So this is my One Piece fic. Mainly an inside joke between my friend Sarah and I. So I would kindly ask for no flames… or anything of the sort. This isn't anything serious. Okies?
As I type this, Sarah is beating at her pillow with a katana, muttering "Stupid David Moo."
Just so you know, there will be no Chopper in this story. 'Cause. Onto the fic!
Note: This story is dedicated to Sarah. Because she asked for it.
Editted:// Dear god, another self-insert fic? Someone shoot this author now.
Sanji's Cupcakes
Chapter One - We're Sorry We Squeal
Lera was sitting calmly at home, typing away at her computer at night, her two plastic katanas on the table beside her. Outside, it was raining fiercely, thunder, lightning… all that crap.
"LERA! WHAT'RE YOU DOING!"
"WAH!"
Sarah burst into the room, her kuroneko backpack strapped across her back. Out of nowhere. Lera screamed and fell out of her chair.
"Sarah, where the hell did you come from!"
"Oh, y'know… out of nowhere. The usual."
"Oh." Lera shrugged, going back to typing as Sarah took a seat next to her.
"So what're you doing?"
"Writing a One Piece fan fic." Lera replied, not looking away from the monitor.
"SQUEE!" Sarah giggled, doing a little dance in her seat.
"Yeah, I thought you'd want to hear that."
Sarah grinned happily. An 18 year old with long, glossy brown/ blond hair and blue-green eyes. Not that the color stayed that way all the time…. Due to her constant mood swings. Hyper, spazzy, and illogical.
Also 18, Lera, on the other hand, had light hazel eyes and unique hair. If that's what you would call it. It was strangely wavy, but sleek. It was light, honey-brown, which Lera was strangely proud of. The "intelligent" one, if that was possible. Hyper, spazzy, and illogical most of the time. It was no surprise why these two were friends.
"So what's it gonna be about?"
"Us going to One Piece land!" Lera squealed slightly, her typing finally stopping as she saved what she had written so far.
"I just have one request." Her friend giggled as she went creeping around the room, inspecting sockets and plugs curiously.
"Oh, what's that?" The hazel-eyed girl blinked, watching Sarah.
Sitting up with a cord in her hand and beaming, Sar-hah replied in yet another squeal. "I want Sanji to make me cupcakes."
"Only if Zoro lets me kick his ass." Lera grinned widely.
Without another word, Sarah pulled the cord she was holding, wrenching the plug out of its socket. Instantly, the computer monitor went black and the hum of the processor ceased.
With moan of irritation, Lera turned in her maroon swivel chair to face her computer. She sighed. "Sarah… you should be so glad that I saved the story…"
Sarah smiled innocently, standing. "Sorry, I was bored."
Whatever Lera was about to say, it died in her throat at the sudden crash of thunder outside. Quick to follow was lightning, and something seemed strange about it…
"Sarah… was that lightning blue?"
"I dunno, it looked purple to me… oh my god, holy fluff, Lera, look at your screen!"
Indeed, the screen had gone a strange blue color…
"Woah…" Lera stared at the color, which began to take form and divide into two different colors. A lighter and darker blue. "Sarah… is that… the ocean?"
The two girls leaned closer until, accidentally, Lera poked the screen's surface with the tip of her nose. That is, if there had actually been a surface. Instead, her nose went right through the monitor. Her head followed, sinking right through the screen.
Sarah yelled, running forward. "Lera, no! Give her back… you… you… poos!"
She grabbed Lera's ankles, trying to pull her out as her friend propped her arms against the sides of the monitor, resisting. It turned out to be useless, however, as the screen grew huge and swallowed them both.
As they flew through something resembling the inside of a computer, two pineapple-shaped images popped up before them. Lera and Sarah yelled in surprise, spinning around as they fell, but somehow flew straight through the flying fruits. A strange sensation went through their bodies that didn't seem familiar, but as their brains slowly registered that what they had flown through was the Devil Fruit, the scene around them disappeared.
"SANJIII!" The girls screamed, falling through air. However, the flying time ended too soon as they plummeted into the ocean. And it was cold. Deathly cold.
The two friends struggled in the water, finding that their feet wouldn't work correctly and all previous knowledge of knowing how to swim was gone. As Lera fought to keep her head above water, she found this odd. I'm on the high school swim team, damnit! This shouldn't be happening! Why can't I swim?
Sarah was thinking something different. Oh my god! OH MY GOD! AHH! I'M GONNA DIE!... WAHHH! I HAVEN'T EVEN READ ALL THE ONE PIECE MANGAS YET!
The pair of them began to slow sink as they actions grew weaker. If they had had the time to, they would have noticed a ship sailing in their direction. A ship with skull and crossbones on the sails. A skull with a strange, straw hat on it. However, neither noticed as they sank beneath the somewhat rough waves. Lower and lower they went, and as their air supply ran out, they vision became increasingly blurrier.
Figures that as soon as we got transported to some weird place, we die. Pfft. Lera couldn't help but think.
