Disclaimer- We don't own. We love George Lucas, he's so cool!

Authors' note- Anakin's hot! Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, thanks for checking out our story. Oh, this is written by two people by the way. We're not Gollum, we just have nothing better to do in class. Of course, it might be nice for our grades to pay attention in Health and Spanish once and a while, but hey, this is more fun.

The Unexpected Guest

Chapter 1

"You were the chosen one! You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them; bring balance to the Force, not leave it in ruin!"

I lay staring up at my former master, rage coursing through my veins, fire searing my skin, and all I could think was: Kill me already, I have no legs!

I remember that moment as though it was yesterday. It's hard to forget losing your hair, good looks, and multiple appendages after all. Of course, the fact that Obi-wan blatantly stole my light saber has been making me mad for the past six years as well.

Today is not a day to think of such bitter things, however. Black and red streamers are hung, the storm troopers are slaving away in the kitchens, and Palpatine is still getting R.S.V.P.s from the Hutts on Tatooine. You see, today is my 27th birthday.

I never really had a birthday party back when I was a Jedi. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like birthdays, it's just that Obi-wan never let me have one. He told me that birthday parties led to the Dark Side. Ever since I joined the Dark Side, though, Palpatine and I have thrown the most raucous parties this side of the outer rim. Today will be no different. We'll dance, open presents, torture some sand people, get a little drunk, and then call it a night.

Palpatine is one of the main reasons why I joined the Dark Side. He's always been there for me, like the father I never had. Well, at least from my point of view. I think he wants us to be more than master/apprentice, but I could be wrong. It might be the fact that he calls me 'Sexy Sith' around the Death Star. Or it could be that time he told me that he only wanted me to join the Dark Side because I was "so freaking hot." Oh, and then there was that time when he told me that he wanted us to be more than master/apprentice. I don't know for sure though, it might just be all in my head.

Aside from these awkward thoughts, however, and of course this annoyingly clunky suit, the Dark Side has ultimately been pretty good to me. Sure I kill a few people every now and then, but it's a small price to pay when you're running the galaxy. The power that I've gained in my years as Palpatine's apprentice far outstrips anything I could have achieved as a Jedi. I've also found that the scarlet glow of my new light saber goes better with my wardrobe than the blue ever did, so I guess Obi-wan can just keep the stupid thing, where ever he is now.

I've also made loads of new friends in my position as a Sith. A few of the storm troopers and I get together once a week to play poker (some game popular among the bounty hunters). I hit it off pretty well with one of them, but every time I try to wave to him in the corridors, he just looks at me weird, leading me to think that I've been greeting the wrong one. No matter, though … they're all invited to the party, which again brings me back to the preparations.

We got in a massive shipment of food this morning from some forest moon called Endor. The Ewoks there taste wonderful when deep fried and dipped in ketchup. We've had a rivalry with the Ewoks for a while now. Storm troopers are sent over to Endor every once and a while to scope out the land and see if it might be suitable for future use. For some reason, though, the stupid little teddy bears keep pelting our scouts with rocks, so we've taken to hunting them.

I've insisted that the guests, which have already started to arrive, all wear party hats for the celebration. They came in red, black, and purple, but I hid the purple ones because they reminded me too much of Mace Windu.

Palpatine, however, refuses to wear one of my fabulous party hats. I believe it's because he has no clue on how to wear one. He first put it on under his cloak, but I immediately told him to take it off; it looked really weird, kind of like a small tee-pee on his head. He told me that it looked cool, and that he couldn't put it on over his cloak because then he wouldn't look scary anymore. I said that he looked like a gay wookie on drugs, and then we got into a fight. He stole my cape and called me a whiney, wanna-be Sith, so I tackled him and told him that his face looked stupid. After about ten minutes of name calling and wrestling around on the floor (which Palpatine seemed to enjoy for some reason) he finally took off the hat. So apart from my Lord and Master, Darth Sidious, everyone at the party will wear a hat, including me. (Mine had to be custom fitted to go with my helmet.)

Right now, the captains from some of the Imperial Starships in the area have arrived. Most of them look like they have light sabers shoved up their butts, and it's all I can do not to strangle them all with the Force. I greet them civilly though, and move on to speak with some protocol droids that remind me vaguely of C3PO; annoying yet great conversationalists.

During my six years as a Sith, I have also become friends with a young bounty hunter named Boba Fett. When I see him by the punch bowl at my party, I immediately ditch the droids and run over to greet him. Boba and I first became friends right after I helped Palpatine kill Mace Windu. He sent me flowers and a Thank-You card. I guess that his life goal was to murder Windu because Mace killed his father right in front of him when he was about eleven years old. The nerve of Windu, killing a man in front of his own son! I am so glad I cut off his arm!

I say hi to Boba and we get to talking. I ask him if it's ever weird that he looks like all the clones.

"I'm used to it by now," he says. "At least I have a more distinctive suit." That's one thing I really like about Boba – he's pretty young, but because he wears that suit and helmet all the time, no one can tell he's hotter than me.

Boba sees some "business associate" of his, and runs off to talk to him while I meander over to the large steel table laden with gifts. With the music blaring and people talking, I can casually lean to the side and peek into one of the bags without anyone noticing … until I fall, that is.

I can feel my scarred face start to redden, although fortunately no one can see due to my mask. Palpatine rushes over to help me up, bowling over some clone troopers on the way. He pulls me to my feet and touches my butt before winking at me for some reason, and then walking back toward his chambers. I tell you, sometimes that guy can really freak me out.

I dust off my cape and wander over to the cake table until everyone stops staring. Dipping my finger into the dark chocolate frosting, I gaze around at the guests while clandestinely sucking on my hand. There is some kind of commotion by one of the entrances and the room becomes silent. As the crowd parts, I finally catch sight of him.

"Blast!" he shouts. It is my former master, my former friend, Obi-wan Kenobi.

Author's note- Well, hope we didn't scare too many people away. No idea when the next chapter will be up, but there should be more dialogue, the lack of which we're sorry for in this first part. Thanks for reading, wear your party hats, and review or we'll chop your arms off Star Wars style.