Author's End Note: The first time I wrote this, I messed up Sawyer's accent. We had a long discussion about it on Lost-Forum and I realized I made it too heavy. Of course this was also after MistyX pointed it out, so I do appreciate that. You were right. Hope it was better here. Special thanks goes out to Lost-Forum's KatherineSawyer for beta reading this for me. Hope you guys liked it.
Neither could look away, and Sawyer almost didn't notice when her bottom lip began to tremble, eyes filling to the brim with fresh tears. Before he could say anything, Kate's entire body began to shake, and she couldn't hold her own weight. Her head feel forward as she sank to her knees on the ground in front of him, mahogany hair cascading all around to cover her face. Kate wrapped her arms around her torso in a futile attempt to contain the convulsions, but it was no use. Her sobs, no matter how stifled, echoed in his ears over the roar of the waterfall. It was like listening to his parents fight all over again. Like listening to his father's gun go off for the third time. Kate's cries tore through him with tremendous force.
"You're sorry? You're sorry for something someone else did years ago?" She wasn't just crying anymore. She was screaming at him. "My God, why do you do this to yourself? Why?"
No matter how hard she tried, Kate couldn't stop sobbing, even when she felt his hands grip her upper arms. No words were spoken as he helped her to her feet, and disregarding her fully dressed state, lead her down to the water. Her khakis grew heavy as they soaked though and her bare feet stumbled over the smooth rocks, but he never lost his gentle grip all the while keeping her balanced, never once letting her fall. Both waded into the water until it lapped against their hips and the spray of the waterfall drench their skin.
Any sexual tension between the two had all but disappeared momentarily. There was simply too much pain, too many emotions to deal with. Just for a few moments, Kate was completely dependent on him. Not just for balance, but she was honestly afraid of what would happen to her if he decided he couldn't deal with this and leave. But he didn't. Kate had broken down, and he hadn't abandoned her.
She was dimly awarer of his hands on her face, gently wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, washing them away with the cool water from the waterfall. She drew in a sharp breath, as something deep inside her began to relax and let go. When she could no longer feel the difference between her tears and the water, Sawyer's hands moved to her shoulders. He washed away the sweat and dirt, lifting years of guilt and fear and pain, drowning it all in the roar of the waterfall.
Slowly she stopped shaking and even managed to rest her palms against his chest, still breathing heavily. Sawyer's fingers laced through her wet curls, and he tilted her head to make her look at him. Her moss green eyes still held a great deal of sadness, but they were clear now, filled with understanding and acceptance. He never asked if she was alright, but Kate never expected him to say the words aloud. She nodded none the less and he led her back to shore.
They built a fire in silence, and when Sawyer sat on a rock next to the flames, Kate settled down next to him. They didn't touch, but the closeness allowed them to feel the heat from each other's bodies as well as that of the fire and somehow that was enough.
"It's over," Kate whispered finally, the idea sounding almost surreal on her lips. "It's finally over."
"Maybe." Sawyer didn't sound as confident. "but I'm not gonna lie to you, this ain't gonna be easy on either of us." Kate looked up at him, as he sighed and shook his head elaborating. "This ain't a fairytale, Freckles. I'm not good ol' dependable Jack, never pretended to be. You sure you want to get involved with someone as screwed up as me?"
The question hung in the air for a long heavy moment. He was asking so much more than that one fairly simple question. Did she really want to deal with someone as damaged as she was when there was someone as stable as Jack to turn to? Kate saw a crease of worry cross his brow, and realized just how much he needed her. If she turned him away, he would fall apart. But whether he realized it or not, this was a two way dependency: she needed him just as much as he needed her. Kate smiled, placing her hand over his.
"I don't want a fairytale," she replied honestly, instantly feeling the tension leave his body, "Fairy tales aren't real. This," she squeezed his hand in comfort, "is real, James. It's not pretty and it's not perfect, but it is real."
Sawyer nodded thoughtfully, and she could see how relieved he was. In the end, his worst fear was the same as her own: neither could bear the thought of the other one abandoning them. They weren't star crossed lovers. She was no princess to be rescued, and he was no knight in shining armor. They were just two people brought together by the most tragic of circumstances. Life had left them scared beyond recognition by the outside world, but in each other they saw something neither had for a long time: hope.
Kate's left hand brushed over something on the ground, and she picked it up in curiosity. It was that letter. The thin piece of paper that seemed to put all their pain into words. Her hands began to tremble, but Sawyer quickly took a hold of it, and the shaking stopped. She let out a calming breath, and regarded him for a long moment.
"We're going to have to do something about this," Kate said quietly.
Sawyer reached out and took the letter from her. He read it over once more, the old pained look flashing across his face, then turned it over to the blank side and reached for a pen. Wordlessly he handed it to Kate, and holding his own hand over hers, they began to write. Everything they held inside them, all the anger and pain of the past, was poured into one final letter.
Dear Mr. Sawyer,
You don't need to know who we are, because we are not the only ones. We are just two of the countless lives you've detroyed. You prayed on the week solely for your own personal gain. This is what makes you a monster.
But it was us who gave you power. The power to haunt us ten years after your death. We were the ones who kept you in the limbo of our minds. You became such a large part of our lives, that it was hard to see where you ended and we began.
It doesn't matter who started it. It's time to bury it.
Good-bye, Mr. Sawyer,
Kathrine Austin & James Ford