Disclaimer: I donot own Beyblade, only Mr. Wesley's Weiners.

Summary: One Shot, PWP? In which Kai gets knocked out by flying sausages, Rei likes round, bald heads, Max has a Gollem moment, Tyson is in love with Miss Piggy and Tala becomes a nudist spoke person.

Gobbledygook.

'And in other news; the Beyblade Battle Association has brought up legal matters against Mr. Wesley's Weiner Corporation for allegedly causing severe injuries to one of their Bladers. Kai Hiwatari, the seventeen years old grandson of Mr. Voltaire Hiwatari, suffered severe head injuries when one of the Weiner processing machines backfired, sending a couple dozen frozen frankfurters hurtling in his direction. Our journalist on the spot reports that Mr. Hiwatari's condition is stable at the moment, however, the consequence of the accident remains unknown.'

x . x . x . x

"Please, Mariah."

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"C'mon, Mariah, when have I ever asked you for a favour - don't answer that."

"Which part of 'no' didn't you understand, Rei?"

"The 'o'?"

"Rei! I said no; end of story!"

"Aww, c'mon, Mariah-Oww! What was that for?"

"That was for being a complete imbecile, Rei, now leave me and my hair alone!"

"Ma-ri-ah."

"Let it rip! Get him, Galux!"

"Fine then, Mariah, I can take a hint."

"Then take this hint."

"That isn't very polite for a girl, you know. They don't go around flipping the bird to people."

"Speaking of birds, if you don't leave me alone on the count of three, I'll make sure that your bird will never get flipped!"

"Okay."

x . x . x . x

"Panties, oh panties, how much do I love you? I love the way your soft material rubs up against my face. I love how the firm elastic band feels against my forehead. I love to hug you and kiss you, and rub you all over myself. Silk and cotton, polyester and nylon; you're all so soft and precious, my precious …"

"Max! Are you up there?"

"Yes, mom … Evil momses, trying to steal our precious. Well she can't have you, no she can't, precious."

"There's a phone call for you."

"Sigh … what is it now, precious? Can't people see that a life outside of Beyblading does exist?"

"Oh, and Max?"

"Yes, mom? Nosy women, isn't she, precious?"

"Have you seen my underwear? They seem to have vanished."

"No, mom. You are ours, precious. Not hers, not Rei's or Kai's. You are ours. You belong to us, precious, for now, and forever."

"That is very odd. I guess I'll have to go out and get some new ones now."

"Did you hear that, precious? She will bring more preciousses – Hello, this is Max. Uh-huh … uh-huh … is he okay? … Okay then, I'll be right over."

"Who was that, Maxie?"

"Rei. Kai got attacked by sausages, he's in the hospital now."

"Oh my god, is he okay?"

"Think so. I'll be off now, mom. Bye. Come now, precious, let's go and see Kai. Serves him right, filthy Kai, trying to steal our precious, now he has paid the price."

x . x . x . x

"She's so sexy. Just look at that figure. Those hypnotising eyes; that cute, upturned nose, that-"

"Tyson! She's an oinker! You know, the kind you make sausage out off."

"Max! Ixnay on the ausagesay."

"Haha, the irony of using Pig Latin at this moment, Rei."

"It's alright, Kai. Max didn't mean that kind. You can get out from under the bed now."

"N-no … t-they're coming to get me …"

"No one is coming to get you, Kai, Tyson's just being the idiot he always is."

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Have a lollypop, Tyson."

"Yay! Okay!"

"No, the lollypop is my precious! Mine!"

"The sausages are coming to get me, Rei! Hide me!"

"They're not. That's just – you're not going to fit under my shirt, Kai and – Oi! Oi! Oi! Watch your knee there, I still want to have children, you know."

"Is there any problem here, children?"

"No problem, Doctor, don't wor-Kai! That tickles! Max, stop trying to stick that lollypop up Tyson's a-no! Tyson! Don't pull my ha … air …"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Err … Rei …?"

"… Yes, Max?"

"What are you here, and your hair over there?"

"I don't know … why don't you tell me?"

"Rei …?"

"Yes, Kai?"

"Are you bald?"

"No, Kai … I just grew to fast for my hair."

"Rei …?"

"Yes, Tyson?"

"You have a very sexy bald head. May I touch it?"

x . x . x . x

'Greetings to my subjects, all ages, all sizes and all genders; I am the King of you television for today, Tala. Yes, you may worship me. As you can see, I may be lacking any type of clothing at the moment, but that is just because I believe fully in the concept of 'less is more'. You should too. Take my word on it. I have grown up in a harsh environment, living in fear day by day. I was a totally wreck, until I discovered the wonders that is the human body. My own that is. Of course, if you had my body, you'd all become nudist fanatics as well.

I assure you, there is nothing more releasing than just throwing aside all the covers, just being one with nature, with no obstructions, no obligation to be something that society wants you to be. There is no need to be ashamed of what has been given to you, your body, and your soul. You too, should be proud of it.

Discover your inner self and cast aside all those concealing materials and objects. We were all born naked, we will all die naked and that's the way we should live our life.

Discover the power of nakedness!

I am Tala Ivanov, your naked host for today, bidding you farewell, and be naked!'

x . x . x . x

'That was it, folks, a word from our newly crowned King of the Television, his majesty, the very handsome, very talented and very naked, Tala Ivanov. And with that, the news for the night comes to a close. I'm Abby Schmembabby and I will be joining you, same time, same place, tomorrow. Good night.'

The End.

I don't know where that came from.

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