The sunset from yesterday that I admired faded slowly out of my view. Just like my parents did. They don't love me and don't give a damn what I do. They faded out of my life. After viewing the sunset from last night, I realized that I couldn't continue to let the people I love fade away from me.

So I knew I couldn't let my gang fade away either. I loved them all and they were all like family to me-especially Pony. He cared about me more than anyone in the world. So I knew what I had to do. I had to get him out of this nervous breakdown.

I watched Pony as he ate a bologna sandwich that we got from the deli in the market this morning. We jacked about 10 packs of bologna with only a few slices of bread. I was getting sick of the bologna already. After looking at Pony and studying his face, I realized he looked different.

His skin was more pale than usual; his eyes with bags under them from lack of sleep. Pony couldn't get to sleep last night after thinking about me killing Bob (I finally remembered his name). We had to cuddle together last night to fight the February cold.

I knew he didn't get any sleep last night because I felt his skinny arms tremble through the entire night. I tried to stay up and keep him company, but I dozed off.

After Pony finished his sandwich, he sat in the same corner he trembled in yesterday. Curled up like a ball, he sat and looked out the window. Looking into his dark green eyes, I knew he was disappointed in me. That reminded me of how my dad felt the same way-disappointed in how much of a bum I was. I always was considered the "wimp" or the "punk" of the gang.

And my dad got angry when he saw how weak I was. He yelled and cursed at me- and at times when he was extremely pissed, he hit me. As I would get beat, my mom would cry and sulk. My father would just yell at her then, and smack her around. I hated those moments with my father, and I didn't want to experience the same with Pony.

I walked over to the corner he curled up in and tapped him on the shoulder. "Do you mind any company?" I asked quietly. Pony looked at me with disgust and turned his head back to the direction of the window. I sat next to him, but he stood up and moved to the other side of the room. "Pony, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Just stay away from me. You… you murder…" I cut him off. "Pony, I killed Bob out of anger and defense. He was trying to hurt you, I was saving you. And this is the thanks I get? I can't believe this! It's always my fault right?" I yelled. Then tears came out of my eyes.

Pony shook his head and turned away from me. "Answer me damnit! It's my fault once again, huh! ANSWER ME!" I yelled. Pony cut his eyes at me and muttered something under his breath that I couldn't hear. "What did you say? I didn't hear you." I began to wipe tears off of my face. "Johnny, I… just can't look at you the same. I'm just so… disa…" I then ran out the door of the church. I didn't want him to say that word. DISAPPOINTED. As a matter of fact, I never wanted to hear that word ever again. I hated that word, it made me fail in life… and lose people important to me too.