Title: Adia

Pairing: Alex/Olivia established
Rating: T
Season/Spoilers: Spoilers for "Loss" and "Ghost"
Author's Notes: I wanted to mention that I live in Wisconsin and disliked much the way Alex said "Wisconsin is so quiet at night" in "Ghost" :) I put her in Altoona because I live near there and quite frankly, it does fit the disdain in Alex's voice. The streets and locations in this fic are real, cause I'm a loser.

Adia is a Swahili name that means "gift" for any other naming fanatics. :)

XXXXX symbolizes a time/scene shift. Feedback is appreciated.

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Elliot and Olivia stood still in the dark, watching the dimming lights of the caravan pull away. Tears flowed freely down Olivia's ashen cheeks as Elliot wrapped strong arms around her shoulders. He searched his brain for the right words, any words, to tell Olivia that things were going to be okay.

He came up short. Instead, he pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head, allowing Olivia to turn and bury her face into his shirt.

"Shhhh," he whispered, knowing nothing he said would even be heard, much less accepted, "Liv..."

"We finally were moving forward, Elliot," her voice was muffled by his shirt, "We had everything we wanted. We have an appointment in two days to sign our lease, El. Two days."

Elliot nodded, not knowing how to respond. He'd known that Olivia and their ADA had been involved, on again and off again, for several years. Olivia had kept that part of her life locked up securely outside of the job and he doubted anyone outside of their immediate circle of friends knew of their relationship.

He walked Olivia back to the car, settling her in the passenger seat and buckling her seat belt. Olivia allowed him these actions and Elliot felt oddly grateful for the opportunity to do something other than stand around and stare in shock at the events of the night.

They were fifteen minutes into their drive when Olivia raised her head from her hands and spoke again, "We...oh God, Elliot," a hiccup, and then more, "We were going to have a baby. We went to the doctor almost two weeks ago for the insemination. That's why we picked out the new place, instead of sharing one of ours," she stared blankly out the window, speaking in a flat voice, "We wanted a two bedroom. Elliot, I don't even know if it worked. I don't even know..."

"Who?" Elliot asked suddenly.

"Who what?"

"Which of you...the baby," Elliot stumbled, trying vainly to add this information to an already overloaded brain.

"Alex," she whispered, placing her hand against her forehead, "She said it would be safer for her...she said the desk work would kill me. She didn't want me to get hurt on the job while I was pregnant," She snorted bitterly.

Elliot reached over, grasping the hand still lying in Olivia's lap. He knew nothing he could say would ever make any of this right again.

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Alex rested her forehead against the glass of the window as the sedan drove away from the only home she'd ever known.

"Olivia," she whispered, blinking back tears that threatened to fall. The agent sitting next to her -- he'd introduced himself, but for all she'd heard he might have been speaking Greek -- patted her on the back in a vague motion of comfort. It didn't help.

"We're going to go to a safe house tonight, Miss Isaacs," he said, "We've got medical personal available if you should need it. We'll want you to recuperate before we move you to your home."

Recuperate. As if that were possible, surrounded by people for whom she was a job, not a friend. Who held her responsible for the death of Agent Donovan. Who weren't Olivia.

She nodded twice, closing her eyes against the tears that had escaped their prison and begun winding down her cheeks.

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Elliot pulled up in front of Olivia's building, double-parking and turning on his light. He turned to his silent partner who hadn't moved since she'd accepted his hand thirty minutes ago.

"Olivia, you're home."

Olivia nodded, "Thanks," but made no move to get out of the car.

"Let me walk you up, Liv. I'll call Kathy and tell her...something. Whatever. Liv, I don't want to leave you alone."

"No, Elliot. Go home to Kathy. I need to be by myself right now," she spoke evenly now, the tears dried. Already she was slipping back into Detective Benson, pushing away emotion and withdrawing into herself.

Elliot slipped from the car, opening her door and clicking her seat belt. She allowed him to pull her to her feet and guide her to the door. She opened the door and then turned, moving out of his supportive arms, "I really do need to be alone, Elliot," she said softly, "Please, let me be alone."

