Setting: None in particular.
Sch-warning: A wee bit of language and some suggestive themes.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. However, I am willing to make Arakawa-sensei an offer she can't refuse 'winks'
Author's Notes: This fic is to mark my 3 year anniversary as a member of Huzzah! That, and I wanted to put out a fic while I'm writing my… special… Royai fic. God, it's almost ten pages long and I didn't even get to the… good… part.
Anywho, this is just a little drabble. I hope you enjoy.
Feedback: Reviews are super awesome and I totally encourage them.
"I'm sorry, Emily, but I'm afraid I have to cancel our date tonight," Colonel Roy Mustang apologized over the phone, his black boots settled on top of his desk. He went silent as he listened to the other end. The colonel sighed as he ran his hand through his raven black hair. "I'll make it up to you," he continued, "I promise." Roy paused as he let the woman known as Emily on the other line reply. His trademark smirk appeared as he said, "Yes, yes. Now, I'm afraid I really must go. If I don't get my work finished then I'm afraid I'll never be able to fulfill my promise. All right, good bye."
Roy hung up the phone to a venomous glare from his subordinate, 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. He attempted to smile while removing his feet from their current resting place to the floor. Riza sighed, her attention returning to her work. "The phone is for work, sir, not for trivial things such as dates with women you'll forget about two hours after you've been with them." She stated more firmly than intended.
The fellow co-workers of the colonel and lieutenant watched them begin their daily bickering with slight pleasure. It was a hell of a lot cheaper than going to a theater and they didn't have to get dressed for it or anything. However, the men continued to pretend to do their work. The last thing they wanted was for the lieutenant to divert her attention on them and not on the colonel.
They watched as Roy scratched his head and made a poor attempt at a chuckle. "I see you think very poorly of me, Lieutenant." He replied, hurt. If rubbed the wrong way, his subordinate could be vicious with her words. Riza sighed; he always managed to make her feel like the bad guy. "Not of you, sir," she said in return, "just of some of your actions." The lieutenant glanced at the clock in the office; it was 4:30 pm. "Sir, it's time for your weekly overview of the local law enforcement." She stated, rising from her seat.
Roy nearly jumped from his chair, happy that he had a break from his paperwork. He brushed off his uniform and said, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's be off!" Riza pushed in the chair at her desk as she added, "And once that's done, you're required to write a report of it, as always." Roy's happiness severely plummeted. He always managed to forget about the report. His female subordinate sighed and held her superior's arm as she dragged him to the coat rack, retrieving their long, black trench coats and exited the office.
A groan escaped 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc's lips. "So much for our entertainment…" He grumbled, leaning back into his chair. His hands rested behind his blonde hair and he set one sole black boot on the edge of the desk. Warrant Officer Val Falman bent over the table, suggesting, "I suppose we should return to our work…" This was answered with the sound of a chair pulling out from the desk. 2nd Lieutenant Heymans Breda stood up, looking intently at the door.
"There's something going on between those two, I know it! Something… sexual!" He professed. Major Sergeant Kain Fuery glanced at his co-worker and blinked. "That's a pretty big accusation." he commented, "Do you have any proof?" Breda slanted his eye brows and walked over to the window. He pointed out stated, "That's all the proof you need!" The other three officers immediately jumped from their seats and towards the window. There, Mustang was walking with Riza out of the the military head quarters, side by side.
Falman sighed and turned to the accusing officer. "Breda, that doesn't prove anything! All they're doing is walking together and it's for an assignment!" He retorted. The men backed away from the window and leaned against their superior's desk. Breda crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes to the floor. "Please. Those two have to have to be lovers." He replied.
Havoc raised his hands and said, "All right, all right, settle down, ladies. Now, let's think about this logically for a minute. What is it about their relation that implies something more?" The office went silent as the men thought the question over. Fuery raised his hand. "Well," he began slowly, "the colonel and the lieutenant have been working together since the conflict in Ishval and that was six years ago…¹" Falman nodded his head as he placed his hand on his chin. "Also, they put in a lot of overtime together…" He added. Havoc nibbled on the edge of his cigarette as he pondered out loud, "The colonel probably has the highest sex drive in the entire military and he just so happens to work with the hottest woman in the military…"
Here, everyone paused and looked at each other. Things became a little bit clearer. Breda clenched his fists as he seemed to leap onto the colonel's desk. He firmly placed his hands on his hips as he proclaimed, "Yes, this is the only logical explanation! Why else would Hawkeye reject my advances?" His co-workers glanced at each other rolled their eyes. "Excluding Breda's last statement," Havoc began, "all these reasons make sense. Now that we've created a hypothesis, we must try to prove it. How will we prove it, you ask? We will go…"
Havoc now climbed on top of the desk as well. He glanced at Breda briefly before he pushed him off, causing a loud thud. The 2nd Lieutenant looked into the empty space before him and finished, "… on a quest!" His co-workers stood silent, except for Breda who was currently on the floor, at Havoc. Fuery blinked several times before he managed to ask, "A… a quest? What kind of quest?" Havoc sighed. He raised his pointer finger and began explaining, "First, we follow them and see if they're a bit too… 'friendly' with each other. Then, we run like hell back here and revel in our discovery."
