Sorry I took so long to update. I'm not even going to get in to the topic of my awesome procrastination skills. It's also pretty short... but that is because when I start chapters I have a certain topic in mind, and there is only so much filler I can pull out of my butt. Sorry.
Also, I am going to be at Anime Evolution in Vancouver this August, anyone going to be there? And then I'll be moving to Alberta… meet up time!
This chapter completely unbetaed. Next chapter not guaranteed to actually ever come.
Everyday, at three o'clock sharp, Itachi watched The Iron Chef. It was no secret around the Akatsuki HQ that Itachi was a fantastic cook, especially seeing as he cooked them the dish that had been featured on the show for dinner every night. There was however one thing you never did. And that was interrupting Itachi during the Iron Chef.
Apparently Deidara didn't get the memo.
"Itaaaaaaachiiiiiiii, have you seen Kisame, yeah?" whined Deidara whiney-a-ly.
Itachi, with his look of intense concentration, said nothing.
"Cuz we're playing hide-and-seek, and I've been looking for him for hours, yeah!"
Itachi's left eye twitched ever so slightly, but otherwise continued watching how to baste his turkey and cook it to a golden brown perfection.
"Did he tell you not to tell me where he hid, yeah? Because if he did, it's okay to tell me, I won't say that you told, yeah," said Deidara.
Itachi's head turned ever so slowly from the TV.
Deidara woke up several hours later, with the turkey baster jammed somewhere where it REALLY shouldn't be. The microwave. Of course. Plastics shouldn't be exposed to extreme heats lest they melt.
He got to his feet shakily, trying to remember what happened. It came back to him when he saw the TV missing and the grease everywhere left from the turkey.
"Man, Itachi sure is mean, yeah! Ohhh, but we'll teach him! We'll beat him, yeah!" Deidara dusted him self off, muttering as he did so.
"Oh, look, Deidara DOES talks too himself, too!"
"I told you, he's a freak, just like us. This is your chance!"
"Hey, Deidara, what you—"
"I'M NOT A FREAK, YEAH!" cried Deidara fleeing from the room, leaving Zetsu alone with himself again behind the couch.
So, after crying all the tears he could, Deidara started constructing a plan to get back at Zetsu. Then he remembered that he was originally going to get back at Itachi, so he put his Zetsu plan aside for later and headed to the kitchen to confront Itachi. However, when he got there, all he found was Sasori.
"Hey, Deidara, back for more already?" asked Sasori with a wink. "I thought you'd still be sore from last time."
Deidara ignored how this could be taken more than one way. Actually, he just ignored Sasori all together.
"Looking for a way to get back at Itachi?" Sasori questioned knowingly.
"Yeah, I'm gonna take that son-a downtown!" Deidara replied. "But how am I going to give him food poisoning if we don't have any rotten food, yeah?"
"That's your plan?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure you wouldn't just like to show him up at something he prides himself at being the best at?"
"Why would I do that, yeah? That's dumb!" exclaimed Deidara.
"Like you? Yeah, I know." Sasori paused a moment to snicker at his scathing elementary-school-level burn that sounds amazingly like something that the author would say. "You couldn't actually do that if you wanted to. You suck too much. You can't even be a slave right."
Deidara looked shocked and hurt. "We promised to never talk about that again, yeah! Fine then! I'll cook dinner, and when it turns out super delicious Itachi will be grovelling at my feet, yeah!"
"Okay, wait here, I'm going to go get the video camera." Sasori's chair scrapped against the floor as he pushed it out and walked to the closet to get their crazy high-tech ninja video camera. He pushed past the extra toilet paper and Kisame and withdrew the camera, glowing with a golden aura. Returning to Deidara, he found the blonde had already devastated the kitchen.
"A little spice… some mint, allspice, thyme…. Yeah, this is awesome…" Deidara muttered, pouring everything he could get his hands on into a large plastic bowl and mixing it together. After the kitchen had run out of contents, he picked up the bowl and poured it into a massive pan, then jammed the pan into the oven. Slamming the door to the oven closed, he put his hands on his hips triumphantly. "There!" he proclaimed. "All done, all there is to do now is wait, yeah!"
"…What about turning on the oven?" asked Sasori blandly.
Deidara reached behind himself without turning around and turned the oven on. "It already was on, yeah."
"…. No."
"Yeah, it was! Why do you have to be so argumentative, Sasori, yeah?" demanded Deidara, walking out of the kitchen, smack into Itachi.
Itachi gave them a very Itachi-esc look, and went to continue on his way. He was stopped by Deidara's loud, grating voice.
"Guess what, Itachi, yeah! I have a creation in the oven right now so fantorifical that if will blow you and your reputation away! Sasori can vouch for me, right, Sasori, yeah?"
"What has he got in the oven, Sasori?" asked Itachi monotonely.
"I actually have no clue. Just about everything, I think." replied Sasori.
"It's a caaake, yeah!" whined Deidara.
A small voice came out from the closet. "Hey, guys, what's that rumbling sound?"
"It sounds like it's coming from the kitchen…"
Sasori and Itachi exchanged a glance, and then ran.
Deidara also ran, but he ran to the kitchen, shouting joyfully, "My cake is done, yeah!"
Kisame stayed in the closet. "Guys? Where did you go? Deidara? Itachi?"
No one got to taste the cake though, and Kisame never found out where everyone went, because Deidara's travesty of a cake went and exploded everywhere, taking the new headquarters with it.
Sasori and Itachi viewed the rubble from a safe distance away.
"Well. That was good while it lasted," commented Itachi.
"I guess it's back to sitting on rocks again," sighed Sasori.
"Wanna go for bubble tea?"
"Would I ever!"
And so the two best friends strolled off into the sunset, leaving any survivors to fend for themselves.