and Edwin, well, it got me thinking about things," She began awkwardly. I knew she was coming closer to me because her voice progressively got louder, as halting as it was. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Great, just what I need, Casey "thinking." Wonder what Caseyotic thing she's going to come up with. Casey trailed off, sighing. Bet you anything she's wringing her hands right now, freaking out.

"Derek, do you mind? This is kinda hard to say to your ass," Casey requested a bit timidly. Okay, I can't help it, that made me laugh. I turned a little, leaning on my elbow, so she could at least see my face, since that was apparently so important to her. Yet, at the sight of my face, Casey faltered even more, biting her lip and just looking plain shy.

I motioned for her to talk. "So say it already, Space Cadet. What are you waiting for? It's not like I know where your head's at," I urged, watching her expectantly. I'm hardly going to bite your head off here unless you persist in wasting my time. She became even more nervous under my scrutiny, but I didn't really enjoy it. As far as I was concerned, she was just continuing to piss me off and meddling in my life. I so have better things to do.

Casey was tugging on her hair. "Derek, I... This isn't easy for me." That time I rolled my eyes because that was pretty damn obvious. Honestly, what could she even have to say to me? She hadn't given me a lot of hints. I continued staring at her unrelentingly, hoping that'd spark her into saying something. I wasn't about to let her get away with anything. "I just... I realized that I was jealous of Lizzie because she was able to do something I couldn't do," She elaborated promisingly. Now that made me look up in curiosity.

I raised an eyebrow. "You mean bagging Edwin?" I drawled, rather amused with the idea. Casey scowled at me, and I was relieved because that was an expression I was at least familiar with, none of this wish-washy nonsense. "I'm sure he's quite the catch, Case, but I think he's a little young for you..." Casey sighed, vexed.

"No, stupid," She said reflexively. Honestly, I was pretty damn relieved. Insults, now that's a familiar territory. Then Casey paused a really long time, and I got this unpleasant feeling in my stomach, like I knew she'd say something I wouldn't want to hear. Just thinking about it made me want to throw up, but, really, what else could she possibly say to me? She couldn't hurt me any more than she already had. What could she take away from me that really mattered? I couldn't think of a damn thing unless she was going to tell me Vicky was cheating on me, and, frankly, even if she said that and it was true, it wouldn't exactly break me up. Besides, I didn't think that was what she was going to say.

She sucked in a breath and then started babbling. "She expressed her feelings and told Edwin how she felt about him," Casey continued. I gave her a wary look, hoping against hope that she's not going exactly where I think she's going with this. She better not. She gave me a look, like I should have some idea of what she's talking about. "And it takes a lot of guts to do that, Derek." She was looking at me funny, softly almost, and it was starting to make me uneasy. She smiled faintly, and I thought I saw her wipe her eye. "I never gave you credit for that," She admitted, looking a bit regretful.

That made my hackles rise because, bammo, direct reference to that awkward time we didn't reference. For that express reason that I like to forget that I was ever in love with her. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Somehow Casey took courage in that. "And I sure didn't make it easy for you." That's a massive understatement. She looked like she was about to apologize, and, well, I had to get the hell away from that. I tried to back away, to pretend I was unconscious, but Casey's a bitch with a bone sometimes. She grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to her, and I was amazed that she could manage to look me in the eye, unblinking. She hadn't done that for a long time.

Then she took a shallow, anxious breath. I could see the emotions play out on her face, see the flicker of weakness, the momentary lack of resolve. And I knew, I just knew that I was freaking screwed because somehow whatever she was going to say next was going to drag me back down into the thick of it. She didn't bite her lip this time or rush her words or anything, though. In a completely undramatic, un-Casey fashion, she spoke calmly and said, "I love you, Derek."

