(AN: What the FORK have I just written?

Okay, sorry about that. I just can't believe that I actually, honest to God and truly wrote this. I've been a fan of SpongeBob since the day the show aired, but I've never written fanfiction about it—I thought it would be far too hard to write an original story and yet still retain the silly randomness about the show that I love so much. And given that, I never, NEVER thought I'd write a romance fic for SpongeBob. Why? That takes a whole new paragraph to explain…

The thing about SpongeBob that I like the most is just how random, silly, and pointless it is. It's one of those shows, I think, that not only doesn't need a romantic interest, but would actually diminish the show's quality if any serious romance was in it. The character of SpongeBob is like a child in many ways, but most especially in his relationships with others. He views them with adoring eyes, to be sure, but there's nothing romantic about the love he feels for Patrick, Sandy, or anyone else.

With that said, please keep in mind that I don't support any SpongeBob relationships—in fact, although this is strange for me to say so, I'm actually against most of them. (Except maybe Mr. Krabs/Mrs. Puff. That one is rather cute.) I don't support SpongeBob/Sandy… it just doesn't make sense. SpongeBob could never feel that way for her.

But what about what Sandy feels? Could she possibly have fallen for him? I doubt it, which is why I hope you take this fanfic purely as a "what-if" situation. Of course, if you happen to like SpongeBob/Sandy, then you can look at it a different way too. :)

SpongeBob SquarePants belongs to Stephen Hillenburg and Nickelodeon, not me. Please don't sue me. I apologize for the very long author's note, and I hope you'll review! It's my first SpongeBob story, so I'd appreciate critique.)

O.o.O

I can't believe it's come to this.

I didn't come down here to lose myself like this. Oh, no! In fact, if I had known how I would be feeling for you before hand, I probably wouldn't have come in the first place. That wasn't what I was looking for! I didn't need the extra hassle of falling in love. I was bigger than that; love was something that happened to the other girl, not me.

All I wanted was a new challenge. Life in Texas was beginning to bore me—and don't get me wrong, I still love Texas. Well, I guess you have first hand knowledge of that, don't you? I swear, if I ever hear you making them offensive remarks about Texas again I'll thrash you within an inch of your life…

Oh, shoot. No, I wouldn't. I could never hurt you. Besides during our karate matches, of course. You know what I mean, don't you? I would never honestly, truly hurt you. I couldn't. I know you understand, and yet you don't, not really. You could never understand how I truly feel for you. Shoot, I hardly understand it myself!

Anyway… when I said I wanted a new challenge, I meant physical! I didn't mean this! I didn't mean to fall in love, and I can't believe I did! All I wanted was to go where no squirrel has gone before. Heck, not just go, but stay. Live. And I guess I knew I'd be meeting all sorts of new critters… but even on land I've never fallen in love before. I was just too busy to; I had better things to do. The thought that I'd actually fall for someone outside of my own species would have made me spit out my pecan pie in a fit of laughter.

But I can't say I'm laughing about it now.

I look back to the day when I first met you, and I wish more than anything that I still felt the way I felt for you then rather than how I feel now. That is, I wish I thought of you as a cute, sweet little sponge with whom I had the potential of becoming fast friends with. Nothing more.

I remember that adorable ferocity you had when you tried—very unsuccessfully, I might add—to rescue me from that giant clam. You didn't even know me, and yet you went out of your way to help me. That's one of the things I love about you—that and your happiness, your silliness, and how unpredictable you are…

I'll admit, I didn't fall for you right away, not like them stupid sappy love stories you can pull out of the 4.99 DVD bin. I've always thought of you as a friend. Still do, in fact. If I didn't, I don't know what I'd do, because I know I can't ever have you the way I truly, deeply want to.

I'm not asking for your love, because I know I have that. Yes, I know you love me! I can tell by the way your eyes light up when you see me, the way your entire body flops when you think you've let me down. Golly, if your absolute begging me to not go after that Alaskan Bull Worm didn't persuade me, I don't know what would have.

But you don't love me the way I love you.

