I woke up this morning with this in my head and managed to get it out...I love reviews!
Rating: M for sexual situations
Pairing: John/Liz
Spoilers: Not really, maybe slight for The Siege III
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Elizabeth sighed and placed her forearms against the cool metal railing of the balcony. For a moment she gave in to her tired mind and leaned her head down, closing her eyes but soon expertly pulling herself back from the brink of sleep, a skill she had perfected after so many long nights and negotiations. She couldn't sleep now, not when there was tons of paperwork waiting for her attention. Elizabeth was not very willing to admit she had allowed it to build up recently but the huge stack of reports on her desk suggested otherwise.
A glance at the clock told her it was getting late; if she actually wished to get any sleep tonight, it was time to get moving. Returning to her office, reluctantly leaving behind the stars and the moonlight, she noticed a fresh cup of coffee on the table, next to her laptop.
"I thought you might need that."
The deep voice of John Sheppard made her shiver slightly, which was customary these days and had nothing to do with her being a little cold after the balcony excursion. Elizabeth lifted her eyes from the cup and glanced at her 2IC, who was sitting comfortably on the couch of her office, his dark eyes surveying her.
"Thank you, John. You read my mind." She took a deep sip and closed her eyes, enjoying the warm liquid and the instant pick-me-up it offered.
"Just how much of that stuff do you drink every day?" John enquired, getting up from the couch and walking to her desk. It was only now that she noticed the file in his hand.
"Too much. Is that for me?"
"Who else?" He grinned and placed the file on the desk. "I was going to leave it until tomorrow since you have all this…"He motioned towards the other files and she made a face.
"No, that's all right, John. I was expecting this. It will get my full attention." She browsed through the report absent-mindedly. "I take it the mission was successful?"
"Yes, very", he agreed. "We should be able to establish a very good trading relationship with them."
"Good." She drained the coffee cup. "Well done."
"Who knows, maybe they have some coffee beans. With the rate you're using the stuff, we're starting to run low."
"Yes, and you never drink coffee, John." She frowned at him, not sure if he was serious or not. As usual, he wasn't.
"I was kidding."
"Right." Elizabeth took her place by the desk. "Anything else?"
"I didn't mean to insult you."
"You didn't. I just have a lot of work to do and the sooner I get it done I can go to bed so…"
"Of course." John picked up the empty coffee mug. "Don't stay up all night."
She smiled at him. "I won't. Thank you, John, for your concern."
He flashed her his special grin before exiting the office. Elizabeth smiled to herself and shook her head slightly before turning her attention to the mission report.
Atlantis was mostly asleep when she finally left her office, walking past the night shift working in the control room, replying to their wishes of good night. She was nearly at the door of her quarters when her rumbling stomach reminded her there had been no time to eat today, not after breakfast, and she couldn't even remember what that had consisted of. Coffee, probably.
Changing direction towards the mess hall, she walked through the corridors quietly, nearly on the tips of her toes, not wanting to disturb anyone's rest. Sleep was something that nobody in the city could take for granted and thus everybody tended to use any free moments they found for crashing in their quarters. Everybody except her, of course. Elizabeth could always find a report that needed reading, an area of the city that needed checking out, an expedition member who needed reprimanding.
She was so deep in her thoughts she didn't notice the lights of the mess hall were on. It was only when she stumbled around the corner that she noticed the one member of the expedition team she most often had to reprimand.
John was leaning back in one of the chairs, eyes closed, nursing a cup and an empty plate which told Elizabeth she wasn't the only one who was hungry in the late hours of the night. A smile spread to her lips and she wasn't sure if that was because she was glad to have company or because he looked so relaxed and young, his head resting against the back of the chair, hair as mussed up as always. She wanted to move, to make her presence known but something held her back.
Elizabeth remembered a conversation she had had with Carson ages ago, about some of the expedition members becoming romantically involved with each other. The doctor had pointed out to her not only the increasing number of women in need of birth control, but also the several times he or somebody else had stumbled upon a couple in one of the balconies, holding hands, kissing, whispering sweet nothings. Elizabeth had noticed it too and knew she probably should have put a stop to all kinds of interactions of that kind. But deep down she knew it was useless; if love was to blossom, it would happen whether or not she officially restricted it. Carson's question of whether she herself was involved with someone had received a sharp headshake of denial and the doctor hadn't mentioned it since. The discussion had taken place when her break-up with Simon was still fresh, when she was still experiencing small bangs of sadness and longing, when starting a new relationship had felt impossible.
She stared at John and wondered. Was he in love with Teyla like so many people whispered in their daily gossip reports? Was there someone he had left behind like her? She knew so little about him, yet he was the closest friend she had in this city, maybe the closest friend she'd ever had.
'That's not all though, is it?' The small voice in her head asked. 'You want more and you know it.'
Elizabeth shook her head. She had managed to ignore the delicious shivers John's presence caused in her for nearly two years now and she had no intention for that to change. She had to stay strong, for her own sake, for this city's sake. For John's sake.
