Disclaimer:
Azren: Crying (T.T)
Rue: Cuz, why are you crying?
Azren: Sniff "No… I don't…"
Rue: "Huh? You don't what?"
Azren: I DON'T OWN SAMURAI 7!
Rue: Sigh… "Well guess what you own?" gets a 10 foot picture of Kyuzo…
Azren: Shrieks "AAAAAAAAHHHH! A PICTURE OF KYUZO!"
Rue: ()
Author's Note: Sigh… How I wish somebody gave me that… I decided to update this for everyone's sake! Sorry for not updating soon, but I'm distracted by the events…. Did I mention about the exams? Anyway, READ ON! Don't forget to review! Oh yeah! If you've read or seen the A Series of Unfortunate Events… this might all sound… morbid…
Chapter 10: Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy and Count Olaf.
Azren: Hello minna! We're back! Well, I guess we won't be seeing Ukyo for a while! (Bwahahahahahaha!) Now let's welcome our next guest, one of the No—
(Oo) Freeze!
Azren's thought… (To be precise… A/N!):
You might think that after a series of unfortunate events with Ukyo and the other samurai (Except Kyuzo!) I will make the Nobuseri's interview quite… peaceful… but so as to not disappoint readers (of all ages) and since I am an evil author and host, I will make the Nobuseri's interview VERY disturbing MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(--) Okay, rewind and play!
Azren: Hello minna! We're back! Well, I guess we won't be seeing Ukyo for a while! (Bwahahahahahaha!) Now let's welcome our next guest, one of the Nobuseri!
30 minutes later…. /crickets chirping/
Deathcard: Ummm… Ehem! Anytime now… Where's Mr. Nobuseri?
Director: Wait! …. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HEADS UP, CAMERAMAN!
Cameraman: Eh?(?)
Suddenly, the studio roof parted and a mechanical samurai fell out of no where and crushed the cameraman.
Cameraman: … Ouch… I'm okay… really…
Nobuseri: "EEEW! What is this!" Looks under his foot (?) "Yikes! I should watch it! Ugh!" Grazes foot on the platform of the stage.
Cameraman: AAAAAHHH! MY LEG! MY EYE! MY HEAD! MY SPLEEN!
Rue: "Eew!" looks at the crushed cameraman. "Somebody call the paramedics"
Cameraman: "No really… I'm fine…" Crawls away behind the camera.
1000 miles away, in the North Pole…
Elf: Ouch… hey Elf #2, What's more violent, this show here or Happy Tree Friends?
Elf#2: Happy Tree Friends… next to that is this one.
Elf: Yeah…
Elf#2: Yeah…
Back at the studio…
Azren: … Looking up at the Gigantic Nobuseri. "Uuuhhh… Konnichiwa, Nobuseri-san!
Nobuseri: "YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO CALL ME NOBUSERI-SAN! FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE TO CALL ME MR. WIGGLES THE SILLY PIGGY!" Ties on a cape and a gush of wind comes and Nobu—Mr. Wiggles laughs Mojojojo style "Bwahahahaha!"
Azren: "Err… right! Let's get started, shall we Mr. No—Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy?
Rue: So can you tell us, do you enjoy being bossed around by Ukyo?
Nobuseri(aka Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy): Are you kidding? I LOVE being ordered around by mutated chipmunks that again mutated into a chameleon and now is being smothered in gravy! Just as much as I love being bossed around by overgrown catfishes that were accidentally spilled with Chemical X and now is being turned into a specimen! (Amanushi)
Rue: Interesting definition of Ukyo and the former Amanushi!
Azren: So you weren't always like this right? I mean, you were human before, am I correct?
Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy: nods "That's true!"
Deathcard: What did you look like?
Mr. Wiggles: Negative energy "Do you really want to know?"
Deathcard: Err… Yes. It's written here on the script, and fairly, the readers would like to know what you look like…
Mr. Wiggles: "Do you really want to know? Or… Do you want me to reveal…" takes out spatula "My friend SPATULA! Or…" Takes out chew toy… that was shaped like a duck… with gigantic wide eyes and small pupils… the horror… " My FRIEND CHEWY?"
Azren: To Deathcard "Erm… Deathcard? Is Kyuzo around?"
Deathcard: No! He's with the angry mobs making TWO sacrifices to the Active Volcano! (Three guesses who!)
Azren: Sigh… "What a relief!" (I don't know what might've happened if Kyuzo saw…. Chewy…)
Mr. Wiggles: Still feel a VERY DARK aura around him "Hey… Do you still want to know what I REALLY look like?"
Hosts: Uuummm… YES…
Director: Please Nobuseri-san! Just answer the question!
Rue: GAAKK! (Wrong move, Mr. Strangler!)
Mr. Wiggles: URUSAI! IT'S NOT NOBUSERI-SAN! IT'S MR. WIGGLES THE SILLY PIGGY!
Takes out a Rocket Launcher and targets Mr. Strangler…
The Director runs for his life as the Rocket Launcher chased him…
Director: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME! AZREN! RUE-KUN! DEATHCARD!
