DISCLAIMER

All characters from Fawlty Towers belong to John Cleese andConnie Booth. (I'm just borrowing them...)

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Yes, I Know

(Lobby of Hotel Fawlty Towers; Basil has just finished typing the menu, Sybil is on the phone, talking to Audrey.)

Sybil:

"I know. Yes, I know. Hmmm. Yes." (silence) "I know."

(Basil looks annoyed.)

Sybil:

"Oh, I know. Yes dear, I'll see you this afternoon, then."

(Sybil puts down the receiver.)

Basil:

"Sybil, don't get me wrong, because I wouldn't want to pretend I'm even remotely interested in what you say to Audrey, but why do you keep saying 'I know'?"

Sybil:

"I can't imagine ever saying that about you, Basil."

Basil:

"No, my little tarantula, you keep saying that you know, when you're talking to Audrey."

Sybil:

"Because I understand her, Basil, and she understands me, but you wouldn't understand that."

Basil:

"No, I wouldn't, dear, I know. Or rather, I don't."

Sybil:

"I'm going to look for Polly, she's supposed to be serving breakfast. When you see Manuel, tell him to start serving breakfast without her, because the first guests will be coming downstairs in a minute."

(Sybil leaves in the direction of the bar.)

Basil:

"Whatever you say, my little hornet's nest."

(Manuel comes down the stairs.)

Basil:

"Ah, speak of the devil."

Manuel:

"Qué?"

Basil:

"Yes, never mind. Manuel, start serving breakfast without Polly, will you?"

Manuel:

"No understand."

Basil:

"Oh, heavens, look. Commenca server el…erm, breakfast without Polly. Chop, chop!"

Manuel:

"Is no possible."

Basil:

"Why not!"

Manuel:

"Polly, she do breakfast. She hhhelp me…"

(A guest enters the lobby.)

Basil:

"Yes, well, she no here. Alright? You'll just have to manage by yourself."

Manuel:

(desperately) "But is no possible!"

Basil:

(losing his temper) "Oh, will you come on, you Spanish monkey!" (to the guest) "Don't worry, he's from Barcelona."

(Basil grabs Manuel's hand and pulls him into the kitchen.)

Basil:

"Is kitchen. Food in kitchen. Yum, yum."

Manuel:

"Mr Fawlty, is no…"

Basil:

"Shut up! Now…"

(Basil pulls Manuel into the dining room.)

Basil:

"Is tables. Put plates on tables for eat."

Manuel:

"Is no…"

Basil:

(hitting Manuel on the head) "Will you get over yourself!"

(Sybil enters with Polly.)

Sybil:

"What's all this noise, Basil? I found Polly…"

Basil:

"Yes, well, marvellous, because this nitwit has been doing nothing but tell me he can't serve breakfast!"

Polly:

(calmly) "Of course he can't."

Basil:

"He's not that stupid, is he!"

Polly:

"No."

Basil:

(out of control) "Then why can't he serve breakfast!"

Polly:

"Because I've got the key to the cupboard the plates are kept in! There you go, Manuel."

(Polly hands Manuel the key.)

Manuel:

(happily) "Now is possible!"

Basil:

"Yes, I know."

THE END