The T.V. show Hogan's Heroes belongs to CBS and was a Bing Crosby Productions. No ownership of the Hogan's Heroes characters is implied or inferred, and no infringement is intended

Chapter Nine

He Who Laughs Last…

Hogan quietly entered Klink's office, hat in hand. Klink took one look at his haggard prisoner and pulled a chair out, ordering, "Sit down, Colonel Hogan."

Before Hogan could move Hochstetter was in his face. "Why did you leave the area?"

Burkhalter, followed by Klink, walked around behind Hogan and looked at the blood on his jacket, neck, and in his hair. Klink grimaced.

"I didn't," Hogan denied and then frowned. "At least I don't remember leaving." Hogan shifted his weight as he struggled to stand without swaying.

"Sit down, Colonel Hogan, before you fall down," Burkhalter ordered.

Hogan turned his head slightly to locate the chair behind him. I'd really rather stay on my feet with Hochstetter in the room, he thought. Maybe it will help me think more clearly. He used Hochstetter's next question to delay sitting.

"Didn't you leave because you saw me come out with Herr Baum and you were afraid he might see you and recognize you?" Hochstetter's face reddened. "Admit it! You knew Baum could name you as his contact."

"No, Major, I wasn't afraid Baum would recognize me. I have never met him," Hogan answered with a degree of calmness, he wasn't feeling at the moment.

The Major sneered and ran the back of his gloved hand over the faint red mark on Hogan's cheek. "We will see, Colonel Hogan."

Hogan jerked his head away from Hochstetter's touch, and grimaced both from the touch and the pain the sudden move elicited.

Turning to Burkhalter, the Major proposed, "General, I would like to take Colonel Hogan to Berlin and see if Baum will name him as his contact." He looked back at Hogan for a response.

Hogan rubbed his forehead, while still keeping his eyes on Hochstetter. A blind threat if we're successful in getting Baum away, but if not… Hogan lowered his hand and straightened. "Certainly, Major, I'd be more than happy to prove you wrong," Hogan bluffed.

"Absolutely not! You have no proof!" Klink protested. "The only thing you will accomplish is upsetting the smooth running of my camp and my prisoners by taking their commanding officer away."

Burkhalter sat back in his chair. I have to be careful here. As much as I hate the Gestapo sticking their nose into Luftwaffe business, I may have to allow this.

Ring, ringggg!

"Hello, this is Kommandant Klink. Yes, he's here, just a minute. Major Hochstetter, this call is for you."

Hochstetter looked questioningly at the phone. "For me?" Stepping past Hogan he ordered, "Sit down, Colonel Hogan! I'll be right back. –Hello…yes, this is Major Hochstetter." In the pause that followed, Hochstetter went from red to white and back to red. "How many? Did we shoot any of them?" Hochstetter seemed to be in a daze and then, "Yes! Get after them! What? I'll send more men! Lieutenant, you had better find him or heads will roll!"

"What's wrong, Major?" Burkhalter asked.

Hochstetter stared off for a minute and then looked at the General. "The Underground has stolen my prisoner."

Hogan took a quick relieved breath. "No kidding?" Hogan asked with a half smile on his face.

All three officers turned to him and said in unison, "Sit down, Colonel Hogan!" This time Hogan complied.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

LeBeau peered out the crack in the door of Barrack Two while the others sat, in the dark, around the only table in the common room.

"See anything, Louis?" Newkirk asked.

Louis shook his head. "No. But occasionally I can hear some shouting."

Kinch frowned. "I bet that's doing the Colonel's head a lot of good."

"Yeah, that sure was a lucky, unlucky break," Carter said.

"You want to say that again, Andrew?" Newkirk questioned.

"I mean it's too bad the Colonel had to hit his head, but it did give him an alibi."

Kinch nodded, "Leave it to the Colonel to put it to good use!"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"I'm still not convinced!" Hochstetter yelled, pacing back and forth in front of Klink's desk.

Hogan, ordered to be silent or be gagged, watched mutely and wondered if his dizziness was from the blow to his head or Hochstetter's pacing. The only thing you have going for you, Hochstetter, is that you're right. Fortunately, you have no proof which means Burkhalter is holding all the cards.

"Colonel Hogan was found unconscious; I seriously doubt he orchestrated the kidnapping of your prisoner!" Burkhalter proclaimed from his seat behind Klink's desk, where he sat in judgment weighing the evidence.

"The commotion he stirred up caused me to pull some of my men from guarding

Baum. If I had left them Baum would not have been taken!" Hochstetter loudly pointed out.

"Major, you cannot blame Colonel Hogan for your poor decisions," Burkhalter declared.

Klink smiled and nodded, looking smugly at Hochstetter. "Why don't you just admit it? You're theory is full of holes!" Like your head, Klink thought.

Hochstetter stopped his pacing and stared at Klink.

