Harry was the same. When Professor Moody used Avada Kedavra on that spider, and the flash of green light pierced the room, it was obvious he remembered. It didn't outwardly affect him too
much, like some things have done - but the look on his face showed absolute mortal terror for a split second. He's been there. He's seen an
Unforgivable Curse being used for real. But to kill, though. Surely that's worse?
Maybe it's not. Death is release. But insanity... I don't know. I assume it's suffering.
But everyone knows the Harry Potter story. He was the boy who lived. Everyone of the above generation remembers his parents. Aurors, just like mine. Not many remember
my parents. My parents lived too - after all, Cruciatus isn't cast to kill - but they might as well have died. They're not my parents anymore. They don't even know who I am.
I haven't told anyone. I can't think of a person to tell, and it's not really the world's best conversation starter. There are five who share my dormitory but you don't need a genius to work out that five equates to two pairs of best friends and one gooseberry. Maybe that's a pessimistic way of looking at it but it's true.
Hermione knows, though. Nothing gets past that girl. I mean, she knew that Professor Lupin was a werewolf
months before anyone even thought about it. And that afternoon she knew, in the lesson when she asked Moody to stop. She knew that every second he kept the spider under that curse, it was forcing my memory to relive the horror. Watching that spider... it was the first time I realised the full extent of what that bastard had done to my mum and dad.
But no-one really knows. No-one knows about the nights when I can't sleep and I can't stop the thoughts running through my head one after the other and getting so tangled that I don't know what to believe. No-one knows that, although I've not been personally struck by He Who Must Not Be Named, I'm not altogether dissimilar to Harry Potter.
No-one knows 'cos I'm just Neville, who rarely complains and usually gets things wrong. I have more to me than that, although I've noticed that it's a rare person who can read between the lines and care as well.
So I rarely expect people to notice.
If you want something enough, it will happen.
I'll just have to bide my time.
~finis~
