Bandit- (sighs) Well, I hung out as long as I could, but the call of OP got me in the end. (grins) Ah well, I'm not too upset! To all my BDAR fans who want to maim me right now, I will be finishing my FMA story! (hears cheering) I just need to get started on a OP multi-fic. This one won't leave me alone, so write I must. I'm a slave to my own imagination. :p
And to those who might (hopefully) be reviewing this story… I'm asking for help here. I haven't seen much of the OP subbed version (I've been cursed with watching the dubs… pity me XD) and I just started reading the manga. So this story is me getting in touch with writing the characters; an experiment. If you notice any OOC at all, don't be afraid to tell me what I did wrong. The more you help me, the better the story will be… hopefully. XD
And now let's get this gravy train moving!
Disclaimer- I can wish, but that never works anyway...
Zoro was not a morning person, a fact known by every man, animal, inanimate object and anything else God created. This, of course, didn't stop the sun from rising (though it was probably scared shitless that Zoro might come after it with his swords one of these days…), but it did keep mostly everyone from waking him up early in the morning.
Notice that 'mostly' is stated.
"SHIT HEAD! GET YOUR SHITTY ASS OUT OF BED!" More out of reflex than actually being awake, Zoro swiftly moved his head just before a boot connected with his pillow, a second away from a concussion. The movement also caused the swordsman to fall out of his warm bed with a loud thud, which was just what a certain cook wanted him to do.
Sanji watched Zoro twitch on the floor, a smirk gracing his lips. Never had he seen the man look so damn pathetic. It was a guilty pleasure of his, but just like with cigarettes, he couldn't seem to quit… and he wasn't gonna try anytime soon.
Like a vampire, Zoro hissed as the light from the window hit his eyes. His first coherent thought of the day was, 'Why do I always have to land in the fucking light?' , followed closely by, 'Today's the day I'm gonna murder that cook… well, at least after breakfast.'
"You awake yet, sunshine?" The only reply the blond got was a grunt, along with more struggling to sit upright. "I'll take that as a yes." With his first mission now complete, Sanji wandered out of Zoro's bedroom and into the kitchen, preparing to make breakfast for the two of them and coffee for the Neanderthal.
"My skills as a cook wasted on him," the man muttered to himself with a slight shake of his head. He set the skillet on the stove and turned on the heat, then went to the fridge to grab some eggs and sausage. He wasn't in the mood to make anything big; it was partly Zoro's fault anyway. If the man bothered to get up on time instead of relying on him to wake his ass up, there'd be more time for breakfast.
'Already 7:15...' he thought, glancing at the microwave clock. 'Damn, why am I always running late?' He'd have to make this fast. The last thing he wanted right now was the old man breathing down his neck for being late again.
By the time breakfast was made Zoro came stomping in, his eyes still half closed and hair dripping wet from his morning shower. He didn't bother with a good morning; he and Sanji didn't do good mornings, not in this apartment. Right then all Zoro wanted was his coffee so he could start thinking properly. "Ugh…"
"Just seeing you this morning tells me this is gonna be a shitty day." Sanji slammed a cup of coffee in front of Zoro, staring as the man downed half of it, choked from the scalding heat, then downed the rest. Without a word, the swordsman held his cup out for more. "Still can't form sentences yet?"
"Fuck off and get me more coffee."
Sanji snorted. "Just for that, you can get it yourself." The cook turned around to pile some food on Zoro's plate and set it on the table. "You should be grateful I even cook for you with that attitude."
Zoro rolled his eyes, not bothering to respond to Sanji's morning whine. So he tuned the blond out and started shoveling food in his mouth. The man might be a royal pain, but at least he could cook a decent meal.
It was obvious Zoro wasn't listening to him; Sanji could immediately tell but wasn't ready to correct him yet for his rudeness. 'Let the cabbage head think he's safe…' He kept rambling on and on, then at the right moment struck out with his left foot.