Nuts… I can't tell you how long I tried to convince myself otherwise. That all I had to do was give you time, and finally, one of these days, you'd come to the tree dome, fall on your knees when you saw me, and confess your love for me, and, if I was lucky, pull out an engagement ring! But no, SpongeBob. I know you better than that. That's not the way you love. It could never be the way you love.

I'm not saying that you don't love—on the contrary, you're one of the most loving people I know! It's just that you love everyone with the same, innocent, childlike love—a love that is purely that, love. No romantic undertones, no lustful desires, nothing. You simply love, and that's that.

Like I said, I know you love me that way. You love me in that pure but simple love of a child, just the way you love Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, even Plankton! Heck, you love just about everyone like that.

I'm just one of many friends in your eyes, ain't I?

I don't want to be. I know how selfish of me it to think so, but if I can't have you loving me the same way that I love you, I'd at least want to be a step above everyone else in your mind. And I guess, in a way, I am—Patrick and I are your best friends, aren't we? Oh yes… you come to us when you have troubles, we know more about you than most other people…

…but admit it, you view everyone as equals, don't you? You've got that wonderful, beautiful caring nature in you that just couldn't think of anyone as being much better than anyone else, could you? In fact, I should be grateful. The fact that you consider Patrick and me as your best friends definitely sets us apart from everyone else—not much, but it's as much as you'll let us.

To try and force you to feel romantically about me would be to change everything about you that is… you. You'd cease to be that happy, playful, friendly little SpongeBob that I fell in love with in the first place. What would be the point? I can't have that. I can never have that. I can never have you.

But I can have you as a friend. What's more, I can have you as a best friend. And I'm going to milk that for all it's worth.

You know how I mentioned the Alaskan Bull Worm incident? Well, that day, by golly, I was getting my tail back! I wasn't about to let some other critter take my stuff—especially my body parts—and just sit back like it was no big deal!

You tried to stop me. Okay, big understatement. You tried every stupid plot you could think of to make me turn back, and I saw right through them. I wasn't going to let anyone stop me—not even you.

And then, when you were at the end of your rope, you flung yourself onto my helmet and started bawling. You were terrified for me! You didn't want to lose me! Looking back, I can certainly see why. I've never seen a worm that size.

But I have to admit… I was touched by how much you cared about me, more than I could ever let you know. It was almost like a drug to me—knowing that you love me was enough to get me through the day, and your fear for my safety filled me with a glow. It's terrible of me to think that way, I know. I get so much joy out of your terror—and don't take that the wrong way! It's just the fact that you're feeling that for me, for ME! It's truly like a drug. It lifts me up, and I can't get enough of it.

Now, you know that I've always lived on the wild side. It's not like that's anything new. But lately… you know how I've been pulling even more outrageous stunts? Stuff that, up until a few months ago, even I wouldn't have dreamed of doing?

Well, I'm doing them for you. I'm doing them so you can beg me not to, and I can see, again, just how much you really do love me.

And yet… I think I've worked you into a state of complacency. You've gotten used to the crazy feats that I've been living for… and you've almost ceased to care.

I even took off my helmet—underwater! You knew that I couldn't breathe, but you hardly batted an eye. In fact, you made fun of me. You kept trying to get me to breathe, and when, finally, my lungs couldn't take it anymore, I tried to—but all I took in was water!

I could have died, SpongeBob. Do you even realize that? If that air-tight jar of pickles hadn't have been nearby, in fact, I would have. I couldn't have made it to the surface—or even my tree dome—in time. Did you realize that, or was your competitive nature in the way? Or, if you did realize… did you just not care?

I refuse to believe the last one. I know you do care… and all I want is to see it. That's why I've been more reckless than usual.

And probably, ones of these days, one of my exploits won't just come close to killing me. It will kill me. I've been lucky before, but someday, it's gonna run out. I know it is. And yet, I just can't stop putting my life at risk, more and more, just to have you try and stop me. Just so I can have more proof of your love for me… a love that I already know is there.

One of these days, I'm going to die for you.