A/N: I wrote this some time ago and just thought I would tweak it a bit because of a particular ALP film I hadn't seen at the time and a couple of other things. Watching his interview on Enough Rope is also a good idea. I didn't go to hell in a handbasket as I initally thought after posting this, so all is good. Mariel did a great job of betaing back then and the sticky paragraph she helped with still looks good.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, even after all these years.

WaA

Jack walked wearily to the bullpen's whiteboard. "Okay, heads up people. Just when you thought it was nice and quiet too. We've got a missing male, in his late-forties." As he was sticking the picture up, there was a collective gasp from Samantha and Vivian.

He turned, surprised. "What?"

Samantha pointed at the picture, eyes wide. "He's gone missing?"

Jack nodded. "Well, yes… I know he's an actor-"

"But Jack!" said Vivian, excitedly. "That's… that's Anthony LaPaglia!"

Jack let out a deep breath. "So I've been told. Mr. LaPaglia went missing four hours ago from a movie set not far from here. The Mayor's Office of Film wants us to find him and find him quick. It seems time is money," he said rolling his eyes -like he'd never heard that before.

"Yeah, and the publicity would be bad if word got out blah blah blah," added Danny. "Don't tell me you've never heard of him, Jack," he said, knowing full well what the answer would be.

Jack looked at the headshot, and didn't disappoint. "I can't say I have…" He was trying to remember the last time he had gone to the movies, or watched more than an hour of television.

"You're joking, right?" asked Samantha. "He is so totally awesome. You should see his performance in Lantana-"

"And don't forget how cool he was in Frasier," Vivian pointed out.

"Oh, and Empire Records!" Samantha added, turning to Vivian. "You can't forget that, the black jeans, the drums, the hair…"

"Oh God, yes --the hair! And in Murder One, that Jimmy of his was just walking sex appeal in a suit." Vivian fanned herself with her hands. "I didn't know you were a fan, Samantha!"

"Like you wouldn't believe!"

Then they looked at each other and simultaneously said "Innocent Blood!" and made some 'phoar' and 'rawr' sounds, before laughing.

Martin finally put down the bagel he was eating, and pointed to the picture. "Isn't he a bit old to be 'hot'?"

"We don't all fall for pretty boys, Martin," Samantha said, waspishly, folding her arms.

Danny laughed and punched Martin on the shoulder.

"What?" said Martin blankly. "What?"

"Hey!" Jack said loudly. "Sorry to break up the fan club, ladies… Samantha, you and I will interview his wife-"

"Gia Carides, and I'm going with Samantha," Vivian said forcefully.

Jack blinked. "O-kay then." He wasn't going to argue with that tone of voice. "Then Martin and I-"

Danny snatched the paper out of Jack's hands. "No way, a face this amazing needs to be on a movie set. Martin and I need to go." He gestured to Martin. "Come on pretty boy. Lights, cameras, and if we're lucky, starlets needing action."

"Sounds good to me," said Martin. They grabbed their jackets and were off.

Vivian and Samantha got a copy of the address they needed from Jack and set off also.

They gave each other a conspiratorial low five as they walked down the corridor.

"Gia Carides… how cool is this?" said Samantha

"This is seriously cool…" replied Vivian. "We'll have him back in no time at all."

"So tell me, Viv, do you prefer his hair longer or shorter…?" Samantha asked as they waited for the elevator.

Xx--

Jack stared at the headshot again, wondering what this LaPaglia guy had that could reduce two of his team members to moonstruck girls. He must have something…

He shook his head, not quite understanding the complicated female mind. Then he swore as he realized he was left behind stuck in support. He went to his office and googled 'Anthony LaPaglia' into his computer. He swore again as he saw the number of fan sites he'd have to surf through. Hoping this wasn't just a stunt, he began looking at the sites and forums.

Xx--

Martin and Danny weren't having much luck on the set, which was essentially a café and a sidewalk in a small neighborhood.

The director/producer/writer was beginning to flap his arms agitatedly. "Look! I don't know what happened. We broke for lunch, and he must have wandered off then. We waited, shot some other stuff and then became concerned."

"So, no assistant looking after him?" asked Martin.

"Hey, this is a small independent film. We don't have luxuries like that; he doesn't have a trailer. Hell, he doesn't even have a hair dryer!"

Danny looked at Martin. "You keep asking the questions, there's a group of distressed female extras over there that need my attention…"

It was Martin's turn to roll his eyes. "Yeah, thanks Danny…"

Xx—

Samantha and Vivian left the interview with Gia Carides feeling very satisfied.

"That was so cool! Love that accent!"

"She is so cool!"

"And their little girl is so adorable!"

"Got that right."

"Okay… what was all that about 'Mr. LaPaglia's distinguishing marks'?"

"I just wanted to know about the scar from his hip op."

"Oh yeah, like 'How long is the scar exactly, and where precisely is it, Ms. Carides?'…You are really bad!"

"Hey, at least I wasn't asking her to describe his tattoos in detail…"

"Enquiring minds need to know. Besides, you never see the old one clearly in his films and now he's got all those new ones."

"It gives him that touch of bad boy."

"A very big touch these days, mm-hm…"

They became thoughtful for a few moments, contemplating this.

"Maybe the Bureau could buy or rent some of his DVDs, you know…"

"For research purposes only."