Zoro caught the flying limb in midair, still calmly chewing his breakfast. When he swallowed, he asked, "What's your problem this morning?"
"If you'd been listening, you wouldn't have to ask that question," Sanji snarled, ripping his leg from Zoro's grip. "Remind me again why I have to room with a cabbage head?"
Zoro glared, but kept his cool. At least for now. "Why do you always ask that question?"
"Just answer it so I can feel better!"
With a sigh, Zoro got out of his chair to get more coffee. "Because our parents were good friends and insisted we share an apartment to save money or something equally stupid like that. And we agreed because I have the car, you have the cooking skills, and we're both idiots."
"Ah." Sanji searched his usual black suit for cigarettes. "Of course. But for the record, you're the idiot."
"Whatever." Zoro just didn't feel up for a verbal fight right now and promptly ignored the man for more of that life-giving elixir that made sure he didn't murder anyone for the rest of the day. Anyone excluding Sanji, of course.
Sensing Zoro's lack of participation in their morning ritual, Sanji abandoned the swordsman to straighten himself up. He had to look appropriate. After all, he might meet a lovely lady and the last thing he wanted to look like was scrub or something equally damaging. Usopp might laugh at his obsession with his looks, but his friend didn't understand the complicated yet simplistic way to grab a women's attention. If you looked terrible, then women assumed you were. End of story, case closed, fin. But if you looked good enough to eat, your chances of getting noticed rose by a good fifty percent.
At first his nose wrinkled up at the sight of Zoro's underwear strewn on the floor for him to see. God, he couldn't stand that. But then Sanji couldn't help but grin at himself as he directed his attention to the mirror of the small bathroom. It had to be admitted that he looked irresistibly attractive today, especially with that cig hanging from his mouth. "Maybe this will be a good day," he told his reflection, winking at it. "You're gonna find your dream girl, you sexy thing."
"If you have to remind yourself that you're sexy, then you're not." Zoro smirked to himself, leaning against the bathroom door. "And just so you know, women don't find it very attractive if you talk to yourself."
"How would you know?" Sanji snapped, peeved he'd been caught. Damn bastard. "You haven't had a date your entire fucking life!" Zoro's smile did a one-eighty.
"I don't have time for stupid things like 'dates'."
"Which basically means you can't get one."
"I can too get a date! I just don't have time!"
"Sure." Sanji's expression didn't look convinced. "The chances of you getting a date are the same as my chances of going up to some random guy and asking him to fuck me."
"So you are a man slut." Immediately Zoro ducked, a limb flung where his head had been moments ago. The man couldn't help but grin; the fastest way to grate on Sanji's nerves was to challenge his sexuality. 'So predictable…'
He felt the foot swing down on his head, his brain scrambling in all directions from the impact. Safe to say the swordsman didn't see that coming. "SHIT!"
"Language, Zoro," Sanji chided, taking a deep drag from his cigarette, his calm returning. "You're in the presence of someone with class." He lowered his foot down, only to swing it back up when it snagged something. "And would you be so kind as to take your dirty underwear out of the bathroom? I'd rather not see that I was right and you don't wipe your ass."
The underwear landed on Zoro's head, and the man went into battle mode. "You fucking prick, you're not the only one who lives here!" In response to Zoro's words, Sanji held a foot just above the ground, ready to send it flying again.
"My sentiments exactly, shithead!"
Zoro tore the underwear off his head, left hand going to his belt where his swords… usually were. 'Oh shit.'
His swords were still in his room… and not with him… where they really needed to be at the moment.
Yep, the rest of his day was gonna suck.
He barely had time to move from the attack, stumbling out of the door and doing an abrupt about-face down the hall. He wasn't running away! Roronoa Zoro was no coward. He just needed to even the playing field.
"Get your ass back in here so I can kick it properly!" Sanji quickly gave chase, keeping his eyes on his opponent. There was no way he was gonna let an opportunity like this pass him by. Served the swordsman right for going into battle unprepared.