Falman sighed. He was beginning have his doubts. "How do you know they won't act the same way they do here?" He asked, skeptical. Breda rolled onto his back, groaning as he did so. "It's what they want us to think. But I'm sure those two probably have their hands all over each other…" He said, attempting to sit up. Havoc gave a quick nod. "Right, which is why we must follow them- now!"
All was quiet before Fuery cleared his throat. "If their relationship is sexual and from all the overtime they work, wouldn't they 'do the deed' on the…" He trailed off as everyone's attention focused on the firm oak desk that belonged to Mustang. After a brief moment, the men joined in a chorus of disgusted shouting. Havoc immediately lunged off the desk and fell next to Breda and the two instantly began rubbing themselves against the floor, gagging as they did so. Falman and Fuery jumped away from the desk and wiped at their uniforms.
"Gross!"
"I just washed this uniform!"
"I think I'm going to be sick!"
"I thought it was odd that the desk was sticky!"
The four officers peaked behind a corner, now in the streets of the city. They watched as a local law enforcement officer talked to Roy and Riza. The lieutenant listened intently, nodding every once in awhile. Her superior, however, didn't find the conversation quite as interesting. His eyes fluttered as he rested his chin in his hand. This didn't go unnoticed, however, as Riza immediately crushed Roy's foot under her black boot. His back straightened and an expression of pain streaked his face.
Falman glanced at Breda and said in a low voice, "This is exactly how they act in the office." Breda crinkled his nose as he continued to look at the suspected lovers. "They're talking with someone. I don't know what kind of experience you've had with women, but they don't appreciate it when you grope them while they're talking." He replied harshly. They watched as Riza thanked the man and the two began to walk away.
"Well, so much for that," Fuery said, scratching his head. Above them, the shutters of an apartment window opened and a woman appeared. Struggling, she lifted a large bucket to the window's edge. She tilted it over, the dirty water emptied out…
…
right onto the unsuspecting officers.
The stood perfectly still, clearly not amused. Havoc narrowed his eyes onto his now soggy cigarette and casually tossed it aside.
Still wet from the previous incident, the officers continued to observe Mustang and Hawkeye. They were walking to their next destination when a particular brunette caught the colonel's attention. "This ought to be good…" Breda said under his breath as Roy approached the woman in the forest green dress that barely touched her knees. The pleasantly plump 2nd Lieutenant secretly 'borrowed' an apple from a nearby fruit stand as the woman stopped walking. She held onto a leash which was attached to a very frisky puppy. The colonel puffed out his chest as he began talking to the woman.
"What an ass…" Havoc said as the woman apparently laughed at something he said. The woman touched his arm, smiling at him. "Uh oh, I smell trouble…" Fuery groaned. As if on cue, Hawkeye grabbed Roy's collar and began to drag the grinning man away. Falman sighed. "This one's hard to call, but I guess this one can count. Hawkeye isn't normally this violent…" He admitted.
The woman began walking in their direction, her golden retriever puppy canvassing the area. Its ears perked up as it saw Breda take a large bite from his red apple. The puppy pulled at its leash, causing the woman to let out, "Whoa, Max! Not so fast!" The intrigued dog continued at its leash until it finally escaped its master's grasp. Fuery glanced at Breda and said, "Er… I'd put that away if I were you…"
Unfortunately, it was too late. The puppy leaped into the air, gliding past Havoc as it opened its small mouth. Breda pulled his apple to his chest, leaving his arm open. The puppy found Breda's arm and sunk its teeth into it…
"Ah!"
Breda glared miserably, his arm in a makeshift sling, while grumbling, "I hate dogs." Fuery chuckled awkwardly and remarked, "Well, that woman and Hawkeye had something in common; they both have dogs." Havoc placed a cigarette between his lips and nodded. "That's true. Also, both of them have good legs and a nice ass." He added. His fellow officers stared at him like he has several heads. Havoc shrugged and replied, "What? Just because I work in the military doesn't mean I'm dead." Breda rubbed his injured arm and muttered, "Good to know I'm not the only one who's noticed…"
They were talking to another law enforcement officer, but this one was much younger and much more handsome. The four men watched as the man talked with Riza and attempt a joke, to which she gave a polite smile. However, Roy didn't find the situation particularly funny.
