(doo dada dooooo!) (trumpet sounds) HEY! We've done it! Completed another musical!!! And in time for Season Three too!
Nightpheonix: That was a horrible pun!
Seanait: It wasn't meant to be a pun...
NP: ... oh.
Anyway, we'd like to thank all of our immensely loyal reviewers! our small party of loyal reviewers, you are welcomed to an iFeast at our eHome! since its an iFeast, order what you like and it will pop out of net-space and settle on your ePlate. So, a round of applause to the reviewers! (massive applause) YAY!!! all of you will be listed in the below Authors' Notes.
EVS - glad you enjoyed it! we hope you will enjoy the next installment too!!!
NenyaVilyaNenya - LOL! all of it was awesome?! YAY! thank you so much for reviewing our story!
j - i see you are a phantom reader, reading and not reviewing! but we're glad you've come out in the open!!! hope you enjoy the next part!
fififolle - yes!!! medals AND genius status!? SWEET! (hugs you) happy you enjoyed ALL the odd aspects of the story!!!
puddles1311 - lol, that IS weird, how often is it you find a story that plays your songs? we're glad you enjoyed both stories so far!!!!
omg you guys are awesome!!!! We hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last. And we also hope you enjoyed these stories as much as we did!!!!!
Onto... THE GRAND FINALE!
Grand Finale/ Epilogue/ Disclaimer
The curtain rises to reveal the cast of the musical standing onstage, looking bored and impatient.
Teyla: We have returned for the disclaimer.
Ronon: We just want to get this over with. We have lives besides this.
Rodney frowns.
McKay: We do?
Seanait and Nightpheonix: No you don't!
Sheppard: McKay, stop encouraging them! Now, without further ado, the disclaimer chapter!
Just as they are about to start, the Daedalus crew gets beamed onstage in a flash of light.
Weir: Great.
Sheppard: What are you all doing here?
McKay, not-so-subtly trying to get them out: Aren't you going to OVERTAX the Daedalus' HYPERDRIVE ENGINES by traveling back and forth SO MUCH?
Kleinman the First Officer: And miss our spot in the musical? Not a chance!
Caldwell, mockingly: The authors were too lazy to give us a number in the actual musical, so they stuck us in the epilogue!
Clearly he is not happy about being forced to drag his ship all this way just to sing.
Weir: Well don't stay too long. We don't want to have to get stuck with you.
Hermiod: Believe me, Dr. Weir. I do not wish to remain. I am most displeased with being in this...'musical.'
Novak, aside to Weir: He's a little self conscious about his singing voice.
Group "awwww..." Hermiod begins swearing in Norse.
Caldwell addresses the crew: Alright, people, let's do this.
Everyone except Hermiod and Novak begin swaying slowly back and forth, putting arms around each other's shoulders.
Crew: This ship is your ship; this ship is my ship
From the command deck, to the rail gun stations
From the Milky Way, to Pegasus Galaxy
This ship was made for you and me
As we were flying quickly through hyperspace
We got a message from Atlantis base.
You need assistance, so we increase speed
This ship was made for you and me
This ship is your ship, this ship is my ship
From the command deck, to the rail gun stations
From the Milky Way, to Pegasus Galaxy
This ship was made for you and me
Hermiod, to Novak: Please. Shoot me...NOW.
Crew: We roamed and rambled for eighteen long days
To the sparkling oceans of the city of Ancients
And all around us, the Wraith were attacking.
This ship was made for you and me
This ship is your ship, this ship is my ship
From the command deck, to the rail gun stations
From the Milky Way, to Pegasus Galaxy
This ship was made for you and me
Caldwell, steps forward and butts in: Think this ship's your ship? It's really my ship!
From the command deck, to the rail gun stations
From the Milky Way, to Pegasus Galaxy
This ship was made for only me!!
Music fades out.
Caldwell: Yeah, that's right! The Daedalus is under MY COMMAND! I outrank both Sheppard and Weir! You can't boss me around and use my ship like some glorified Mack Truck! I hate you both!
