Random Reno Fangirl 05 (R R F): Muwahaha! I'm alive! Not dead!

Sandy: (sweatdrops) Uh-huh, right…

R R F: So sorry for the extremely late update, just my laptop had crapped out on me and I was sorta forced to rewrite this, plus I've been watching Survivor: Africa and Survivor: Guatemala over the past few months, AND I don't like the desktops keyboard cause it's not flat and I have the tendency to hit the wrong key making it difficult to type… also, Sandy went sane for a while so I lost a bit of inspiration…

Sandy: I only went sane because you sent me to the mental ward where all the insane people go to become uninsane…

R R F: Yeah so I sorta had a crisis because if she's sane then I can't make much….

Sandy: But I gained my insanity back by pushing Derek off a cliff!

R R F: Stop hurting Derek, or else all my muses will be insane…maybe I should kick you out of the fic…nah…

Sandy: BUT I GET TO STAY!

R R F: --; Yes, cause without you the word insanity doesn't even exist…

Sandy: Why thank you.

R R F: Disclaimer, NOW!

Sandy: R R F doesn't own anything but me and her muses, on with the insanity…

Warnings: Same as always.

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"Ha! Now you all get to see why Rude has an extreme, irrational fear of snakes!" Reno laughed.

"…." Rude said.

"…Shut up, you talk to much for a guy who doesn't speak." Reno retorted.

"That makes no sense Reno." Sandy said showing a once in a lifetime moment of her sanity…and they all witnessed it.

"Play the video already!" Rufus demanded, and Reeve did so.

(On Video)

"AHHHHHH! CHOCOBOS! KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME DAMNIT!" Sandy screamed while running wildly around the chocobo stables in fear.

Scarlet laughed, Elena was lost as always, Tseng was embarrassed by her behavior, Reeve looked confused, Rude looked indifferent as always, Reno sweatdropped, and Rufus sighed and shook his head in disappointment.

Everyone, but Sandy, looked at Rufus with a befuddled look that said, "What's her problem?"

"Long story, she was attacked by rabid peacocks when she was younger and now believes all birds are plotting to take over the world…along with monkeys, but that's a totally different story…" He explained.

"Well, it's true, I feed the peacock a fry, and what does it do in return, attack me! The only bird more rabid than peacocks are geese, they are the true and ultimate evil, so much more than that Sephiroth guy." Sandy exclaimed, while hiding slightly behind Elena.

"Get on the chocobo! Or we'll never cross the swamp." Rufus commanded.

"Not on your damn life! I'll cover you in blood and throw you to the sharks before you can get me on one of those rabid untamed beasts!"

Rufus twitched and Reno snorted, "What kinda bodyguard is she if she'll throw your life away just not to get on a harmless bird?"

"Get on the bird god damn it!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes! Oops, I mean-"

"Ha, I win! You said yes!" Rufus declared victoriously.

Sandy stuck out her tongue, "You can't prove it!"

Rufus smirked and pulled out a tape recorder that recorded her saying yes, "And I have eyewitnesses!"

Sandy was still persistence, "You can't make me!"

Reno, getting annoyed by the whole fight, then spoke up, "He can't, but I, on the other hand, can."

(A few minutes later…)

A bubble brained, giggly Sandy was sitting on the back of Reno's chocobo and was clinging to the red head as her only support.

"I still don't get how you did it…" Rufus said while bringing his chocobo up to Reno's.

"Eh, it ain't difficult, just get her in her happy place and she becomes clueless, although I hope she doesn't get too happy again…." Reno answered.

"You gave her happy pills?" Tseng asked.

"…I have the right not to answer that question…"

"HAHAHAHA!" Sandy laughed randomly while she began to slip off the chocobo.

"Whatever you gave her, give some to Elena, it'll make my life easier…" Tseng whispered.

"Kyah, can we go yet?" Scarlet barked.

"Alright, alright, let's get our asses moving then. Who's going to be the first to cross the swamp?" Rufus asked.

"Oooooh! Oooooh! Pick us!" Sandy squealed while waving her arms around wildly like a retard even though she has no idea what Rufus asked. Reno put Sandy's arms down to show that he was not volunteering. "I nominate Rude!" He said.

"We're not running for president…" Elena started but then shrugged, "Why not? I second that nomination!"

"All in favor of Rude say Aye. Aye!" Tseng said with everyone else, bar Rude and the mentally challenged Sandy, said 'Aye.'

"…" Rude protested.

"Too bad buddy, it's a 7-1 vote, we win." Reno said.

"…!" Rude pointed out

"And your point is? When she's in her happy place she agrees with almost anything."

"…"

"Fine, complain, complain, that's all you ever do Rude, so the vote was 6-1 and a mentally challenged vote that won't count. Either way you still lose, now cross the swamp!" Reno said throwing his arms up and in the process making Sandy fall off the chocobo and land face first on the ground.

"…Fine" