In honor of my recently joining a C2 (The Craziest Stories ever Written!), I've decided to make a supremely random fic based on two of my favorite things on Earth: Teen Titans, and Weird Al. Let the insanity begin!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans, "Weird Al" Yankovic, or Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard. At least, not all of it. I do own Overactive Mind, since everyone owns themselves.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
One day, at Titans Tower, Robin was in the common room/ops center/kitchen/hangout/Gamestation temple, running yet another check on some obscure piece of evidence that could eliminate the number of possible Slade identities by as many as two people when the mainframe computer/big-screen TV/window suddenly went staticy. "CYBORG!" shouted the leader, "I NEED TECH SUPPORT!"
"Robin, you know I'm right next to you, right?" inquired Cyborg, who indeed had been standing right next to Robin the whole time.
"We all are." droned Raven, sitting on the couch with the other two Titans. She, Starfire, and Beast Boy had all bet on when Robin would finally give up on this latest shred of evidence, and they had agreed they would all stay on the couch to make sur no one cheated.
"Glorious!" exclaimed Starfire, "I have won the bet on friend Robin's latest outing of the freak! Exactly 17 glorfzonks!" Noting the blank stares around her, she translated. "I believe that is equal to 9 Earth hours."
Beast Boy glanced at his stopwatch. "She's right. She wins the pot." With that, he and Raven threw about $45 at Starfire, who flew to the local bulk store and returned with about sixteen gallons of Gulden's in about seventeen seconds. (A/N: Best. Mustard. Ever.)
This meant she was just in time to see the screen restore itself to clarity, only instead of an extreme magnification of a piece of gum Robin scraped off of Slade's boot, it featured a smiling, pubescent, and 3-D boy. Adjusting his glasses, he tapped on the glass on his end of the transmission, and called out, "Hello? Hello? You reading me, Titans?"
Robin banged his fist on the computer console and angrily blared, "Who are you? Are you working for Slade? Where is he? WHO is he? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW?¡?¿!¡?¡!¡¿?"
As the other Titans marveled at this feat of punctuation, the guy onscreen nervously cleared his throat and replied, "You may call me Overactive Mind. I don't work for Slade, I don't even exist in the same dimension as he does. Now if you're done with your little spurt of paranoia, I can tell you why I contacted you."
Raven telekinetically restrained Robin once he started to froth at the mouth, while Cyborg continued the conversation. "OK, so why did you contact us?"
Overactive Mind smiled. "I've contacted you just to let you know that I can control your every move, and wanted to give some advance warning about what I'm about to make you do."
Raven raised a skeptical eyebrow, and questioned in an equally skeptical voice. "You can control us? Prove it." Overactive Mind smirked, typed something, and Raven suddenly started skipping across the common room/etc., singing "Beast Boy is so cute! Oh, Beast Boy is so cute! Hi-ho the derrio, Beast Boy is so cute!" She stopped abruptly, blushed furiously and clapped her hands over her mouth, shocked at what just happened. Beast Boy was equally stunned, and his jaw dropped to the ground, broke through, and emerged on the other side of the world, where several species of zooplankton revered it as a god and gave it offerings of virgin rhyzomes.
As Beast Boy retracted his jaw, causing a massive schism in the South Pacific, Overactive Mind laughed a little and said, "I love it when they ask for proof. Anyway, I'm just giving you guys a heads-up that I'll be making you do kareoke tomorrow. The bad news is that you'll all have to sing songs by the same artist, and I'm picking the songs. The good news is that you guys pick the artist. So, whaddaya want?"
All five Titans responded simultaneously, and at the same time too:
"Puffy AmiYumi"
"Devo"
"Eminem"
"The Jessica Simpson!"
"Weird Al!"
The Titans quickly got into a loud, obnoxious, yet untranscripted argument over the artist they'd have to sing selections from. Robin then whistled and, to the background sound of frantic typing, commanded, "Titans! We'll decide on this tomorrow. Let's get some sleep for now."
"But Robin, is it not the time of day?" asked Starfire. Suddenly, the sun sank past the horizon, the moon rose, and the Titans were incredibly fatigued.
"I suddenly feel incredibly fatigued." yawned Cyborg. "Time for bed." With that, everyone returned to their respective bedrooms.
LATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHTLATERTHATNIGHT
A small figure snuck through the wide, camera-friendly hallways of Titans Tower, winding its way towards the screen where a now vacant computer console could be seen both in front of and in the main monitor. Snickering, the figure quickly typed in a message, and hit the "Enter" button. "Message sent" stated the computer monotone. Grinning to itself over a job well done, the figure left the room.
Emerging from behind the console, Cyborg exhaled a sigh of relief and grinned wolfishly. "Now then, where were we?"
"Oh, baby..." exclaimed the computer.
THENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNINGTHENEXTMORNING
After the obligatory tofu vs. meat argument and healthy use of Cyborg's Wafflematic (A/N: see "Cyborg the Barbarian"), the Titans congregated around the main monitor, and Overactive Mind's unimposing visage soon appeared. "Hi, Titans. Sleep well?"
Robin scowled. "Enough pleasantries. We've decided who we want for the artist."
The extra-dimensional teen blinked in confusion. "But you already submitted one. I even picked out your songs, and I'm not changing anything."
"Who was submitted?" Starfire inquired.
" 'Weird Al' Yankovic, of course."
Four Titans shifted their gaze towards a certain shapeshifter. "BEAST BOY!"
ENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTERENDFIRSTCHAPTER
Well, BB's in trouble. For those of you wondering, Robin suggested Puffy (Teen Titans theme song, duh), Cy wanted Devo (techno,) Raven wanted Eminem (nice and depressing,) and I think you can figure out who wanted the others. Coming up, we'll see Robin's song. I've picked out his, Cyborg's, and Raven's, but if anyone has suggestions for Starfire and/or Beast Boy, I'd be most appreciative. Please review, the button should be right on your left...or left on your right. One of the two.