Summary: They're all leaving her and while she's happy for them, part of her isn't.
Pairings: S/J
Disclaimer: not mine
A/N: Thanks to Jenn for the beta :)
Jack takes them out for dinner one evening - for old times' sake - and announces his promotion over the first round of drinks.
Teal'c grins so broadly that Sam can't help but smile, and congratulates Jack warmly. They clutch forearms until Jack curses and tells Teal'c to lay off the weights for a couple of weeks. Daniel blinks for a couple of seconds before recovering himself enough to push Teal'c out of the way, and then he's all back-slaps and bad jokes, the slight incredulity in his voice outweighed by easy affection.
Jack's still laughing at Daniel but he's staring at her, and Sam goes to hug him without really thinking about it. It's not until she's stepped into his personal space, her arm curving round his shoulder, that her brain kicks in, and she's suddenly frozen in confusion and something else. Jack tugs her closer, apparently unfazed by how she's stopped mid-gesture, and she closes her eyes as his arms tighten around her, trying to remember if this is the first time he's ever hugged her without there being some sort of personal tragedy involved. Then she's not thinking at all.
She doesn't want to move, and Jack's certainly not letting go, but finally Daniel clears his throat and she has to pull away. She wants to seem casual and relaxed, but her cheeks are hot and both her teammates are smirking at her unashamedly, though you'd have to know Teal'c to see it. As they sit down she shifts a little closer to her (former) commanding officer until their arms are touching, thinking that now she won't have to take that reassignment to Area 51 after all.
She knows that she must look ridiculously goofy, wearing a smile that just won't quit, but the expression on Jack's face is kind of goofy too and that helps her to relax. After all she's happy, her friends are happy, and Daniel's ordering another round of drinks. She only hopes that he's pink from excitement rather than the half a bottle of beer he's drunk so far, though he's speaking rather loudly and that's never a good sign.
By the end of the evening they're all pretty buzzed. Teal'c keeps falling silent at times, but that's nowhere near unusual and he's the only one of them who hasn't been drinking. Sam's preoccupied with the warmth of the body beside her, and the line of contact that extends from where their calves touch up to their shoulders. There will be time for thinking later.
Later that night, when she's lying in her own bed (and wishing she wasn't there alone) sleep comes slowly. She tries to imagine the SGC without Jack and finds that while she can, she's not sure she wants to. She's sure that she'll be able to work with his successor - Jack will make sure to appoint someone who gets what it's really about - but it won't be the same. Things changed for their team when Jack became base commander but they were all still working together. Now they're breaking apart entirely and she doesn't want to watch the process.
Now she's going to have the chance for something wonderful, something that will make up for not seeing him everyday. But. She's still not quite happy.
The next morning she stops by the General's office and sees Teal'c and Jack deep in discussion. She's about to turn away and come back later when Jack sees her and waves her inside. Teal'c bows his head in greeting and explains that he will be returning to the Jaffa, to assist with the formation of a new Jaffa government.
It's not a shock. At least, it shouldn't be a shock - but it is. Sam tries not to notice how Jack looks tired and greyer somehow, and hugs Teal'c, biting her lip against the prickle in her eyes that warns of tears to come. She's known that he would be leaving for some time now, is happy because that's what he wants, but it's still a blow. Plus, the timing makes her feel as if he's going because Jack's going, and there's an added sting there too.
Teal'c's arms are warm around her, and she wonders what it will be like going off world without him to guard her back. The prickling is more of a stinging now, and she pulls away before her composure cracks entirely.
Sam stands with Jack and Daniel as Teal'c leaves for Dakara, and feels an odd sense of finality as he steps through the gate. Teal'c will be back, but as a liaison between Earth and the Jaffa. Their time together on SG-1 is over. She swallows against the lump in her throat and heads down to her lab.
It's only a moment or two before Daniel joins her, a cup of coffee in each hand, and Sam is glad not to be alone. When she tentatively asks if he's planning to head out to the Pegasus Galaxy on the Daedalus' next trip, Daniel's whole face lights up and he's gone, recapping details from reports that she's read already. Mind wandering, she remembers his disappointment when Jack wouldn't let him leave for Atlantis on the first expedition. It's so good see him this happy, and she tries not to think about the eighteen-day journey either way.
Eight years ago she would have wanted to go with him, and she's still a little giddy when she thinks about all the Ancient technology she could have studied out there, but she's over that now. The Daedalus will bring her back some toys to play with, even if she doesn't get to see the most interesting discoveries.
She doesn't know what's holding her back, but when Daniel asks if she's decided to make the move to Area 51, she can't quite say yes.
After two days spent packing up Jack's house with him, interspersed with far too many coffee breaks that ended with the two of them in his bed, she's exhausted. Lying there now, she's also frustrated. He's right beside her, stroking her hair, and it's good in a way she never managed to imagine in all that time when she was alone. She wants to relax and just bask in the pleasure of being with him, but her mind won't switch off.
She says his name and turns to face him. His hand stills for a moment, before sliding down her side.