Naturally, I gaped at her in incredulity for thirty terribly awkward, unbelievable seconds. And then I laughed loudly, hysterically because, well, how else does one respond to something like that? The moment was so surreal and out of the blue that that was all I could do. After a good five solid minutes of that, I forced my body into a seated position and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Good one, Case. You really had me going there for a while," I told her jestingly, but as I wiped my eyes, the look on her face told me a different, more alarming story. She looked... hurt? And I couldn't believe that now, apparently, I had the power to get at her.

She gave me a stony look, crossing her arms over her chest, and I rolled my eyes. "You know, you're not going to get me to say it back by looking at me like that, sis. This isn't a feel-good family moment, thanks," I replied dryly, motioning for her to get out of my room. Besides, what was the point in that? I already knew she loved me like a brother, and it basically makes me gag.

But Casey huffed and puffed and looked quite put-out, as usual. I took it as a small victory, but Casey decided, unfortunately, to ruin it by talking. "No, Derek, that's not what I meant at all! You're more than my brother, okay? I don't just love you... I'm in love with you!" She cried emotionally, showing the passion I'd hoped she'd forgotten. And there it was, that stone settling in my intestines. Love, and apparently she meant it in the romantic sense, and a part of me had seen this coming, hadn't I? And... how the hell could I possibly believe her? She wasn't quite distressed enough; she was, rather, like a petulant child frustrated with me for not getting it.

I couldn't accept that readily, and, honestly, even if I could cope with what she said (which obviously I can't because I've just gotten off of that damn deadly C-train after one trainwreck too many!), I just could not believe it, period. So I snorted. "You don't know what you're talking about, Casey. You don't love me. You never did, even when we had a relationship, so why would you start now?" I stated, not even expressing an ounce of the anger I was currently feeling. She didn't deserve that, and I was (un?)consciously mirroring her previous behavior. I paused deliberately there but didn't remain silent long enough to give her a chance to speak. "Why do you have to try and go back to that now? Can't you see that I'm done with you for good?" I asked a bit more harshly. What nerve it took for her to just presume.

Casey's eyes slanted a little, making her look distraught. She flinched, reaching for me hopelessly, but I jerked my arm away from hers. The rage I was feeling was a secret, silent type of anger, a simmering bitterness at heart. I didn't want her to effing touch me. I faltered for words there for a moment, and that was my mistake because it gave her an opening. "Damn it, Derek, I mean it! I know what I'm feeling!" She shouted. Normally I would've been concerned that the others could hear, but Lizzie was across the hall, doubtlessly crying over my brother, and Marti was unconscious. And I simply didn't care. I tuned Casey out because, well, just because she was talking didn't mean I had to listen.

And I took a perverse joy in that, in knowing I'd repaid her for her doubt. Casey didn't really convince me, no matter what she said. I still remembered that torturous period we'd been together, and she'd been torn, hadn't she? Her body temporarily mine, and her heart forever Sam's. I didn't feel sympathy for her. Then Casey slapped me on the cheek too lightly, trying to make me listen. "I've been fighting it for the longest time... I tried and I tried, but I can't. You were right, Derek. I can't forget. I can't pretend that I... don't feel this way anymore. I can't remain silent," She babbled nonsensically.

She still hadn't convinced me. Her argument was as weak as she was. "Really, Casey, telling me you love me while you're still with Sam? Real classy," I rejoined mockingly. I couldn't even look at her, so disgusted was I with her pitiful attempts at... whatever the hell this was. All I knew was that she wanted something, something from me. She was trying to fix it by telling me what she thought I wanted to hear, only I didn't. Not anymore. It's not the same, and I can't go back. And she's only making it worse. I am not being pulled back into her damn undertow! Not this time!

I paused for a brief moment, glancing at her to see her face flushed, her mouth open and ready to argue. This was normally the time when I found her most attractive, most irresistible, but this time, there was nothing. Only the wrath which had solidified into a hard ball in the pit of my stomach. I latched on to that last idea, Sam, that name that still stuck in my throat and left a bitter taste in my mouth, spitting out the words faster than I knew what to do with, "And what about Sam, huh, Casey? 'Cause last I checked, you were in love with him. And, if you really fell in love with me when I treated you like an asshole, then you're even more twisted than I thought. And it's saying a lot when I think you're twisted."

