Finality

By Katia-chan

A/N: Introspective, be forewarned.

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket isn't mine, this should be obvious.

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The room is quiet and stuffy, the smells of flowers and people mingling into a sickening perfume that makes me feel dizzy. We're all here, every last one of us. It's only fitting though, right? When the head of your family dies you come to pay your respects.

To most of the family this is a sad event, but it doesn't hurt them all that much. Their distance from the inner circle of the family has left them with memories of Akito that are faint and shallow. The true mourners are us, the cursed ones. He was our Kami-sama, and we are all here to wish him farewell.

I still don't know why I'm here. I do not fit, even with the other members of my close family. They mourn Akito as a leader, for some something of a father figure, no matter how crazy. I don't mourn him as anything. He was nothing to me, and as a child I prayed for this day. This was the day I dreamed of, because I thought after it happened I would be free. Akito's death would unlock the cage I found myself chained in.

This wasn't the case. He is still smiling, in that way of his, and I know why. He knew what I was thinking, and he knew that I was wrong. I can never escape the family, with him here or not. For that smile I hate him more than I ever did when he was alive.

I stand in the crowded room, squashed between Shigure and Honda-san. She is the only one who weeps. The rest of us merely stand in somber silence. Shigure occasionally touches Hatori's shoulder. Hatori looks a little pale, and I can see concern for him on Shigure's and Ayame's faces. It must be hard, to watch another death, to know that you eventually failed in your duty. I think Hatori will be fine though, because that's who he is. He moves on, no matter if it kills him.

I don't worry about anyone but Honda-san. She had so much hope for Akito, so much hope he would change. We never bothered to correct her, because she is too good to understand desperation and anger such as Akito's. I reach over and grab her hand, and watch Kyou look around and then do the same. He doesn't cry either. For him Akito was a symbol of what he couldn't have, the one who denied him access to the club. My eyes meet his, and he turns away. He doesn't know what I'm thinking, and I think that scares him a little.

I think they all thought I would celebrate, that I would whoop with joy when I heard of the death of my tormentor. I couldn't do that. I felt relief, but something in me, the zodiac spirit I guess, let sadness slip in. Whether I hated him or not, he was still part of who I was. He owned a part of me, something I never gave him, but something he took anyway. The shock of his death jarred me, and I felt it deep inside myself, as I know the rest of the Juunishi did. He was our core, and did the duty that was expected of him. He didn't do it graciously, or with solicitation, but he did it, and for that I must respect him.

I don't realize the group is moving forward until someone puts a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Ayame. He gives me a questioning look and all I can do is shrug. "Thinking, sorry," I whisper to him. He nods, and I think he might understand. The thought amazes me, but I think he actually knows what I'm feeling. I stand for just a second, and then offer him half a smile. He smiles back and gives my shoulder a push, telling me to move forward to say good bye. I do so gratefully.

This is the last time I have to pretend respect, and I can wish him farewell forever.

"Good by Akito," I murmur and walk quickly past. I am not angry any longer. This part of life is over, and a new one will take its place. There is nothing more that need be said, or even thought about him.

May he rest in peace, and leave me in it too.