Raining cats, dogs and mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I may be a beginner at some things, but I've got a black belt in shopping!"
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Oh yes, I'm updating another parody, so I have at least one more updated before I have to go back to uni in October. The movie I am slaughtering with little (okay more like no) mercy this time is the Disney classic 'Oliver and Company'.
:"...Wouldn't that make this another parody of a parody", asks Forge, "...as seen as Oliver and Company is based on Oliver twist?"
...For that insolence, you're the director!
"...But", protests Forge
I have spoken! Now, go get your animal-making gizmo ready.
"Do we have to be zapped with that machine?", asks Jamie, "...I mean, couldn't Mastermind just make it look like we're animals?"
No, Jason has a role in the parody, so there...plus, this is more fun.
"Okay, all you animal people, stand still and I'll zap you", says Forge, holding up a funny looking gizmo
"This is reversible...right?", asks Jamie
"Err...maybe", says Forge, "SAY CHEESE!"
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ACT 1 - Give a kitten a home
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We open on Bayville, where we head off into the city, as Pietro sings in the background
"Great, I get to sing", sighs Pietro, "I can't wait until Todd Fan re-does her Wild Wild West parody, I was the star of that one"
"CO star", reminds Forge.
"Oh please", snorts Pietro, "I carried you"
Now it's always once upon a time in Bayville city
It's a big old, bad old, tough old town, it's true
But beginnings are contagious there
They're always setting stages there
They're always turnin' pages there for you.
We see a small box with 'kittens for sale' above it. Inside, are Jamie, Sam, Ray, Evan, Torpid and Danielle, all changed into kittens, sitting looking sad
"You're supposed to be frolicking kittens", snaps Forge, "now FROLIC!"
"I'm frolicking, I'm frolicking, seesh!", snaps Jamie
"Mew, meow , meow", says Sam dryly.
"Awwwwwww!", says Pietro, "I want the Evan kitten, I can flush him down the toilet"
"Come here, Pietro", smirks Evan, "I'll give you rabies"
'Aint it great the way it all begins in Bayville City?
Right away you're making time and making friends
No one cares where you were yesterday
If they pick you out you're on your way
To a once upon a time that never ends
The 'kittens' start to be chosen by new owners one by one...except for Jamie, who is ignored
"But I'm the cutest!", protests Jamie, "Look at my little whiskers and furry feet!"
So Jamie, now, don't be shy
Get out there and go and try
Believing that you're the guy they're dying to see
'Cause a dream's no crime
For once upon a time
Once upon a time in Bayville City
Sam is the last kitten to be taken, leaving Jamie alone, it suddenly turns to night time, where thunderstorm is drenching everything
"Rain, rain, rainy, rain, rain!", giggles Storm drunkenly as she flies around.
"…Who let her at the liqueur cabinet again?", sighs Forge.
The sign above the kitten box is saying the Jamie is for free. Poor little Jamie scrunches up in his box, trying to get shelter from the rain and wind.
If it's always once upon a time in Bayville city
Why does nightfall find you feeling so alone?
How can anyone stay starry eyed
When it's raining cats and dogs outside
And the rain is saying 'now you're on your own'?
The cardboard box starts to fill with water as Jamie mews helplessly to passers-by who ignore him
"Frightened, cold, wet kitten here", calls Jamie, "helloooo people!".
As he leans onto the side of his cardboard box, it collapses with the strain of water. He starts to skid towards a drain, luckily, a piece of the box clogs it just long enough for him to scramble back onto the pavement
So Jamie, now, don't be scared
Though yesterday no one cared
They're getting your place prepared
Where you wanna be
Keep your dream alive
Dreaming is still how the strong survive
Once upon a time in Bayville city
Jamie dejectedly starts to trudge along, until he is faced by Sabertooth, X23 and Logan, now transformed into dogs
"I should be a cat!", mutters Sabertooth.
"You're a dog, get over it", says Forge simply.
They snarl at Jamie and chase him over a fence. Jamie leaps onto a wheel of a tractor, hiding from the lightning. He gives a small sad sigh, washes his paw and settles down to sleep
"Woe is me, the poor little kitten", sobs Jamie.
Keep your dream alive
Dreaming is still how the strong survive
Once upon a time in Bayville city
Keep your dream alive
Dreaming is still how the strong survive
Once upon a time in Bayville city
And it's always once upon a time in Bayville city...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW", say the cast in unison.
"If I'm this cute, how come I can't get a girlfriend?", asks Jamie.
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And another parody re-write starts! Click onwards for the second act, yes I'm in a generous mood today!