A/N: Sorry it took so long to post this, but I've been VERY busy with school. Thanks for all the awesome comments, guys! They really encourage me to write and update sooner! So please continue. :)

This chapter has a VERY HIGH R-RATING. There is a very graphic suicide scene, so be warned. If that offends you, but you still want to read the chapter either e-mail me and I'll send it to you without it, or just skip the part. You'll know which one it is.

Chapter 5

Dr. Madison looked somewhat surprised, but didn't say anything. Ruby was staring at the doctor, but she could feel Tyler's gaze on her. Mentally, she narrowed her eyes. If he wanted her to talk, she was going to talk. She turned towards him, her expression bland.

"He was the one that found me, after all." She looked down, remembering that day perfectly.

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It had been a couple of weeks after Amanda's death. Ruby had been depressed, always in her room. She hadn't even thought about going back to school yet. Tyler had been over every day, sometimes even spending the night. She was happy he was with her, but she just couldn't help feeling like this. Her sister was dead. And she, the white wolf, couldn't save her. She was supposed to save her. That was her job. But that's not what happened. She had failed, and now her sister…her baby sister, was dead. And it was all her fault.

"Ruby! Are you there?" Ruby came back to the present, a voice shouting out of the phone she was holding. She had been talking to Maggie.

"Yeah, I…sorry, Maggie. Dozed off a little." She heard Maggie sigh on the other end.

"You know what, I'm not going. I'm staying with—"

"No you aren't!" Ruby interrupted Maggie swiftly. "There is no way I'm keeping you from going. You have too. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." The pack went to the city once a year together, shopping and such. Ruby wasn't going, though. She just…she couldn't. Every time she thought about it, she remembered last year when she and Amanda had gone together.

"But Ruby—"

"Mag, I'll be fine." Ruby spoke calmly. "I'm actually looking forward to having the house to myself. It'll give me time to think."

"Ruby, you're in your house everyday—"

"Maggie, this is different. I'll have the house to myself. I can dance around naked, blare music, you know the drill." Maggie laughed.

"Fine, fine." Maggie sighed. "So…what about Tyler?"

"He's going. I don't care what he says. I want to have one day alone."

"I hear 'yah, babe. The boy loves you, though." Ruby sighed.

"I know, but I just…need some time alone."

"Fine…have fun dancing naked." Ruby gave a small laugh.

"I will. Bye Maggie." Ruby set the phone back down in its cradle. She glanced around her room; at all the clothes hanging around, at the pictures on the walls. She stood from her bed and walked out into the hallway, down the stairs and outside, where her dad and Vivian were loading the car. She gave her dad a small smile when he walked over to her. He gave her a tight hug.

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Sweetie?" She nodded.

"Yes, Dad." She spoke softly, "I'll be fine. Now go."

"Call if you need anything—"

"I know, I know." She smiled. "Have fun." She watched as he got into the car, Vivian as well, giving Ruby a small wave as she did. Ruby walked over and waved to Lucas, who was buckled into the backseat. He waved back, and she watched as they drove away into town, where they would meet the rest of the pack and leave. They were spending the night, like they did ever year. Except this time Amanda and I won't be there. She walked back inside, shutting and locking the door behind her.

She was about to go back upstairs when she heard noise coming from the kitchen. She sighed, knowing just what, or rather, who it was. She made her way into the kitchen and paused; it was empty. She frowned, and was about to turn when a pair of arms wrapped around her. She didn't jump. She knew he was behind her. She always did.

"Hey, baby." Tyler's voice spoke in her ear, his arms spinning her around so she was facing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder. She inhaled his scent; peaceful. Being in Tyler's arms always had a calming affect on her. She pulled back after a moment, kissing his lips softly before walking past him. He followed.

"Tyler, I told you, I want the house to myself tonight. You said you were going to go with the pack." She turned back to him once she was at the front door again. He shrugged, advancing on her, backing her up against the door. He stopped once his body was touching hers.

"Why would I want to go there, when I could have you here, all to myself?" His mouth covered hers, not as gentle as she had been with him. She let him kiss her, responding, but when she felt his hand starting its way up her shirt, she grabbed it, pulling her mouth away from his.

"Tyler," she moaned as his mouth found her neck. She pushed him away. "Tyler, I want you to go with the pack." His eyes were dark, his hands still on her waist.

"Why?"

"Because I need some time alone, okay?" She ran a hand through her hair, watching him. He nodded, and she gave him a small smile.

"Good—" She was cut off by his mouth again. She pulled back after a moment. "Tyler—"

"You want time alone? Fine." His mouth moved to her neck again. "I'll go…later." She sighed, exasperated. He never listened to her. But fine, she would let him stay for now, but later…he was going. She tugged his head up and met her mouth with his, and this time when his hand lifted her shirt she didn't stop him.

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"Leave. Now." Ruby grabbed Tyler's shirt off the floor, pushing him towards the door. They hadn't even bothered moving, just stayed in the hallway. Thankfully, her dad hadn't forgotten anything, or else he would have been scarred, and Tyler possibly dead. Well, Willard wouldn't have killed him, but either way it wouldn't have been pretty. Ruby opened the front door, shoving Tyler out.

