A Pirate's Pillow Talk

"I'm looking for dark, exotic, and elegant. Strong, handsome, with just a touch of whimsy." I know what you're thinking. I'm describing a hunk of man, not a hunk of furniture. Well, I hate to disappoint you, but the only thing I was looking to sleep with is a bed for my brand new, first class, single bedroom loft apartment with huge bay windows and a great view of Louisville, Kentucky. I had just graduated college and I had a sweet job as an advice columnist for a new magazine called "Southern Belle". I was on top of the world. I had a great job, great apartment, great friends and yes, I had a great relationship with my family. Then he came into my life. He just wanted the same thing I did. To sleep in a bed.

It all started when I decided to actually spend money and buy a real bed frame for my bed. Seeing as to how I didn't want to spend a fortune, I cruised flea markets, warehouses, Wal-Mart. But none had what I wanted. Then, I found this old antique shop. It specialized in things old and with a story. After I had told the man I wanted something, dark, exotic, elegant, etc., the shopkeeper led me to the basement where all the bed frames were kept. Great looking wood frames grabbed my eye, but none like the dark black mahogany four poster bed in the corner.

"How much for this one?" I asked, fingering the elegant cravings. The bald man with Dunlap's disease in his midsection sweated out,

"Uh...you don't want this bed."

"Sure I do! It's beautiful!" I said.

"Beautiful yes, but..."

"But?" I asked dragging the word out.

"It's haunted." he said as if someone were listening.

"Haunted?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. This bed was created for a pirate captain in the late 17th century. He mysteriously died one night on his way to bed. Now, it's said that his ghost follows this bed around. For all he wants is to spend eternity in his final resting spot." he finished.

"Yeah...how much?" I asked ignoring his cautious tone.

"You don't believe me?" he asked.

"Nope."

"But I tell you miss, strange things have happened since I got this bed. Things that just can't be explained..." he said.

"HOW much?" I asked trying to put on my most polite smile. He sighed and said,

"$500."

"$500! Sir I can't take this bed for so little!" I argued.

"If you insist on taking this bed, than I'm not going to take your money. Do we have a deal Miss?" he said extending his chubby hand. I shrugged,

"Works for me!" At that moment, I distinctly felt a hand pat my rear end hard.

"Ow!" I said.

"I'm sorry!" he said taking his hand back. Rubbing my bottom, I said,

"Oh no! It wasn't you...it...never mind. When can you deliver the bed?" And so I was the owner of a beautiful bed at only $500 bucks. They sent it over that afternoon and got it set up. It rains quite often here in Kentucky and when it does rain it rains hard. The storm was raging outside that night I put my new bedspread on the mattress. There's a little balcony attached to my room by bay window, and it was at the moment I finished making the bed, that the plantation shutters flew open, letting in rain and wind and an unusual chill for August. I hastily shut the window and stopped. I looked around the room, but all was as it should be. But something was off. Call it intuition, a woman's instinct or just an overactive imagination at work, but something else was in my room. A strong presence. I shrugged it off and began to get undressed for bed.

I took off my shirt and my bra when I felt a warm fingertip go down my spine. I gasped and spun around only to find nothing.

"Who's there?" I demanded. Silence. Once again, I shrugged it off and I got my pajamas on. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and whatnot. But when I got back to my room, the strange presence was stronger. Ignoring it, I went to the bed, pulled back the covers and slipped in. I shut off the light and snuggled down into the covers allowing the raindrops to lull me to sleep.

But I did not sleep peacefully. I dreamt that warm, calloused hands began to rub up and down against my legs. They moved up my hips to my torso reaching underneath my shirt. They hesitated upon reaching my chest, and decided to do my arms and my shoulders instead. The moved up to my neck. And then the rubbing stopped. The hands simply caressed my face gently. And then a strong, masculine voice whispered in my ear,

"Get out of me bed, Luv." That was when I woke up with a start. I looked around the dark bedroom, but nothing was there. I rubbed my own arms as if trying to wipe of the feeling that had come over me in the dream. I tried to go back to sleep, but thoughts of the dream kept me up all night.

That was the routine every night that week. I'd go to sleep, have the dream, stay up the rest of the night, and then be exhausted the next day. It wasn't until I was out to lunch with my friends Christy and Crystal that I realized I could fall asleep sitting up.