"Olivia, please," Elliot started, then stopped, "Alright. You call if you need anything. I don't care what time, or what day. When you need something, you call."

"Thank you," she turned from him, walking into her building without a glance backward. If she had, Elliot would have seen the new tears replacing the dried streaks on her face.

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TWO WEEKS LATER
6:00 AM central time
126 Crestview Rd
Altoona, WI 54701

Emily Olivia Isaacs woke up at six to the shrill beeping of an unfamiliar alarm clock. She slapped at it a few times with her good arm, finally pushing it to the floor.

Three hours of sleep, Alexandra she thought to herself you're improving

Alex pulled on her robe, and rose from the too-big bed. She walked slowly into the kitchen, turned on the coffee pot and pulled a banana from a bowl on the counter. Moving carefully into the living room, she checked to make sure the blinds were still pulled tightly across, keeping out the morning sunlight...any anything else that might seek to enter.

She padded to the bathroom, dropping the banana peel into the garbage on her way, and stared at her unfamiliar reflection.

She'd moved to Altoona, Wisconsin three days prior after having her blonde hair dyed auburn and forgoing her black-rimmed glasses in exchange for brown contacts. There was nothing unusual about Emily's appearance save for the twin wounds in her shoulder, already growing closed but never disappearing.

She'd been presented with a small four-door silver Taurus and a cozy two-bedroom home in a small suburb. The kitchen was reasonable stocked, though the officials said she'd probably want to do her own shopping at the market downtown soon. There had been a single bottle of shampoo, a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste in the bathroom and clean sheets on the bed. A few non-descript jeans and t-shirts were folded neatly in the drawers of her bedroom, and a smaller drawer held several undergarments.

Alex saw no immediate need to leave the confines of her prison.

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Olivia walked up the stairs to the station house, unwilling to spend a moment more than necessary in the apartment that only served to remind her of what she'd lost. As per usual, she found herself alone in the precinct for nearly two hours before Captain Cragen joined her.
"Coffee?" she offered, pointing at the hour-old pot. The first she'd made had been finished in record speed.

"Olivia," Cragen began, then closed his mouth, poured a cup of coffee, and walked into his office. He would wait until she was ready.

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THREE WEEKS LATER

For the sixth morning in a row, an attempt to brew coffee had Alex kneeling in front of the toilet, retching violently. She grasped the sides of the seat with her palms, willing her stomach to settle before venturing out of her apartment to work. And then to her doctor's appointment, scheduled for 4:45, where a doctor would tell her the information she already knew and a whole new chapter of her whole new life would open. Whether it be for better or worse, Alex hadn't yet decided.

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After another monotonous day in the dredges of the cubical ridden State farm Agency, Alex was ready to throw herself out the window. She had never missed the inside of a courtroom as much as she did when she was at new job. Even during her suspensions and vacations, she always knew she would be able to return to her career. Now, she didn't even know if she'd be living in the same house the following week.

She pulled the silver car onto Clairemont Avenue, driving into the center of Eau Claire and pulling into the parking lot of Luther Hospital. She sat still in her car for a moment, attempting to collect her thoughts and calm her nerves.

The appointment was really only a formality, Alex already knew what the doctor was going to say. Five weeks ago, she would have flipped over backwards and sent off fireworks on the steps in front of the precinct. Now, she wasn't even sure she wanted to continue with it.

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Olivia gulped down the dark, cold coffee and stood up from her desk, closing the manila folder and dropping it onto her completed pile, "I'm done and out."

Elliot glanced up from his own paperwork, "Okay, Liv. You're sure you don't want to stay and help me finish up mine?"

Olivia snorted gracefully, "No, but thanks for the offer. I have a date with my television and a cheese pizza."

Sliding into the back of the yellow cab, she leaned her head back and inhaled, letting her eyes drift shut.

