Letting go
by akiyume kye
Disclaimer: Until the day I become Takeshi Konomi, I will not own pot.
Pairing: TezuFuji
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Escape
He ran.
He ran as fast as his legs could carry him.
From
everything.
From
everyone.
From… himself.
Tears
streaked the tensai's delicate cheeks as he ran on.
His
legs took him aimlessly.
His
mind was blank.
His
heart churned with emotion deeper than anyone knew.
The
pavement before him was a blur as more tears filled his brilliant
blue eyes.
He ran.
He ran as fast as his heart could beat.
From every dream. From every hope.
From… himself.
And still… he ran on.
He was escaping.
From reality. From the truth.
Why?
Fuji kept asking. Why?
Silence
screamed back.
There
was no answer.
A
hundred running footsteps.
A
thousand unheard questions.
A
million fragments of a broken heart.
He ran on.
And still, he didn't stop.
He
didn't want to stop.
Because
if he did, the pain would catch up with him.
Because
if he did, he would lose.
To
himself.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And then he stopped.
Or rather, he was stopped.
By
a steel grip that held his slender wrist tightly.
By
a hand that was callused and big.
By
a heart that was beating with his.
Fuji
stopped.
And
he didn't turn back.
Because
if he did, he might regret it.
Because
if he did, he might lose.
Heavy
laboured pants escaped from him.
He
took a deep breath.
And
then another.
But the tears refused to stop.
Stop it! Just stop it! He cried out in his mind.
But
still.
The
tears flowed.
The
tears continued to flow, with a mind of their own.
Defiant,
they ignored the prodigy's command.
Pain.
Hopelessness.
Broken
dreams.
Fragments
of a heart.
They all poured out from the weary soul.
It
was too much.
Too
much for the tensai to bear.
He
didn't deserve it.
He
really didn't.
And yet, it happened.
And yet, he wasn't spared.
Fuji
steeled himself.
He
couldn't lose.
He
just couldn't.
Not to himself.
Yet.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The prodigy tried to wrench his arm out of the tight grip, but the owner of that hand held on.
Frustration.
Anger.
Pain.
Emotions
tugged at his heart.
They
tugged pleadingly at what was left of it.
Whoever
you are, Fuji screamed, unheard.
Let
go of me.
Just
let go of me.
And
let me be.
The
grip didn't loosen.
And
Fuji got angry.
He
pried open his ocean blue eyes and spun around abruptly.
He
would stare down that person
He
would let him know better than to mess with Fuji Syuusuke.
He spun around…
And was met with the grim face of the Seigaku captain.
A
gasp escaped the lips of the tensai.
His
heart skipped a beat.
His
legs were rooted to the ground.
His
mind was in a whirl.
He
had come.
But
Fuji didn't want him there.
He
had come.
But
Fuji couldn't face him then.
He had come.
But
he was too late.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Both men didn't move.
For what seemed like eternity, they stared into each others eyes.
Silence screamed across them.
Fuji couldn't breathe.
His
mind hissed at him.
Look
away.
But his heart could not.
He
could not tear his eyes from the beautiful creature standing in front
of him.
Look
away.
He
could not.
He
still couldn't.
And
then hazel eyes spoke.
Those
hazel eyes.
The
eyes of speech. The eyes of emotion.
The
eyes that could speak volumes.
Fuji
was caught in it.
Like
in a trance, it froze the tensai.
Tell
me.
The
eyes spoke.
The
eyes of a person who never needed many words.
The
eyes of a captain.
A
young handsome man.
The
eyes…
Of
Tezuka Kunimitsu.
Those
eyes…
Those
beautiful eyes…
Then Fuji snapped out of that piercing gaze.
It was a battle he had to fight.
And
he must win.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Suppressing
his initial shock, he made a weak attempt to bury his emotions.
Then
forcing his lips into a tight smile, he faced the captain.
Daijoubu, Fuji had simply said.
But
Tezuka knew.
His
heart could feel it.
The
turmoil.The
anguish.
The
pain.
The
grief.
All
of which, had enveloped the tensai.
The
prodigy was suffering.And
yet he chose to hide it from those around him.
The
prodigy was in pain.
And
yet he chose to put up the smiling mask that so often fooled the
crowd.
He
would rip off that mask.
Yes,
he would.