Zoro skidded to the right and into his room, having just enough time to grab one sword before Sanji stormed in to make good on his promise and kick him in the ass.
'Damn.' There went his chance to get Zoro without his weapons. Now that he had his swords, the battle just got more intense. "What? Need your little props to beat me?" he sneered.
Zoro unsheathed it, the blade glistening in the morning light. "Does this look like a prop to you?" he answered back, letting the blade swish through the air. "Bring it, Love Cook. It'll take maybe five seconds to slice your pansy ass up."
"Five? You're losing your touch." Sanji balanced on one leg and readied himself. "It will take me three seconds to send you crying home to mommy."
The air thickened in anticipation, the two occupants in the room staring each other down, waiting for the other to flinch so the war could commence. Time stood still, Zoro and Sanji holding their breath, the blood lust shining in their eyes…
And an alarm went off, Zoro's in fact.
It took Zoro exactly one second to realize the buzzing in his head wasn't his imagination and, yes, that was Sanji's foot about to connect with his nose. Instinct kicked in and Zoro threw his head back, feeling the air shift in front of him. "Hold it!" Not waiting for a reply, Zoro ran over to the alarm and slammed his hand down on it to make it shut up. He hated his alarm… with a vengeance. Almost as much as he hated Sanji and that was saying something.
"Idiot," Sanji said, the need for battle seeping out of him. "Why do you set your alarm to a time when you should be at work? That makes no sense." Zoro froze.
"Say that again."
Sanji lifted a curled eyebrow. "I always knew you were stupid…"
"You shitty Love Cook! We're late!" Zoro grabbed the alarm clock and shoved it in the blonde's generally direction. It read 7:45. At the sight, Sanji began to curse colorfully, damning Zoro's existence.
"Great! Thanks to you, we're late again!" Both men ran out the room at lightning sped, grabbing various items along the way. "The old man's gonna have my ass filleted!" Another thought occurred to him, and the blond rounded on Zoro. "Damn it, I didn't even get to eat breakfast!" Just another thing to add to his "Why I Hate The Shithead" list.
"You should've eaten then!" Zoro shouted, sheathing his sword and running back into his room for the other two, along with his keys. "Not my fault you were too busy drooling at your own reflection to bother with necessities like eating!"
"At least I have something to drool over!" Sanji tapped his toe impatiently at the front door, waiting for Zoro. It was at these times he really wished he had a car… Then he could just drive and leave the sorry swordsman here.
The green haired man was about to retort but stopped. Instead of heading for where Sanji was waiting, he ran into the kitchen for another cup of coffee. Something in his gut told him he was going to need it today.
"What the hell are you doing!"
"Getting coffee!"
Sanji chewed on his cigarette then spat it out. He'd clean it up later. "We are late, and you're getting coffee?" he yelled.
Zoro finally came out with a hot cup in his hand and his keys in the other. "If I don't have at least three cups I might kill you on the way." There wasn't much Sanji could say to that, because it was true… (1)
They opened the door and locked it behind them, still arguing all the way down the stairs that led to the parking lot. On the way, a young woman in her bathrobe smiled pleasantly at the two of them while reaching for her daily paper, ignoring the quarrel. "Why good morning, Zoro and Sanji."
"Morning, Shayla(2)," Zoro muttered without looking at her.
"Why Shayla-san! You're looking more beautiful with each day that goes by!" Sanji gushed, hearts shining in his eyes as he took in the sight of the woman before him. Shayla raised her eyebrows and smiled, but otherwise ignored the comment. Zoro rolled his eyes in disgust and grabbed the man before he became rooted to the spot.
"I'll take it you're late again?" she asked.
"Do you really have to ask?" Zoro retorted, dodging another kick sent his way as they ran past.
"Show some respect to Shayla-san!" Sanji yelled.
"Don't worry about it, Sanji. Just try not to kill each other!" She called after them, waving at their retreating forms.
