A/N: Welcome everyone to The Real World: Star Wars! This is a fanfic cowritten by me, Eriksleadinglady, and Darthvengeance. This is just a bit of madness... and please review to say whether you like it or not! And don't forget to go andc heck out our other stories!

Chapter 1

Anakin was holding Padme's hand as they walked towards their new home. They were finally going to have a place to call their own, and they couldn't wait. In front of them, they saw Obi-Wan and Yoda walking towards them.

"Want to see your house we do!" Yoda said while flying on his little hovercraft.

Sabe was behind Anakin and Padme, carrying Padme's bags. She was struggling since there were so many heavy bags, full of Padme's clothes. Obi-wan was helping Anakin use the force to fly his bags in, though Anakin didn't really need much help, for he only had two bags. Also behind them was Palpatine, who was attempting to catch up with Anakin. He had been trying the whole day to talk to him, but Anakin had been too preoccupied to listen.

"You scruffy looking nerfherder!" the whole group heard a woman's voice say.

"Well excuse me, your highness. I was only trying to help," a man's voice said.

Anakin groaned inwardly as he saw Han Solo and Leia, come into sight.

"I thought you said they weren't coming until tomorrow," he whispered to his wife.

"Leia wanted Han to see the place too, and he was leaving tomorrow. I told them that they could come. And I want you to be nice to Han. Leia seems to like him a lot," Padme replied while observing her daughter and Han as they approached.

"Is that why they're always bickering?" Anakin asked, half jokingly.

"Quiet, here they come."

Leia smiled as she reached her parents and fell in step with them.

"Hello Leia," her mother said.

"Hello, mother. Father," she replied. "You remember Han Solo?" Han pierced his lips. He almost hoped that her father didn't remember him; Anakin never really approved of him that much.

"Sadly, I do," Anakin said, receiving a nudge from Padme.

"Oh, it wasn't Han's fault!" insisted Leia.

"Really? It's not his fault when he was driving the ship? When he crash-landed it on Tattooine? And the only remains of my best fighter ship is a scrap of metal? I can see why it isn't his fault at all," said Anakin sarcastically.

"Hey, paps. It wasn't my fault. It was Chewy's. He blasted me with the Millennium Falcon! That clumsy furball," Han muttered under his breath.

"Would you two boys stop it! This is supposed to be a happy day for all of us! And Leia, where's your brother?" Padme asked, looking around for her sixteen-year-old son.

"Right here!" they all heard a voice exclaim from behind them.

They all turned their heads to see Luke pushing his way through everyone else to get to where his family was walking.

"Where were you?" Padme asked worriedly. She noticed the package he was carrying. "What did you get?"

"I was on my way through town, and I thought it'd be nice to get you guys something for the new house." Leia rolled her eyes, but Padme smiled. "And boy did I get something good."

"I hope it's not anything X-rated," said Anakin while he laughed, letting one snort escape.

"Anakin!" his wife proclaimed.

"What? He said it was good..."

"So what did you get sweety?" Padme asked Luke.

Luke unwrapped the gift excitedly and pulled out the marvel inside. "A toaster!" he yelled.

Leia groaned. "Great, I bring home Han, and Luke goes out and buys a toaster! I have the one thing that father hates, and he gets the one thing that mother loves."

Padme was not listening to a word her daughter was saying, she was too entranced by the toaster that she had just gotten. Moving her hands over the shiny metal outside, she let out a cry of glee.

"Oh Lukey! It's wonderful! I'll plug it in right when we get to our new house."

Smiling broadly, Luke looked at his sister, knowing that he had outdone her.

"Men..." she said under her breath so nobody could hear her.

They all walked into the house, and Palpatine ran into the kitchen.

"He must be as excited as me about the toaster!" Padme exclaimed.

Obi-wan stood there confused about why she was so excited about a stupid toaster. He reasoned that you could just get one at a bank for free, so what was so special about this one?

Luke was examining the microwave. "Hmm... good thing I didn't buy one of these...OH MY GOSH! It has a button just for popcorn!"

In the other room, Leia was complaining to Han about Luke out doing her. Han just nodded and agreed, not really listening to what she was talking about. Palpatine was messing with stuff in the cabinet. Suddenly they all heard a click from the door.