"You have no proof. You have no prisoner to offer his testimony. There is nothing more to be said." Burkhalter ordered, "Colonel Hogan, you're dismissed."

Hogan slowly stood and saluted. "Thank you, General." Rubbing his neck he headed for the door.

"Schultz, take Colonel Hogan back to his barracks and have the prisoners medic take a look at him," Klink ordered, opening the door.

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant," Schultz answered, taking Hogan's arm.

"I can walk, Schultz," Hogan said, pulling against, Schultz's grip.

Without releasing Hogan's arm, Schultz answered, "Ja, Colonel Hogan, but not straight."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Blimey, I wish I could have seen Hochstetter's face," Newkirk laughed.

"Yeah, I bet he'll have a hard time explaining this to his superiors," Carter giggled from where he laid on Hogan's top bunk.

Kinch entered carrying Hogan's bomber jacket. "Here you go, Colonel. It's as good as new!" Kinch paused. "Well, it's at least as good as it was." Hogan raised an eyebrow at that last comment, and watched as Kinch hung his jacket on the corner of his bed.

"Thanks, Kinch. It may be looking a little ragged, but then so am I," Hogan remarked.

Wilson scowled. "Quit moving around."

"Sorry, Colonel, I didn't mean to get you in trouble," Kinch commented, as he stepped next to Wilson, to check out Hogan's head wound. "How's it look?"

"Not bad. It's a good thing he's hard headed. There's no damage to his skull, just some tissue trauma. Except for having a sore head for a few days, with some rest he should be fine," Wilson answered.

"Would you two mind not talking about me like I'm not here?" Hogan complained, as he pulled the towel tighter around his neck to keep the water Wilson was using to clean the wound from running down his back.

Kinch looked at Wilson and smiled, before stepping back around and taking a seat on Hogan's bottom bunk next to LeBeau. "I just checked and the radio detection truck is still in the compound, Colonel. I'm afraid we won't learn anything more tonight."

Hogan nodded, causing Wilson to place his hands on either side of Hogan's head and command, "Sit still."

Irritated, Hogan rolled his eyes and changed the topic. "Okay, let's get back to business. How much longer before our boiler will be fixed?"

LeBeau glanced quickly at Newkirk. "It's fixed, mon Colonel. After Kinch and I completed your orders to turn the hot water off in the guest quarters, we all got busy and repaired our boiler," Louis said, wiggling in his seat with a good deal of self-satisfaction.

"And we turned the water back on to the kitchen," Kinch added.

"Right, Colonel, it's all taken care of." And Louis and I have arranged our own harassment for the enemy, Newkirk smiled at the thought.

Carter grinned. "Yeah, don't worry, Colonel, we've taken care of everything."

"That's good," Hogan said, as Wilson pulled the towel, he was clutching around his neck, away.

"I'm done, Colonel," Wilson said.

"Finally," Hogan complained under his breath.

Gathering his supplies into his satchel, he slung it over his shoulder and picked up the washbasin to leave. "I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm going to bed." Wilson, still standing behind Hogan and out of view, looked at the others and nodded his head toward the door.

Kinch stretched. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, I'm bushed! Good night, Colonel."

Louis yawned, "Oui, me too! Good night, mon Colonel."

"Boy I'm wide awake! How can you guys be sleepy after all this excitement?" Carter asked.

Kinch now standing turned and looked at Carter. "Come five thirty roll call, you won't want to get up!"

Louis nodded and offered a sarcastic, "Oui."

"Come on Andrew, I'm going to bed and so are you. I don't want you climbing into your bunk after I'm asleep and waking me up," Newkirk fussed, pulling Carter off the bunk and herding him toward the door.

Carter offered a muffled, "Night, Colonel!" as the door closed on the retreating foursome.

Hogan looked around his now quiet empty room. It looks like we get at least one more night in the ole prison, Hogan thought thankfully, as he stood to get ready for bed. By the time he headed for his bunk his head was throbbing with each heartbeat. Passing his jacket still hanging on his bedpost he ran his hand over it and offered a quiet prayer of thanks for the men he served with, before collapsing into his lower bunk and surrendering to his exhaustion.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Tap, tap, tap, tap. Klink's door opened slightly. "Kommandant," Schultz whispered. "Kommandant, are you awake?"

"I am now! Sshh! You'll wake General Burkhalter," Klink moaned. Turning on his light and grabbing his robe he stumbled past Schultz on his way to the parlor. "What is it, Schultz?"

"Herr, Kommandant…" Schultz started, but stopped as Burkhalter walked groggily into the room.

"What's going on now, Klink?" Burkhalter yawned.

"I don't know, Herr General." Looking back at Schultz Klink asked, "Now that you have us both awake, what is it, Schultz?"