Casey shrunk a little, as if shamed by my words. She wore the guilt on her face, caked thick and heavy, layer after layer. She reeked of it, practically weeping little droplets of guilt and shame in my presence. She cringed too, as if she'd forgotten Sam or preferred to do so, at any rate. She flinched at the harshness of my words, which, I realized, were no longer cool and calm but instead sounding sharper, angrier, bitterer by the moment. I thought I was so... over this... betrayal, loss, ache, whatever you want to call it. I thought that rage had just melted away layer by layer, but of course it can't be simple like that. There'll always be this hatred for her in my veins, regardless of those other feelings, and how can I ever truly be indifferent?

A part of all that hatred, I knew, was directed at myself. I'm... not particularly proud of the way I acted either. I did a lot of things I've never done before or since. A lot of things I didn't know I was capable of. I treated her like... I don't even know what, but low, real low. Worse than she deserved, but that sick part of me that still kind of hates her for everything doesn't regret it. Revenge is a fleeting pleasure, after all, but a pleasure nonetheless in a very miserable part of my life. I thought I'd forgiven, that maybe time had dimmed my memories, but that's clearly not the case.

I didn't speak again, lost in my thoughts, but she did. Her voice trembled, and suddenly she looked more vulnerable than she had when she'd said those accursed words. I didn't look at her eyes because I knew what I would see there, and damn it, I didn't like it. "I... was in love with Sam, but we both changed. He's not the person I fell in love with, and I'm not who he loves, not really, not anymore. You changed me," She explained, soft and short of breath. For some bizarre reason, those three words affect me more than a declaration of love, they make me freeze; they make my fast tongue slow and thick in my mouth, and I can only take in these little pants of air. Because even though I made her say it, she'd never admitted that it was me, that I'd really changed her, that I'd affected her at all, that it wasn't just the relationship or the sex, but that it was really me.

The fight had gone out of me a little bit, but just a little, the barest beginning wisps. "What the hell, Casey? You can hardly handle the fact that we even had a sexual relationship! And I'm supposed to believe this crock about me changing things for you? You didn't love me then, and you don't love me now. You're only telling me this because you want to turn to somebody for... God knows why or what. Because, I don't know, maybe you've finally realized that the person you were in love with wasn't really Sam Richards at all!" I countered irritably but not with quite the fervor I had before. I didn't spit out words like bullets. They were harsh but not vicious or cutting enough.

Casey shook her head stubbornly. Maybe she thought I was my old self, implying that she loved me. Maybe I'd hit too close to home that time. Either way, she looked affronted, and, for someone who'd just been denied in most every sense of the word, in the cruelest way, perhaps (as I hadn't even acknowledged her claims as something serious enough to merit a position one way or the other), she held herself high with pride. Maybe she knew that my anger was waning... "Of course that's why I'm here, Derek! I realized that the person I was really in love with was you, you colossal dumbass! And don't you dare say I'm lying because I-" Casey shrieked back, fast as lightning. Her voice was growing hysterical.

I cut her off with a scoff, "If that's true, then sucks for you!" I said it childishly in a sing-song voice because I knew it'd piss her off all the more. I'd been in her shoes, and she'd been in mine. Unlike her, I wasn't trying to spare anyone's feelings. An eye for an eye, and the whole world might be blind, but I honestly don't believe her. It was a kind of twisted warning, though, because I didn't... I don't, not anymore.