Anakin ran over to see what it was. "Oh no…" he exclaimed. "We're locked in!"

"Can't you unlock it!" Padme exclaimed, still rubbing and stroking the toaster.

"No! It's force proof! It has Yaslmari DNA in it to block out Sith Lords!"

"Which means...one of us in here is a Sith..." Obi-wan started gazing around the room suspiciously. Just then, everyone began pointing fingers, exclaiming that so and so was a Sith.

"I bet you're the Sith!" Anakin declared as he pointed a finger at Han.

"What? Me? Whoa there Paps, I don't even believe in the force, let alone have force powers," retorted Han, raising his hands defensively.

"LIAR!" yelled Anakin.

"Settle down honey," coaxed Padme. "I am sure we'll figure this out."

Anakin calmed down for a moment, but then Han blamed him for being a Sith lord, and all the yelling started again. Padme was just fed up with it all and let out a loud whistle. At the sound of it, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Padme.

"Now," she explained, "we are all going to go and sit down on the couch and sort this thing out. If the Sith Lord does not come forwards, then we are just going to have to live with him."

"What!" asked Obi-Wan. "I cannot live with a Sith Lord. They are evil and diabolical. Who knows what havoc he will reek or who he will kill."

Luke gasped loudly for dramatic effect, causing to receive a glare from his dad.

"What? I thought it was a good time for something dramatic..." Luke said.

"We already have enough drama with a Sith being one of us!" yelled Anakin. "But I agree with my beautiful wife that we should talk on the couch."

The whole group nodded and walked over to the blue couch that was situated in the middle of the living room.

"Okay…" Padme started, trying to find a diplomatic way to solve the problem without going into aggressive negotiations. "We will all give three good reasons why we're not the Sith lord."

Anakin folded his arms and glared at Han. Han gave him the same look back.

"I'll go first...wait where is Luke?" Padme asked looking around franticly.

"I bet Luke is The Sith! My own son..."

Anakin spoke with mystery in his voice. "Don't jump to conclusions!"

Padme was stroking her toaster, and then polishing off the fingerprints. She then walked into the kitchen to see Luke hugging the microwave.

"My precious..." Luke hissed.

Padme grabbed Luke by the ear and dragged him to the couch.

"Nooooooo! My Precious!" Luke wailed.

"I think you should go first Luke." Obi-wan said, stroking his beard.

"Fine," Luke spat. "I am not the Sith because 1) I am the son of a Jedi 2) I am a Jedi and 3) I have too big of a soft spot for Microwaves to be a hateful Sith."

The group nodded their agreement to Luke's reasons, and decided that he was not the Sith that they were looking for. Next, it was Padme's turn.

"I, Padme Amidala Naberrie-Skywalker, am not a Sith because 1) I am not force sensitive 2) I am not force sensitive and 3) because I am not force sensitive."

Once again, the group agreed that she could not be the Sith Lord. Next on the list

to prove their innocence was Anakin.

"I am not the Sith because 1) I am too good looking 2) I am under a Jedi oath and

3) because I am too good looking."

"Hey!" argued Han. "You used that reason twice! You can't do that!"

"My wife did it," Anakin replied simply.

Han folded his arms and mumbled to himself.

"Why don't you go next, Han Solo?" Anakin mocked.

"Alright, paps. And I'll prove to you once and for all that I am not a Sith. 1) I do not believe in the force 2) I am not force sensitive and 3) I don't even know what a Sith is."

"If you don't know what one is, then how do you know that you're not one?" asked Anakin.

"Because I would now if I was a pawn of evil, alright!"

"If you knew what a Sith was, then why did you just lie and say that you didn't know?" pressed Anakin.

Han was about to stand up and give Anakin a piece of his mind, but Leia held him down.

"Now calm down both of you! I am tired of your bickering!" Leia exclaimed.

"Tired enough to grow hatred and become a Sith?" wondered Obi-wan.

"No! Of course not!"

"Well then, convince us."

"Alright then," she said while she sat up straight and pressed her dress. "1) I have really cool buns in my hair. 2) I am friends with little fuzzy bears called Ewoks. 3) I like cheese."

