SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Title: Lack of Feeling

Author: Lune Nightingale

Warnings: I've not seen the anime, and thus this takes place during the manga. Also, this could be considered really light Elricest... But it could also be completely ignored as well. Oh… and this is my first FMA fic… I sincerely hope it's ok.

Author's Note: This is done through Al's point of view.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own anything involved in Fullmetal Alchemist. But I'd be very happy to take the Elric brothers off of Arakawa-sensei's hands.

They fought, yet, all siblings fought. There were arguments and fist fights filled with anger and resolve. Yet, even so it never failed to dissolve making both wonder what they were fighting over to begin with. It always seemed like that. Most of the conflicts were even forgotten by the next day only to be eclipsed in the laughter and happiness of life. It was just how children were. It was just how brothers were. Then why was this time any different? Why in all their years together, did it seem as though the world was falling apart?

How do you prove that something that can't be described, can't be seen, exists?

Why had those words struck him so strongly? How could a person or thing he'd never met before say something that impacted him so much? Somehow the accusations made the wheels begin to turn and the doubt began to rise. What made matters worse was that Alphonse Elric couldn't do anything but think about it. There was no sleeping. There was no blissful unconsciousness that he could escape to. All there was in his now half life were endless hours with nothing but time to think and mull over things. Things that should never have even become an issue in the first place.

…It's my fault Al has that body…. He can't eat, sleep, get hurt, or feel…

Winry had been so angry at him. She'd had every right to be. How could he be so cruel to his older brother? Couldn't he have been rational? No, he had to yell and accuse the young alchemist of something he would never even consider doing. And oddly in that moment in his world of numbness, Al felt a pang in his soul at the look that had filled those gold eyes. Edward Elric wouldn't cry, but behind those windows to the soul, Al knew his brother was breaking. Now it was night not even hours after Ed had knocked reason back into his little brother's now steel head. Now came the part where all slept and he was left all alone.

Alphonse couldn't say he was cold. He couldn't even say he was tired or cry. All he could do was think and regret things he should never have entertained in his head. It was strange, to know you're sad, but not feel the physical degradation that came with the emotion. Sitting silently in the hospital room next to the pristine white bed, he tried with all his might not to move. The deafening quiet of the entire building made his every move in the suit of armor sound like the ricochet of a bullet off of metal. Yet as he watched the moonlight pour in through the window only to highlight the small frame on the bed, he couldn't help but lean forward to rest his elbows on his knees only to cradle his head in his hands.

The sound to anyone else might have made their skin crawl; all Al could do was wince. It was like a high whine that echoed off the walls as the metal rubbed against metal. Had he the breath to hold, he would have suffocated as he kept his attention on his older brother. Ed only mumbled something then turned onto his side facing the window. Slowly relaxing, the younger Elric returned to his melancholy thoughts. Why did Edward do so much for him? Was it out of guilt, or because he truly loved him that much? Scanning the liquid gold that spilled over the white of the linens, Al's head tilted slightly.

How could he have said such awful things to the one person he cared most about in this life? Ed was all that he had left. Reaching out slowly, fingers that shouldn't have been so large gingerly slid over the hair that should have been silken to the touch. Curling his fingers just slightly, the strands glided through them fluidly only to fall back to the bed. In that moment, Alphonse knew that he would have cried, had he the body to do so. He couldn't even wake his brother to get him to comfort him. How could you ask someone to comfort a person that couldn't even feel? Before pulling his hand away, he vaguely moved it to touch the automail arm thoughtfully. It was probably cold. Metal had a tendency to make all temperatures far more drastic than it really was. But he couldn't be sure. In fact he had no idea.

Are you cold…

…or not? This body feels nothing…

Was he? Was the armor cold now? Tearing his eyes away from that nearly porcelain, metal and gold image of his brother, he nearly curled in on himself. One arm wrapped about the area that would have been his abdomen while his other hand moved to cover his eyes. Bending forward, he turned away in one motion. There was no shutting out the wakefulness, the thoughts, or the noise that slowly melted into that disturbing quiet once again. During the day, Al was fine. Even without the sense of feeling, he could at least be strong in order to encourage his brother. But when the night fell, he was all alone. It was the one part of being in the armor he hated the most. And after the day they'd both had, he wished with all his might that he could feel the places that Ed had struck in their little fight on the roof of the hospital. At least the pain would have been a sort of retribution for his own stupidity. He didn't even have that.

"Al?" How had he missed the sound from the bed? Of limbs twisting and tangling in the sheets as the small form turned to face him. "Something bothering you?"

