Chapter 19 (Remember...Lenne)
As the steady hours went on, Squall was still buried in his thoughts. He knew one thing. He did love Rinoa. Yes indeed, the only real question is if he loved her most, for back in the past, he loved Lenne as well. He never remembered falling out of love with her, she had always been in his mind, ever since the day she supposedly died. After all, if he had forgotten Lenne, then he would have had no particular reason to even pay attention and develop feelings for Rinoa. He remembered himself clearly, how he was back then when Lenne was still around, and how he was when he was gone. Yes...he could remember clearly...
"Sis..." he mumbled sadly as he stared at the rain pouring down.
It was a cold night in the small orphanage. The rain poured down heavily, as if the floodgates of heaven were opened at its widest, and the lightning flashed like huge scars around the sky, the thunder following briefly with a melancholy moan. Such a bad storm it was, that the earth trembled, almost as if it was...crying. You could practically hear it if you listened intently as well...the lonely cry of the planet. However, amidst all this, you could here the laughter of children from inside the cozy house. Ignorance is indeed bliss, for even though the earth cried, these children never seemed to lose their cheer and their cheerfulness never left their faces. Inside, with the fire glowing in the fireplace, they played innocently, little games and big games, funny games and enjoyable games...yes they played quite a lot of games. The children all had smiles on their faces...well...all but one. For seperated from the others, a lone child stood, outside, watching the rain pour, the lightning flash, and the sky cry. Not inside with the warm glowing fireplace, but outside amongst this living hell. Leaning on the stone cold pillars outside the house, he stood and watched, and from time to time...calling out.
"Sis...Ellone..."
"Why?"
"Why did you leave me?"
No response. All that he could hear was the sky crying out its misbegotten woes. But even though no one called back he stayed and stood, apart from the rest, like a black sheep. However, he did not walk back into the house without coming to a conclusion. He came to conclude that he was cursed. That he was bad child and not worthy to be considered special. All that will come close to him...will eventually disappear.
10 years later...
Squall sat in his seat in magic class and sighed. It was such a bore. He learned mostly everything they teach, since he was always ahead. He listened his eyes half closed, and his mind half focused. It had been nearly 5 years since he had left that orphanage and was taken to garden. He could still briefly remember his time there, but there really wasn't much to remember, no there was really nothing worth remembering in that sad place. Strangely, even though there was not much to remember, he found himself deep in thought about it when suddenly the door opened, and a girl stepped in the classroom. She had long black hair and dark chocolately brown eyes. She went and exchanged a few words with the instructor and faced the class. The instructor got up, and got everyone's attention, with a couple claps.
"Everyone, we have a new student. This is Ms. Lenne Valharte, she transferred from Galbadia garden. Please make her feel comfortable," The instructor said smiling, "Ms. Valharte, would you like to say a few words?"
The girl nodded with a smile. "Yes! It's nice to meet you all!"
Squall watched the girl, as she walked off from the teacher's desk. 'New student, huh?'
"Um…where do I sit?" she asked turning back to the instructor.
"Well…let's see…ah! Why don't you sit by Squall? He's over there," the instructor pointed to the seat next to Squall, "he's the best student in this class, so just ask him if you need any help."
Squall's mouth opened, ready to complain, when the teacher glared at him. He just sighed, and stared out at the window, avoiding the girl's gaze. 'Great…so she appointed me to be the official new student babysitter…this is so stupid!'
The girl went and sat at the seat next to him.
"H…hey! Your name's Squall, right? Nice to meet you!" Lenne said to Squall with a smile.
Squall didn't say anything, and just kept staring at the window.
"Uh…well, I'm Lenne. Lenne Valheart! Well I guess you know that already!"
No response from Squall. He cast her a glance, and still didn't say anything. He wondered why she even bothered to speak to him...but then again...being new, she must not know that Squall Leonhart is a cold hearted fellow that does not talk to anybody and tends to keep to his own business. He sighed and decided to ignore her until she learned that fact.
Lenne gave him a skeptical look, and then smiled. Squall just stared at her dumbly, wondering why she did, and then she spoke again.
"You don't talk much do you?" She asked, with the same smile.