Rocket Launcher: VRRROOOOOOOOOOO! VRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!
(Translation: "BANZAAAAAIIII! DIE, DIRECTOR! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!")
Azren: Stares as a nuclear explosion occurs in the backstage… " Ouch… that's gotta hurt…"
Deathcard: Azren! I just heard! Our poor, poor director, Mr. Strangler whom was taken to the nearest and cheapest clinic can't direct us anymore!
Azren: WWWHHHHAAATT?
Deathcard: Yes, I know it's SAD!
Azren: No… I mean why did they take him to the clinic?
Deathcard: Oh that… they took the Rocket Launcher to the hospital because special people belong there.
Azren: Okay… So who's gonna direct us now?
Rue: Yeah! We can't go on without a director!
Audience: NNNNOOOOOOOOOO! Is this: the end!
Deathcard: HEY! WHAT ABOUT THAT BALD GUY OVER THERE?
Bald Guy: HEY! I, the most handsome COUNT in the whole universe, am NOT BALD!
Azren: Count… Olaf? You look… (Much more balder after the man-eating leeches accident.) … PRESENTABLE!
Count Olaf: Yes… I am PERFECT! AND AS QUEEN OF…
Sunny(The baby in A Series of Unfortunate Events.):GA!GA!GA!
(Translation: That's KING, you blockhead!)
Count Olaf: Whatever you despicable PRIMATE!
Sunny: GADADADADADADA!
(Translation: INSOLENT HOMINID! PREPARE TO BE CHEWED!) takes out a laser gun and cuts off a part of Count Olaf's said to be HAIR
Count Olaf: "AAAAAHHHHH! EVIL PRIMATE!
Azren: Somebody get the crazy baby outta here!
Rue: HEY! HEY! HEY! THE BABY SPEAKS FRENCH!
Deathcard: I think that Sunny's actually epileptic, or psychotic… or maybe epileptic psychotic!
Azren: Okay Deathcard! That's enough!
Script writer: skipping along "I'm o it! Lalalalalala! Come here, WIDDLE BABY!"
Sunny: crawls away from the script writer. "Dadadadada! DagagagagagagaGOOOOOOO!" (Translation: NEVER, YOU POMPOUS INFIDEL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!) shoots the script writer, but unfortunately, the script writer was actually Superman and he evaded the shot.
Script writer (AkA Superman): "I got the baby!"
Sunny: "GOO! GOO! GOO! GOO! (Translation: CURSE YOU, COUNT OLAF! I SHALL BE AVENGED!)
Count Olaf: As I was saying, I am the QUEEN—
Azren: KING…
Count Olaf: KING of DIRECTING! Now please continue with your torturing!
Nobuseri… (I mean… Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy): Hey… Do you still want to know what I look like?
Azren: Ummm… Let's skip that part, shall we?
Mr. Wiggles: "Alright then! Then let me introduce me to my friend Mr. Chewy!" Takes out his… Chew toy… "I love Mr. Chewy!
Azren: Sweat drop… "Err… very nice… so why did you decide to become a Nobuseri?
Mr. Wiggles: Well… I look NICER! Unlike those human-dinosaurs like that… EHEM!" looks directly at Kambei…
Kambei: I HEARD THAT!
Rueniss: QUIT IT!
Kambei: "Yes, Ma'am." Afraid.
Mr. Wiggles: "SERVES YOU RIGHT!" snuggles his chew toy. "Isn't that right, Mr. Chewy?
Azren: Sweat drop (I wish he'd loose the FREAKIN' chew toy! … oh no! I feel as if I'm getting paranoid as well! THE HORROR!) So… who do you LOVE more… the spatula or the chew toy?
Mr. Wiggles: Hmmm… is that a trick quest—
Azren: NOO!
Deathcard: Definitely NOT!
Nobuseri ala Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy: Hugs the EYE-BLINDING, FREAKY, AND DOWNRIGHT DISTURBING CHEW TOY! "I LOVE CHEWY!
Azren: "…." Rue runs to Deathcard and Azren.
Rue: "B—b…wa…re…"
Deathcard: "What? Ace Hardware?"
Rue: NO! BEWARE! KYUZO HAS RETURNED FROM THE HUMAN SACRIFICE!
Azren: "Oh NO!"
From a distance, our three hosts hears the studio doors close, while the some ravenous mobs were all chanting "KYUZO! KYUZO!" (Hey! Who wants to be part of the mob?)
Deathcard: By the gods… Somebody get Sunny here!
Kyuzo: to the cameraman. "What happened…?
Cameraman: Oh! KYUZO-SAMA!
Kyuzo: Kyuzo… sama?
Cameraman: Err… Right! (Azren: "Cameraman! DON'T let Kyuzo come in here!")
Cameraman: WHAT! Let Kyuzo COME IN? OKAY! Kyuzo, just go right in!
Kyuzo: "…" Comes in the set…
Azren: Yikes! (Kyuzo! Curse you cameraman! I shall let a rotten CARCASS chew you into bits!) Kyu—Kyuzo!
Kyuzo: Whar's going on?