As Sarah was spazzing out and using up the last of her waning energy, Lera continued to struggle, desperate to get back to the surface. Something that was attached to her waist was, strangely enough, dragging her down. She had no idea what it was. But she found that she had no more strength to rip the weight from her side. As everything seemed hopeless, suddenly, in the last seconds before she passed out, she felt strong arms wrap around her waist and saw a flash of green eyes. Before even a bubble of protest forced its way out of her mouth, everything went black.
"Hehe, wow, they're pretty cute…"
"But what are they doing here?"
"They're dressed kinda... odd."
"I hope they're not dangerous…"
"Do they have meat?"
Lera and Sarah softly groaned, their eyes fluttering open as they sat up. Instantly, they toppled sideways, coughing out water from their lungs. Sarah was first to regain her composure as she slowly sat up, wiping her mouth with her sweatshirt sleeve, but that didn't do any good. The sleeve was completely soaked. More feelings registered in her mind. Wet… and cold. She was completely soaked and a disgusting taste of salt water was in her mouth.
She blinked blearily, wiping her eyes with pruny, cold, and clammy hands. Everything around her came into focus, and once it did, she yelped and nearly passed out again.
Around her was the crew of the Going Merry. Sanji was leaning against the railing of the ship, smoking a cigarette. Zoro was not too far off, looking serious while Nami rested on her knees before the two, looking curious. Usopp stood at a safe distance, eying the two strangers, and Luffy sat on the railing behind Lera and Sarah, looking down at the two with a grin.
Lera slowly stood up as well, blinking salt water out of her eyes. The two sat in a puddle of water, soaked to the bone. Lera stared around in shock, blinking blankly, then the two exchanged glances before looking around again.
Wait a minute. Sanji and Zoro!
With loud squeals, the girls jumped from their sitting position on the deck to tacklehug the two guys, who were completely shocked.
Lera and Sarah's speech had gone into excited gibberish as they hugged Zoro and Sanji tightly. Looking at each other with strange looks, the two crew members ripped the girls off of themselves, who, with a squeak, fell to the ground and stayed there, paralyzed with happiness, apparently.
Sanji went to wiping water from his suit while Zoro used his black bandanna. Nami gave Lera and Sarah strange looks before standing.
"Just who are you two?"
"Oh, us?" Lera stood, taking up a dramatic pose, her index and thumb fingers in the shape of "L"… all anime like. "I'm Lera K!"
The K, which she just made up on the spot, stood for katana.
"And I'm SARAH P!" Sarah stood as well, spreading her legs apart with her arm extended in front of her, her hand showing the "peace" sign.
The P stood for pocky.
Water dripped from their clothes as the crew stared at them in a silence where you could hear a needle drop. Not that anyone had a needle…
"And, eh…" Usopp came forward slightly. "Why are you here?"
Luffy's loud voice sounded behind them, causing the girls to jump. "DO YOU HAVE MEAT?"
"We-eell…" Lera started, dropping the dramatic pose.
"You see…" Sarah relaxed as well. Then the two launched into the explanation.
"See, I was just writing my fic on you guys, y'know?"
"But then there was this retarded thunderstorm!"
"With friggin' blue lightning!"
"Fluffin', Lera."
"FLUFFIN' blue lightning!"
"Or purple."
"Or purple."
"In any case, Lera got all sucked into her computer."
"And as we were falling and going AHH!"
At this point, the two of them wiggled their arms and repeated their reaction from before when they were falling through the computer monitor. Lera then continued the story.
"Then we fell into the ocean that we saw before in the computer."
"Our life was flashing before our fluffin' eyes!"
"And our life goes like this."
The girls then jumped to their left foot. "Haitoooh."
Then they hopped to their right foot, leaning back. "Weiii!"
"HAI!" At the same time, they jumped up and landed with their legs spread slightly, clapping their hands together above their heads. As looks of horror spread across theStraw Hatcrew, Lera and Sarah went on with the story.
"That was pretty scary, we couldn't swim." Sarah shuddered slightly.
"But then I'm guessing you guys saved us?"
They paused for an answer. Nami nodded slowly. "Yeah, Sanji and Zoro saw you two and jumped in to save you."
If the crew thought that was the end of the explanation, they were wrong. Very wrong. Lera and Sarah squealed, jumping up and down for a moment with excitement before continuing.
"So then we ended up here, in this One Piece anime!"
"Cause we came from real life!"
"We were just watching that One Piece episode last night!"
"Yeah, cause I slept over Lera's."
"That episode was so awesome!"
"With this lady that looked like a guy called Monday!"
"And Sanji was being all ladies' man-ish." Sarah paused to glare at Sanji.
"And Zoro was being all logical."
"And you were like all... 'I'll fulfill my dream!' "
"And going up some funky mountain."
"And you went to some Mystic Island."
"Where everyone was like 'Yay! Welcome to our island, feel free to get drunk!' "
"And there was this dude with curly hair."
"But before, we were all like… yeah."
