Title: Diverging Fates
Author: Firnuial
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or plots, they belong to George Lucas. I am also not making any money off of this, it is purely for fun. The italicized words are parts from "Leave".
Summary: Anakin and Obi-Wan's final goodbye is remembered and brooded upon by both. Drabble.
Part I: A Storm Arisen
Point of View: Anakin Skywalker
I still remember the last time I spoke to my brother. How long had it been now? Three years? Four? Time no longer has any meaning for me; the days fade in and out like a pale, lifeless ghost. Every day in this scarred and monstrous body is like an eternity in hell itself, burning my soul again and again until all that's left iscold black ashes enveloped within a mist of misery. The pain is unbearable, but worse than that is the infinite guilt. The memories. They rush at me, jumbled and fragmented, over and over again, never ceasing their constant torrent, so that I wish I could have all the pain in the galaxy instead. I wonder if this will last forever or if it will fade into the stars and become a part of another lifetime, as the rest of my past has.
It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all
But my past hasn't faded. Not one bit. It still echoes within me, through all of the walls I built around it and myself to keep it locked up, away from me. It constantly haunts me, all of the things I have done; the slaughtering of the Jedi Order, the murdering of children no older than two or three, and the ruthless and vicious killing of the Separatist leaders. I still remember it vividly with horror and a sickening certainty that it was my fault, my responsibilty...or lack of. Or rather Darth Vader's, but he is me, isn't he?
I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me
Many times I have wished that Obi-Wan had killed me on our final duel on Mustafar. For I believe that he, in killing me, would have actually saved me from what I have become. But I know that even if I had begged him to finish it, he would not have been able to. He loved me as much as I did him, and I know that if I were in his position, I wouldn't have been able to kill him. But Vader would have. Vader would have killed him without a second thought. That was my brother's greatest fault; he had not seen me as Darth Vader until it was too late. I still wonder now if he really recognized Vader at all, or if he has been hopelessly holding onto Anakin in an attempt to protect his sanity. He would have been able to kill a Sith, I'm sure of it. Why must he be so blinded by his love for me? He was too blind to grant me one last, bitter mercy.
It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell
I still remember the last time I spoke to my brother. While I was myself, not this monster I am now, hidden forever behind a mask feared by all who had once thought me a hero. Even then, before this despair, I had a feeling of foreboding, a dark divergence as we said goodbye. That sense of dread was the very reason I chose not to say goodbye, fearing what it implied. I gave him the farewell befitting of a Jedi, formal with only a touch of the deep friendship I felt toward my former Master. But Obi-Wan deserved so much more. That parting was the closest thing to a goodbye that I ever gave my brother. But I realize now that it was not enough. Most often it iswith regretthat one looks into the past with eyes unclouded by the desire to live.
Tell me how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
"Obi-Wan?" I paused, waiting for him to turn toward me, the large Clone ship looming in the background."May the Force be with you," I told him, a confident smile making its way out, and though many emotions were battling within me, confidence was far from anyof them. A small smile crept onto his face as he nodded. "Goodbye, old friend." I smiled inwardly at his words, glad that he was still proud of me, with all of my flaws. He was like a brother to me; I loved him dearly. I watched him turn his back to me and continue his walk down the metal ramp and into the ship, and then I, too, turned away and walked through the high pathways back to the Temple.
Back to my destiny.
Now I wish that I had truly said goodbye; it was the least I could have done for him, since the next time he saw me I was a demon of insanity and hate. I should have told him everything he meant to me while I could have. That he was my friend, my brother. That I loved him. But that chance is now long gone, broken and shattered like the stars. And the fragile pieces were all swept away by a rough sea that consumed the entire galaxy and violently destroyed a young Jedi Knight known as Anakin Skywalker.
Part II: A Dream Fallen
Point of View: Obi-Wan Kenobi
The past is beginning to fade, becoming like dust in a room abandoned for far too long. But I never let the dust settle, I stir it again and again until it whirls all around me, enveloping me in a suffocating cloud of memories and confusion. I realize that, as a Jedi, I should come to accept what has happened and move on with my last mission here on Tatooine. But I cannot; the past continues to haunt me, I can't let go of the feeling that I could have changed something, anything. And looking back, I realized I could have changed many things, so many things. I could have run faster to save Qui-Gon, or I could have been more insightful to save Shmi. Perhaps I even could have expressed more emotion to save Anakin. How many changes are required to be made in order to divert a destiny?
It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell
A Jedi is not supposed to dwell on the what-ifs, but they continue to mesmerize me with their ghostlike echoes. What if I had spoken to the Council about Dooku's warning at the beginning of the Clone Wars? What if I had tried talking to Anakin longer, in an attempt to pull him back to the Light? What if I had not left my brother on Mustafar, burning and full of hatred? Or what if I had acknowledged him as Darth Vader and killed him? Would the galaxy have been saved? No, I realize, Palpatine was too smart to let the death of his Apprentice hinder his plans to rule his empire. The battle's outcome on Mustafar was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things that Palpatine had created. But in my eyes, it was the most important battle. And I lost it in all possible ways.
I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me
I still cannot understand how it all fell apart so quickly. In hindsight I realize that there were many warnings of the growing instability of Anakin's emotions. But they all seemed to be either misinterpreted or ignored. The final warning was the disturbance in the Force I felt before boarding the ship for Utapau; it, too, was dismissed as my own reluctance in leaving. So like a Jedi to dismiss a warning for a personal conflict. My farewell to Anakin had seemed acceptable at the time, though something had been tugging at me, as if I had forgotten to say something. I did eventually come to discover what I should have told him. Unfortunately, for the galaxy, I realized it too late.
I nodded slightly to him and left, beginning to walk down the ramp to yet another mission in this unforgiving war."Obi-Wan?" I barely paused, turning around to meet my former Padawan's eyes. "May the Force be with you," he told me, smiling confidently, and despite the formality of it, I could sense the friendship and caring imbedded within the words. But did he really intend to fool me with a mask of confidence? I could see he was anything but. "Goodbye, old friend," I said, a smile touching my face, effectively hiding my unexplainable unease. With a final nod I turned around, resuming my journey toward what I felt would be a very intense mission.
It's aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out
But I didn't realize just how intense it would be. Force, I loved Anakin. No attachments, no emotions. The Jedi Code could go to hell for all I cared. After all I had been through; I had personally discovered many of the mistakes it held. But most of all I resented the Code for not letting me tell him how I felt; that he was a brother to me. It angers me, which in itself is unusual, but I cannot help but to think that telling him could have somehow altered his fate. That somehow…somehow he would have been strong enough to change the destiny that he was unconsciously choosing for himself.
Tell me how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
I used to think that Anakin had caused the fragile balance to tip toward the Dark Side, but now I see that I was wrong. It was during that final farewell. Something didn't happen; something that was supposed to happen for some reason did not occur. And now I know what it was, and the part that tears away at me the most is the knowledge thatI could have changed it. I could have changed the future of the galaxy, of my brother, if only I had told him that I loved him. Then, on that walkway, instead of waiting until the cliffs of Mustafar and knowing it was too late. Our futures had been on the brink of destiny itself, on one path whole and together, and on the other divided and torn. I let us fall…pushed us…the wrong way, and our paths began to change rapidly. Our formerly entwined fates diverged forever, plunging the galaxy into darkness. Anakin did not upset the balance of Light and Dark. I did.
Our final parting was the beginning; when the delicate balance truly began to tip.
When every planet within the galaxy began to be consumed by invisible clouds of a violent, bloody storm.
It wasn't soon after our fateful goodbye that all seven Hells broke loose.
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