When Squall didn't say anything, she pouted, and then opened her book.
"Um…what page is it?" She asked him quietly.
Squall rolled his eyes. 'Why is she pestering me? Dammit! I wanna get out of here!'
"…page thirty-two." Squall answered in an annoyed voice.
"Hey! You can talk! That makes me happy," she said as she flipped to the right page.
'Happy? Why would it make her happy?' Squall said in his thoughts confused.
When Squall looked back at her, she was smiling again. Somehow, it felt heartwarming to him, and without even thinking about it, he felt his face turn red.
"Why the hell am I blushing?" Squall asked himself trying to stop.
"Hm? You're all red. Are you okay? Do you have a fever or something?" Lenne asked when she saw his face.
Squall didn't say anything and just hid his eyes behind his bangs.
She was the one that saved him. How could he possible forget? She was the one that saved him from all those miserable years. After staying with her and knowing her as each day passes, and finally getting the chance to tell her how he felt...she accepted him...and pulled him out of that darkness. Though he had no intention in the first place to turn back to the light he had refused to see before, she persistently did not leave him alone like most people when they meet him. Was there a reason? He didn't know, but...she was the one that saved him and opened his heart. After she had saved him, his life had turned upside down.
"Come on Squall! This way!" Lenne called out, tugging at his arm.
They were in a beautiful field of flowers. It was such a beautiful sight, the lush green meadow covered with flowers and more flowers, and stretching as far as your eyes can see.
"Okay...okay, I'm coming!" Squall responded trying not to crush too many flowers as Lenne dragged him deeper into the field. "What are you going to show me anyway?"
"You'll see!" Lenne said smiling as she let go of his hand and ran off further, motioning for him to follow and smiling once more.
Squall smiled back, his smile equally as warm as hers. Feeling the breeze, he breathe the fresh air and just took it all in. Everything...the beautiful field, the warm breeze, and Lenne's warm smile...yes...it was what he would consider bliss. Hollering another 'coming!', he ran off to join her. After a couple minutes of leading him further into the flower field, Lenne reached a wisteria tree and stopped.
"Huh? Why'd we stop here?" Squall asked curiously.
"Look!" Lenne answered bending down to an injured wolf cub.
The cub was frail and weak, and worst, it had sprained its leg and could not walk.
"Oh...I see...is it okay?"
"Yeah...I found it yesterday, I don't know how it got here. I mean, wolves only pass by this region, but never stay."
"Maybe it got left behind because it was injured,"
"Yeah...that's probably it," Lenne answered sadly, "Poor thing...um...well...Squall...c..."
Squall sighed, "Don't worry, I know what you're gonna say. You're going to say, 'Oh Squall! Please, please, help me take care of it!', right?"
"Uh...hehe...please?" Lenne said with an awkward smile.
"Did you actually think I would say no?" Squall asked her with the same smile.
Lenne smiled happily, gave a scream of triumph and hugged Squall tightly.
"Thank you...I appreciate it..." she told him softly, "hey Squall?"
"Yes?" Squall responded returning her embrace.
"We'll...always be together...right?"
"Yeah..." Squall replied holding her even tighter, "...don't worry...I'll never let you go. I'll always be here. If you come here...you'll find me."
"Will you...promise me?" Lenne asked him timidly.
"Yes...I promise." Squall answered her sincerely.
Back then...he was unable to smile. Though it was true that he knew what happiness felt like back then, this was the first time he had ever felt that he would carry this happiness forever. And it was all because of her. She had not only made him stay with her, but with other people as well. He was no longer the black sheep. The moment she had saved him, he no longer seperated himself from others, with those children the used to know in the orphanage, he joined them this time. This time, he stood and stayed with them.
"Hey Squall, let me see your gunblade for a second,"
"What for? You've seen it like a hundred times already." Squall replied with a slightly annoyed tone.
"Oh come on, just let me!" Zell asked him again smirking.
"Ok...ok...geez," he replied handing over his Punishment (That's the second best upgrade on the gunblade).
"Man...just how do you gather all the materials to make something like this? You're really something, ya know that?" Zell told him as he felt the gunblade and swung it around a couple times.
"Hey! Watch where you're swinging that thing!" Qustis shouted out as she nearly got hit.