"Of course."

"Of course. There's just one thing I can't work out…"

"What's that?"

"When their daughter called me 'a dirty screw', what was that about?"

"Don't know, but rather you than me!"

Xx--

Jack decided that they should all re-group at the film set to discuss their findings.

Vivian looked at Jack with concern. "You all right?"

He shook his head, and rubbed his temple. "I think I've gone blind from an overload of LaPaglia. For a guy I'd never heard of, he sure has a lot of fans. There seems to be a fascination for his hair which is quite beyond me…"

Samantha nudged Vivian, grinning.

"Any nuts? Stalkers?" asked Danny.

"Nothing obvious. His fans are a pretty good bunch, very respectful. I think if any of them met him they'd probably faint first, and ask questions later." Jack handed Vivian and Samantha some pictures. "Here, I used up all my color ink printing these off the sites for you. Knock yourselves out."

"Oh wow Viv, check this out. He's looking really good in this one…"

"That teal sweater is nice. He looks so damn handsome, it's a crime…"

Perturbed, Jack turned to his other team members. "Anything?"

"LaPaglia was last seen heading of for a walk in that direction," pointed Martin. "We got down about 100 yards questioning people so far."

"Probably went to stretch his legs, exercising his hip," Jack said, looking down the street.

Danny looked at him. "Jack, have you become a LaPaglia expert? I'm worried."

"After all the stuff I've read, I think I might just be that." He put on his shades. "Vivian, Sam, you two need some air; we're going for a walk. You two keep interviewing," and he set off, agents in tow.

As they walked some way down the street, Jack was trying to ignore the laughter as Vivian and Samantha chatted behind him.

"Dead Heat? That's the one with Keifer Sutherland, right?" asked Vivian.

"Oh yes. Keifer and Anthony, what's not to like?"

"Keifer and Anthony, mmm…"

"Yeah, mmm…"

"Can't forget him and Mimi Rogers in Bulletproof Heart."

"I had to get a new DVD of it –I wore my tape out pausing it."

Vivian smiled conspiratorially. "Bet I know in which part…"

Jack stopped. "Good grief, will you both cut it out? We're trying to find him, remember?"

The ladies both nodded their heads. "And when we do Jack, will you give Viv and I fifteen minutes alone with him?" Samantha asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

Jack waved an admonishing finger at her. "Not funny!"

They were standing by a basketball court where a group of boys were shooting hoops. Acting on a hunch, Jack called them over. He showed them one of the pictures, and asked if any of them had seen LaPaglia, maybe played soccer with him. One of the boys said his younger brother had been playing soccer a few hours ago on the court and that they lived very close. Jack sent the boy off, and they watched as the boys resumed their game. The brothers returned shortly, and Jack repeated the exercise with the picture. The boy recognized LaPaglia immediately. He'd played soccer with them, teaching them some skills when some three men pulled up, and hustled LaPaglia into their car. The boy said he and his friends could help identify them.

Just then, Jack's phone rang, and he took the call.

"We've received a ransom demand," he said. "It seems if Mr. LaPaglia publicly relinquishes his director's role with Sydney Football Club, they'll let him go."

"But that's his dream job, he wouldn't do that!" said Vivian.

"And how can they demand that, when they've got him?" Samantha pointed out.

Jack nodded. "Probably a rival team's supporters. I think we have a rather strange case of football hooliganism going on here. However, it seems we got a trace on the line as they talked for so long. These guys may like soccer, but they're not very bright…"

Xx—

A short time later they converged on a hotel room, ready for action as they broke down the door. The room they broke into presented a scene of utter male normalcy -four men watching sports on a large screen TV with food and bottles scattered everywhere. Only the worried looking one with duct tape around his hands and feet looked out of place. He did, however, hold a bottle of beer in his bound hands. Vivian and Samantha, quickly ascertaining that the bound man was LaPaglia, breathed a sigh of relief; at least the abductors had been looking after him.

They both rushed over to him so they could administer aid. They removed the duct tape carefully and slowly.

Very, very slowly.

Samantha decided the beer bottle was needed as unofficial evidence. Vivian thought the duct tape was also important. The guys pretended not to notice.

Xx—

LaPaglia decided not to press charges against his abductors, as long as they did some serious community service coaching youth soccer. Because he's that kind of nice guy…

Xx—

Back at the film set, LaPaglia was happily reunited with his joyful wife and daughter. Vivian and Samantha were lingering around and nearly fainted when LaPaglia turned to them and asked if there was something he could do for them as his way of saying thanks.

Leaning against a car, looking about as obvious as F.B.I. agents could be, Danny, Martin and Jack looked at each other. There'd be no peace from Vivian and Samantha now after all this.

Danny was pleased as he had a few promising phone numbers from some female interviewees.

Martin reasoned that if Jack and Anthony LaPaglia were Samantha's type, then he and Samantha hadn't a snowball's chance. He sought and found solace in the cherry danish he was eating instead.

Jack wondered if he did his hair like LaPaglia's he could win Samantha back. Because that's what he really wanted. Really.

And Vivian and Samantha, having already planned to build a small Anthony shrine with the beer bottle and duct tape, merely asked LaPaglia for a couple of official Sydney F.C. shirts.

They both planned to wear them to bed.

The End. (phew!)