Dear Diary,
Roses are the universal symbol of love, red for lovers to give to their sweethearts, white for long life and purity, and my special breed inspired by the love I will never have, black roses. I used to love just sitting in my rose gardens when I was Youko. Leaning against a willow tree at night watching the stars and night clouds. But in my life as Shuuichi Minamino I haven't even the time to tend to my own roses anymore. Which saddens me in a way that I can barely describe.
My Step father Kensuke is none too lenient with me either lately. He has resorted to drinking a lot ever since my mother's health had started to decline yet again just after their second honeymoon. And sadly that is the least of my worries. Kensuke has seemed to take an interest in taking out his drunken frustration and anger on me. Only in places covered by clothes of course.
You ask why I have done nothing to stop him? Well take this into consideration when your sick mother tells you that if anything were to happen to her she is glad you would have such a loving father to lean on. Could you break it to her gently that your so called loving father whom you were to lean on had started to beat you? Could you really set such a horribly huge load onto her shoulders when she is so weak looking that your resolve crumbles every time you look into her hopeful eyes? No I do not even think Yusuke could break his mother's heart in such a way.
In other news I told Hiei how I really felt about him last night. He took it better than I had expected actually. I sat on my bed only in a red bath robe hugging a rose shaped pillow to my chest as he just stood by my open window his eyes clouded with confusion and other conflicting emotions I had only seem on the rarest of occasions. It seemed like an eternity the both of us just staring into each others eyes, and I still cherish the moment. But what came next shattered me beyond repair. These were his exact words, "What are you some kind of fag? Your getting soft in your time as ningen Kurama, to think I actually had thought of you as a good sparring partner." And he left.
I close my eyes and still feel the hot tears that slipped down my cheeks as I dared to call his name out into the night's air. I stood half out the window almost to the point of falling just calling his name for 20 minutes. Hoping with all my being it had just been a dream, if only it had been a dream I could have been at the most his friend. I could have been near him, fighting along side him, keeping him from chopping off Kazuma's head with his kantana, and caring for his wounds, but none of this could now be possible.
Which leads to this very evening, the night I would end it all, my mother wouldn't have to worry about me if she were to die of her new illness, my step brother would finally get my room he had had his eye on since he moved in, and the pain would stop. If not for all of those reasons it would be for the last one. For the pain to leak out of my very being just as my life force, as would the….blood would from my wrists to the beginning of the end….
-Kurama formally known as Shuuichi Minamino