'Look at him. Look at how gorgeous he is.'
She decided to ignore her hunger. If the choice was between going to bed starving hungry and sitting down with John now when she was tired and vulnerable and could very well reveal something about her feelings, she would choose starving. Turning around quietly so that he wouldn't notice her, she proceeded to leave the mess hall.
"Elizabeth?"
Damn. She turned back and found John looking at her, eyebrows raised, his lips turned into the half-grin that drove her insane.
"I didn't notice you. Why are you still awake?"
"I could ask the same question from you", she said, quietly, walking closer and taking a seat. Leaving was out of the question now.
John shrugged. "Nightmares."
"Oh."
He said nothing more and she didn't ask. Dealing with the daily threats of the Wraith and other enemies was enough; she didn't need to know about whatever horrors appeared in her 2IC's sleep.
"So what about you?"
"Huh?"
"You're still up. I thought I told you not to stay awake the whole night."
"Yes, I…I was hungry and I thought…I can't sleep if I'm hungry."
"I see." He abandoned the comfortable position of leaning against the back of the chair and moved closer to her, across the table. "Elizabeth, I'm worried about you."
"You're…W-why?" Damn him. No man had the right to turn Elizabeth Weir, an internationally-known diplomat, into a stuttering teenager.
"No sleep and no food makes Liz a burnt-out leader."
"Don't call me Liz." The reaction was automatic. "And I'm fine."
"Of course." John leaned back down and watched her with half-closed eyes. She swallowed. "You're always fine. Hell, the city can be almost destroyed by a massive storm or by the Wraith or whatever, nothing rocks your world."
"That's not true", she whispered, cursing him under her breath. Don't make me do this. Please, John.
"Really?" He looked away briefly, shaking his head. "Tell me one thing that has ever gotten you off-balance. Tell me one thing and maybe I'll believe Dr. Weir isn't made of stone."
His words hurt her and she closed her eyes. "Don't."
"Tell me." John sounded almost dangerous now. "I know you're only human, Elizabeth. And I know there must be something that makes you feel. Feel fear, sadness, grief…There must be something that makes you cry."
"You."
The word escaped her lips before she could think and John stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening.
"What?"
The damage was done now. "You", she repeated, with a broken voice. "You have made me cry. You have made me feel fear, sadness, whatever the emotions were you listed."
She would have laughed at his expression if the situation had been any different; he looked like he had seen a ghost. She didn't blame him; emotions weren't something she readily displayed, just like he had pointed out moments ago.
"When have I made you cry? Because if it was something stupid I did or said…I'm really sorry."
Elizabeth sighed. "I don't think we need to go into details."
"Bullshit." John was on his feet in a flash, eyes furious. "You can't just…can't just blame me for making you cry and then…"
"I haven't blamed you for anything, John", she said, patiently, having regained most of her self-control. "You wanted to know that I'm human, that I have feelings. Well, now you know."
"Was it after I escaped the suicide mission?"
The look in her eyes told John he had hit the nail in the head. "Listen, Elizabeth…"
"I don't want to talk about it." She was fighting tears very hard now. "Don't force me to go through it all again."
"Listen to me." His voice had a new tone, more demanding. "I'm fine. There's nothing to go through anymore."
"Right." One tear escaped; she wiped it away, furiously. "And what about when the next time comes? When you again feel the need to kill yourself to save Atlantis?"
"You knew I had to do it. I couldn't just sit around and do nothing."
She ignored him. "If the Daedalus hadn't come when it did…you wouldn't be here now. You'd be dead."
"Yes. I do realize that."
"And I would have to do this myself. I can't do this alone, John."
"Hey." He circled the table and pulled her to her feet. "You're not alone. You have so many people here who care about you, who would take a part of the burden you carry. If only you'd let them help."
Elizabeth took a shaky breath and nodded. "I know."
"And if you ever need me for anything, all you have to do is ask, OK?" He lifted her head with fingers under her jaw. "Don't ever forget that."
She sniffed and glanced into his dark green eyes. And then she couldn't look away anymore.
All of a sudden she was extremely aware of his proximity and his fingers caressing her jaw. This was the situation she had tried to avoid getting into as much as possible, getting too close to John, and so far it had been successful. But now, in the deep of the night, alone with him in the deserted mess hall, there was no one to save her from herself.
"John…"
"Elizabeth", he replied, a brief smile appearing on his lips before they covered hers.
In all her secret fantasies about this moment, it had never been like quite like this. Not quite so passionate and perfect. John's fingers left her jaw and curled into her hair, his other hand dropping to the small of her back, pulling her as close as possible. She moaned into his mouth, feeling him against her and it reduced her to helpless whimpers. And John, the smug bastard, had the nerve to grin as he pulled back to see her flushed face.
"Are you laughing at me, Colonel?"
"Not at all, Doctor." His lips found her neck and nibbled at the soft skin, feeling her pulse racing.