She surprised me by grabbing me by the forearms and damn near throwing me up against my headboard, leaning over me dangerously. "There is no "if," Derek. I. Am. In. Love. With. You. Whether you like it or not. You can't do a damn thing about it because I still remember how much of a bastard you were and are sometimes, and yet, here I am! And it's not gonna go away, despite my best efforts. I'm sure you remember how that feels," She insisted, moving closer to my face as I cringed. I didn't like her being in control. In fact, I hated it, hated the way she was trying to pin me there. I felt like a damn caged animal, and I didn't like it because I'd gone out of my way time after time to make her feel this effing trapped, to make her see my way.

And while I'm all about turning the tables tonight, I don't like it when the damn things are used against me. Casey grinned almost wickedly and slithered her thighs around the outsides of mine, properly straddling me, seating herself uncomfortably in my lap, moving just slightly enough to rub against me temptingly. I opened my mouth to speak, but Casey firmly planted her finger on my lips, shifting her weight forward, more directly over me. I groaned, and that damn, dark, pleased smile of hers flashed on those pretty pink lips. There was a cruelty, even, in her love. "Love."

"I'm not a damn liar, Derek. Because I burn with jealousy when you make out with my whore of a cousin. Seeing you together physically turns my stomach... I thought I was clumsy before, but when I'm even thinking about you... I trip; I fall; I drop things; I sweat; I injure myself; I run into people; I make a fool of myself. When I see you, I get choked up or can't say what I mean, there's... a moment of panic where I don't know what the hell to do. My heart beats double-time, and I can't breathe. I feel completely idiotic all the time. I obsess over you more now than I did before. I can't get you off my mind, not even when I'm sleeping, especially not when I'm dreaming, no matter how hard I try, and it frustrates the hell out of me. I want to rip out my hair. I want to kill you," Casey ranted, face getting progressively more flushed and animated by the minute. She gesticulated wildly, the emotions plain on her face, and the intensity of it scared me.

Then she swallowed hard, and I didn't really have any time to properly register what she said. Not that I really needed to because, in my own less-neurotic way, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I'd been there too. The obsessing, the feeling like a moron, the non-stop thoughts of her. She paused, letting out a deep breath and looking down. "And I... I-I wish it was me with you instead," She whispered nervously. If I'd been able to deny it at that point, that would've killed my denial. I blinked, dumbfounded. Had she just said she wanted to be with me?

She'd never said that. Even when she was with me! Even when she said she wanted to be my girlfriend, she'd never out and out said that she wanted to be with me. And there it was... Casey loved me. I mean, what the hell? It was practically beyond comprehension, yet it had to be. I looked away from her, not wanting to give her false hope of any kind. "You're too late, Casey," I mumbled wearily, shifting further away from her, leaning comfortably against my pillows. I didn't have the right words to explain how I felt then, how I'd given up, how I never wanted to feel that way again, how I couldn't go back. My statement lacked the necessary finality. Casey swallowed hard again, almost like she was fighting tears, and then she pulled a complete 180.

Casey lunged for me, straddling me, pulling me towards her, determined to prove herself. She'd already proven it to me. She crashed her lips against mine eagerly, opening her mouth against mine, trailing her lips down my jaw and back up again in a blur of dull fire. It was all I could do to not push her off of me, as attracted to her as I was. "You don't feel this way with her. You don't feel this way with anyone but me," She murmured breathily, twining her arms around me. Her voice was low, needy and possessive. It didn't repulse me as entirely as it should have. It registered dimly within me that she was right, that I knew what she meant, but I didn't want to feel that way anymore. And maybe I would feel that way with someone else, or maybe I'd just never feel that way again. "A part of you belongs to me, Derek," She continued in the same husky tone, fingers skittering over my chest to stop at my heart.

Her eyes were dark, and her tongue loose. It looked like she wanted to say more, but I didn't let her because once she said that, and it felt like a spell, like a bad omen, I had to break the damn curse. Like in one of those stupid fairytale love story movie things she likes and lives for and so forth. Pansy-ass stuff like that. Because, damn it, I didn't want a single part of me to belong to her. Not anymore. And I wanted to take back what I'd so freely and stupidly given her ungrateful, cruel ass. And I couldn't admit, even to myself, that maybe she was right, that maybe she'd always have a little piece of me, like a broken, jagged shard of glass, no matter how much I wanted to take the whole damn thing back. Because I freaking hate this goddamn interminable feeling, this not-being-complete crap.