"Alice!" shouted Crystal. I snapped my head up and blushed in embarrassment as the other people around the cafe giggled at me. Wiping one of my golden brown curly layers out of my green eyes, I said,

"Sorry."

"Don't mention it." said Christy taking a bite out of her burger. At least I think it was Christy. Being identical twins, sometimes it's hard to tell the two raven haired, dark eyed black girls with brown skin apart. Usually, I can tell if Christy ordered a burger and Crystal ordered a salad. The only difference between them physically, was that Crystal had to work extra hard to stay in shape, while Christy could go to an all you can eat buffet a size ten and leave a size ten by the time she was done the next morning. But it was one of those days, Crystal couldn't say no to a burger. Dang it.

"So what's with you? You've been exhausted all week." said Christy.

"Yeah. Is it the magazine working you too hard?" said Crystal taking off the mustard and ketchup of her burger. (Thank goodness for that, or I'd never tell them apart!)

"No, I've been having this weird dream...it's been keeping me up at nights."

"What's it about?" asked Christy chewing on her fries. I sighed and I began to tell them the dream. But when I looked up at them again, they were rubbing ice down their necks and sighing.

"Wow!" said Crystal.

"No wonder you've been kept up at night!" giggled Christy. I smiled and said,

"Well, If that's all the help you're going to be..."

"We're sorry Al, but let's face it. Sounds like your unconscious is trying to get you have a fantasy or two. I bet it wouldn't hurt if you just go with the dream and let it play out. Then you'll be rid of the dream." Did I mention Christy was a psychology student? Annoying isn't it?

"So how would I go about doing that?" I asked skeptically.

"Prepare for it. Dress in sexy lingerie, put on perfume, and just try to focus on letting the dream continue, by saying, 'Make me!'" said Christy.

"'Make me?'" I said as Christy nodded. I looked to her sister and said,

"You live with this?"

"She was like this in the womb!" said Crystal dryly.

So that night, I did as Christy said. I put on pick lace boy short underwear, and a pick satin and lace trimmed teddie. I dabbed on perfume, and then I crawled into the covers. I even posed in a sexy position. It was the dumbest thing I ever did, but so help me I fell asleep anyway. The dream came right on cue, but this time it was different. This time, the hands pulled the covers slowly off my body. I felt a weight sit on the bed. The rubbing began again, but this time, it was slower. So slow, I even felt the cold metal of a ring on one of the hands. Then to my shock, I felt a pair of warm lips kiss my body parts as they were being rubbed. Finally, the rubbing stopped and the voice whispered,

"Get out of me bed Luv!"

"Make me!" I whispered expecting more. But the voice only spoke in a normal volume and said,

"Your funeral." The weight lifted of my bed. I was slightly disappointed. What happened? Before I could ponder that, I felt my mattress tilting up to one side and my body soon rolled off with a thump to the floor.

"Eek!" I shrieked. I sat up, realizing I was fully awake as the voice, a slightly slurred British said,

"Much better!" I looked over to the bed and gasped. There, reclining on the bed was a long lean figure of a man, wearing the most unusual clothes. A yellowed white poet's shirt, homespun blue cotton vest with gold buttons, a long ragged red and white sash wrapped around his slim waist. Gray knickers and big tan boots folded over to his crossed ankles. His hair was a dark, elaborate mess of braids, dreadlocks and trinkets with a red scarf around his forehead for good measure. His face and hands were golden tanned, his beard hastily trimmed and plated into two braids at the goatee. His mustache curling over his playful cocky grin. His cheekbones were high, and his face lean. His nose was long and his eyes lined with a black substance. He opened his big, chocolate brown eyes and lazily said to me, his hands behind his head,

"Like what you see, Luv?" I looked at him and said,

"Who are you?"

"Captain Jack Sparrow. The only and the one, Savvy? Now be a doll, and shut up. I'm trying to get some sleep!" he said closing his eyes once more.

"In MY bed?" I asked not believing what was happening.

"NO! In MY bed, Savvy?" he said not opening his eyes.

"YOUR bed! Are you nuts this is MY bed!" I said.

"Sorry Luv, but you are sadly mistaken! This would be MY bed, since I had it made for me, I slept in it, I fought ten years to get it and my ship back from a treacherous dog, and I died here, among some more enjoyable things. So as you can plainly see, it be MY bed." he recited.