"Really, why can't you at least be a gentleman in front of a lady?" Sanji snapped angrily as they got to the bottom floor, ripping the door open and racing out to Zoro's car, a red 1985 Chevy that looked like it had seen brighter and cleaner days.
"I don't consider that girl a lady," Zoro explained, jumping into the driver's seat; the roof of the car was missing. "Have you ever seen her in a dress?"
Sanji jumped in as well, grumbling lowly. "No, but I can assure you that she'd look lovely in one, you primitive Neanderthal."
"Whatever, Princess."
Zoro placed his cup in his lap (Zoro didn't trust cup holders) and revved the engine to life, swiftly backing up and out into the busy street left of the apartments. Already he could see he'd be in traffic for a good 15 minutes. 'This isn't my day…' he complained silently to himself. Well, it never was his day, but he felt it more acutely in the mornings. God damn mornings. It was too early to deal with life at 7:55. What he wouldn't give for some more sleep…
As predicted, it took about 15 minutes before they even reached the first light, which promptly turned red when approached. Sanji looked ready to throw a fit, glaring at Zoro like it was the man's fault. As far as the blond was concerned, it was Zoro's fault. "This is all your fault."
"What? I didn't even do anything!" Not needing to watch the road just yet, Zoro turned to Sanji. "Why do you insist on blaming me for everything?"
"Because everything is your fault," Sanji stated stonily. He reached into his pants pocket, grabbing a cigarette and sticking it firmly in his mouth. "It's your fault I'm always late, it's your fault I'm still single, and it's your fault I don't have a car."
"And if you don't shut up, it's gonna be my fault when you're thrown out this car!" Fuming, Zoro closed his eyes and tried that 'count to ten' thing or whatever they said worked to calm people down. 'One, two, three, four--'
"Hey buddy! Maybe you wanna drive like the rest of us would like to!" Only then did the swordsman realize the light had long ago turned green and a series of honks and screaming were erupting behind them. Zoro wanted to take his sword and kill them all. Screw counting.
He was seriously considering it when Sanji to matters into his own feet and stepped on Zoro's and the accelerator, sending the car zooming down the street. This caused everything inside the car to lurch backward then forward, and this included Zoro's coffee.
"HOLY SHIT! YOU FUCKIN' COOK!" The car swerved and almost crashed into the one next to them. The driver started cussing at them both.
"Serves you right for taking too damn long."
"THE COFFEE SPILLED ALL OVER MY DICK, YOU BASTARD!"
"Suck it up." Sanji was much calmer now that his inner nicotine beast had been appeased for now. He removed his foot and the car slowed down to a more acceptable speed, Zoro swearing and cursing over his abused foot and the burning heat on his groin.
Sanji smirked. His outlook on the upcoming day just to a turn for the better.
(1) Show of hands! Who thinks Zoro's a morning person? (crickets chirp) My sentiments exactly. ;p
(2) Yes, that was Shayla (for all my BDAR fans), and no, I don't think she'll be a major character.
Bandit- Well, how did that go? I think I kept them in character, but you never know… And the real problems will come with Usopp and Nami. Drop a review and tell me!
Oh, and one other thing… I noticed there aren't many Sanji/Usopp stories here. There's probably a reason for that… but I don't want any reviews that are gonna scream at me for sticking Usopp with the 'Oh so suave' Sanji. You won't even see the yaoi for a while, so just sit back and relax. If you dislike the pairing so much that you're willing to condemn the entire story… (shrugs) Your loss. Those who don't like Sanji/Usopp but will hold judgment, don't care, or like the pairing… (glomps you all) My kind of people!
Also, you'll be seeing a lot of very minor OC characters that won't really play a big part in the story. I'm still not sure if I'll have a major OC, but if I do he/she won't be paired with anyone. Sorry, but that's my pet peeve, seeing OC's paired with main characters... unless that character is REALLY good. Yeah, but I'm done rambling! Review people!