Title: Harry Potter (The-Boy-Who-Scored) and the Half-Blood Prince (Get it On): A Blooper Reel

Authors: ph34r teh sistahs (Impatient and Sage)

Rating: M (For... ummm... stuff...) Chapters will be rated separately though)

Disclaimer: We own nothing of JK Rowling's, too bad. Thank you Napoleon Dynamite for your goshness, we don't own that either, darn. All blooper themes belong to their respective peoples.

Author's Note: This would be best if read alongside the book. Not only are there incredible SPOILERS, but the bloopers will just make much more sense that way.

Chapter One

The Other Minister (Gets Singed)

(Rated K+)

(Cornelius Fudge Theme Plays- Let's Get Retarded- Black Eyed Peas)

He watched, trying not to betray a flicker of surprise or alarm, as a portly man appeared within the flames, spinning as fast as a top. Seconds later he climbed out onto a rather fine antique rug, brushing ash from the sleeves of his long pin-striped cloak, a lime green bowler hat in his hand.

"Ah... Prime Minister," said Cornelius Fudge, striding forward with his hand outstretched. "Terrible to see you again."

"Yes. Quite," said the Prime Minister thinking himself quite insane."

"You are insane," whispered Impatient.

"NO! He's not," shouted Sage, "And Cornelius, please be more polite next time."

"Right. Sorry. It's just, it is terrible to see him again, considering why I'm here. But, okay. We'll just start from my entrance again," Fudge agreed apologetically to Sage and Impatient.

(Cornelius Fudge's Theme Plays- See above)

He watched, trying not to betray a flicker of surprise or alarm, as a portly man appeared within the flames, spinning as fast as a top. Seconds later he climbed out onto a rather fine antique rug, brushing ash from the sleeves of his long pin-striped cloak, a lime green bowler hat in his hand.

"Ah... Prime Minister," said Cornelius Fudge, striding forward with his hand outstretched.

"I am sooo happy to see you. It's wonderful to be in this handsome office once again. I have been eagerly awaiting another meeting with you since our last. And... is that a new hairdo?"

"Errr... yes.. No, this is not in the script. AND it is Not very good to see you again," the Prime Minister stammered, confused and agitated.

"Well, I thought the ad-libbing was quite good on Fudge's part. Next time just go with it Prime Minister," Sage comanded.

(Sirius Black's Theme Plays- Godfather Theme by John Williams)

"Is Serious Black with – er – He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?"

"Black? Black?"Said Fudge distractedly, turning his bowler rapidly in his fingers. "Sirius Black, you mean? The murderous raving lunatic who attempted to destroy the wizarding world as we know it? No, he's dead. Thank God."

"Sirius was a GOOD guy, you stupid portly man!" Impatient screeched.

"And he was soooo handsome," added Sage.

"Why, thank you!" Said Sirius appearing out of nowhere, "I quite agree myself."

Sage opened her mouth as if to tell Sirius he did not belong in this scene, let alone this book, but then thought the better of it as she appraised his dark good looks. Slowly, carefully Sirius inched toward Fudge.

Fudge, however, was not impressed by Sirius' appearance, quite the contrary, he was terrified. He scampered underneath the Prime Minister's desk, even abandoning his bowler hat in his hasty retreat. Sirius looked around the room shiftily before snatching the discarded hat and sneaking off the set.

"Sirius get back here, you CLEPTO!" Impatient yelled outraged.

A stunned Fudge stood up banging his head on the desk. "I've been hoodwinked!"

(Rufus Scrimgeour's Theme Plays- The Lion Sleeps Tonight by

The Prime Minister's first, foolish thought was that Rufus Scrimgeour looked rather like an old lion. There were streaks of gray in his tawny hair and his bushy eyebrows; he had keen yellowish eyes behind a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles and a certain rangy, loping grace even though he walked with a slight limp.

"Wait. Should there be something about stripes," Sage corrected tentatively.

"No! He looks like a li-on not a li-ger. And now we've ruined a perfectly good take." Impatient said. (Sounding quite impatient, but that could get old quick.)

"I think it would be better if he looked like a liger." Sage murmured sulkily.

Scrimgeour hissed and waved his rather furry hand. "Gosh! You're ruining my life," he growled.

(The Floo Theme- Hot Stuff by Donna Summers)

And with that, the two wizards stepped one after the other into the bright green fire and... burned.

"OUCH!"

"How much or rather little of that powder did you use?" Fudge yelped fanning himself with his bowler hat and succeeding in spreading the flames to the Prime Minister as well.

Impatient and Sage sighed. "Do you reckon we can find replacements?" Impatient asked resignedly.

"They're MAGIC! Why don't they just put it out?" Sage queried to nobody in particular.

"Oh... right."

Author's Note: Despite the fact that Sirius died, he's still happily alive and well. And a clepto. Sorry about that.