"Wait...did you say...DIED?" I squeaked out.

"D-I-E-D Luv. Died!" he said.

"Are...are you saying, you're a ghost?" I asked.

"Does the tide still come in?" he answered. I got up and said rushing over to the phone,

"You're NUTS! I don't know, who you are or what you want, but I'm calling the...GASP!" I dropped the phone in horror as I looked back to the bed and saw he was floating in the air, two feet above the bed. FLOATING! He was still in the same position, only he had his head turned over to me, his dark eyes boring into me as he said,

"Satisfied?"

"Whu...whu...whu..."I stuttered. He sighed and floated back down to the bed.

"Sorry to scare you Darlin'. But do you know a better way for a ghost to prove he's telling the truth?" he asked.

"No." I whispered. He shrugged and settled back into the pillow saying,

"There you are then." I slowly went over to the lamp and switched it on. Sighing again, he opened his eyes and said,

"I can't sleep with the light on Luv."

"If you're a ghost, why do you need to sleep?" I asked.

"Don't know. I just feel like I need to." he said.

"Because you died on you're way to bed?" I asked remembering the story the shopkeeper told me.

"No, because I get sleepy!" he said as if explaining things to a child.

"Oh." I said confused.

"Look Luv. I can't explain it, but I still get sleepy, thirsty and hungry...by the way...you might want to pick up more chicken...seeing as to how it's all gone now!" he said with a playful grin.

"I wondered where that went to..." I said eyeing him.

"Now will you let me go to sleep?" he asked.

"No! Not in my bed!" I said crossing my arms.

"Here we go again! I thought we had this part settled already!" he said propping up on his elbows.

"Well we don't! I paid a lot of money for this bed and legally it's mine!" I said pointing to myself.

"You only paid $500 dollars for it, not even an eighth of its value. I paid infinitely more just to have it made!" he said.

"Wait, how did you know what I paid for it...unless..." I said as he began to grin wickedly. "You slapped my butt that day at the antique shop didn't you?" I asked. He shrugged and said,

"Couldn't resist mate!"

"Oh! And I suppose you were behind the dreams too?" I asked angrily.

"One, they weren't dreams Luv. You were awake, just not completely, And two...you seemed to enjoy them." As he said this last part, he leered his eyes up and down my body making me look down to realize I was not dressed properly for just wanting to sleep.

"GASP!" I cried grabbing my terry cloth robe nearby frantically trying to cover up.

"Aww...don't be ashamed Luv. You got a cute little figure! Sides, I haven't seen a naked woman in over three centuries. Indulge me!" he pleaded thoroughly amused as I shut my robe shooting darts at him with my eyes,

"I thought you were just a repressed sex fantasy! I was trying to work through it so I could end the dream and get some sleep!"

"Well, you should have told me. I would have let you...work through it..." he said with a slight growl to his deep voice and a smug look to his face.

"How...I would never...oh! Just get out!" I huffed.

"No I'm comfy!" he argued.

"Out!" I yelled pointing to the door. He looked me over for a second before sitting up and saying,

"All right you win."

"I do?" I asked suspiciously as he stood, his frame towering over me. He nodded and said leading me over to the door,

"I can tell my presence has inconvienced you and caused an unhealthy lack of sleep."

"It has." I said as he opened the bedroom door.

"So you shall never have to worry about losing sleep again..." he said as I smiled. "...for that couch downstairs, looked mighty comfortable. Goodnight!" And as he said this, he pushed me out the door and shut it . I got up from the floor just as I heard the lock click. I jiggled the knob, and pounded on the door, yelling,

"HEY! OPEN UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PAL?"

"Pirate!" came the muffled voice within.

"OH! YOU SLIME BALL! YOU GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW! THAT'S MY BED AND MY ROOM! WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU ARE SO..." I trailed off before I said,

"Dead?" offered the smug voice from within. I just sighed in exasperation and walked back downstairs, hearing a distinct chuckle from the bedroom. I curled up on the couch that was plush, but a little too short and narrow, the thin chenille throw covering me and pounding the cushions, wishing it could be a dead pirates face. I finally got to sleep, but I tossed and turned trying to get comfy. All the while wishing, I had never bought that bed.