"Cheese?" Luke asked. "Well, you can microwave it..."

"Good enough reason for me..." Anakin said.

"My turn, it is. 1) I am a Jedi Master. 2) I too like cheese, I do! 3) I can do sweet flips I can! Like so see!" Yoda then proceeded to flip like an absolute insane person, fighting the lamp and then breaking it. "Destroy the Sith we must!"

Obi-wan then stood up. "1) I have had to put up with 2 Skywalkers! 2) I destroyed Grievous. 3) I like chocolate."

"Oh! I like chocolate too! Can I have some!" Anakin yelled.

"I ate it all, sorry Anakin..." Obi-wan said, starting to lick the left over Hershey chocolate.

"Awwww Man... I'm having serious cravings..."

"Chocolate, I have," said Yoda as he held up a chocolate Santa Clause. "Left over from Christmas, it is."

Luke made a disgusted face. "Eww... That was like..." He paused to count it out on his fingers. "2 months ago!"

But Anakin didn't take heed to what his son was saying; he was too entranced
by the chocolate. To him, it was saying, "Eat me! Eat me!" He gladly answered the call, and lunged himself at Yoda, tearing the chocolate from his hands. Ripping off the wrapper, Anakin stuffed the milk chocolate into his mouth, and chewed contently. Just moments after he had swallowed the chocolate, he got a distorted look on his face, like he was in pain.

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin while he too, had a disgusted look on his face. "It looks like he is constipated... Would you like me to go get some Metamucil?" But before Anakin could respond, he took off running towards the bathroom.

But when he got in there and looked around, it seemed he did not find what he
was looking for, for he then took off towards the bedroom where all his baggage had been taken.

While he was in there, the rest of the group sat there in awkward silence, glancing all around, except down the hall where Anakin was.

At last Padme broke the silence. "Poor Ani," she said softly. "You know, this used to happen a lot. I once had to take him to a doctor to get him looked at."

This comment received lots of snickers from the group. Leia groaned. She knew Han would never let her father live this down. Anakin had made them promise to never tell anyone about his problem, but now that it had happened in public, Leia guessed that it didn't matter now.

"But when we took him to the doctor," Padme continued thoughtfully, "they said that there was nothing wrong... but they still gave him medication to take." She shrugged her shoulders. "It hasn't happened much since then. Except for now. With that chocolate."

Many people in the group nodded their heads in understanding, and thought
over what could be the matter with Anakin. Then moments later, they all swiveled their heads to look down the hallway, for they heard footsteps. Everyone gasped as they saw a tall man clad in black armor and wearing a mask, taking in deep raspy breath's, standing before them. Palpatine's face lit up, but no one seemed to notice.

"Ani..." Padme started, but a deep voice cut her off.

"The Jedi must be destroyed! They have betrayed the Republic! Now die!"

The mechanical man lunged at Obi-wan. Obi-wan and the black suited man began to fight. Luke stared at them, and they thought his obsession over everyday kitchen appliances had been wired... the man then turned to Luke.

"Luke!" he began. "Join me! The dark side of the chocolate is stronger! I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can end this over fattening conflict and bring Wonka candies to the galaxy! Why you? Because I am your Father!"

"Can you buy me a toaster? A really shiny one!" Luke exclaimed.

"Fine! Then we can toast chocolate pop tarts!"

"Yippee! I'm in! Toast! Toast! Toast! Toast!" Luke was dancing around the room, and then he grabbed a bucket and stuck it on his head.

Then he impersonated the breathing and deep voice. "To the chocolate factory!"

"No Luke! Don't be tempted by the chocolate side!" Obi-wan pleaded. "Eat healthy foods... such as peas and prunes...and turnips...and..."

"Ewwwwwww! No way!" Luke yelled.

"I. Darth Vader! Refuse to speak of such healthyness!" Vader yelled.

Padme couldn't take this anymore...was she the only one here with any sanity? Abruptly, she stood up and walked over to Vader.

"Take off the mask, honey," she said firmly.

"Do you want a toaster too?" he asked, trying to persuade her to join him as well.

"Don't you tempt me!" she yelled.