Suddenly, he whips out a harmonica and begins humming out the intro to "What I Like About You," except...
Caldwell: Hey! Uh huh! Hey! Uh huh! Keep on leading behind my back What I hate about you Keep on leading behind my back
What I hate about you
You stole my job
No regard for chain of command
You run the city like slobs, yeah
When I'm in the city, I won't cut no slack
'Cause it's true
That's what I hate about you
I so outrank your rear.
But you go "Do this!" "Fly there!"
Like you're the boss 'round here, yeah
When I'm in the city, I won't cut no--
Sheppard rolls his eyes and takes out his 9 mil: This is what I hate about you.
He shoots Caldwell in the foot.
Caldwell screams: OW! That's assaulting a superior officer! You are going DOWN, Sheppard!
He hops offstage, swearing. The crew laughs hysterically; Novak gets the hiccups, and Hermiod jumps up and down cheering when he thinks no one's looking. John looks smug.
Weir: Nice.
Sheppard, proudly: I know, wasn't it?
The crew, having recovered from their peals of laughter, looks uneasily after their fallen commander, shuffling off after him. Oh, were they going to get it for convincing him to come here. The rest of the team stands alone on the stage in silence.
Sheppard: Well, uh…that rather pointless addition was a mangling of "This Land is Your Land" by Woody Guthrie and "What I Like About You" by the Romantics.
Teyla: What else did we sing?
Weir: I dunno, I can't remember back that far.
Sheppard yells to the authors offstage: Maybe that's because SOMEBODY kept prolonging out TORTURE…
Authors, in unison: Shut up or we'll kill you off!
All edge away.
McKay: 'Kay…that was creepy…
A member of stage crew sticks his head onstage: Psst!
Ronon walks over. The crew member holds out a copy of the script.
Beckett: Well, first was the Marine's rendition of the "Gilligan's Island" theme song.
Ronon, leafing through the script: Which wasn't in the script.
Beckett, agreeing: Which wasn't in the script.
Weir: Then Bates crashed our party by bursting in with his torch and pitchfork and singing "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones.
McKay: Then Teyla killed him.
Teyla, quite happily: Which also wasn't in the script.
Sheppard: Yeah, it's pretty safe to say that the script pretty much went to hell in Act 1.
McKay: When hasn't the script gone to hell?
Sheppard: Good point.
Weir: Well, Heightmeyer and her chorus of shrinks sung Rodney and Cadman the Beatles' "All You Need Is Love" when they were arguing in Rodney's head.
McKay: Must we go over that again?
Ronon: Yeah. It's funny.
Cadman, pokes her head onstage: No it wasn't!
Beckett: Aye!
Sheppard: Aw, Carson, you're just still sore because of that whole 'CadKay' thing in Act One, Part 2.
McKay: Actually, it was Act 1b Sub A.
Sheppard: Whatever. What matters is that was the act when Elizabeth sung a lovely version of "Hands," by Jewel.
Tears come to everyone's eyes at just the memory of the song. Weir frowns.
Weir: I did?
Beckett: Aye. In the second of the three Act Ones
McKay: …why did we do three Act Ones?
Teyla: Because the authors became bored and enjoy torturing us.
Sheppard: And making Weir totally drunk.
Weir, suddenly quite woozy: Teehee…inebr'at'd!
They all look at her, surprised. Damn, those authors must have decided to load her up on liquor again in the two seconds since she had last spoken. They really were pushing the whole 'drunken Weir' gag for all it was worth.
Ronon: She's not going to have any brain cells left by the time this musical is over.
Sheppard: Speaking of killing brain cells, next was McKay performing a duet with himself to Pink Floyd's "Brain Damage."
McKay: Which LEFT me brain damaged!
Cadman sticks her head onstage again: How do you think I feel?
Zelenka pokes his head from the other side of the stage: It does not matter, you are Marine and therefore do not have brain cells anyways.
She glowers at Zelenka who runs of screaming like a little girl in Czech, trying not to get into another flight for his life.
McKay: And thus began the Monty Python Act.
