Hey guys! How's it goin! My friend and I were having a conversation on MSN and somehow we ended up doing this little roleplaying thing with Haru and Kyo.. In stupid terms it basically means we had a conversation as Haru and Kyo.
It was really stupid and pointless but it made me chuckle a few times..So I thought maybe a few of you may be amused by it as well! That's why I'm just gonna erase the screen names and put in who said it then post it here as a little one shot.
WARNINGS: Uh. IMPLICATIONS TO YAOI...AND YAOI...AND LANGUAGE... AND STUPIDNESS AND RASH SCENE CHANGES lol?
If you have a bad sense of humor and reading this will only provoke you to give me mean flames, then don't read it please. Just so you all know, this is a randomness one-shot. There is NO plot, and there is NO hidden meaning to understand, so a review sayin "I don't get it" will only be answer with my laughing and saying "Ahaha don't you know how to read!" But that's pretty much it. lol..Just uh enjoy the randomness while it lasts, after this I gotta go work on chapter 8 of "Fading memories" I need a little happiness before I work on my angsty story.. ((Pout))
Now. My friend Jessica (My Yuri Partner) Was doing Kyo, while I was doing Haru..
(Revised and edited now, my friend had to tell me what a few of her comments meant.)
(I hope you're happy now you skank! -Shakes fist at her vigorously-)
¿Random HaruxKyo-ness?
"Kyo, would you mind shaving every once in a while? I've been pulling orange hairs out of my butt for a week..." Haru whined.
" Well if your ass weren't so clingy, it wouldn't happen!" Kyo said in a sarcastic voice.
Haru arched brow. "Well if that's how it is..See if I let you stick anything in my 'clingy' ass again" He retorted, making quotations with his fingers as he spoke.
"Well mr. moo, i never complain when i get white and black hairs stuck in my teeth!" Kyo scowled, putting emphasis on the cows new 'nick name'.
"That's because your mouth is to busy to complain" He replied with a smirk.
Kyo bristled. "No, it's because you're so desperate to get some, you gag me with it before i get a chance to complain!"
"That's the point.." Haru rolled his eyes.
"... I'll leave teeth marks next time." The redhead threatened with a scowl.
Haru arched a brow and smirked evilly. "Did I ever mention I was a masochist?"
"Fine. I'll tickle it with my tongue. "
"As you should know..I'm very ticklish..So I'de advise against that..Weren't you just complaining about me gagging you..? Wouldn't want to provoke any harsh movements, ne?" He asked skeptically.
"YOU KNOW I CAN'T SAY NO WHEN YOU GO BLACK! STOP CONFUSING MEEE! Bastard."
Haru grinned. "You like it either way."
Haru gave him a knowing look.
Kyo aburpty turned and walked away with a huff.
"H-Hey! Don't leave me hanging!" Haru screamed after him.
"I'll be in the room. Come if you want. Damn you and your tempting." Kyo paused to inform him over his shoulder.
"Tempting? I wasn't even trying..It's not my fault you're more of a horny bastard then I am.." Haru hollered back.
Kyo abrupty covers his exposed arousal. "YOU'RE THE HORNEY ONE! BAKA HENTAI!"
Haru quirked an amused brow. "Oh. Then I guess you didn't want help with your little..Problem." He stated boredly, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking outside.
"... You're always so GAWDDAMN STUBBORN YA KNOW? You WIN! NOW GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! .. And I shaved this morning." Kyo screamed from the front porch. "AND I KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING WITH YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS!"
"Jealous..?" Haru teased, rubbing his hands seductively and grinned when he recieved a death glare.
"Besides, who said I want to be on the recieving end in the first place? We all know all the fans think I'm on top." He smirked evilly. "Besides. The cow has the beef anyway.."
"But I know how YOU like your pussy... Kyo growled, grabbing the cows hands to stop their teasing movements.
"And I know how kinky you get sometimes... AND I FUCKING KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST MENTION FANGIRLS WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO HAVE SEX!"
"Now now kitten..Don't get so upset. And we aren't "trying" to have sex. If I wanted to have sex I'de bend you over right here in public..We ARE outside still...But I know how skittish you can get sometimes..." He teased knowingly.
Kyo flushed and looked around wearily.
"Jeeez. You're so addicted to my man meat that you forgot we were outside!" Haru laughed.
Ignoring the last comment, Kyo continued.. "I AM NOT SKITTISH! I USED TO FIGHT BEARS ON MOUNTAINS!"
Haru quirked a brow at the fuming feline. "Uh..I coulda sworn you got pissed and claimed you DIDNT fight bears when Shigure mentioned it..Besides. What do bears have anything to do with this? We're talking about sex.." He wondered aloud, eyes widening at the cat. "Did you have sex with a bear! AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME!"
"Shigure is a hentai. I don't want him knowing anything TRUE about me." He scowled. "I know what you're doing... you're just trying to piss me off because it turns you on... you pedophile. WELL IT'S NOT WORKING HARU, IT'S NOT WORKING!"
"PEDOPHILE! SINCE WHEN ARE YOU A MINOR!" The ox yelled and took a deep breath to calm himself.
"Since... SINCE I WANT TO BE GODDAMN YOUUUUUU!" Kyo retorted, feeling heat rising in his cheeks, although he'd deny it, Haru was especially provactive at times like this. "AND BEARS ARE NASTY!"
