FireFlamesHeat

Disclaimer: Not mine. It's all the ER people's stuff. Except for Robby and Tommy, who we will see more of. Also, I'm taking claim to Joshua's personality and Kendra. Hope you all like it!

Author's Note: A couple flashbacks in this chappy, they're probably going to be in the rest of the story so just to let everyone know now, they're in italics and will start with 2 and 1 in front of them and end the same way.

Chapter 4: Eplainations and Remembering

"Hey there Robby," Carter said pulling away from his son and Abby's embrace.

"Hi, you must be my dad. Nice to meet you," Robby replied sounding too old for his age.

"Hi, John Carter. Dad if you feel like it," John laughed. To him it felt right. He knew he shouldn't be feeling the way he was, but he felt at home sitting on the couch with his eldest son and his ex-girlfriend, who was again his best friend. he started to remember the day when Abby had told him that he had a son. And, this son wasn't merely 3 months old, this son was 10 months old and in the care of a local church.

The day was cold and snowy outside. He sat in a familiar couch with familiar lockers and a fridge and even pictures on cupboards with faces he knew. But, he was lost. The words that had come from her lips, lips he used to kiss and love, were words that would sting him for 8 years to come.

"You have a son, John" she had said.

"Of course I have a son. I know I have a son, I'm not totally idiotic!" he had screamed back. The whole fight had started when she had found him in the drug lock-up getting ready to shoot up. He was stressed, she knew that. He had a 3 month old baby and a girlfriend that was threatening to leave. The whole ER knew that. He and Kem had had an outrageous fight right in the middle of the ER just a week before because she said he worked too much and she couldn't take care of Joshua by herself for the 12 hours a day that he worked. 12 hours a day, everyday working, that had been his drug of choice when the fighting had started. She was upset because he had instantly become friends with Abby again and he spent a lot of time with her. She thought he was still hung-up on Abby, he had denied it, but it was true.

"No, John. Not Joshua, Robby. Robert Jacob Carter-Wyscenski! He was born December 31 at 11:59 PM! He was born without a father, John. You don't realize how many times I tried to call you while you were gone. Or maybe you do. Maybe you're the reaosn I never got through, why the line was always busy or why you were always away, sometimes they said you were away and I could hear you talking in the background. How sad is that John? You know I sat in the delivery room with Susan holding my hand on one side and Elizabeth on the other. Susan got paged while I was in labor and had to run down to the ER. When she got back she told me you were back! Dammit Carter, you could've been there for your own child's birth, but no, I was told you were downstairs with a very pregnant woman on your arm! Do you know how hard that was for me? To know you were home, but not being able to tell you that you had a son because I was afraid of rejection. Not rejection of me, but rejection of Robby! I was afraid that my son, a son I loved from the moment I knew he was inside of me, would be rejected by his own father because his mother wasn't as good as hid father's noew girlfriend. I loved that boy, John. But, even though I loved him, I couldn't stand to look at him. Everyone told me how much he looked like me, but to me he looked exactly like you. He was living proof of what we used to have! Living proof that I loved you, but you didn't love me, and that hurt." she had spit it all out in less than five breathes.

Then, she just gave him this look and told him he was safe and at a church locally where he would be kept safe. Then, she walked out. She left and he sat there. He sat there contemplating the decisions he had made in the last year and a half. He decided to talk to Abby, to see if she had a picture of his son. He wanted to see his son. Robby, Robert Carter-Wyscenski, to him, living proof of he and Abby's love. Love he would always have and never forget.

Shortly there after, he and Abby had had a talk. She had given him a copy of the only two pictures she had of their son. One was of she and her son, it would've been the picture of happiness, he decided, if he had been standing beside those two people. The other of just Robby, laying wrapped up in a little blanket with a turtle on it, his big brown Carter-made-over eyes already open and seeming as if he was looking around curiously at this big, confusing, messed-up world he would have to endure all his years. People were right, he did look like Abby, but he could see in his eyes...himself. He knew that was what Abby saw everytime she had looked into his big brown baby eyes.

They had become friends again, quickly. Deciding that it was best if Robby was left in the church for as long as possible. Also, that Carter wouldn't be telling Kem any of this unless absolutely necessary as so not to cause problems in their relationship. She had explained to him that she had placed the picture in his carrier and he understood completely the value it would have in his eldest son's life. It also held the possibility that he would one day dome back to them.

And he did, just faster than either of them expected he would. He had had another child in the last 8 years though. He was the father of three, Robert Jacob Carter-Wyscenski 9 years old, Joshua Truman Carter 8 years old, and Kendra Abigail Carter age 6, he had had a long a strenuous fight on his only daughter's middle name. He wanted her to be named after his best friend and confidante, Kem on the other hand was insanely jealous of John and Abby's close-knit relationship as best friends. He had won though, and when he told Abby of this, she was ecstatic. She hadn't wanted him to do it at first, calling him crazy dozens of times before finally agreeing to it, but only because he threatened to tell everyone of the ER staff her dirtiest little secrets, like what was under her respective underware in her underware drawer.

He held his smile back at the thought of it and stared down at his oldest son. He brought one hand up and ruffled the mess of brown hair that lay on his son's head and laughed as his son stuck his tongue out at him fixing it subconsciously with a shake of his head making it instantly his own little style.

Three heads flipped to the lounge door as it opened again, this time Kem Carter, Josh Carter, and Kendra Carter all walked through the door. Bewilderment written all over their faces.