"Calm down, Quisty!" Selphie said cheerfully, "He probably likes it so much because he can't upgrade his own weapon properly like Squall can."
"hehe...that's true..." Lenne and Irvine chorused together.
"Say WHAT!?" Zell yelled out, trying to justify his actions.
After laughing for a full 5 minutes, Squall decided to end all the foolishness, "Alright, alright," Squall said retreiving his gunblade, and clipping it back on, "Let's get to Dollet."
"Yeah! We'll definitely have fun!" Selphie said in excitement as she ran off ahead, Quistis, Zell, and Irvine running to restrain her in case she hurt herself.
"Ah...wait!" Lenne called out, as she and Squall immediately fell behind the group.
"That's fine..." Squall replied, touching her shoulder lightly, "we are going to the beach aren't we? It'll be good to be alone this time."
"Yeah...definitely," Lenne answered with a smile.
They were about to follow slowly behind, when they remembered something, and turned around.
"Lucied! Here boy!" They said in unison, as the wolf, now grown, came to the both of them and joined them as they walked on the road to Dollet.
Yes...and not only was he able to smile then, he was also able to laugh as well. Yes, those were happy days. In those two years that he had spent with Lenne, he was sure, those were the best two years in his life. Even in the age of five, though he came to the conclusion of being cursed and being a bad child, she had erased it all. He would have never dreamed that he would meet someone like this, at that little age, when he had given up all hope...when he thought there was no light and he was sure his heart had turned to stone, ten years later, she just appears and pulls him out of that dismal pit of despair. In those two years that seemed like forever, she had given him eternal happiness...eternal happiness that turned into eternal suffering when she had supposedly died.
"Squall! Open this door!" Quistis yelled at him sharply, "We know you're in there!"
No response.
"How long do you plan to stay in there? Not eating!? and hardly drinking!?" Irvine yelled at him from outside the door, "We all know what happened alright!? We know you're sad...we all are too...but we couldn't...we couldn't let you die also! One death is enough! If you just open the door...we can...share your pain."
Squall said nothing and stayed quiet. He merely lied down on his bed and just wished for them to all go away. He wished they would all disappear. Share his pain? They couldn't possibly...its impossible. Not when everything was painful. Because the moment she was gone...the world had lost its color. After all, she was the world to him. But...he had no one to blame but himself...because...it had happened again. The same thing...his precious thing was once again taken away.
"It's all my fault..." Squall said in his thoughts, "I...I will no longer believe in anything...or anyone. Because...I will drag them down to hell if I do...I have...to be what I used to be...a cold, heartless person...but this time...I'll be strong! I'll be strong...so even though...even though...I want to die...I'll have to keep on living bearing these burdens as my punishment."
Yes...he remembered it all clearly now. Everything about her. About how she had saved him and how it was his fault that she had supposedly died. He loved her, he truly did...for even now, he had always treasured those memories. Even being cold and heartless, he could not possible forget those wonderful years. But...why then? When he had sworn an oath to himself that he would never believe in anyone ever again did he confess that he had once again fallen in love...with Rinoa? The reason was that he loved her as well.
Squall stared at the rolling waves one more time, but this time, saw the sunset. It was beautiful...the way it reflected on the water. After thinking the whole day, he found out that he had loved them both, and still loved them both, but he must choose...for their sake...choose the one in which he truly loved the most.
I can't believe...I can be so horrible! No matter what I do, I can never get out of the habit of updating late! I am SO SORRY! I hope everyone will still keep reading this story...well...anyway...I have my responses to the people that left reviews last chapter. Please continue to leave reviews because that's how I find the inspiration to write!
r- Thanks for reading, I'm glad you're still interested! I hope you like this chapter!
smiley: Matter of life and death, huh? Alright...I'll keep that in mind so I won't have a late update next time.
Princess of the Al Bhed- Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it!
Well...I'll see you all in my next update! Oh yes! And if any of you read my other story Ballad of the fallen angel, it will be updated very very soon! Most likely tomorrow if I don't have homework! If you're interested in reading it too, please go ahead, I definitely think its my better story compared to this one, and has a more interesting plot.
Heaven's Gates