"THEN DONT IMPLY THAT YOU FUCKED BEARS! IF YOURE GONNA BE LIKE THIS THEN GO FONDLE YOURSELF CUZ I SURE AS HELL AINT DOIN IT!" He yelled, stalking in the oppositve direction
"AND I"M NOT A BAKA NEKOOOO!" Kyo called after him.
"And about the bear... I just meant I was manly enough to be SEME YOU BASTARD! Everyone thinks I'm Uke, but I CAN GET A GOOD FUCK EVERY NOW AND THEN! But noooo, there's no such thing as "black Kyo", so nobody thinks I can! Hmph." He seethed, crossing his arms.
Haru paused in mid-step and turned around. "Wait a sec..You think they only let me be seme because I turn black! THATS BULL SHIT! STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY BAKA NEKO AND ADMIT THAT YOURE CLEARLY UKE MATERIAL!" He demanded, pointing and accusing finger.
Kyo suddenly turns completely OOC and runs/frolicks over to Haru. "OH HARU TAKE ME NOWWWWWWWWWWW!" He moaned, flashing his goods in front of everyone and gets arrested for public indecency, but it's ok, because you know what they do to guys in prison...
Haru fumed. "THEY ARENT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO MY KITTEN!" He snarled, attacking the police men and running away, dragging Kyo behind him.
Kyo snatched a pair of handcuffs from one of the unconcious cops and ran after Haru while screaming in a voice that was complete un-kyo like.
"ITS PLAYTIME NOW!" He all but squealed.
"Ah! You know me too well...I was thinking how nice it would be to have you in handcuffs.." Haru paused in his getaway and drooled at the mental image.
Kyo paused as well, sweaty and panting, he gave Haru a lopsided smirk. "Just think, I'm not even in the bed yet!" He laughed and dashed towards the house.
Haru blushed at the implication. "H-Hey! WAIT!" He called, but Kyo was out of sight.
"CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, BEEF BOY!" Came the felines voice.
"How the hell can I catch you if I can't even see you baka neko! " He growled, taking a wrong turn and wandered around, having no idea where he was.
"God damnit!" He muttered, punching the nearest person.
"DAMNIT I'M HORNY! Foooollllllllloooow my voiiiice.." 'of all times for him to forget where he's going... he's so CUTE!'
Then Kyo slapped himself for ooc-ness.
" Harrrrrrrru! " He called, seeing the cow in the middle of the forest.
Haru looked around, bewildered. "KYO! I THINK I HEAR YOU!"
"WHERE ARE YOU!"
He was abrupty tackled and they both fell to the ground with Kyo on top.
"Meow."
Haru quirked a brow at the seemingly OOC Kyo. "That was sexy.. I'm finding myself oddly aroused by your incessant feline nature.."
Kyo licked his ear playfully. "Is that so? ... Well I must admit.. I DO love your manmeat very much... " He murmured, trailing his hand down the ox's body.
"Uhn.." Haru groaned. "Eh..Kyo..As much as I'm enjoying this, I have a branch in my back.."
"K, just roll me over. I'm used to being uke." Kyo told him. He was to horny for arguments.
Haru just stared at Kyo for a moment, grumbing under his breath. He didn't move.
'How am I supposed to fufill my sadistic fantasies if Kyo is being willing..?' He thought to himself sadly.
"FINE, I'll ROLL OVER FOR YOU, LET'S JUST GET STARTED, I'M THROBBING HERE!"
Everything around them pauses and the whole world turns into molten rock and flaming lava
"Uh..I think one of the authoress's is irritated... " Haru said nervously, taking in their surroundings.
(ky0kichi just got an email from a reviewer saying mean things about being a bastard and getting bitch slapped..So she's being dramatic and interrupting the conversation to share it with her friend)
Haru glared.
"YOU STUPID BITCH! WAY TO RUIN A HOT YAOI SEX SCENE!" He screamed, slapping the stupid girl.
Kuu: Ow...My ego...
"GAH DAMNIT!" Kyo growled, standing up to wave a vulgar gesture at the stupid reviewer. (Goddess G)
"YOU RUINED THE MOMENT! NEVER AM I THIS WILLING." He snapped, running away as if Uo would appear out of no where.
"God damnit.." Haru muttered, making his way back home with his head bowed in defeat.
After all that, and he still didn't get any!
"I BLAME YOU BASTARDS!" Haru yelled, shaking a fist at G goddess for sending a spiteful review and hurting Kuu's feelings. "IF IT WERENT FOR YOUR STUPID INTERRUPTION THEY WOULD HAVE GOT TO FINISH OUR HOT AND HARDCORE YAOI SEX SCENE DAMNIT!" He growled through clenched teeth.
"And now i'm deprived damnit!" He whimpered, continuing his path home.
The end..?
Yeah..We have really wierd conversations...But they're kind of amusing if you convert it from a conversation into a story thingy..lol
Don't ask. But anyway. Sorry if it was overly stupid. Some of the wierd scene changes confused me, rofl. so I wouldn't be surprised if you got hell confused in the middle..Like..They were outside Shigures house then all of the sudden Kyo is being arrested for indecent exposure..lol?
yeah..So review. And G GODDESS. I dont have anything against you, it's just you reviewed while we were writing this so you had to be in it..Ya know? lol