I wanted to break her right down the middle, just like she'd broken me. I shifted my shoulders and pulled away from her, allowing my face to show the disgust I'd masked, amplified. It wasn't all fake; there was something about Casey in that precise, vulnerable moment that was pathetic to me. This cruel impulse seized me, and I ran with it because cruel is my default setting. "And you think throwing yourself at me, assuming what once was true, will help you get what you want?" I drawled in a voice that was far calmer than I felt on the inside, cool like water. My stare was level and firm; you're not getting me.

I pried her hands away from me, eying them with an exaggerated repugnance, and then I tried to be as calm and... nice as I could possibly be, I suppose, while still saying what I needed to say. I didn't want to waste the words on it because I felt like the more I spoke, the more of a production it was. The more meaning I gave it, and I didn't want to speak its name, to dare infuse it with that kind of dignity that a proper mention affords. What can I say, I get almost poetical in moments such as these, moments of great personal... turmoil. My whole inner being was screaming and clawing and fighting its way out. I felt sick. "Look, I'm sorry you've set your eyes on me now, but I'm done with you," I stated placidly but not without a tinge of acid.

My voice somehow managed to emphasize the apparent transience of her affections. And there it was, as simple a statement as possible. I don't want this. Casey's face fell as it hadn't before because, God help her, she must've found my anger a positive reaction, if only because it was familiar. She opened her mouth to speak, as if to argue with me, but I just shook my head. "But I love you, Derek. Doesn't that count for anything? You... no other guy gets to me like you do. You're under my skin forever, like some god-awful tattoo I can't get rid of!" Casey pleaded, shouted, shrieked, sounding insane and desperate as ever.

My upper lip curled. Insulting me to gain my affection? That's a new one, though I guess I have to admire her for it, given that it's something I would do. Then I let out a little bark of laughter involuntarily. I remained impassive. "And that pathetic display is supposed to move me? The only girl who was ever worthy of my affection, and you degrade yourself to this plea? I thought you were better than this, Casey," I rejoined coldly, and afterwards, I was hardly able to believe I'd said it. My voice was like cold soup going down your throat, only colder and more unpleasant, bringing a chill down with it. I sounded completely heartless, and that disgusted me too, but in a way I sort of relished it.

Casey gaped audibly, staring at me in sheer disbelief. She looked at me almost like she didn't even know me, and I thought: good, then she can fall out of love with me too, and save us all a lot of misery. "I loved you, Casey. Past tense... I loved you once." I was proud of myself for distancing it from the violent, volatile emotions I'd felt. How my voice sounded perfectly blank, monotone, everyday, like none of it was special. Casey blinked, even more incredulously, realizing what I'd said. Her eyes filled with tears, and she was unsteady on the bed, arm wavering almost as if collapsing under the weight of her arm. I did my best to look away from her.

She didn't understand me quite right. I felt dead on the inside, numb and careless (as in I couldn't care less), full of venom and disgust and bitterness. I'm done. I'm over this. I don't want to feel anything like this again. I just want this whole thing to be over. All I want is peace. She needs to... leave me alone. Still, there was incomprehension in her features, and I wanted to be perfectly clear, ruthlessly so, brutally so. If that was what I had to do, then so be it. I tried to tell myself that that wasn't triumph bubbling up in my veins like boiling water, the sweet taste of victory flooding my mouth, this slow trickle of satisfaction... but it was all earned too late, at too high a cost to myself. My very own bitter little Pyhrric victory. "Since you don't seem to get that, I'll make myself even more clear. I don't love you anymore, and I'm trying to forget I ever did," I snarled, enjoying gnashing my teeth at her and smirking cruelly.

