I'm Not Okay

A joint fic by

Hitokiri-Kitsune and XeroKitty

Chapter 1

"Welcome back, Sasuke-san."

I never did replied to her, but she always greeted me with a smile and a handshake. Like we were old friends. Maybe it was because I had failed to mention that she didn't help, wouldn't help, couldn't help... I never said anything during these sessions, unless she asked a question. It felt like she was slowly dissecting me, Let's see what makes Sasuke tick, what's wrong with you, we can fix it. They couldn't fix it, whatever it was. But I let her think she was doing something right and usually did what was expected of me anyway.

"How have you been?"

"Fine."

I lean back in the large, cushy chair in front of her. She's giving me that look again, Aww, Sasuke, I'm sorry you're fucked up. We can fix you I concentrate on the little nameplate sitting on her desk. "Have you been taking your medicine?" she asks slowly, as though I have trouble understanding. "Yes," I answer, resenting the way she's treating me like a child. I'm seventeen. Not four. She continues on, asking the usual questions. "Have you been sleeping?" No. "Yes." I watch her scribble something on her clipboard. "Had any interesting dreams?" If blood is interesting. "No." I wonder what she's writing.

Stretching, she gives me an even stare. It might be paranoia, but I swear she knows I was lying. Pursing her lips, she slips her pen behind her ear. "Anything you want to talk about?" She's waiting for me to confess, but I have no intention of doing so. What I do is none of her business. I did have to give her one thing― she had a lot of patience. To see someone like me every day, and get nothing out of it... it must be frustrating.

I decide I don't care.

"How are you feeling?"

"Medicated."

Unsatisfied with my answer, she leans forward a bit, as though to intimidate me. It's not working. I resist the urge to extend my middle finger and tell her to bite me. It's okay Sasuke. I understand. No, she doesn't understand. So I cross my arms and stare back. Sighing, she sits back again, lacing her fingers together and looking at me with that disgustingly sympathetic look. Oh Sasuke, I'm so sorry. So very sorry.I glare. She writes. It seems like a stupid routine, but it's not my choice to be here.

Never was my choice.

So she sits with that irritated look on her face, and I don't say anything. I'm lost in my own thoughts anyway― I don't need her to figure out what's wrong with me. I already know. It's never been a question of what, it's what do I do. Besides, who's to say that they can make it all go away? They haven't been doing so well so far. What makes Sasuke tick. The only thing they've given me is enough pills to kill myself with. And they don't think I know that. Because I'm Sasuke, too crazy to understand, too selfish to care.

"You're quiet."

"So are you."

She's tired of my sarcasm; I'm tired of her questions. So she looks at the clock and says it's okay for me to leave, and reminds me to take my medicine, and I'm out of there. I notice the tacky paintings on the wall, these people have no taste. The secretary watches me leave, and opens her mouth to say something. I don't stop, and she stays quiet. Oh, he must be crazy, he's leaving here. Let's not talk to the crazy person. I get on the elevator and wait to reach the parking lot. There's music playing too loudly for my liking, and the bell makes my head throb. But I get out of the lobby and into the parking lot just fine.

Like always.

And I drive down the same road, back up to the same empty apartment. I'm not surprised to hear complete silence― I like it that way. I even close the door gently, so as not to disturb the quiet. Almost immediately, I go into the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. I stare at all the little orange bottles, take once a day, each neatly labeled and half empty. Normally, I stand here and wonder how it would feel to take all of them. Instead, I opt for taking something for my headache and walk back out. Her annoying voice is still ringing in my head. How are you feeling? Have you been sleeping? Are you feeling normal today?

I consider the pills again.

Maybe I really am crazy, I think. The doctors are right; Sasuke is too screwed up, too stuck up to get help. But then I could be fine, this could all be normal. I laugh at myself and sit on the couch. Oh yes, I'm completely insane. No one is here to tell me what's normal; they're leaving me to guess. I don't like guessing. It's a waste of time. Then I find that I'm thinking about when I was twelve, and free to do as I pleased. When people didn't act like I might suddenly start screaming in gibberish and rip my own arm off. How are you feeling?

Someone's knocking.

I think about answering it. I wonder who it is. In the end, I do answer the door, and find someone I haven't seen in a while. "Sasuke?" he mumbles, blinking up at me. I never did like you. You were too bright. You were too loud. "That's me." Naruto grins at me in that painfully cheerful way of his. I think it's forced. His arms twitch at his sides. He looks down at the ground, and I step aside to let him in. "You're still a bastard," he says, with a bit of fondness. I close the door and follow him. "What brings you here?" I ask him, and he turns to look at me. Something passes over his face so fast I don't catch it. Have you been sleeping?

I wonder if he's crazy too.

...Probably.

He's thinking of what to say. "Did you forget?" He raises an eyebrow and laughs lightly. "I wanted to see you, Smart Ass." I have to smirk a bit at that― he still has that sense of humor. That's when I notice he has something tucked safely under his arm. "What's that?" I ask, curious. Blinking, he follows my line of vision. His smile grows. "Oh! Now I remember," he says, laughing a bit. See Sasuke, a normal person. That's how you laugh and smile. Learn. He hands me what I assume is a photo album. "I found this in storage. I figured you'd want to look at it," he adds, sitting down on the couch. I join him and stare at the book for a minute. Like I shouldn't trust it, like I shouldn't trust Naruto. Why aren't you normal?

I open it.

The first thing I see is a faded picture of Team Seven. Younger versions of people I no longer know stare back at me. I notice that Naruto is surprisingly quiet. Resisting the urge to look at him, I turn the worn pages. A twelve-year-old Sakura grins, with a younger me looking less than happy. I finally look at Naruto. He seems lost in thought― he's got a nostalgic look about him, and his smile falters. I consider asking what's wrong, but fail to do so. He stares at the book in my hands, almost like he's lost. It's your fault. You cause people to loose their normality. I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't.

I'm almost worried.

"Sasuke," he says finally. He looks up ever so slowly, with this something in his eyes. Just as blue as I remember. But they're faded. Like the pictures in the book. And I do what I'm best at― I do nothing. "Sasuke," he says again, like he's tired. He's trying to say something, and I don't understand, and I hate this. Looking at me, like he's lost. Help me. And I want to tell him that I can't help him, but he's just looking at me. Help me, PLEASE. My head is throbbing again, in time with my heartbeat. He exhales― was he holding his breath? ― And bites his lower lip. You've faded. Then he suddenly leans forward a bit, staring. Just as quickly he leans back and looks away.

I don't understand.

I don't try to.

Soon he's running a hand through his hair, lighter than I recall. It resembles milk and honey, no longer like sunshine. It's not bright. I look again at the pictures, and think how much he looks the same, but not the same. He struggles with what he wants to say, and I don't try to help. You can't help. "What's on your mind?" I hear myself ask. He looks almost relieved, but it flickers away. "I wish I knew," he replies honestly, and I resent him a little. I hate his honesty, because honesty doesn't matter. Doesn't he see that? He's so normal. Why can't you be normal? "Where have you been?" he asks me. I think before I answer him.

"Six feet under."

Sarcasm.

End Chapter One

I wish I knew where this was going. XD Done. It's all up to you Kitty-chan!