Disclaimer: The characters of Harry Potter are not mine. Nor are any of the songs or the Muppets T.T

Chapter 7 Harry Potter the Musical Christmas Special

As we continue on we come to a very special time… and well... Ahem... It appears that the spell can influence this narrator as well because…

Happy holiday
Happy holiday
While the merry bells keep ringing
May your every wish come true

Happy holiday
Happy holiday
May the calendar keep bringing
Happy holidays to you

It's the holiday season
And Santa Claus is coming back
The Christmas snow is white on the ground
When old Santa gets into town
He'll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down

It's the holiday season
And Santa Claus has got a toy
For every good girl and good little boy
He's a great big bundle of joy

He'll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down

He'll have a big fat pack upon his back
And lots of goodies for you and me
So leave a peppermint stick for old St. nick
Hanging on the Christmas tree

It's the holiday season
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
And don't forget to hang up your sock
"cause just exactly at 12 o'clock
He'll be coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney, down!

Happy holiday
Happy holiday
While the merry bells keep bringing
Happy holidays to you
MERRY CHRISTMAS HOGWARTS!

In the headmaster's office
Shinju bounces into the Headmasters office positively glowing with Christmas Spirit, though that may have just been the neon colored robes. She rushes over to Dumbledore and exclaims, "Dumbledore! I know the perfect way to celebrate Christmas!"
"But it's not Christmas."
"Does it matter?"
"No" Says Dumbledore foolishly.
"Then we can celebrate it now?"
"And what would your plan for that be?" Asks Dumbledore.
"Well do a Christmas Special!"
"What do you mean? We don't have any Christmas music yet and Christmas is well TODAY!"
"Just give me permission and I'll take care of it."
"Well alright then." Says the ever lenient old man.
"Well then let's get started!"

Meanwhile Percy Weasley has gone missing from the Gryffindor common room after coming to visit the twins. There is however a suspicious Christmas tree in the middle of the great hall. OH GOODNESS! It is Percy Weasley… See there! That's his head on the angel and if you pull off the little dress you can see his neck! The rest of him appears to be the tree! Now the twins have entered into the room to begin their favorite Christmas song…

TWINS
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy treeYour leaves are very Drab and Dim
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
You look a lot like him
(I AM PERCY)
We really hate to hear you sing
After that we can't hear anything
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Harry walks in
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your jokes are not the best thing
(huffs)
You think you're smart
But you are dull
Over simple things
And thoughts you mull
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Hermione & Ginny Walk in
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
We think we might make you look like crabb
(SHRIEKS)
You are the bossiest around (G)
You're worse then me (H)
So here's your crown
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Ron walks in
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
I think they'll put you in the lab
(NOOOOOOOOO)
You aren't nice to your own family
That's why you're now
A Christmas Tree
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Malfoy walks in
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
I really don't like seeing you in DRAG
(IT'S NOT MY FAULT!)
You are the real Weasel here
I hear you have pink and lacy underwear
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
I think that means you're gay now
ALL
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree (drawn out, Pause and then very fast)
YOU ARE THE WORSTEST CHRISTMAS THING!!!!

"Ahhhh the joys of Christmas for the family have been shown to us in a very moving way." Said Dumbledore being senile and not noticing that the tree that was formerly a boy is a member of the Weasley family.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" He joyfully cries out to the world, but he was soon silenced as Shinju and Kiritsu appeared in the hall to perform a small Christmas skit... Meaning part of a Muppets Christmas Carol (Modified for their purposes of course)

"Chocolate! Get Your Chocolates here! Knut a piece while they last!" shouts Shinju.
Kiritsu, the main narrator, glares at her companion who has started to eat some of the chocolate, "They won't last long the way you're eating them!"
Shinju just smiles over at Kiritsu, "I'm creating scarcity! It will drive the prices up!"
"Shinju…" Says an exasperated Kiritsu.
"Hey! I can see the audience from here!"
"What!? Uhhhh erm… I mean…Hello! Welcome to the Hogwarts Christmas Carol. I am here to tell the story."
"And I'm just here for the candy."
"My name is Charles Dickens."
"Wait a minute! You're not Charles Dickens!"
"I am too!"
"Then who am I Merlin?"
"No you're just Shinju"
"Then why are you Dickens."
"Because I just AM!"
"You are not! Who ever heard of a female Charles Dickens who hangs out with a witch?!"
"Everyone who read the scrip and the playbill."
"But, but, Charles Dickens was a 19th centaury novelist! A Genius!"
"Why thank you."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because I know the story of a Christmas Carol like I know the twins."
"Prove it."
"Well that one is Fred not George, and-"
"NO!! Don't tell us about the twins!! Tell us the story MORON!"
"Geeze well fine then," Kiritsu takes a deep breath, "The Deatheaters were dead to begin with."
"What?"
"That's how the story begins Shinju! The Deatheaters were dead to begin with."
"Oh, ok."
"As dead as a doornail."
"That's a good beginning. It's creepy and kind of spooky." Says Shinju shaking.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome Madame Dickens."
"In life the Deatheaters had been associated with a shrewd potions Master called Severus Snape. You will meet him as he comes around that corner."
"That one?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"Now…. There he is Professor Severus Snape."
"Umm Kiritsu, I mean Madame Dickens, is it getting colder in here?"
"Yes Shinju, I think it is."
Students suddenly fill the great hall and break into song.
When a cold wind blows it chills you
Chills you to the bone
But there's nothing in Hogwarts that freezes your heart
Like years in the dungeons alone
You stare at his indifference
Yeah it really makes you gape
'Cause the worst of the worse
The most hated and cursed
Is the one: Professor Snape
Yeah

Unkind to Harry
And the wrath of many
This just is Severus Snape

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug
There goes Mr. Grim
If they gave a prize for being mean
The winner would be him

Oh Snape, he loves his potions
'Cause they give him super powers
Oh if he was one of us
You can bet he would be skele-grow
Dreamless sleep, Polyjuice, I thought you loved me!

There goes Mr. Skinflint
There goes Mr. Greed
In Hogwarts he's the master of the Slytherin's and their green
He takes points off of houses for small errors in his classes
Oh Neville lives in misery
And look at Harry's glasses
Please sir, I want some points!

Gryffindor Girls:
He must be so loyal
He must be so neat
He's Voldemort's spy and he's really discrete
Oh he's just a present from Satan below
Oh which one of us will get to be his--- girls break Imperious Curse and shriek
Draco-Damn snaps fingers

There goes Mr. Outrage
With his patented sneer
He has no time for friends or fun
His anger makes that clear
Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases
No extra points for those in need
No pointses for us helpless

Madame Dickens then narrates, "Scrooge liked the cold. He was hard and sharp as a flint; secret and self contained; as solitary as an oyster.

There's goes Mr. Heartless
There goes Mr. Cruel
He never gives to Gryffindors
The Slytherins think he rules

Oh being means his way of life
He's very well rehearsed
And all his work is paying off
'Cause he keeps getting worse
Yeah, every day, in every way
Snape is getting worse!

Snape suddenly turns around, robes swirling around him, and the students dispel"Humbug." Says Snape, fleeing to his classroom.
Shinju finally says, "Geeze. What an unpleasant professor."
Madame Dickens nods saying, "He was a tight fisted hand to the grindstone Snape. Boy he has a really dirty Classroom."
"You're telling me." Shinju says raising her eyebrows and looking pointedly at a certain Gryffindor Golden boy.
"I DIDN'T MEAN DIRTY THAT WAY."
"I didn't say anything"
Madame Dickens cleans a window that now magically shows Snape's room. Then she says, "He was a tight fisted hand to the grindstone Snape; a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous old sinner."
"Arthur Weasley." Snaps Snape looking at his new teacher's assistant with disgust.
"Yes Sir?"
"Who is this?"
"It's Mr. Longbottom, sir. He's come to speak to you about his accident."
"Please Professor Snape; I know you're really angry about this. I didn't mean to melt the cauldron again. It being Christmas and all… Just don't scream at me and…" Neville said looking as if he were about to cry.
"Detention Mr. Longbottom." Said Snape who then threw Neville out of the room.
"Thank you for not shouting at me!" Neville said with tears in his eyes.
"Let us Deal with the detention notices for tomorrow Mr. Weasley"
"Um, but tomorrow's Christmas sir?"
"Very well you may decorate them." Snape said with a sneer. Knowing Arthur can't get out of work if he insists because he needs the money for Christmas.
"There are certainly a lot today!" Arthur exclaimed.
"Christmas is a very busy time for me Mr. Weasley. House Elves preparing feasts, purebloods throwing parties. Spending homework time of frivolities leading to an increase in explosions! One might say that December is the Detention Season. Harvest time for the Professors."
The Gryffindors who are writing out the detention slips for Snape and goad Arthur into asking Snape for a favor.
"If you please Snape it's gotten colder and the Detention-writing staff would like another shovelful of coal sir."
Forge "We can't do the Slips!"
Gred "Yeah our quills are icicles."
Shamus "Our assets are frozen!"
"How would the Gryffindors like to find them suddenly unemployed!" Snape shouted while grinning inwardly at the fact that they had to rely on him for extra cash.
"No no thank you" Gred or Forge said quickly.
"I think you've convinced them once again Professor Snape." Said Arthur ending the performance that moment as he was hit by a bout of laughter.