For the sake of sanity, for the sake of myself. For the sake of what's left of my mind. Just listen to me, and you'll see. I am not myself, and I haven't really been for a while, since before this whole damn thing started. Had it been just a few months, less than a whole school year, even? It was hard to believe that so much had happened in such a short period of time. Her face fell hard and fast and sharply like an icicle, and I enjoyed watching her and that stupid moony look on her face crumple. 'Cause I'm a sadistic bastard like that, and I don't remember being like this B.C., so it must be new. The tears streaked down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away. I flinched at the sight of them and tried to turn away, but Casey stubbornly kept me looking at her, kept looking at me too.

Even that blatant rejection wasn't quite enough, apparently. "It's a bitch, isn't it, Casey, loving someone who doesn't love you back?" I was rubbing her face in it, to add insult to injury, anything to get her out of the damn room! I'd given her all I had, and now, what was left? I'm so empty... I feel like I should be more satisfied, but it's a kind of hollow victory, as much as I relish being able to say these things and spit them in her face like this, like nothing, to throw her feelings in her face like this. Because I've had it done to me before, and it's like a slap in the face.

Casey sighed raggedly as she regarded me thinly. "I know I was a total bitch to you, okay? And I'm not proud of that... but you aren't just saying this to get revenge, are you?" She bit out, eying me suspiciously. The lack of a proper apology bothered me more than I liked to think. I acutely felt its absence. I mean, sure, she'd said stuff like that in the past, but had she ever outright apologized to me? Specifically? I strained to remember that awkward conversation in the bathroom where I'd left so much unsaid, the closest to closure I'd ever really been. She'd admitted that she used me and led me on, said that it was her fault and that she'd had "no right", even intimated that she felt bad about it. But she'd never apologized, not for that, not for the break-up, and not for what happened afterward. Wait, she had apologized, during that one horrible fight, but she'd never meant it. She inhaled a shaky breath. "I need to know that you really mean this, that you're not just saying it to spite me," Casey persisted. I didn't have to think about it much, though.

I shook my head without pause. "Don't flatter yourself, McDonald. I gave up doing things to spite you weeks ago," I said automatically, even though she was a little right on some level. But it wasn't about that, most of it. Most of it was just the fact that it was true. "I mean it, Casey. I'm sick and tired of this back-and-forth with you. I just don't love you," I told her in a softer voice, knowing I meant it but still not entirely sure. There was something... and I feared that there would always be something more there, between us.

Casey sniffled weakly. "Except my cousin, you mean," She interjected. I shook my head no, but she didn't understand, and why would she? How could she? I pitied her then, so much that it hurt me a little, but it wasn't a sharp, keening pain, just a dull, blunt flicker or two. Then Casey straightened her shoulders, squaring her jaw and wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Derek. I promise it won't happen again. I won't be that foolish ever again. I'll... leave you be now, like you asked," She said in a voice that was simultaneously defeated and prideful. Then she pulled herself off my bed slowly, like a goddess in retreat.

"What did you think, Casey? That you could say those three pointless little words, and all would be forgiven, and then we'd get back... together? Did you expect me to fall at your feet and declare my love for you again? What, did you think I'd sleep with you again or something, out of pity or gratefulness... or something else? Did you imagine me calling you Prin-cess and welcoming you with open arms back to the fold to resume your former position? Did you see me saying, "Thank you, Casey, for saving me from the horrors of a life without love?" Talk is cheap, Case, and love is just another dirty four-letter-word, okay? Like that was ever going to happen," I roared mockingly, finally dislodging some things that I'd been dying to say the minute she stepped into this room and started talking crap.

Please. I'm starting to almost think I would've been better off without her. I stumbled on the word "together", not even wanting to contemplate the idea of it. Casey flinched, and her bottom lip trembled, but otherwise, she was mostly unresponsive. "I'm over you, okay? So just find some other sap to bestow your affections and obsessions on, like Noel Covington, Tinker, or, heaven forbid, one of your many ex-boyfriends, all of whom are desperate to get back with you. Your love is wasted here," I snapped, motioning for her to get out. I meant it, too, because loving me right now is like loving a vacuum or something. I don't want it, and I don't want her.