The all too sleepy voice was almost too drowsy and wane even when it had no other sound to compete with. Lifting his head up in order to peer at his older brother, he met the gaze of half lidded gold that almost seemed to look straight through him. More than anything, Ed looked like a little child fighting off the grip of sleep. Al could only realize that he would have smiled if he could. "Don't worry about it. Go back to sleep."

"Don wanna..." The slurred words were spoken even as the young State Alchemist fought off a yawn. "S'matter?"

Shaking his head, the large form of armor rose to his feet then slowly untangled the sheets from around his brother almost as though he should have rightfully been the elder. After succeeding, he pulled the linen up to Ed's shoulders then did the same with the blanket that had been kicked off accidentally. "I'm just thinking. It's ok. But you should be sleeping. I know you want out of here."

"Hm..." The halfhearted sound was almost a purr as Ed buried himself deeper into the covers. Bangs of sunlit gold fell into his small countenance lightly tickling his nose. Twitching slightly in the discomfort, he was too out of it to actually push it away. "'m sorry..."

"Don't be." Al let out something that sounded like a sigh, but was no more than a sound. With that he forced the bulky digits of his hand to be feather light in touch as he smoothed the hair from Edward's face. "You worry more than you should as it is." The tone was very soft, as he watched the slight smile that curled Ed's lips.

"S'what big brother's for." The nearly comical sound of his voice tapered off into the night as Al continued his vigil. Even on the verge of sleep, Edward was still trying too hard, and it made Al wish that much more that he could be a person again. He longed just to hug his brother and share something more than a contact that only one of them could feel.

"Yes, that's true. Now... go to sleep."

"Mm... k." It was surprising that Ed had woken up at all. Normally he slept hard enough that a hurricane wouldn't have woken him up. That is, unless it stooped so far as to say anything about his height. Al laughed, but he felt even more empty as the hollow sound barely had the effect a laugh should have. But he wouldn't complain. Not when the person in front of him relied so heavily upon him.

Edward had been scared. That's what both he and Winry had said. Scared that Alphonse would blame it all on him. But how could he? He was just as guilty as Ed was for the predicament they were both now in. He could have protested what they'd been doing at anytime, but he didn't. Not only that, he could never hate his brother. Even when he'd thought that Barry had been right, he still didn't hate Ed. It was just a gnawing feeling on his mind that made him know that he was crushed. Al wanted his body back, but he would hold off on that as long as he had to. Dropping his head slowly, his gaze hit the floor. He would never ask too much of his brother, and he'd much rather have him near than sacrifice anymore for his sake.

"Al..." Jolting up again in surprise, he almost fell from the chair as he realized that the orbs of gold still heavy with sleep were now inches before him. Without waiting for a response, Ed leaned closer and slid off the bed only to flop with little grace into his lap. Slipping both arms about the younger's steel neck, the sound of the automail scraping against his armor was soft yet loud all at once. Curling into the immense form, Al was too dumbstruck to really respond. "S'ok... jus cause I don't say anything, doesn't mean I'm not here." Ed gave another soft sigh as his head rested upon the expanse of cool steel that made up Alphonse' chest. He didn't complain about the cold, merely shivered a bit.

Tentatively, Al gently placed a hand about the slight waist balancing the older as his brother seemed to relax. He couldn't feel it, but he knew this was probably very cold for the young alchemist. "Ed..." The soft voice was almost remorseful as he forced out his next words. "You don't need to do this. You're going to get cold." As he moved to lift the form, eyes the color of sunlight opened to stare at the other defiantly even through the haze of sleep.

"No." There was a long silence and with each passing second, the eyelids slid lazily closed as Ed swayed a bit from sleepiness. Al groaned and shook his head before reaching out to pull the blanket off the bed. Carefully draping it over slender shoulders, he then reclined back into the chair saying nothing as Ed moved to get more comfortable. Somehow... he knew this was going to be his fault when his brother awoke in the morning sore.

Moving so that most of the blanket blocked the cool steel from warm skin, Al cradled his brother close suddenly with a need he didn't know he had. No, he couldn't feel the warmth. There wasn't even the feel of the weight, but he knew that Ed was there. Once more the golden hair slipped down the deep grey metal of his armor in a brilliant contrast illuminated with the blue light of the moon. It wasn't what he wanted, but it was more than he could ask for. Ed murmured incoherently as Al hugged him close for just a moment extremely careful of how hard he pressed. Before he even knew it, Ed was once more sound asleep.

By all rights, he should have just put the older back in the bed, but the selfish side he rarely let shine through refused to let go. And even through the lack of feeling, he was content with the small gift he was given. Even if he would be yelled at come sunrise, at least he'd have this moment to think about. But then again, maybe he could feel... just not through touch... because as he looked at his brother and listened to his breathing, Alphonse Elric felt love.