"It's a mega 3000 with dual compartments," he continued.

Padme's eyes lit up. "Can it be pink metal?"

"It can be any color you want, as long as you join me," Vader concluded.

"No!" Obi-wan yelled. "Don't give in Padme! Think of carrots, corn, broccoli…"

"No!" Vader replied. "She shall join me in me conquering the Wonka factory! No one can resist my scrumptious treats! Or my singing Ooompa Loompas from Loompaland! And my 300,000 gallons of chocolate! I shall rule the galaxy with a chocolate hand!"

"Can I eat it?" asked Luke.

"Eat what?" responded Vader.

"Your chocolate hand," he said. "It sounds quite delicious."

"No! You cannot eat mine! Get your own!" Vader said defensively, while clutching his hand.

Luke pondered this for a moment. "Well I guess I could remove my mechanical hand and replace it with a chocolate one… Hmm… Milk, White, or dark chocolate…"

"Dark," said Vader. "Only Jedi's enjoy white chocolate."

"Well what about milk chocolate? That's sort of in the middle right?"

"But you are not…"

"That is quite enough!" Padme exclaimed. "I will not have my son wearing chocolate for a hand! And that is final!"

"Aw man…" said Luke while hanging his head.

"Now honey," Padme continued while turning to Vader. "We need to discuss your want for ruling the Wonka factory."

"Padme, if I get control of the factory, there will be a free toaster with every visit."

"FREE TOASTERS!" Padme screamed. "I am SO in!"

"Nooooooo!" cried Obi-Wan as he fell to his knees.

"Settle down you must," said Yoda. "Complain you cannot. Balding I am. Bigger problem, that is, than ruling a chocolate factory."

"But Master Yoda," started Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan, you shall join me or eat this chocolate bar," said Vader while holding up a Wonka bar.

"Does it have the Golden Ticket?" asked Luke excitedly. "Could I be one of the lucky little kids who gets to go to the factory and meet Mr. Wonka?"

"No. These are ordinary bars of chocolate, Luke. But once I rule the factory, you can…"

Sadly he never finished his sentence, for something happened. For Vader then fell to the floor, having a seizure. The group crowded around and looked at the man writhing on the ground. But just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. As if nothing had happened, Vader got up and went into the bedroom. Moments later, Anakin showed up down the hall, dressed as he normally is. He walked down the hall and back into the living room, from where he went into the kitchen. When he came back out, holding a drink, he was met by many stares.

"What are you looking at?" he asked as he went and sat down on the couch by Leia.

"So, where were we? Ah, I think it was ol' Palp's turn!" Anakin started. Everyone continued staring, until Palpatine started talking to break the strange awkward silence."Well, 1) I am a politician. 2) I'm not balding, like other people we all know..."

Yoda then jumped up. "Graying you are now! Balding will come soon it will!"

"Anyway...," continued Palpatine. "3) I enjoy white chocolate, which indicates that I am with the Jedi." Palpatine then sat down, and stuck his tongue out at Yoda. Padme rolled her eyes, and then walked into the kitchen to get a drink. She came back to find Palpatine and Yoda arguing like elementary school kids.

"Your mama's so fat, that when she went to a hotel and asked for a water
bed they threw a blanket over the ocean!" Palpatine yelled, throwing
a pillow at Yoda.

"Not true, that statement is! So poor you are, that I went to your house and asked where the bathroom was, and you said three trees down!" Yoda yelled throwing the pillow back.

Padme was going to butt in when Palpatine started talking again.
"You're so poor, I went to your house and stepped on a roach and you said,
wreck the family car you did! Plus I picked up a penny and you said you must put down the family fortune!"

Padme then dove at the thrown pillow and caught it in the air, not spilling her drink at all. "Now that is enough boys!" she yelled as she placed the pillow back on the couch.

"Dissed me first he did," Yoda accused.

"Well if you weren't such a green, balding troll, then maybe there would be
no reason to diss you," Palpatine retorted, causing Yoda to begin to force choke him.

Padme gasped. "Yoda! Stop that before I put you in time out! And Palpatine, no more rude comments or a time out will be necessary for you too!"

"Yes Ma'am," they both said in unison.