He
would rip off that mask and look into the eyes of the real Fuji
Syuusuke.
He
would rip off that mask and find the inner tensai.
And
when he said he would, he would.
Fuji
continued to smile.
It
tired him more and more as seconds ticked by without any exchange of
words.
The
smile that looked so unreal.
The
smile that he thought could protect him.
Yet
it was this very smile that broke him.
Because
Tezuka knew.
He
just did.
The captain's lips parted, and his deep voice came seconds later.
"Let it out."
It
was spoken with such firmness and authority.
Yet not a statement, nor an order.
It was a
quiet request. A silent plea.
Let it out…
3
words.
Just
3 words.
And
it broke the tensai.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fuji's
feet gave way beneath him.
He
could stand it no more. (literally)
As the buchou saw him quake, he gently released his hold on the tensai.
He
collapsed.
The
pain had caught up with him.
The
pain that was still embedded in him.
The
pain which was eating into him was back.
And
it was more intense than ever.
It
had returned, more sinister than before.
It
had returned.
And
Fuji had fallen.
But he would not lose.
Not
yet.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The
moment he hit the pavement beneath him, tears sprung into his eyes.
The
pain that he had so desperately run away from had never left him.
It
was still there.
It
was feasting .
Eating
Fuji.
Eating
Fuji alive.
Help me… Someone help me…
Disobedient
tears rolled down his pale cheeks as the floodgates opened.
There
was a thunderstorm in his life.
A
thunderstorm that drenched him in despair.
Lightning,
that had long shot his fragile heart into countless fragments.
It
was those fragments that made up Fuji.
Yet
they were the very fragments that lay strewn haphazardly deep inside
the tensai.
Tezuka
remained standing, looking down at the sight that had left him numb.
The
stern expression he had put on ritually without fail fell.
Just
like the boy crying at his feet had fallen.
Emotions
tugged at the captain.
His
eyes that were moist threatened to release tears that he never knew
he had.
Fuji…
His
friend of 3 years.
But
he wasn't just any friend.
He
was Fuji Syuusuke, the child prodigy.
The
smiling, delicate tensai.
The
one that could understand without probing.
The
one that could understand without words.
He was closest friend Tezuka ever had.
And
Tezuka was sure Fuji felt the same.
Good,
close friends.
That
was what they were.
They hadn't needed any outspoken agreement to put that term to their
friendship.
They
just knew it.
Still,
the captain wished that they could have become something more.
Something…
just something.
Yet
there he stood, eyes looking at the grief-stricken tensai crying…
He
could only watch Fuji cry, being there as a good, close friend.
And nothing
more.
For
there lay a line.
A
line that neither dared to cross.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The
pain that had tormented Fuji continued to work its way through him,
tearing apart his very being.
The
pain that he had not fully released from running away was there
again.
Every
bit it took tormented the frail tensai.
He
had to release it.
Even
if it was in front of the person he so deeply loved.
Tezuka…
Fuji
was sure that the buchou felt the same way towards him.
A
mutual attraction that never developed beyond friendship.
There
it stopped- good, close friends.
And
then an invisible line was drawn.
Neither
had tried to step past that line.
They
didn't dare to.
It
was left that way.
Love
so strong, yet never expressed.
Love
so powerful, yet never displayed.
Love
so invincible, yet never spoken.
Both
men had left their undying love for each other behind that line, each
making a silent vow never to love another but each other.
Even
if it was forbidden.
They left it behind that line, never picking it up again.
The invisible line that neither had crossed.
It was at that very moment that Tezuka came to realization.
He
had never left his love for Fuji behind that line.
It
had remained dormant all those years, in his heart.
Dormant,
yet dangerously close to a surprise explosion.
And
so it was, bubbling, foaming, threatening… for release.
Biting his lip, the buchou grimaced at the sight of the crumpled body that lay on the pavement before him.
No.
I can't cross that line.
Or can I?
To be continued…
A/N: I happen to enjoy writing cliffhanger fics, so meanwhile, let your mind run wild.
Spoilers: Tezuka hesitates at the line. Does he cross it? And does Fuji? But what exactly is Fuji trying to escape from in the first place? Well... I'm not telling. Guess.
Hmm. And then again...
Dunno if I should continue. Wasn't very satisfied with this fic.
Still, reviews will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.