The host hides the Nobuseri (a.k.a. Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy), who was raising up his beloved Mr. Chewy like Rafiki does to Simba in The Lion King
Azren, Rue, and Deathcard: Ummm… Nothing! (Sweat drop)
Mr. Wiggles: Oh, look, Mr. Chewy! It's Kyuzo, whom I'm sure LOVES chew toys!
Kyuzo: ……………… (No reaction)
Azren: Ummm… (No reaction?)
Deathcard: (Well the hell happened to him?)
Rue: (I have a BAAAAAAAAAAAAD feeling!)
Audience: Ummm… no reaction? Oh, Kyuzo! Stay there forever if that's so!
Kyuzo: … Chew… toy…
Azren: Ummm…. Kyuzo?
Kyuzo: (negative energy) Chew… toy…
Rue: Kyuzo? Are you alright! I knew it!
Deathcard: WHAT'S HAPPENING! WHY ARE YOU ALL STARING!
Azren: Quiet, Deathcard.
Deathcard: Okay.
Kyuzo:… Chew… toy… Must… Kill… CHEWTOY! (Takes out his…. NOT dual katanas but…… BAZOOKAS!) DIE EVIL CHEW TOY!
Mr. Wiggles: What! Oh no! (Runs away as Kyuzo chases him out)
Toooooooooooooottt…………….
We now interrupt this program for this special news bulletin:
Masamune: Good day to you all. Just this afternoon… In this VERY minute… We see our yellow-headed enigma, tying up an unidentified Nobuseri—
Mr. Wiggles: Tied up "THAT'S MR. WIGGLES THE SILLY PI—." Shuts up as Kyuzo stuffs a sock into its… err… Mouth.
Masamune: It seems that Kyuzo tied up Mr. WATTCHAMACALLEM on a rocket launcher and throws a small, yet disturbing yellow chew toy to ravenous dogs… And now… Kyuzo is about to LAUNCH the rocket launcher into the deep space of NO return!
Masamune: So, Mr. WHATEVERYOURNAMEIS, before being launched to space without any license to doing so, what can you say about all of this?
Mr. Wiggles: MMMMMFFFFFFF! (He can't talk 'coz he has a sock stuffed in his mouth!)
Masamune: Thank you, that's all we need to know from you. And Kyuzo-sama, would you like to share something with us? What's your motive to do this… err… thing that you're doing…?
Kyuzo: …. Why am I here? ACCIDENTALLY presses the launch button!
3…
2…
1…
BLAST OFF!
Masamune: Good bye, Mr. SMIZZLESMAFFLE!
Mr. Wiggles: MMMFMFMFMMMMMMMMFFFFF!
Masamune: And that's all for our breaking news. Again, my name is
Masamune, where we wrench your brain to the point that you go insane!
And now back to our disturbing show…
Azren: Well… that's weird…
Deathcard: Very… weird… Where do you get all of these ideas?
Azren: I dunno, it just comes out of the blue…
Rue: Don't worry folks, this isn't the last chapter! Only the end of the interview! Next chapter, we will hear what our Samurai have to say and some SPECIAL things…
Azren:… That should NOT be revealed! This is the end of our Interview with the Samurai 7 cast!
Deathcard: And now! Let us here the ever Golden voice of our very own… The big boss of Kougakyo himself, that DOG of all DOGS… AYAMARO!
Audience: YEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEYYY!
Ayamaro: Ehem… this is a song that will conclude our program… This song will tell you to…. Smile… Always!
Azren: This is the tune of Sam Milby's very own revival of Close to You. I'm sure yo'll Filipina's out there know this!
Ayamaro and the Seven Samurai:
Oh, why don't you smile my PRECIOUS TEETH! You're so DIRTY!
Flaunt your CAVITIES!
SMILE with YELLOW TEETH!
Azren: And now, we will here… Rikichi's song! The tune of "Leaving on a Jetplane) SING EVERYONE! WAHAHAHA!
So kiss me and CLOBBER me…
Tell me that you'll smuffle me!
Hold me on the neck and strangle me!
'Coz I'm drownin' in champagne!
Don't know if I will live again!
Oh babe,
Do flush me so!
In Olympus when Zeus was busy watching MTV's That 70's show he hears Ayamaro and Rikichi's singing…
Zeus: AAAHHHHHHH! MY EARS! (Strikes Ayamaro and Rikichi with a bolt of lighting
Ayamaro and Rikichi: Ouch…
Azren: Well, that's all folks… tune in for the last installment of "Getting to know More About SAMURAI 7!"
Rue: GANBATTE MINNA-SAN!
Deathcard: JA NE!
A/n: READ IT!
I give credit to Rue-kun for the umm… song and to my widdle friend named after a flower… THANKS! I hope you like the ending… I'm just kind of in a hurry…
Oh yeah! I want you ALL to send me WHAT you want the Samurai 7 cast to say! Randomize it if you want!
All of them if you want to! Send them through review or through e-mail if necessary!
just for your FYI, I don't hate Sam Milby...I actually find the song cute... Me and my friends (Whom all apparently have the hots for Sam) made this song...
REVIEWS!
Ja Ne!
Azren…