Uncanny Wonder Woman
Chapter 1: Cats and Amazons
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC.
Author's Notes- This story takes part after the upcoming 'Uncanny Justice League' 'Contest of Amazons' and 'Deadly Trinity' arcs.
Boston, Massachusetts-
It was breakfast time in the home of the former Princess of the Amazons known as Diana.
Diana woke to the smell of frying bacon. Whereas such a smell would be heaven to some people (including this author), it wasn't the case for Diana. Diana was a vegetarian and as such, didn't partake of such pleasures as a bacon sandwich come morning. She was perfectly content to have a simple cup of coffee and a few slices of toast.
Diana yawned sleepily as she swung her luscious long legs around the side of the bed and placed her feet into a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers that Shayera bought her last Christmas.
Diana let out a groan as she stretched her arms, her back groaning in protest. She then pulled on a simple white silk robe and headed downstairs.
The sight that greeted Diana was one that had been the norm for quite some time now. Diana's younger sister, Donna, was messily eating sugary cereal while reading a trashy gossip magazine, clad as always in her oversized SpongeBob t-shirt and yellow bed socks.
'Morning Sleepy Head.' A voice purred from over by the cooker.
Diana smiled at the sight. Dr Barbara Minerva, the feline former villain known as Cheetah, looking surprising cute in her pink Tigger jammies, was cooking up a storm.
'Morning, B.' Diana yawned as she took a seat at the table.
'Have a nice night?' Donna snickered with a mouthful of cereal. 'Been dreaming about your Dark Knight again?'
'Donna, what have we said about talking with our mouths full?' Diana warned.
'See?' Donna asked, looking towards Cheetah. 'Even half asleep Diana's a stickler for manners.'
'I kinda imagined that she would be.' Cheetah chuckled as she dished up Diana some breakfast.
Diana smiled in thanks as Cheetah handed her a rack of toast and a nice steaming cup of coffee.
'You know, B…' Diana smiled as she wrapped her hands around her cup, feeling the warmth of the liquid within. 'I never even thought that you would be such a great cook.'
'There's so much that you don't know about me.' Cheetah smiled as she joined her housemates at the table with a plate piled high with bacon.
Donna eyed the plate of meaty goodness suspiciously.
'You do know that this stuff's bad for you, right?' Donna commented.
'Meh.' Cheetah shrugged. 'High metabolism.'
'So what have you ladies planning today?' Diana asked as she spread butter on her toast.
'I was thinking of looking for a job.' Cheetah answered as she wiped bacon grease from the fur around her mouth. 'You've been so kind to let me live here with you after Ivy and Cheshire screwed me over (1), Diana. And I don't wanna seem like a freeloader or anything. I wanna contribute something.'
'No offence or anything…' Donna added. 'But, where would you work? You don't exactly have a stellar rep.'
'Yeah, I guess you're right.' Cheetah nodded solemnly. 'It's not like anybody would want to employ a supervillain, reformed or not.'
'You could be a tele-marketer.' Diana offered. 'They are the spawn of Hades, after all.'
'Y'know, ever since you developed a sense of humour, you've been freaking insufferable.'
'And I love you too, B.' Diana chuckled.
After breakfast-
After breakfast had been eaten and everything had been washed up, all three women went about their daily business.
Donna was sitting in the garden still reading her trashy fashion magazine.
Cheetah had changed out of her Tigger jammies and into her usual wear, namely… absolutely nothing at all. There wasn't any reason that the feline woman should wear clothes at all really as she was covered head-to-toe in fur.
'What'cha doin'?' Cheetah inquired as she walked up beside the young Amazon.
'I was just looking through this magazine.' Donna explained. 'Y'know, this photography business doesn't look all that hard. Perhaps I'll give it a go.'
'Really?' Cheetah nodded, rubbing her chin in thought. 'Are you into photography then?'
'Pretty much.' Donna nodded. 'I know I've only been in Man's World for a short while, but this photography stuff's really caught my attention.'
'What kind of photography are you actually looking for?' Cheetah wondered. 'Fashion, modelling, stuff like that?'
'Yeah, that's what I was thinking.' Donna answered. 'Why, you interested too?'
'Doesn't sound too bad.' Cheetah shrugged. 'Hey. You could start photographing metahumans or something. Kind of like a Justice League Swimsuit Edition or something…'
'Now there's a cool idea.' Donna chuckled. 'We'll need to make a list first. Shall we include the Teen Titans in this?'
'Why the heck not?' Cheetah grinned. 'The more, the merrier.'
Donna mentally ticked off possible candidates.