"Baby, come on, let me stay—"

"No." Ruby placed a light kiss on his lips and smiled. "You're going, and I'm staying. Now go." Tyler grabbed her face and kissed her again, exploring her mouth with his tongue. Finally, he pulled back, pulling his shirt over his head. She smiled again. "Good boy. If it makes you happy you can call me when you get there."

"Fine, I will." He gave her a small glare and walked down the steps onto the driveway. She watched him go, watched until he was in his car and gone before shutting and locking the door. She slid down onto the floor, her back to the door. She shut her eyes, willing herself to shut the connection she had with Tyler off. Once she was sure she was alone, she opened her eyes. A lone tear ran down her face. She wiped it away quickly.

"I'm sorry, Tyler."

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She had waited until night, until it was pitch black out, until she was sure no one was coming back. She started the bathtub, plugging the stopper into the claw foot tub, making sure the water was hot enough. She walked back into her room, stopping when one of her pictures caught her eye. She walked over to it, lifting it up to see. It was an old picture; it was of her and her mom, with Amanda, who was only a baby. She smiled, her heart aching. She missed her mom, she missed Amanda. It wasn't fair. Neither of them should have died.

She clutched the picture to her chest, the metal cold against her bare skin. She walked over to her dresser, opening the bottom drawer and pushing the clothes aside, digging all the way into the back where she had hidden something days earlier. She felt the metal on her fingertips. It was warm from being in her drawer. She pulled it out, lifting it up so the light could shine on it.

She stood, walking back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She set the picture frame and razor on the floor next to the tub, turning the water off. It was silent except for the dripping of water, which happened every few seconds. Ruby stood frozen, listening to the water. Eventually it stopped, and Ruby stepped into the tub. She hissed as the hot water hit her skin, but didn't stop until she was lying down. She dunked her head underwater, holding onto the sides of the tub to keep herself under. She stayed like that until she couldn't breathe, then jerked to the surface, gasping in air.

She reached over the side of the tub, grabbing the razor and bringing it in front of her. This is what you want, Ruby. You don't want to stay like this anymore. It hurts too much. Do this, and it'll all be over. You'll see mom and Amanda again. Her mind spoke softly to her. She nodded. But what about Tyler? This isn't fair to him, she thought. But after you do this, you won't have to think of anything or anyone anymore.

Ruby brought the razor to her wrist, pressing down onto her skin hard. She closed her eyes and dragged the razor over her wrist, crying out at the sharp pain she felt. Tears fell from her eyes, and she opened them, switching the razor to the other hand. She pressed down and dragged, gasping at the pain. It was horrible. The razor fell from her hands, dropping into the steaming water below. She set her wrists on the edges of the tub, watching as blood ran down them and into the water, which was now turning red.

She was getting tired. Her wrists were throbbing, but it was beginning to dull. The light in the bathroom seemed to be getting dimmer and dimmer. She closed her eyes, her tongue slipping out to wet her lips. She was tired, so tired…she pictured Tyler, hoping he would understand why she did this, but knowing he wouldn't. No one would understand…Her head fell to the side, her arms dropping into the water. It was almost over now…

Ruby heard a loud noise, something crashing, she thought. She tried to open her eyes, but she was just too tired. She just wanted to sleep. She heard someone call her name, felt someone pulling her, and then…then she felt nothing.

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Ruby opened her eyes slowly. She felt warm. Her wrists hurt. They hurt like hell, she thought. But not only that…her whole body hurt. Oh god…she jerked up, looking around. She was on a bed in an unknown room. She glanced down at her wrists. Both of them had white gauze wrapped around them. She felt tears fill her eyes. No. No. No! Why wasn't she dead? She was supposed to be dead! She wasn't supposed to be here…be alive. Her eyes snapped to the door as it opened. Sherman walked in, shutting it softly behind him.

Ruby pulled the covers off herself, not caring how much it hurt her wrists. She jumped off the bed, only to fall back down. She was dizzy. She closed her eyes, trying to focus. She opened them after a moment, catching Sherman's, who was sitting down in a chair across from her. She glared at him.

"What did you do?" She stood again, this time not falling back down.

"I didn't do anything." Sherman spoke calmly. "I simply treated your wounds."

"Well maybe I didn't want you to!" She shouted at him, trying to ripe the gauze off her wrists. They were stained a dark red now. She had probably opened the cuts from all her movement. Sherman had stood, and was reaching for her. She jerked away. "Don't touch me." She ripped the gauze off and threw it to the ground, staring at her wrists, watching as the blood ran down her arms freely. She clenched her fists, looking up at Sherman, tears running down her face. "Just leave me alone."

"I can't do that, Ruby." Sherman grabbed her wrists, pressing a towel he had somehow gotten onto them. Ruby sank to the floor, trying to pull away, but too tired to actually achieve anything.

"Please…don't help me…" She met his eyes, begging. He turned away.

"I can't let you do this to yourself, Ruby. We need you." She didn't respond, just sat still, letting Sherman press the towel to her wrists. She didn't look up when the door opened, didn't bother to see who it was. Her head fell back against the bed, and she remained still. It was over.