She's thinking out loud really, reminding him how everyone's focus is on Atlantis now - all the scientists want to go there, most of the interesting technology is being found there, how she won't really get to study it if she stays at the SGC - and suddenly his eyes are sharp on her face and his fingers are biting into her hip. Every muscle in his body is taut and the way he looks, it's as if he's expecting her to strike him down any second.
She can be incredibly stupid sometimes. As can he. How could he think she wants to go? (even if she does, a little)
"I'm not going to Atlantis."
He relaxes a little and she moves closer. She takes comfort from touching him.
He hugs her in a way that's obviously supposed to be (and is) reassuring, and reminds her that she can still keep an eye on things from the SGC, that the people at Area 51 are always grateful for any time she can give them.
She doesn't know how to explain - and suddenly the words are coming out in a rush, how she doesn't want to go through the gate without Daniel and Teal'c, how she'd wanted to see through their victory against the Goa'uld and Replicators, but now there's no big threat anymore and the interesting work is elsewhere, and how collecting soil samples and keeping up negotiations with various allies is no longer enough.
He looks a little amused. "So you're taking that transfer then?"
And suddenly she's sure. "Yes."
She's so relieved that she's grinning, Jack's grinning... It takes her a few minutes to work out that his grin is actually more of a smirk but that's not her fault, he's distracting her. "What?"
He acts like he doesn't want to tell her but it's obvious that he's going to crack, and he does. When he tells her that he's just won fifty bucks off Daniel she wants to look aggrieved, but she's laughing and he's laughing with her, his breath warm on her face, and then they're kissing and it's better than laughter.
She'd somehow expected that she'd be less busy once she left the SGC and no longer had to balance out hours in the lab with time in the field. She was wrong. Now she has more time for her own research but she also has budget meetings and what seems like a battalion of scientists to oversee, several of whom are as disaster-prone as Felger ever was. Then there's unpacking, talking to Jack, checking up on Cassie, planning ahead for when she can slip away to Washington.. It's all new and punch-you-between-the-eyes confusing, and she's loving it.
It's awkward when Cameron phones to ask her back onto SG-1. Eight years of giving everything to her job and scrounging up the leftovers for herself have taken their toll. She doesn't want to feel guilty, knows it's ridiculous but habits take time to break.
She doesn't expect to hear from Daniel again for months, so she's absurdly touched when she sees his face on her computer screen. He must be calling right at the last minute. It takes a second or two for her to realise how frustrated he looks. Then she checks her watch, and realisation strikes.
When she asks what happened, Daniel launches straight into a tirade about black-haired nightmares and Goa'uld bracelets (alien armbands are a Bad Thing, apparently), how this always happens to him and it's just so typical. She can see his point and struggles for words, even though she knows that nothing she can say will help.
It only takes him a minute or two to settle down a little, though he still looks profoundly unhappy as he invites her to go treasure-hunting with them. She's tempted to go along, if only to meet Vala, but she has an alien pretty waiting for her in her lab and a facility that already seems to depend on her to keep functioning.
She sighs when he ends the transmission.
Two hours later she still hasn't settled back into her work, so she gives up and calls Jack. No video imagery this time; sometimes she's comfier with just an old-fashioned telephone and not having to guard her expressions as she speaks.
He sounds harassed when he answers, and she bites back a grin. "It's me."
"Hey you," he replies, and she can tell that he's smiling. "How's it going?"
"Great!" It's a struggle to keep her voice bright, and then remembers she doesn't have to. "More or less, anyway."
"Sam?" He's guarded now. "Everything okay?"
He must know, surely. "Did you hear about Daniel?"
"I got the memo." Still cautious. "Are you okay?"
She tries not to laugh. "I'm great." He snorts. "No, really. My best friend's been wanting to go to Atlantis for months - years, even - he's missed out on going again, and while I am genuinely upset for him, mostly I'm just glad that he's not traveling to a galaxy far, far away." She closes her eyes. "Pun not intended."
He's not answering. She can't believe the words that just spilled from her lips, they're still getting used to this whole intimacy thing and to talking as friends, he's not answering -
"Me too." His voice is low and a little gruff.
"Really?"
"Really."
She swallows. "I guess we're both just horrible people then."
"Guess so."
The tension is gone; she feels so damn relieved -
"Are you planning on rejoining the SGC?"
For a moment she stares across her room in disbelief, focusing on the equations scrawled on her whiteboard. There's an error on the fifth line, and she resists the urge to go and correct it. "No. And I know it's hypocritical of me to be relieved that Daniel's stuck with something I don't want any more, but - "
"Hey. Only human." She marvels at the way his voice cuts through her self-recrimination. "Besides, Daniel doesn't have to stay with the SGC - I'm sure there are plenty of research opportunities for him in Egypt or somewhere."
"Right, like you'd let him leave the program."
He doesn't argue. "So, am I still seeing you this weekend?"
"Only if you're willing to help me unpack."
"You could fly over here..."
She smiles at the horror in his voice. "Or we could just stay in, rent some movies?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Sam glances at her watch; she really has to go. "Love you, Jack."
"Love you too."
It takes her a couple of minutes after putting the phone down to realise that she's staring mushily into space. She loves him. She loves Daniel. Daniel's still on Earth.
Maybe it isn't wrong to feel this happy.