"Divine retribution…" Havoc remarked off handedly. The colonel thanked him quickly, glaring. He grabbed Riza's wrist and dragged her away, much to her bewilderment. The men grinned at each other. "So, 'Casanova' can have his heartbroken. How sweet." Falman noted, refraining from chuckling.
"You suck at this game!" a young boy shouted at his companion. His friend, a boy of the same age, held a sling shot. Hurt, the other boy shouted in return, "Shut up! That thing got in my way!" The frustrated boy picked up a rock from the ground and placed it in the sling shot. He aimed it and fired it at his mocking friend. The other boy ducked, narrowly missing him.
Instead, it hit one of the support beams on a craft stand. This particular beam was very weak and cracked once the rock hit. The side of the stand collapsed, causing all the large, clay pots to slide off…
…
and fall on Havoc.
Havoc groaned, rubbing the side of his head. "With every quest, there are trials and tribulations…" He said, trying to reassure everyone. Everyone sighed and continued to spy on the colonel and the lieutenant. It seemed that Riza had let Roy take a break as they watched a game of stick ball being played by the local children. The kids playing in the 'field' jeered as the next batter came up. The batter crinkled his nose and gripped his stick tightly. The pitcher stood for but a moment and threw a makeshift ball. The boy hit it, causing it to fly into the field. The other team scrambled for the ball and threw it to first base, failing to get the batter out.
Up next was a petite girl, her jet black hair pulled back in a ponytail. Breda gave a sigh of relief. "Halleluiah, this'll be over quick." The reaction from the opposite team was equal. "Looks like we've got a 'big hitter', guys." One boy teased. The boy at third base snickered and added, "No batta', no batta'!" The girl crinkled her nose, clearly upset by their teasing. She looked at Riza, who gave her a soft smile. The girl smiled back and then positioned herself. The pitcher looked from side to side and then threw the ball.
The girl swung fiercely and successfully hit the ball. It flew over the boys' heads. So far, in fact, that it curved slightly to the edge of the building in which the officers were hiding…
…
and hit Falman.
"Today has not been a very good day."
The men gave a collective sigh as they watched Roy and Riza from behind a building. Havoc lit his cigarette and proceeded to take a drag. "You know," he began, blowing the smoke from his nose, "I believe we've gathered enough information from this quest." Falman, who held the side of his head tenderly, managed to nod. "I agree. I think we can safely say that while we're not sure there is a sexual nature to their relationship, we are sure that the colonel and the lieutenant have feelings for each other that past the realm of the office." The men nodded and began walking away.
"You know, other than the water incident, nothing that bad happened to me." Fuery commented, happy. His three comrades glared at him. Havoc casually outstretched his leg… in Fuery's path. In an instant, Fuery was face down on the street. "How mean!" He groaned, pulling himself up. Breda rubbed his arm while muttering, "Don't jinx yourself, kid." Falman, sighing, held out his hand and pulled Fuery from the ground and the men continued their journey back to the office.
The colonel and his subordinate walked quietly down the street, side by side. Riza shifted her copper eyes to her side to back in front of her. "They're gone, sir." She said softly. Roy outstretched his arms and placed his hands behind his head. "Finally! Nosy bastards…" He muttered. She sighed and crossed her arms. "It's partially your fault, sir. The way you conduct yourself in the office; they've become suspicious." She explained.
Roy gazed at Riza and gave his lady killer smile. "Well, I can't help it," He began as he placed his arm around Riza's waist, "you're a tease, Lieutenant." Riza's eyes widened and she tugged on Roy's arm. "Roy," she said in a hushed voice, "not in public!" His smile widened, satisfied.
"I told you, Riza. You're too beautiful not to touch." He cooed, his arm around her tightening. Riza blushed. This, however, did not last as her eye brows slanted. "I bet you've said that to Emily and that floozy in the green dress!" She said sternly and elbowed him in the stomach. Roy heaved as Riza walked ahead of him.
He bent over, regaining his breath. Roy watched as Riza walked away ever so gracefully. A smile tugged at his lips. 'The things she does to me…' He thought seductively and stood up. The colonel then sped up his pace, catching up to his lover…
Fin.
¹ Casanova was a real person and is known as "the world's greatest lover". He had many affairs with women and often found them husbands once he was finished with them. From what I've watched on the History Channel, Casanova fell in love once to an actress and they had an elicit affair for some months. Then, one day, the woman left Casanova, leaving him heartbroken (Aw 'sniff ')
Hehe, just a silly little drabble. 2745 words. Go me! It used to be where I was lucky if I reached 1,000 words per chapter. Haha… this fandom is consuming me.
I did, however, start laughing my ass off when I wrote this:
The puppy leaped into the air, gliding past Havoc as it opened its small mouth./
All right, that's about it. If you wish to make me happy, then please review.
Yours truly,
Hola-Meg-a-Cola