"Herr Kommandant," Schultz looked out of the corner of his eye at Burkhalter and then quickly back at Klink. "The men were getting ready for the day and…" Schultz looked again at Burkhalter.

"And then what, Schultz?" Klink demanded.

"Well, Kommandant, you see…" Schultz didn't want to say it. He knew Klink would only blow up but General Burkhalter was a man of action. Hesitating, he realized he had no choice.

"Schultz!" Klink hollered.

Schultz jumped, "The men have no hot water in the showers."

"Hogan!" Klink fumed, "The man is incorrigible. I told him after Hochstetter's cold shower that I would not tolerate anymore of his shenanigans."

"Hochstetter had a cold shower?" Burkhalter's surprise changed into a laugh. "I would have liked to have seen that!"

"It was rather comical, Herr General," Klink laughed in agreement.

Recovering from his mental picture Burkhalter sobered. "But going against a direct order will have to be dealt with."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

The lights flicked on in Barrack Two and the complaining began.

"Blimey, is it time for roll call already?" Newkirk asked pulling his blanket tighter around him.

"No roll call this morning," Schultz announced.

Hogan's door opened. "You're a little early, Schultz. It's only five."

"Sorry, Colonel Hogan, Kommandant Klink wants to see you," Schultz said.

"Now? What is so important that he wants to see me now?" Hogan asked.

"I know nothing, Colonel Hogan. Please get dressed," Schultz lied.

Running his hands through his hair, Hogan stopped suddenly as he hit the sore spot on the back of his head and frowned. "Okay, Schultz, give me a minute."

Schultz spent his minute dodging questions from Hogan's men.

"Hey, Schultz, what's Klink want with the Colonel?" Kinch asked, as he rolled into a sitting position on the side of his bed.

"The Kommandant does not confide in me. I only follow orders," Schultz answered as he went to the stove and shook the coffee pot. Frowning he set it back down.

"Come on, Schultz. You know more than you let on." Carter was now standing next to the stout sergeant.

"Oui, tell us, Schultzie, and I'll save you some strudel when I make it today," LeBeau tempted.

"I told you, I do not know. Now quit asking me!" Schultz begged. "Will you still save me some strudel, cockroach?" Before LeBeau could answer, the door to Hogan's room opened.

"Okay, Schultz, lets go." Hogan absentmindedly slapped his hat on his head and winced. "Ow! I think I'll leave this here." He tossed his cap on the table and looking at his men, he shrugged, as Schultz opened the door for him and they marched out.

There was a mad dash for the windows and door as the men of Barrack Two watched their commanding officer being marched out.

"Hey, they're not going to Klink's office," Carter said.

"Where are they taking him?" Kinch wondered. "They're going toward the guards' side of the camp."

Louis turned away from the window and moaned, "Oh, no!"

Newkirk too, turned pale as it dawned on him what was going on. He looked at Louis and said, "We're dead, mate!"

Kinch turned from the door and asked, "What have you two been up to?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

"Where are we going, Schultz?" Hogan asked.

"Please, Colonel Hogan this is hard enough. Don't ask me any questions," Schultz begged. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better…so far…I think. What's up Schultz?" Hogan asked.

Schultz stopped in front of the guards' showers and opened the door. Hogan stepped in.

"Kommandant, General Burkhalter," Hogan acknowledged and nodded as he stepped inside. He looked questioningly at them, waiting for an explanation.

"Colonel Hogan," Burkhalter began, "Kommandant Klink tells me that due to the repairs on the plumbing that Major Hochstetter ended up taking a cold shower."

Hogan looked surprised. Why would Klink bring that up? "I explained that, General. We left the hot water in the water heater. The Major just used more hot water than we anticipated."

Burkhalter smiled, "Yes, so I was told." Looking down the dripping double row of showerheads Burkhalter continued, "Frankly, Colonel Hogan, I could care less about Major Hochstetter. However, our Luftwaffe soldiers report that they were exposed to cold showers this morning. And Kommandant Klink tells me you were warned not to pull that stunt again."

Hogan paled. "Honestly, General, I know nothing about the hot water not working in the guards' showers. I'm sure if it was something we did it was just an accident! After all, we aren't professional plumbers and…"

Burkhalter turned and picked up a towel and a bar of soap. "I believe you, Colonel Hogan. But just to make sure you don't forget to get this fixed..." Burkhalter handed Hogan the towel and soap.

"You want me to take a shower?" Hogan asked, surprised.

Burkhalter smiled, "Perhaps this will prevent any further accidents."

"But…" Hogan looked at Klink. "Surely, Kommandant you don't think I…"

"You were warned, Colonel Hogan," Klink cackled, enjoying the moment. "Maybe this will make you think twice before you disobey one of my orders again."