'Hawkgirl may be a possibility. Black Canary too. Definitely Zatanna. Fire too, Bea Da Costa used to be a model. Ice? Hmm… She seemed a little too sweet to be into the modelling gig but if Fire accepts, she'll surely follow. Big Barda? She'll take a lot of convincing… I'll have to ask Superman if Supergirl can model for us… Nothing too pervy. No gratuitous nudity…'
Later that night-
Donna and Cheetah had gone about calling numbers to try and get names down for their photo-shoot. Diana was pleased that her sister had something to occupy herself with. Donna had always been a rebellious child, disobeying Hippolyta no matter what the Queen of the Amazons, and their own mother, said. It had always been up to Diana to save her younger sister from whatever danger she had gotten herself into.
Presently, Diana was bathing in the lake that bordered the grounds of her home. A little spot of nighttime bathing in the lake did wonders to calm the Amazon, especially now that she had lost the mantle of Wonder Woman. (2)
Diana gently dipped her head under the calm water of the lake before popping back up again and smoothing her hair back onto her head. Diana then turned to float on her back, looking up at the perfectly starry night sky.
Several feet away, amongst the trees that lined the banks of the lake, a shadowy figure was watching the bathing Amazon.
While Batman didn't consider himself to be a voyeur, Diana sure was worth watching. The Dark Knight and the Amazon had grown closer in recent weeks and were nigh inseparable for most of them time they were on Justice League duty.
Batman watched silently as Diana slowly walked out onto the lake's bank, the moonlight glistening off the water drops on her skin.
Diana picked up a towel from beside her discarded clothes and began to dry herself, her back to the snooping Dark Knight.
'You can come down you know, Bruce.' Diana smirked as she wrapped the towel around herself. 'There's no need to hide in the trees like some shadowed voyeur.'
'I have my reputation to consider.' Batman replied, not moving an inch. 'It isn't becoming of the Dark Knight to reveal his presence.'
'And now we're referring to ourself in the third person.' Diana chuckled. 'I never thought of you to be so smug, Bruce.'
'And I never regarded you to be such an exhibitionist, Diana.' Batman replied.
'The Gods granted me with great beauty…' Diana explained, giving Batman a little twirl. 'I'm not one to hide the fact.'
'Especially with the new uniform.' Batman nodded. 'Black leather hot pants and a biker jacket. Quite some look.'
'Now, you can't tell me that you're here to offer me fashion critique.' Diana said as she slowly approached Batman's tree. 'How about you come down here and join me? The weather is too fine to wear all that black Kevlar. You must be very uncomfortable.'
Batman knew it was powerless to resist Diana's charms as he hopped out of his tree.
'Better.' Diana smiled as she placed her hands on Batman's cowl, slowly removing it to reveal the blue eyes, slicked back black hair and lantern jaw of billionaire Bruce Wayne. 'Even better still…' Diana said as she kissed him on the lips.
New York-
Artemis, the newest person to carry the mantle of Wonder Woman, was on the prowl. Ever since she had won the right to use the name of Wonder Woman along with all the mystical adornments in the Contest of Amazons, Artemis had taken New York City as her own little prowling ground to promote the Amazon way of equality for women and safeguarding the environment. For her, it usually meant that she had to beat rapists, slave traders and unscrupulous loggers to a bloody pulp.
That is where Artemis was now, she was busting up a Vietnamese slave ring that specialised in young girls.
'You men disgust me!' The redheaded Amazon ranted as she tossed one man over her shoulder. 'You profit form the defilement of women! I should crush your skulls into powder!'
'That is if we do not to the job to you first.' One of the ring's leaders sneered as he levelled a gun at the Amazon.
The guy never got a chance to fire off one single shot as Artemis flew straight towards him with blinding speed and bent his arm back with a nasty snap.
'Release these women now or you will regret it.'
The ringleader just spat in Artemis' eye with a sneer.
'Pig!' The Amazon sneered as she threw the man across the room, smashing him through the windscreen of a car.
Artemis then turned to regard the rest of the gun-toting goons.
'I shall only give you one chance to surrender.' The Amazon commanded. 'However, if you resist me, I cannot guarantee that your defeat will be painless.'
A resonating sound of firearms being reloading resounded through the room as the goons got ready to fill the Amazon full of lead.
Outside-
Up on a roof opposite the warehouse that house the smuggling ring, John Stewart watched Artemis doing her thing with a pair of binoculars via his Green Lantern Power Ring.
'That new Wonder Woman sure knows how to move.' John whistled as he watched Artemis swat away scumbags like gnats. 'But she's in way over her head. What do you say we go help her?'
John's companion, the winged Leaguer known as Shayera Hol: Hawkgirl, nodded and patted her power mace in agreement.
'Let's go bust some heads…'
TBC…
Next: Teen Titans Go Modelling!
Titans East guest star as Donna and Cheetah begin their metahuman photo shoot. Also, Artemis takes exception to John Stewart and Hawkgirl stepping in on her turf.
Notes-
(1)- Cheetah, Poison Ivy and Cheshire formed an ill-fated partnership to assassinate a crime lord in 'Uncanny Justice League.' (Coming soon.)
(2)- Diana lost her mantle of Wonder Woman to Artemis in 'Uncanny Justice League.' (Coming soon, again.)