Author's Note – Ok, I admit it. I took the chapter title from a song. Unfortunately, I can't remember the title or who sang it. xX; So somebody out there gets the credit for that line. It's not mine.

Disclaimer – Tonks, Remus, and everyone else belong to J. K. Rowling.

Chapter 7

"…Nym?"

Startled out of my thoughts, my head snapped up. "Yes?"

Remus smiled at me. "Five cups of coffee wasn't enough?"

"Er… no…" I tucked a stray hair behind my ear, an old nervous habit. How had he known it was five when he was looking through those papers?

Yet another question to puzzle out.

Stupid, I thought. Of course he was worried about me. He's my friend, isn't he?

Remus was refilling my coffee mug with his wand. Apparently his professors had trusted him more than mine. He set it down in front of me, smiling again.

"Thanks," I said, taking a sip. I met his eyes, and again saw that emotion I couldn't name. Was it just me, or did it look like… pain?

"Urgh!" I spat out the coffee and ran for the sink. "It's black coffee! Remus!"

I could hear him laughing behind me as the water from the faucet poured over my tongue. "Ish nhot fuh'ey."

To my annoyance, the laughter didn't slow.

He's hiding something, I concluded, watching him closely over my now well-creamed coffee. And he's obviously still stressing about Greyback. As if in answer to my thoughts, Remus's hand strayed toward the pile of parchment on the floor. I glared at him and it returned to the tabletop.

"What's bothering you, Remus?"

"Oh, nothing," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm just going to try and make friends with a bunch of bloodthirsty werewolves tonight and hope they don't find out I'm a spy. I'm absolutely fine."

"Remus…" I pleaded. "Please…"

He looked away.

I sighed. There was no way I could make him forget about tonight. He was leaving and there was nothing I could do. I could only be afraid for him. If he died….

"Remus?" I whispered. "I wouldn't want to lose you, either."

A pained look crossed his face and he put a hand over his eyes. "No, Nym. No. Don't talk about that…"

"You'd rather forget it ever happened? You'd rather forget everything I said? I meant it, Remus. I'll never let you forget."

"Tonks," he said firmly, purposely avoiding my eyes. "I don't want to hurt you again." I heard a sigh from behind his hand. "I really don't… It's better if you just don't mention it."

"I won't again… just remember, when you're with the werewolves… remember I –" My throat closed, and panicking, I raced for the stairs, letting my unfinished sentence hang in midair above the kitchen table and Remus's ears.

I wasn't sure where I was going until I arrived: the room Remus had locked himself in most of the summer. I stared at the doorknob for a moment, wondering if my fingerprints remained.

The door opened with a click, and I walked across the room to sit on the edge of the bed, exactly as I had done that night. I let my upper body sink to the mattress, my head falling onto the imprint in the center of the pillow. I inhaled the scent of rain, rosemary, and a trace of blood's metallic aroma.

Remus… how badly do you hurt yourself when you run out of Wolfsbane potion? How much pain do you feel? I felt a renewed hatred for Snape. Too many times he had "forgotten" to bring the potion for Remus. I would never forgive him for Remus's pain.

Tears clung to my lashes. Spots of wetness dropped to the pillow to be followed by fresh ones. Why was I thinking about the potion when I should be worrying over Remus himself? In mere hours he would be with his fellow werewolves.

Fellow? No werewolf is like Remus.

I sighed and turned my head toward the window, watching the sunset. Orange, red, and pink splashed across the sky. It felt good to see something random and messy, something that reflected, in some small way, how I felt inside. Though perhaps a train wreck would suit me better.

Faintly, somewhere downstairs, I heard a door close. Remus was gone.

I was crying again.

I should stop him. He'll get himself killed. I should go after him.

But I was afraid. I, Tonks, the Auror, was stopped by fear.

If I did succeed, he would never forgive me for his chance at being useful for the Order. He'd have let Dumbledore down. The one thing he could do… he would never forgive me if I robbed him of it. He'd rather die helping the Order than live with never aiding it.

I was afraid he would hate me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't take away his pride.

What can I do, then? Nothing? I can't just laze around at Hogsmeade while Remus's life is on the line!

Yet it seemed I would be forced to.

I cried into the pillow like a child, relishing the escape the tears brought from my tumult of emotions.

Leave, Remus. And take your reasons with you.

Later, I Apparated to my flat and tossed things into my suitcase with spells. They all flew in rather haphazardly. I frowned and squished down sweaters with my foot so there would be room for Kingsley's invisibility cloak.

Off to Hogsmeade, now, I thought, and sighed. Now that it was time, I really wished I hadn't volunteered for the job. At least in London I could see more people from the Order. And at headquarters I could hear news. I'd know if Remus was alive or – I couldn't bring myself to think it.

Too late now. I was stuck.

I reappeared in Hogsmeade in front of the Three Broomsticks and looked around at the empty streets. Another reminder that we were at war. It was only eight and usually the shops would still be crammed, especially the pub.

I sighed and headed down the street to where I and my fellow Aurors would stay.

I collapsed on my bed, knowing that somewhere in London Remus was joining the werewolves. My window faced west, with the rising moon framed by its sheer drapes.

Suddenly I wished my window faced east. Waking up early was far better than staying up late plagued by worries.

He could die tonight…

I shuddered and turned over on my side to avoid the pale, haunting moon. Slowly my eyes slipped closed.

They shot open again.

I had never said goodbye. He had left for the werewolves and I hadn't even bid him farewell.