"I didn't disobey…forget it." Realizing no intercession was coming, Hogan looked down the line of showers and mumbled, "Swell!" His mind was searching for an explanation as he unzipped his jacket and began undressing. LeBeau said they all got together and worked on our boiler… The light came on in Hogan's mind, "They're dead!"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

--Thirty minutes later--

The door to Barrack Two opened and a wet haired, slightly blue American Colonel entered the room and headed straight for the stove.

"Oh, no," Louis moaned.

Carter sat up wide-eyed on his cot, and asked, "What happened, Colonel?"

The bunk rose over the tunnel and Kinch climbed out, taking in what was going on.

"Some…somebody t-turned off the…" Hogan paused to shiver. "…hot water to the…g-guards' show…shower," Hogan said through chattering teeth. "W-who was…"

"Colonel, we didn't know they'd…that is…we thought…" Newkirk gave up and with hat in hand prepared to face the music. "I'm sorry, Colonel, had I known…"

"Oui, Colonel, we didn't know they would make you take a shower!" Louis was pale with remorse.

Shivering, Hogan clenched his chattering teeth together and hissed through them, "Fix it! Now! Bef..fore I have to take a…nother one tomor…tomorrow."

LeBeau and Newkirk practically fell over themselves getting out the door. Louis grabbed his blanket off of his bed as he was leaving and draped it over Hogan's shoulders. Hogan grabbed it and wrapped it around himself as the door closed.

Kinch was doing his best not to laugh out loud and snorted, drawing a severe look from Hogan, after which he worked at forcing himself to somber up. "You okay, Colonel?" Kinch finally forced out with just a hint of amusement.

Carter sat quietly, afraid to say anything.

Hogan looked sternly at Kinch and then a twinkle slipped into his eyes. "Do I look as cold as I feel?"

"Yes, sir, you're a bit blue. Here," Kinch slid the bench over closer to the stove, "you'd better sit there for awhile."

Hogan pulled the blanket up around his head and sat down. "I think I will." It suddenly donned on Hogan that Kinch had just returned from the tunnel. "Is the radio detection truck gone?"

"Yeah, Hochstetter must have pulled it out after we went to bed," Kinch guessed.

"Finally," Hogan sighed. "Have you got some news for us?"

Kinch smiled and sat down next to Hogan. Carter cautiously came over and sat with them.

Kinch handed Hogan the message while verbally telling him what it said, "Baum's on his way to England and the plans have been passed on to the Navy."

"Do you think the Navy got them in time, Colonel?" Carter asked.

"They should have. And I'm sure our boys will have a nice surprise ready for them, if the Nazis decide to follow through on them," Hogan answered.

Carter looked questioningly at Hogan. "What do you mean, if they decide to follow through with them?"

"They may decide it's not worth it now that they've lost the element of surprise," Kinch explained.

"Boy, it makes you feel good to think we may have been able to stop an entire battle!" Carter grinned.

-Late that afternoon-

--Knock, knock, knock--

"Yes?" Klink looked up as Schultz ushered Hogan in. "Ah, Colonel Hogan, come in. You're dismissed, Schultz."

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant."

"You wanted to see me, Colonel?" Hogan asked, looking at his watch.

"Yes, Hogan."

Hogan squinted trying to read the dial on his watch. "Do you mind if I turn on the overhead light Kommandant? It's a little dark in here."

Klink looked out the window at the setting sun and nodded. "I thought you would want to know your five a.m. shower, scheduled for tomorrow morning, has been cancelled. You're men did a good job getting the hot water back on in my men's showers."

"That is good news. I'll let my men know. I wasn't looking forward to another cold shower. Is that all, sir?"

"Yes, Hogan, that is all. You're dismissed." Klink went back to finishing his report.

"Thank you, sir. And don't worry, we'll have it fixed in no time," Hogan said as he hurriedly closed the door.

"That's good," Klink mumbled, returning to his reports. And then, gradually, Hogan's words sank in. Have what fixed? He wondered. His question was soon answered----Plink—as the overhead light went out.

HH

--Authors Notes--.

The plot bunny that inspired this story was:

The boys are on strict radio silence thanks to Hochstetter's men surrounding the camp with radio detection trucks. That means the tunnel escape routes are also off-limits for the time being. Schnitzer the dog man isn't scheduled to visit the camp for another week. BUT, Hogan and his men have to get a critically important message to the underground for passage to London.

I hope the owner found this story worthy of their bunny. I had a lot of fun writing it. And the tricky little bunny only escaped into the story once. But luckily it turned out okay. His scaring the horse and upsetting the potato cart was just the diversion the Underground needed to get Schultz to stop his truck. Thanks Plot Bunny!

About Reykjavik Iceland

The Germans did have a weather station at Reykjavik Iceland. The German troops stationed there were removed by, British Major General, Robert Sturges, on board the British cruiser Berwick. After this the Kriegsmarine tried to establish a network of weather reporting trawlers.