1.Never get Torn drunk
Jak wandered into the Naughty Ottsel. He was dropping off a shipment of beer for Daxter, and thus he carried it to the back room to get rid of it, not paying any attention to what else was going on. He then left it there, and was preparing to leave the room when he heard some drunken giggling.
Huh? he thought. Did one of Daxter's more drunken customers get back here and start drinking… even more, or was it something else?
He rounded a stack of crates and came face-to-face with the most unlikely person he ever would have thought to get as drunk as he was now.
"Torn!" he said, shocked.
Torn blinked owlishly at him, and giggled again. Jak shuddered. He never thought he would ever here someone like Torn giggle.
It was just plain wrong.
"Wanna 'ave sum?" Torn slurred. "'s good…" He hiccupped.
What the hell? Wait… he could have some fun with this.
Jak whipped out his gun and put a round through an innocent little butterfly that happened to be fluttering on its innocent little way past him. What was left of the innocent little butterfly dropped to the ground, and Jak picked this up and stuck in on the end of a purple pool noodle he managed to find, fixing it so that the wings stuck out in a crude parody of a real butterfly. He grinned smugly, pleased with his ultimately humiliating plan.
"Hey, Torn!" he called, waving the noodle. "Look at the butterfly! Come get the butterfly!"
Torn's head shot up. He caught sight of the butterfly, and instantly his eyes narrowed as he began to stalk the end of the purple floating device. He slowly crept up to it… shifted slightly… and leaped! And then landed hard on the ground in a face plant as Jak skillfully whipped the noodle out of range at the last second. Torn got up and shook his head, then began to stalk the butterfly again.
Jak waved the noodle to Torn's left… then to Torn's right… all the while enjoying himself immensely. Torn growled as once more what he thought of as the announcer guy from Kras City amazingly jumped from his grasp again.
And then came Daxter, Tess, Keira, Ashelin, Samos, and for some reason Razor… by some random plothole in this story which the author cares not to explain.
Everyone mentioned in the above paragraph, except Razor, openly gaped. Razor just continued to calmly puff away on his cigarette.
"What the HELL?" Daxter exclaimed. "What's wrong with the Tattooed Wonder?"
Ashelin grimanced. "Don't tell me…" she began. "He got drunk, right?"
Jak grinned ferally, and winked. She winked back. "Yep," he drawled. "Found him in the back room of the Naughty Ottsel. So I decided to have a little fun…" he laughed maniacally. Then he decided to see what would happen if he did something like this…
"Oh Too-orn," he said in a sing-song voice. "Guess who this is! It's your good friend Daxter!"
Wrong thing to say. At least from the others' point of view.
In a trice, Jak was flat on the ground, and Torn was some distance away throttling the now-annoying pool safety/death threat/toy device like the world was gonna end tomorrow. Which, considering where this story happens to be taking place, is highly likely.
"Kill… annoying… bastard…" snarled Torn in his alcoholic-induced daze as he angrily tore the noodle into shreds.
Everyone except Razor, who has wandered somewhere else from a short attention span, and Jak, who is lying on the ground pretending to be scared and failing miserably, backed away slowly.
"O-okay," Daxter said, terrified. "I'm getting' out a here!" And he took off running for his life. Tess took off after him, shouting something along the lines of, "Wait! Daxter!"
Samos and Keira, now thoroughly in a like-wise state, raced off back to the Naughty Ottsel, where they will no doubt meet up with the other two who have already left. And so, this left Ashelin standing alone, an amused look on her face.
Once the others were out of sight, Torn left off killing what was left of the purple device. He smirked evilly.
"That was fun," he said cheerfully. "Great anger management, too, and it terrified that little rat no end."
Ashelin smiled. "I knew you weren't drunk when I saw that little display," she said dryly. "When you're drunk, you are much more gullible."
Torn made a face at her. "Thanks ever so," he said, voice heavy with sarcasm.
Jak, meanwhile, was rolling on the ground laughing his head off. "Did… haha… you see his… oh my god… face?... ahahahahahaha!..."
Torn and Ashelin collapsed against a heap of metal, laughing as well, while Jak proceeded to bust a gut.
"That was good," Torn gasped.
"Yeah," agreed Jak. "I love playing tricks on him!"
Ashelin had finally managed to get her giggles from the hilarity of the situation under restraint. "So…" she said carefully, trying not to break out into gasping hysterics like the two men in the vicinity were currently doing. "How much of that story was true?"
Jak managed to control himself. "All of it," he said, grinning. "The question would be what DIDN'T I tell them? I waited till Torn got sober before we planned that trick on Dax."
Ashelin made a face. "If you guys had been so good at doing this stuff when we were fighting for the city, we would have gotten rid of my father much more quickly."
"Yeah right," Torn scoffed.
"Yeah, he was too much of a stubborn bastard," Jak added.
"Very true."
"Yeah, well… what are you gonna do next?" asked Ashelin.
Jak and Torn looked at each other. And grinned. Evilly.
A/n- Yes, I have branched off into a new fandom! Thanks to Red Mage 04 who told me to go for it; and now it is my mission to bring more humor into the Jak and Daxter world!
Okay, no, you don't have to question my sanity. We all know that I am mentally deranged and loves to make random characters do stupid things.
So, until next time… blow up your most hated enemy! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! XD
-animedragongirl