Title: Harry Potter (The-Boy-Who-Scored) and the Half-Blood Prince (Get it On): A Blooper Reel
Authors: ph34r teh sistahs (Impatient and Sage)
Rating: M ((For... ummm... stuff...) Chapters will be rated separately though)
Disclaimer: We own Harry Potter and his world. j/k, it actually belongs to JK.
Author's Note: This would be best if read alongside the book. Not only are there incredible SPOILERS, but the bloopers will just make much more sense that way.
Chapter Four
Horace Slughorn (Gets Squashed)
Rated K+
"Keep your wand at the ready, Harry," he said brightly.
"But I thought I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school, sir?"
Dumbledore looked straight ahead, smiling slightly.
"Sir?"
His happy expression, unwavering, the headmaster continued, "Care for lemon drop, while consult JK about my next line? It appears to have slipped my mind."
"Sirius probably stole it." Impatient muttered.
"Sir, I saw in the Daily Prophet that Fudge has been sacked. ..."
"Correct," said Dumbledore, now turning up a steep sidestreet, "and what a brilliant decision it was too."
"Though I quite agree, I don't think you were supposed to say that, sir."
"Maybe there was a fight and – and they dragged him off, Professor?" Harry suggested, trying not to imagine how badly a wounded a man would have to be to leave those stains half-way up the wall.
"I don't think so," said Dumbledore quietly, peering behind an over stuffed armchair lying on its side.
"You mean he's – ?"
The aforementioned armchair chuckled heartily. Then quickly apologized, "Sorry."
And then without warning, Dumbledore swooped, upturning the armchair and plopping himself down in it.
"GEROFFFME!"
"Good evening, Horace," said Dumbledore, not rising from the chair beneath him.
Harry stared around the room searching for 'Horace.'
"Psst! Harry! Underneath Dumbledore!" Sage called, helpfully.
"You're not light, you know that," said a man who had been just seconds ago been an armchair from underneath his headmaster's bum.
"What kind of blood was that, incidentally?" Asked Dumbledore loudly over the chiming of the newly unsmashed grandfather clock.
"On the walls? Dragon," shouted the wizard called Horace, as, with a deafening grinding and tinkling, the chandelier screwed itself back into the ceiling.
"Oh DRAT! I thought it would have been human," said Voldemort, "but that can be remedied. Any volunteers? Harry, is that your hand I see in the air?"
Harry turned and ran from the set, screaming in agony and clutching his scar.
"No, I was wondering whether I might use your bathroom," said Dumbledore.
"Oh," said Slughorn, clearly disappointed. "Second on the left down the hall."
Dumbledore strode from the room. Once the door had closed behind him, there was silence. After a few moments, a large crash sounded from what had to be the 'second on the left down the hall.'
"Sorry," called Dumbledore, "I just fell in. But I'm fine, no need to worry."
"... Ever heard of Sirius Black? You must have done – been in the papers for the last couple of years – died a few weeks ago –"
It was as though an invisible had twisted Harry's intestines and held them tight.
"I think I'm going to be –" But before Harry had a chance to finish his sentence Slughorn was covered in sick.
"Kreacher!"
"This will do, Harry. If you will grasp my arm."
Braced this time, Harry was ready for apparition. But still found it unpleasant. When the pressure disappeared and he found himself able to breath again, he was standing in a country lane beside Dumbledore and looking ahead of his second favorite building in the world: the burrow. Well, he was sort of standing. One of his legs seemed to be missing.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"It was cruel," said Dumbledore softly, "that you and Sirius had such a short time together. A brutal ending to what should have been a long and happy relationship."
Harry nodded his eyes fixed resolutely on the spider now climbing Dumbledore's hat. A hand reached from behind Dumbledore, slipping the hat off his head.
Still looking at Harry, Dumbledore smiled, "Well, hello, Sirius."
Sirius escaped the broom shed sending several spider infested broom toppling onto the stunned Harry.
"SIRIUS! Dumbledore needs his hat back."
"No, that's quite alright. I'll just get another."
Author's Note: Okay, so that chapter, again, was disappointing, unless of course you enjoy seeing Harry writhe in pain. But we promise better things in the future. Sage's inner eye can see it. Impatient shoves Sage of building
Author's Note Revisited: We need a dirty, perverted female nickname for the next chapter. And, as we are excessively innocent, we know none. Any suggestions?