I do not own Hellsing or the characters in this fic. They all belong to Kouta Hiraino. Except for Shaft. No one can own Shaft, because no one understands him but his women.

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"He's one bad mother-"

"Shut yo mouth!"

"I'm only talking about Shaft!"

"We can dig it."

Seras covered her head with a pillow and tried to fall asleep.

Captain Bernadette, under the apparently innocent guise of restocking the Wild Geese's parlor, had snuck out to the video store and brought back every Shaft movie ever made.

Including the Samuel L. Jackson version.

Seras whimpered as she heard the prostitutes joining in. How the Captain convinced them to work the Wild Geese during the day was anyone's guess. And Seras didn't really care.

What she did care about was getting some sleep

And she was going to get it, even it meant kicking the crap out of every one of them.

"You sure you wanna try that, boss?"

"Fo' sho' mofo!"

"...You are way to white to being doing that, boss," one of Pip's Leuitenant's said as the girl on his lap laughed and stroked his face.

The door suddenly burst open and Seras stomped in like an angry wildcat in purple nightgown and slippers.

"Some of us are trying to sleep!" she shouted angrily.

Pip smiled at her. "You know, you don't have to sleep. You could come over here and join us, girly."

Seras glared at the Captain. "When you say 'us' you mean 'you', don't you, Captain?"

Pip shrugged. "Sure. If that's what you want."

Seras raised an eyebrow and stepped towards him. The room was silent now. In the background, Samuel L. Jackson beat the crap out of a random thug.

"Just, I dunno, watch the movie with you guys?"

"If that's what you want?"

Seras leaned close to him. "What if I want something more?"

Pip smiled. "That's always an option if you want."

Seras' grin grew larger and her fangs started to show.

With a sudden movement she grabbed the remote and threw it at the televsion, which was thrown back into the wall behind it.

"Or you can just turn off the damn music and let me sleep you bloody pervert!"

She stormed out of the room.

There was silence for a while. One of the whores came up behind Pip and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her boobs against his head.

"Don't worry about that sweetie. Mine are bigger anyway."

Pip glanced up at the girl and grabbed his beer. A quick drink and he threw the the bottle down at the floor.

"Bloody useless. Completely and utterly useless." He stood up and stumbled to the door. "There's another TV in the spare room," he said. "I'm going to bed."

He pushed his way through the door and walked up the stairs muttering. "Bloody useless, I am."