Shinju just sighed… "I guess it's time to move onto another form of entertainment… Oh Hermione! Ron!"
Hermione sighed… "Do I really have to do this?"
At a stubborn look from Shinju she gave up and began her song singing to Professor Snape who has suddenly found himself the victim again as he is tied to a chair in the great hall which is stuck to the floor and his wand has been taken.
Anybody can change Snape and so can you
When you're ready to start
There's room in your heart for love, love, love, love
Anybody can grow Snape
And you can too
When you're doin' your part
There's room in your heart for love

If you want to live
Give freely
And you will find
That what you get in trade Professor is
Peace of mind!

If you're ready to turn to the light side
Then open up your heart
Well open up your pocketbook
It's perfect place to start
Ron!

Do do doom do do doom doom
What you're missing is fun Snape
It's sad, but true
Walk away from this gloom
There's room in your heart for love, love, love, love

Doom EXACTLY Ron! Doom doom do do doom do do Doom doom doom

When you're doing your best
You're suddenly blessed with love
If you want to live
Give freely
And you will find
That what you get in trade Professor is
Peace of mind!

If you're ready to turn to the light side
Then open up your heart
Well open up your pocketbook
It's perfect place to start

Do do doom do do doom doom
START DANCING RON!

Anybody can change Snape and so can you
When you're ready to start
There's room in your heart for
Love, love, love
When you're ready to start
There's room in your heart for
DO DO DO
When you're ready to start
There's room in your heart for love!

Snape at the end of the song was green and was glad when he was freed just enough so that he could empty his stomach into the mysterious trashcan that had appeared.

Unfortunately Snape's Ritualistic Christmas themed torture was to continue…

That night Lucius and Bella Astral projected themselves into his room and woke him to sing their little song…
It is required of every wizard that the spirit within him should walk abroad his fellow wizards and muggles.(Lucius)
And if that spirit goes not forth in life, he is condemned to do so after death(Bella)
To witness what he can not share but might have shared and turned to happiness.

We're Lucius and Bella(Both)
Avarice and Greed
We took advantage of the muggles
And just ignored the needy
We specialized in causing pain
Spreading fear and doubt
And if you were not for our cause
Well we simply AKed you!
Laughter

There was the year we AKed the entire orphanage.
I remember the little tykes all lying in the snow bank
With their little frostbitten teddy bears
Laughter

We're Lucius and Bella
Our hearts were painted black
We should have known our evil deeds
Would put us both in shackles
Captive, bound, we're double ironed
Exhausted by the weight
As freedom comes from giving love
Oh Azkaban comes with hate!

We're Lucius and Bella
We're Lucius and Bella
True, there was something about muggles we loved
I think it was their screaming!
Laughter

Doomed Snape
You're doomed for all time
Your future is a horror story
Written by your crime
Your chains are forged
By what you say and do
Backup ghosts
So have your fun
When life is done
A nightmare waits for you

FunnyFunny

We're Lucius and Bella
We're Lucius and Bella
We're Lucius and Bella
And now it's time to part
To go back where they keep our kind
The wretched and the heartless
The news we've shared
Has got you scared
We're glad that we got through
So make amends
And make some friends
The future's up to you!

We're Lucius and Bella
We're Lucius and Bella
We're Lucius and Bella
CHANGE!...

Or not…
Yeah doesn't actually matter much to us…

This is TBC but it's not like I'm doing it on purpose
Part two has to be finished and I wanted to be kind and give you an update because I finally got inspired... to ... finish... this... one...
And besides! You wouldn't want to miss Christmas at Azkaban would you?
Might just turn into Songs of Azkaban though… I will be having an original song there so I know you won't know the song, but the lyrics are pretty funny in my opinion.
We can even include the Floating Pineapples! (If you want the picture this is a reference to e-mail