Casey walked out the door stiffly after that, still managing to hold her head high, which meant that I hadn't quite done my job properly. I should've broken her spirit just a little more. She didn't want to cry in front of me again, but as soon as she went in her room, I heard her sobbing through the vents. It made me even more sick to my stomach, and I hurried to get up to close them so I wouldn't have to hear that, but it was worse somehow because I knew, and I hated that. My churning stomach kept me awake until I could take it no longer and practically ran into the bathroom.

I barely made it to the toilet in time to spew. My throat and stomach contracted unpleasantly in painful, choreographed moments. The acid seared its way up my esophagus, burned in my throat, teeth, tongue, and the horrid vomit aftertaste stayed stuck there, coated to the back of my throat. Vomit came out of me, hot and bitter, tangy and sick-tasting, chunks of it in heave after heave, bit by bit, strangely colored and half-digested. I threw up in hoarse cough after cough, burning fire of indigestion, splat, splat, splat, splattering against the pristine porcelain of the toilet. My face screwed up seeing the gross color, hating the unwillingness of it, the lack of control, the way it looked like I'd ruined the toilet, but the toilet could just flush it away, and I had to deal with the gnawing, empty, burning hungry feeling, the uncertain remnants of nausea, and the shame clinging to my sweaty skin and the back of my throat. It reminded me somehow of the whole Casey fiasco, and that brought on a whole new wave of nausea. It felt almost like I couldn't stop vomiting, so disgusted was I with myself and that entire night. The whole day had left this imprint on me of something foul and unclean and invisible to others that clung to my skin and repulsed me. I hadn't thrown up like that in weeks.

I threw up until nothing would come out, and then, still, there was that feeling, the horrid void feeling of dry-heaves. Afterwards, I felt like I couldn't stand, weak, reeking of vomit, but I grabbed the counter and pushed myself up, cleaning off the toilet and flushing it. Then I turned my attention to myself, gargling water, rinsing my mouth out, and then scrubbing with the toothbrush, to be rid of the stale, acidic, nastertaste. I brushed up and down, side-to-side, in concentric circles, picking at certain areas, and I brushed my teeth until they bled. But I didn't care about the pain; I welcomed the irony taste in my mouth.

And then I went back to my room, hating myself more than a little because a part of me wished... yes, no, not thinking of that, not dwelling on that, she got what she deserved... I don't...

And, maybe, maybe, I was kind of lying when I said I was over Casey. Maybe I'm not all the way there yet, but that's the direction I'm heading in... but it's hard, you know? And I don't really expect anyone to understand, least of all her, but that's how I feel, what I need to say to... get her to go away and stop bothering me.

She only wants what she can't have. She's a fickle girl. She wants me now, but she'll change her mind in a matter of weeks, and I'm not sticking around for that trainwreck. Besides, why even bother contemplating an unpredictable variable like her when I've got a sure thing? Not that I even thought about it because God knows I've wasted too much time on...

I fell into an uneasy sleep and dreams that were plagued with something I couldn't quite grasp.

Loren ;*

Anyways, tell me what you think of it. Did Casey get her comeuppance? Or more or less than that? I'm anxious to hear from you. And, really, I am sorry about making the main characters suffer so much. They just lend themselves to it... Anyways, if you're looking for something a bit lighter (but still rather twisted)... check out Strange Attractors and tell me what you think if you haven't done so already, or, really, if you wish to tell me to stop wasting my time writing that story more than this one. And yes, I know it is shameless to plug your own fic, but that's what this fic's for, at any rate. Among other things. But still, I promise it's fun and certainly... different. Give it a chance, and you won't regret it! I appreciate reviews of all kinds. ;) Thanks!