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to kiss you?"
Elizabeth tried to get her thoughts organized. "Uh…not really."
"I can't even remember a time when I didn't want to kiss you", he told her, seriously.
She closed her eyes. "God…"
John kissed her again and she was lost in the feeling, her head spinning, hands grasping as much of his t-shirt as she could to hold herself upright. She needed him for so much more, needed him to fill the void in her, needed him inside her.
He pulled back again, watching her as she tried to form the words.
"Elizabeth, please don't say it."
She frowned, her eyes flying open to see the look in his, determined but with hints of fear underneath.
"Don't say this is wrong or against the rules. I can't take it anymore. I need you."
She swallowed. "I need you too."
Elizabeth watched relief flooding his face, the tension evaporating from his features before he slammed his lips to hers again. His hands were all over her body, brushing her breasts on the way to the hem of her shirt. It was yanked over her head before her brain managed to wrap itself around the realization they were really going to do this. She was really going to throw all caution to the wind, to do something she had wanted for so long. She was really going to have sex with the most amazing man she had ever known.
Not have sex, she mentally corrected herself. This wasn't about sex. This was about making love.
John's lips were somewhere between her bra and the waistline of her pants before she remembered where they were.
"John…maybe not here…if someone sees us."
"It's too late for anyone to come in here." His lips caressed the swell of her breasts and her head fell back, a muffled sound of pleasure escaping her mouth.
"Please…"
He lowered her to the nearest table, reaching under her to undo the bra, and she took a deep, shuddering breath as he leaned down to devour her; she arched her back as a wave of pleasure swept through her, making her tremble. Tiny explosions went off inside her with each touch, each caress of his incredibly talented mouth.
"Oh God…Oh my God."
"You're so beautiful", he whispered, kissing his way down her body. "So beautiful."
"So are you", she answered breathlessly, finally managing to free him of the t-shirt, finally able to touch his strong body, feeling him shiver under her fingers. "John, I need you to know something."
Her pants fell to the floor and he kicked them away, along with his own. "What?"
Elizabeth swallowed, pulling his head back up, meeting the stormy depths of his eyes.
"I don't want you to think that I'm doing this just because I need somebody…that I would do this with just any man."
His teasing fingers pushed under the waistline of her underwear and she trembled.
"I love you, John."
The fingers stopped.
A feeling of horror brushed over her; she had ruined everything, had blurted out her feelings way too soon.
Then his mouth descended on hers again, demanding and passionate.
"I love you too, Elizabeth."
The feeling of relief was incredible and then her underwear was gone. She moaned as his fingers brushed her, the pleasure almost bordering on pain, her body arching and a fine layer of sweat appearing on her skin.
She screamed as he plunged his fingers into her, writhing under him, moaning his name as the waves of pleasure inside her increased and she crashed over the edge, the sensations too much for her to handle.
"I need you…please, I need you now."
He obeyed, pushing inside her, watching her face, the emotions crossing her features, thinking about all the nights she had made an appearance in his dreams, remembering how incredibly difficult it had been to face her in the briefings next day. To have Elizabeth here, with him like this, the fearless leader of Atlantis, the woman he had thought was way out of his league was something so incredible. And for her to feel the same way…He was really the luckiest man in the world.
He didn't even want to think about what the briefings would be like from now on.
Elizabeth moaned, wrapping her long legs around him, urging him deeper into her, drowning into the feel and scent of him. She couldn't believe how good it felt, even if she had known sex with a man like John Sheppard would be explosive, hot, amazing. Her own feelings added to the heat between them; she was so in love with this man and being finally able to stop holding back released something in her, something she hadn't been aware of before tonight.
"Liz", he purred into her ear, the pure seductiveness of his voice pushing her to the brink of orgasm again. His fingers found her and rubbed her, hard and she convulsed, pulling his lips down to hers to stop her from screaming so hard it would have woken up the entire city.
John wasn't much behind her, driving into her with a few long strokes before exploding inside her, his own moans of pleasure muffled somewhere into the damp skin of her neck.
For a long moment they lay quietly before Elizabeth became aware of the cold, hard table under her.
"John…my back."
He groaned something but lifted his head, giving her a small smile before pushing himself to his feet. She stumbled into a sitting position, groaning at the pain in her backside.
"Ouch."
John looked amused. "Are you all right?"
"My back would have preferred something softer", she muttered, reaching to massage the abused muscles.
"I'm sure we can find something that agrees with your whole body." He kissed her softly. "Are you…do you regret anything?"
"No." She cupped his face, looking deep into his eyes. "I could never regret something this incredible."
"Good." He leaned his forehead against hers. "Bed?"
"Bed", she agreed. "But I need something to eat first."
He looked dumbfounded for a moment before remembering the reason she had come to the mess hall in the first place. "Still hungry?"
"Starving." She pulled her shirt back on. "Come on, Colonel. You can make me a sandwich."