Five weeks. It's been five weeks. Five weeks, and nothing. She didn't know what she expected, really.

Of course Alex couldn't just call her and say, "Hey, I'm living in Texas and my name is Reba. Whatcha up to?"

It didn't mean Olivia didn't hope. Handing the cabbie a folded bill, she rose from the seat and headed for her apartment.

Unlocking the door, she stepped inside the apartment that still smelled like Alex. Her perfume still sat on the dresser, her shampoo still on the shelf in the bathroom. It was as though Olivia was only waiting for Alex to return from a late night at work.

She had held up a good front at work in recent days, laughing and joking with her coworkers. Cragen had offered her vacation time, but she had refused. The last thing she needed now was the time to sit at home and mope. At least work took her mind off of Alex, and what might have been. She ran her hand over her flat stomach and wondered what Alex was doing, whether the insemination had worked, whether they were going to have a child. Wondered what color her hair was, what color her eyes were, if they let her keep glasses. If they let her keep any part of Alex. And, if she found Velez, if there would still be an Alex to bring home.

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"Well, Miss Isaacs," the doctor began, looking Alex straight in the eye, "Your assumptions are correct. You are just about seven weeks along, following your date of last period and assumed date of conception. I'd like to schedule an ultrasound for sometime in the next couple of weeks to better determine a due date for you."

Alex nodded, staring blankly at her hands.

The doctor raised an eyebrow, "Miss Isaacs? Emily? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. Thank you, Dr. Harrison," Alex's voice was flat.

The doctor handed Alex a few pamphlets and a recommendation for prenatal vitamins, "Here is some information in case..." she trailed off, "And, if you are planning to continue this pregnancy, I'd recommend these prenatal vitamins as soon as possible."

Alex accepted the papers, nodding her thanks at the doctor who seemed so concerned for her. Suddenly, she realized what she looked like...a single, adult female who refused to name her child's father and understood the sympathy pangs in her doctor's eyes. She was struck suddenly with an urge to explain that this child was extremely wanted...by a family back in New York that no longer existed. That she had paid time and money in order to have this child now growing in her womb.

Alex left the hospital with a new shine in her eyes, dropping the pamphlets titled "Adoption" and "Abortion" into the garbage can on the way out the door. She folded the recommendation for prenatal vitamins into her purse and made a mental note to stop at the store on the way home from work tomorrow.

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Four Months Later

Alex curled up in the corner of her couch, tucking her legs as close to herself as her belly would allow. She rubbed a gentle circle where the baby kicked, smiling slightly as she felt the baby kick back against her hand.

Littering the coffee table were her numerous scrap booking supplies and an updated pale pink scrapbook, documenting every detail of her pregnancy beginning with her first doctors appointment. The book was opened to the most recent page, her daughter's 23-week ultrasound pictures. She wanted to document everything she could for Olivia. She knew how much Olivia wanted this child, and she would be heartbroken to realize all the potential months...years...she had missed.

Alex was surprised to learn how much she enjoyed working on Adia's scrapbook, enjoyed all the little stickers and cutouts and ways of arranging weekly belly pictures, taken at first with a disposable camera and then with her new digital camera complete with timer. Weeks seven to fifteen featured a white flash where Alex's face ought to be, compliments of the reflection off the bathroom mirror. 15 to 23 were crystal clear. The camera had been a fantastic investment, and she knew Olivia would love watching her belly swell with their daughter week by week.

Adia rolled and shot a kick at the inside of her mother's womb, bringing Alex out of her reverie. Alex finished stenciling the letters of her daughter's name into the spaces between the ultrasound pictures, enjoying the peace of the evening. She was slowly slipping into her life as Emily Isaacs, becoming more at ease with her tedious job and gradually beginning to make friends. It didn't mean she missed Olivia any less, or that she was any less eager to return to her home, but the constant fear had receded and she no longer feared the drive to work every day. She ran her fingers over the stenciled letters, thanking whatever god had made the insemination a success and given her Adia, even while taking everything else in her life away.