"And Zoro, Lera killed you with Usopp last night in Grand Battle!"
"Hey, it's not my fault. He just kept falling over and shooting and you were laughing too much to fight back with Zoro!"
"And Sanji was all…"
"I'm FALLING IN LOOOOVVEEE!" The two girls said in unison before Lera began again.
"And Zoro was doing that ONIGIRI!" She paused to do a kung fu move. "... and... eh… Sarah, what was it called again?"
"Santoryu."
"Oh yeah, santoryu!" Lera repeated with a fast, Japanese accent. Sarah quickly mimicked her and the two girls went to chanting "Santoryu" in the accent, hopping up and down with each word.
With Lera and Sarah in the background chanting and hopping, Nami went to Zoro. "What do you think?"
"I dunno…" He eyed the two girls with a frown, who had begun to sing the One Piece theme song.
"YO! Ya-yo, ya-yo! Dreamin'!"
"Don't give it up, Luffy!"
"Dreamin!"
"Don't give it up, Zolo!"
"Dreamin!"
"Don't give it up, NAMI!"
"Dreamin'!"
"Don't give it, give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up, give it-NO!"
"They seem to know us, yet we don't know them."
"Here's how the story goes, we find out 'bout a treasure in the Grand Line, there's no doubt."
"The pirate whose eye is on it, he'll sing."
"I'll be King of the Pirates, I'm gonna be king!"
"And I've never seen clothes like that before…" Nami frowned as well, turning to look at the girls.
"Ya-yo, ya-yo, ya-yo! Ho ho!"
"His name is Luffy!"
"And we don't know what they were doing in the middle of the ocean in the first place…"
"That's Monkey D!"
"Gonna be King of the Pirates!"
"All we know, to be blunt, is that these two are weird..."
"He's made of rubber!"
"How did that happen?"
"Yo ho ho, he took a bite of gum gum…"
"And they know about Luffy. Too much, to be honest..."
"Ya-yo, ya-yo!"
Lera was jumping up and down again, going into the rap.
"His name's Zoro, he's just like a samurai."
Sarah grinned, joining in again.
"And the L-A-D-Y, Nami's not shy!"
Zoro and Nami, complete with sweatdrops, were, if possible, disturbed even more.
"Usopp's doing that marksman thing!"
"And SANJI'S COOKING FOR THE WOULD-BE KING!"
Sanji and Usopp blinked blankly while Luffy was laughing from his sitting position on the railing.
"The pirate crew, comin' through, doin' their thing."
"With the king of the pirates, He's. Gonna be king!"
Despite the crew's distress, Sarah and Lera still went at it, singing off-key, laughing, and hopping around.
"Ya-yo, ya-yo, ya-yo! Ho ho!"
"Set sail for oooone piece!"
"It's the name of the treasure!"
"In the graaand line!"
"Ya-yo, ya-yo!"
The two girls finished in unison.
"SET SAIL FOR ONE PIECE!"
A stunned silence fell over the deck of the ship. Everyone seemed to be paralyzed as Lera and Sarah leaned against each other, giggling their heads off.
Nami and Zoro nodded to each other. "They've got to go."
Lera and Sarah found themselves watching the Going Merry sailing away without them, leaving them behind on a rowing boat.
Lera sniffed, scratching her head slowly. "Oh man…"
Sarah was sniffling as well. "Sanji left without us…"
"Oh well. We'll find them soon enough. I mean… c'mon, we're in an ANIME!"
The two squealed in triumph for a few seconds before sighing again.
"Alright, let's take a look at the situation. We're in One Piece and have been transported here from my computer. What supplies do we have?"
"Well, there's our clothes."
Indeed, they were still in the clothes they had been wearing before. Sarah with a black Trigun sweatshirt and a shroom shirt underneath, jeans, and blue sneakers. Lera with her plain black sweatshirt and red Nintendo "Yoshi" shirt underneath, dark jeans, and her bright green chucks.
"And we've got our bags. And your two katanas."
"Eh?"
Lera blinked. Katanas? She looked down and, sure enough, there were two swords strapped to her hips, one to each side. So that had been the weight that was dragging her down… she slowly pulled one from its sheath and grinned.
"And they're real. This is getting better by the second. And our bags, you say?"
"Yeah," Sarah nodded, pulling the kuroneko backpack off that had amazingly stuck through with her despite the plummet into the ocean.
Lera found her black and grey book bag beside her. Not bothering to wonder why it was there, she opened it, Sarah unzipping her bag as well.
"So?" The friends look at each other. Sarah went first.
"I've got rice krispies, dew, and root beer. You?"
"My second pair of shoes, more rice krispies, dew, and root beer… my kuroneko wristband… oh, and pocky."
They stared down into their bags for a moment before happily dancing in their seats.
"We're all set to go!"
"Let's go find Sanji and Zoro!"
Wow. I'm sorry if this confused anyone. And if some of my details are wrong… I tried. Like I said... don't take this seriously. It's somewhat of a joke -grins sheepishly-