Bandit- I'm supposed to be writing my Full Metal Alchemist story, and yet here I am writing One Piece… (looks around) Reviewers are soooo not gonna be happy… ;p
Disclaimer- Nope. Not mine.
Another scream buzzed around his ears, without a doubt Luffy. Sanji took a huge swallow from the bottle. Maybe if he was lucky, he'd get drunk enough not to remember anything later.
Damn his captain for being so fucking loud.
Sanji clutched the bottle of scotch in his hand like a lifeline, concentrating on ignoring the moans of completion from the sleeping quarters. It was a lost battle, but damn it, he was gonna go down fighting.
When Sanji first found out, he was more upset by the fact the shithead was getting some than by the man's sexual preference. Hell, Sanji had known Zoro was as straight as Luffy's rubber arm. That was beside the point. The cook had spent weeks pining over the lovely Nami-chan with no results, and having Zoro strut around the ship with a smug 'I'm getting laid. Are you?' expression on his face was NOT helping matters.
Of course, Luffy wasn't much of an improvement…
"ZORO! I can't find the handcuffs! Where'd you put them?"
"Next to the whip we used yesterday! Geeze, Luffy! You need to keep track of your toys!" After a moment of blessed silence, the grunts and moans started up again.
Sanji ripped open his six pack of cigarettes that day from the kitchen, struggling to ignore his little chef that had perked up from the words 'handcuffs' and 'whip'. If he didn't know any better, the cook would swear they did it on purpose. Zoro was an unforgiving bastard… Fucking cabbage head.
But the fact still remained that he was doing the horizontal limbo and Sanji was left with the cold comfort of his hands.
"Sanji?" Luffy's boyish face peeked in the kitchen, his face flushed from his previous activities. "Zoro told me ask if you had any more oil…"
"No, Captain," Sanji gritted out through clenched teeth. "We're out." In truth, there were five bottles stored in the cabinet, but Sanji would sooner ask Luffy to borrow that whip than admit it.
"Oh." Luffy's face steadily began to turn a darker cherry color from embarrassment. "Then Zoro wants to know if we can borrow the dildo he saw you smuggling in earlier from town. He promises to wash it afterwards!" The rubber boy added with a grin.
After sending Luffy out the kitchen (he soon regretted throwing that bottle of scotch), Sanji took a deep puff from his cigarette, forcing himself to calm down. It probably wasn't right of him to take his frustrations out on his captain, but the self-proclaimed Love Cook was at the end of his rope. If he heard one more peep from those two…
"Hey Nami!" Zoro called. "Is it okay if Luffy still uses your skirt?"
"Yes! But if you stain it, I'll make you pay triple what I did!" Nami hollered.
Sanji broke down and cried.
I hope that was okay! This was my first One Piece story (and humor to boot!)! Review please!