Title: It's All That I've Got
By: Samantha Riddle
Disclaimer: I do not own The Used or Harry Potter at all; I am not making cash off of this (if I was I'd be happier).
Warning: Rape, self-mutilation, and suicide ahead. (As well as a shit load of ooc)
Thingy: This story was inspired by the song "All That I've Got" by The Used, inspired only, the plot is all mine. The story may make you sick, so be warned.
Why doesn't the blood run freely? Why can't anyone just save me! I'm sick of this shit, I'm just going to save myself the trouble and lock my heart and soul away from the world.
The Granger girl is laughing with her friends. Such a beautiful laugh, pity it's fake, her smile, too. Everything about the poor girl is fake; I can't find a single time where she isn't acting like she belongs. Sure her grades are still absolutely perfect, but everything else is part of a shell. Her soul isn't in her work anymore. She's eighteen years old, Head Girl, and everyone's friend. She isn't physically lonely, but you can see it in her eyes if you look close enough.
Hmm, she's leaving without her groupies. I wonder where to. Maybe I should follow her. I can see her pushing those heavy oak doors open as she glances around making sure no one notices her leaving. She's running towards a tree by the lake, she disappears behind it. Time to turn invisible. She's pulling a razorblade out of her bag; she's lifting her shirt to reveal her stomach. Gods almighty! So many scars, she's tracing them lovingly with a slender finger. A true smile forms on her lips as she digs the blade in the soft skin under her naval.
Visible time. "Miss Granger, what the hell are you doing?" I whispered dangerously, I know she can hear me, I'm right in front of her. She looks up and her smile grows bigger before falling completely. She waves her hand, the blood she was looking at so lovingly disappeared as well as the blade.
"Hello Professor Snape," she looks at me as she straightens herself out and stands. "Pleasant evening, wouldn't you agree?"
"Tell me what's gotten into you, Granger," I grab her arm forcefully, she doesn't even flinch, "Let me help you."
"Help me? With what, sir? I haven't got any questions on today's assignment, sir. But thank you for the gesture." She flashes a false smile. Her honey eyes are dull and lifeless, but I can still see her screaming for a hand to pull her out of her hole.
"Don't play stupid with me, girl. I just saw you cut yourself, I saw the scars on your stomach!" I hiss, she just stares at me as if I'm crazy.
"Oh my, sir." She giggled that damn fake giggle, "You're acting silly, hee hee, I would never have guess you have a sense of humor." The girl's lost it, how can I reach the real her? What can I do? Well, an impulse takes over my body and I hug her. I, the feared bat of the dungeon, am hugging Hermione Jane Granger, the world's biggest know-it-all and fakest person. "Well, Professor, don't you think that hitting on a student is a tad inappropriate?"
"Let me in."
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'll be just fine pretending I'm not."
"I'm not accepting that."
""I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got."
"No, I'm not taking that, you are lonely and you refuse to confront that."
"I'm perfectly fine, sir. Now if you will leave me alone, I won't tell the headmaster you were behaving inappropriately."
"Can you hear yourself?" I release her and look at her in utter disbelief. "Hermione, please. Let your guard down for a second and let me see you." I fell to my knees before her.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you Professor, I can't do that. Don't show yourself to the world and they can't touch you." She flashed a heroic smile and started to walk back to the castle. I can't let her continue this, I run up behind her and throw her over my shoulder and stalk down to my dungeons, the entire Great Hall hears her screaming. I catch Albus's eye and nod to him, hoping he understands. I carry the squirming girl back to my private chambers and throw her on my bed.
"I'm not the world, reveal yourself to me." I glare at her, she looks at me with relief in her eyes and her face relaxes into a beautiful, real smile. Real tears fall from her eyes as she wraps her real arms around my waist. I hold her close and pet the top of her head.
"Thank you, Professor." I can hear her real voice; "the blood doesn't come out the same way anymore. The food tastes like sand and the water tastes like poison. Life seems like a dream, I am not me."
"Let me help you," I pull her closer. I wave my hand and all the candles are blown out. "There, you are enclosed in darkness. Tell me how you became like this."
"It happened a year ago, we were at Grimauld Place and Harry and Ron came into the library. I thought it was so weird because if they see a book they think it's a Grim. Ron locked and warded the door and fireplace while Harry took the book out of my hands and pushed me to the floor. I started to cry and they laughed. Ron said a spell to remove our clothes and Harry pushed himself into me," she paused to take a few deep breaths, "Ron started to –do- himself while Harry…" I squose her hand to say she didn't have to tell me that part, "well, after they, uh…had their fun. They told me that if I ever said anything they would tell everyone I made them do it."
I pulled her into a tight hug again; I didn't know what to do. How does one help with something like that? "After that, I started cutting my arms, legs and stomach and using a glamour charm to hide the scars. Only I could see them. After a while, the blood stopped coming out so I just kept cutting to feel something other than loneliness. Then I had a brilliant idea, become numb and act for the world as if I were a trained monkey!" her laugh was so bitter, "It's been like this for about six months now, you're the only one that knows."
"Gods almighty, I-I don't know what to say." I pulled her closer, "I won't let them do anything to you again."
"There's nothing you can do. It's so deep that I can't get it out even if I tried." She sniffed, "My act is all that I've got." She pushed herself away from, kissed my cheek, and left. No more words, just that. She seemed happy that she told me but I knew she needs to heal, but I can't pull her out of it, not this time. I can't save her. I fell face down on my bed and went to sleep.
The next morning, Albus shook me to wake me. It had to have been 5:3 or something, it was still very dark. He dragged me to the front of the school to where a body was laying. I recognized it before Albus said anything. I rushed to her and took her in my arms. Her bones had been broken, her slender neck had snapped and she had blood everywhere. "Hermione," I whispered, tears falling freely from my eyes onto her lovely face. She had never looked more beautiful; blood splattered her death kissed skin, her eyes half shut, and a happy, content smile on her lips. Quivering, I bent down and kissed her. She was so cold and I held her close to me, "I'm happy I set you free, my tortured soul." I heard Minerva crying behind me and Albus saying something like we have to take her to the infirmary to see if there's a chance of revival. We all knew there wasn't, I just sat there with my student, cradling her in my arms.
Later that day, I paced the spot she stood before jumping. I found a note lying on the floor by the windowsill.
Dear Professor Snape,
Thank you for setting my soul free. I can't now die happy. Forgive me for leaving you but I hope that one day you will join me. I love you. I'm sorry for being a silly little girl.
Yours really,
Hermione Jane Granger
P.s. it's not your fault I'm dead, it's only the beginning. I hope that one day, when you're here with me, we can marry and have our souls intertwined in one. Thank you.
I stared at the letter for hours. More tears slipped from my eyes before a large smile fixed itself upon my face. "Good bye cruel world, hello my sweet Hermione." I stood on the ledge and tipped myself forward. All I felt was wind rushing over me before…
The EndA/N: yeah yeah yeah. It doesn't make sense and yeah I know that rape victims don't do something like that, but you know what. I don't care. I wrote it the way I wrote it; so if you don't like how I did it, suck a monkey's ass check (unless, of course its how to fix a small error) ok yeah. Review me please!
Much love,
Samantha Riddle