"Good." Next Padme turned her attention to Anakin, who was arguing on the couch with Han. She also noticed how annoyed her daughter looked, so she decided to step in between the boys.

"You're just dumb," said Anakin.

"You're dumber," responded Han.

"You're dumberer."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Are not!"

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"Are not!" said Anakin mischievously.

"Are too!" yelled Han.

"Ha!" said Anakin while standing up on the couch. "Gotcha! You said you
were dumberer!"

"No!" said Han. "You tricked me!"

Anakin began to dance upon the couch cushions. First doing the Cabbage
Patch, and then doing the Running Man. "Well you're just dumb enough to be tricked. So that proves that you are dumberer!" whooped Anakin.

Once again, Han just sat there and folded his arms, beginning to mumble.

Han then turned to Anakin, "At least I am not a freaky man with a breathing mask when I eat chocolate!"

Anakin then lunged at Han yelling like a mental person. Padme dove into the fury and grabbed Anakin by the ear. "STOP! EVERYONE! IF I HAVE TO BE STUCK HERE WITH YOU OVER OBSESSIVE PEOPLE, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT MY WAY!"

Everyone quieted down almost immediately. They all sat down in their seats and were all looking at Padme. "We still have no idea who the Sith is, so I guess we are just going to have to live like this."

Padme then began assigning everyone rooms. Padme gave Luke the room furthest from the kitchen, Palpatine was in the room next to Anakin's and Padme's. Leia and Han got the room by Luke, which was next to Luke's so he wouldn't alphabetize the vegetables in the pantry.

"Wait! Where is Yoda?" Padme began looking for him, and then they heard a strange humming coming from the bathroom. Yoda was standing on the sink, putting Just For Men in his hair.

"YODA! That's mine!" Palpatine yelled snatching the box away from him.

"NO! Grow back my hair I must!"

Palpatine and Yoda were then fighting over the box, playing some obscure game of tug-a-war. Anakin then took out his light saber and slashed the box in half.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Palpatine and Yoda said in unison.

"What was that for!" Palpatine yelled.

"Aggressive negotiations!" responded Anakin. "Now I'm thirsty! Go get me some chocolate milk or something!"

"Yes sir!" said Palpatine happily. He scurried off and prepared some
chocolate milk... with extra dark chocolate.

"Wise, it is not, to have chocolate," said Yoda once he and Anakin were
alone.

"Put a sock in it, baldo," retorted Anakin sourly.

"Old age will get you to!" said Yoda as he walked away. "Beware the groove..." he whispered hauntingly. "The groove..."

"What?" asked Anakin.

But Yoda was already down in his room, leaving Anakin utterly confused.

"Here you are, my dear boy!" said Palpatine as he approached Anakin while
holding the chocolate milk.

"YES! More CHOCOLATE! chocolate! chocolate! chocolate! chocolate..." he chanted just before he raised the milk to his mouth and...

"ANAKIN!" yelled Padme, just stopping him from guzzling the entire glass.

"What?"

"What do you think you're doing? I will not have you transform into the
masked man and tempt us all!" Padme cried.

"I only tempt with toasters..." said Anakin softly.

"Don't you take the toasters name in vain!"

"Toaster."

"Ohhh!" cried Padme as she ran at Anakin and tried to pry the milk
from his hands.

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Anakin as his wife prevailed and took the glass of
milk from him.

Padme stood before Anakin, wavering the milk in front of his face. "Now, you are NOT to have any more chocolate, is that clear?"

Anakin nodded his head, still entranced by the chocolate liquid. "And," continued Padme, "No one is to give you any either!" She stared at Palpatine, and he too nodded. "Alright then, I think I made myself clear."

Just as she was about to turn and drink all the milk herself, Anakin dove and tackled her. The next moments went by in slow motion as Anakin cried, "Nooooo!" as he attempted to slide and catch all the spilling milk before it landed on the ground. Luckily for him, he was a Jedi and was able to move extremely fast and get all the contents into his mouth. Then he swallowed all the milk in content, but it was only moments before he once again got that distorted look on his face and was seen running to the bathroom. Padme was still on the ground in shock, but was only heard to mumble, "Oh toaster, not again..."

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