They weren't going to let her go.

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Ruby stopped talking, glancing at Tyler. He was staring straight ahead at the wall in front of him. He looked like he wasn't paying attention, but Ruby knew better. He was listening. He had heard every word she had spoken. She turned back to the doctor.

"And that's what happened." She spoke softly. "After that, I got over it. Everything went back to normal." The doctor nodded.

"Okay, then. How about we—"

"Ruby," Tyler's voice was dark. Ruby shut her eyes, as if trying to block him out. "Why don't you tell the doctor everything that happened." The doctor glanced between the two, finally settling on Ruby.

"Ruby, telling me everything would really help—" Ruby turned to Tyler, who was staring at her.

"Fine," her voice was a snarl, directed at him. "I'll tell her everything." She closed her eyes, trying to remember; not having a hard time. She would never forget.

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"Ruby?" A voice spoke softly from the doorway to her room. Ruby glanced up. It was Vivian. She turned away, facing the wall. She was still at Sherman's. It had been only a day since…since what happened. After she had woken up the other day and yelled at Sherman, she had slept. He had given her a sedative. That she knew. But she didn't care. Sleeping meant she didn't have to deal with herself, or anyone else for that matter.

"Luke wants to see you." Vivian's voice spoke again. Ruby remained silent. "Well…when you're ready, we'll be waiting." She heard the door shut, but didn't move. She hadn't spoken to anyone. Her father had been to see her. She saw the sadness in his eyes as he tried to talk to her. She hadn't said a word. Not to him, not to Sherman, not to Vivian. Not to anyone. Surprisingly, Maggie hadn't been to see her. But Ruby had a feeling the adults weren't letting her. And then there was Tyler.

She hadn't seen Tyler yet. He hadn't been in to see her. She wasn't sure what to think of that. She couldn't feel him either. It was like he had cut off their connection, like she had that night. Or at least, she thought she had. She heard the door to her room open and close, but didn't look up. After a moment Sherman came into her view. He sat down on the chair across from her again.

"Ready to talk?" He spoke softly. She watched him for a moment.

"Who found me?" She spoke softly, her voice scratchy.

"Tyler. He brought you to me." She swallowed. That's what she had thought.

"Where is he?"

"He's here, in the house. We've been sedating him. He's been going…well, a little wild, and we thought that would be best, for the both of you." Sherman spoke softly.

"That's why I can't feel him?" Sherman nodded.

"Most likely, yes. He's in a chemically induced sleep. It would be normal for you to not feel him. He can't even feel him." Ruby nodded.

"Tyler's going to be up soon, I don't think I'll give him any more sedatives." Ruby nodded, watching him leave. That was his way of saying Tyler would be coming to see her soon. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. She wanted to see him…but she didn't. He was going to ask her why, and she didn't want to answer him. She wasn't ready. She wasn't prepared. She never thought she would have to deal with this. She thought if she went through with it…that would be it. It would be over. She never thought she would live. And yet, here she was.

Alive.

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Ruby was still awake hours after Sherman had left her. She couldn't sleep. Her wrists were bothering here. They were itchy from her skin healing and pulling the skin. She wanted to scratch them so bad…but she didn't. She just sat on the floor beside the bed, looking out the window down onto the lake, occasionally glancing down at her gauze covered wrists. She had contemplated breaking the window and using the glass…but no. They knew…they knew what she was doing.

So here she was, just looking out the window, watching the stillness of the lake. The moon was shining brightly down onto the water, leaving behind a white shadow. She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. The only thing she could do was think. Think about what she had done; think about her dad, about Maggie, about Tyler…Oh god…

She stood slowly, using the bed to help her up. She walked over to the window, easing it up slowly, making sure it was quiet, and because it hurt her wrists. She glanced behind her one last time before climbing out the window and jumping down onto the grass below her. She walked slowly over to a window, looking in. Willard, Vivian, and Sherman were all sitting around a coffee table, talking. She knew exactly what they were talking about. Her. What to do with her.

She turned away and started down to the lake, making sure she didn't snap any twigs or trip. The last thing she wanted was them chasing after her. And besides, she wasn't running. She just wanted some fresh air, a quiet place to think. The lake was that place, it always had been. She sighed in relief when she finally descended onto the beach of the lake. The sand was cool and gritty under her bare feet. She sat down on a dry spot. She started unwrapping the gauze from her wrists, one at a time, until she had a pile sitting next to her, her wrists free.

She held her hands in front of herself, palms up, inspecting the damage she had inflicted upon herself. They were ugly, bloody gashes across each wrist, starting to heal, but still far from it. She bent her wrist back, watching as a stream of fresh blood slid down her arm. She felt the sting of tears, and she didn't stop them when they fell. She stood up quickly, running into the water. It was cold, a shock to her system, but she didn't stop, just kept moving until she was completely under the water.

She stayed under until she just couldn't hold her breath any longer, than she shot up, gasping for breath. She stayed like that, just standing in the water, watching the woods around her, watching the water, the moon. Finally, she started towards the beach, but halfway there, she froze. Tyler was sitting on the sand, watching her.

TBC…

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