Sheppard: Ah, yes, the Python Act, including such stunning hits as, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life," and Ronon's deeply disturbing rendition of "The Lumberjack Song"
Weir, quickly: Can we not get into that?
McKay: Agreed. Moving on, that act also included "I Know You're Out There Somewhere," by the Moody Blues.
Ronon: And then intermission.
They all pause in place for a moment. The intermission ends…
Weir: And a PWLP mission.
McKay: And sunset backdrops with three colors.
Beckett: How funny Caldwell's hiccups were!
Ronon: And we spoke in rhyme.
Teyla: For a period of time.
Sheppard: Let's stop the rhyming now and forever!
McKay: But you have to admit, it is quite clever!
All glower.
McKay: …shutting up.
Sheppard: Right…then we started Act 3, and the Wraith Queen sung "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by some unfortunate one-hit wonder band who never should have walked the face of the earth, never mind introduced their Satan spawned song to the Wraith.
Pause.
Weir: We'll call them the Baja Men for short.
Sheppard: Well, I was going to protect them by omitting their name, but I guess that don't deserve that.
Ronon: Then McKay sang a highly drugged-up and mangled version of "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" by B.J. Thomas and Burt Bacharach.
McKay: Oh, you had to bring that up!
Seanait: You don't want us to get sued, do ya, McKay?
He has no answer. He is saved from what was sure to become a very awkward conversation by Weir continuing.
Weir: Also in that act was "Who Wants to Live Forever?" and "Under Pressure," both by Queen.
McKay: That pun sucked.
All look at him quizzically.
McKay: "Grace Under Pressure"…it's like the episode "Grace"… except under water… "Grace." Under pressure.
No one gets it.
McKay: Back me up, Imaginary!Sam!
Nothing. Rodney fumes.
Sheppard: Moving on…
Ronon: Three songs left, let's get this over with!
Teyla inhales deeply and says quickly in one breath: Act 4 had "Layla" by Derek and the Dominoes, "I Can See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash, and a long fricking version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.
Weir: Yay, we're done!
Seanait: Took you long enough… Nightpheonix!
She smacks her co-author upside the head
McKay: Wow, shit, we did a lot of singing this year!
Sheppard: And remember, kids, no Wraith were actually harmed in the making of this musical.
Pause.
McKay: Didn't Ronon shoot all those Mountie-Wraith?
Sheppard: Wee-eeell…
Teyla: And did Dr. McKay not make the Wraith on the Hive Ship's heads explode?
Sheppard: Yeah, but…
Ronon: And didn't the Wraithtopus kill a bunch of them, including the Queen?
Sheppard: Okay, shut up! It's so the authors don't get sued. Besides, we don't want the PETA people after our asses for Wraith abuse.
Weir: The Wraith are protected by PETA?
Sheppard: Who knows?
McKay: If they are, we're really, really screwed.
Teyla, getting back to business: Anyways, the writers, fortunately, do not own the Stargate Program. For this, we are thankful.
Ronon: That would be a very bad thing if they did.
All shudder.
Nightpheonix: It's only a matter of time...
Seanait: Then no one will be able to stop us!
The fic writers go off to make their plan to expose the Stargate Program...and work on the Season 3 musical in the meantime!
MHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! You guys will LOVE whats in store for Season Three! So catch up on it if you havent seen the season!!! And now, ALL of our loyal reviewers will be exposed!!! (actually, this is more like an invitation to the iFeast!)
AFoE, atlantian, Beach chickJASSNL, Becky, Dr. E. Vance, EVS, fififolle, Galen Phyre, ismisesteph, j, Jayne Cobb09, Jennifer, Joulez, Kalian, Lady Sidera, NenyaVilyaNenya, puddles1311, pv31, Red Tigress, Sheaori, sparklegem, TortieKitten - THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!! without it, we never would have gone farther than Act 1b, Sub A! lol! Please, tell your friends and family about us! we'd love to up the Loyal Reviewer Club to greater membership! but, we love you!
THANK YOU!!!! And have a Happy Holidays!
The Authors: Seanait and Nightpheonix!
12/6/06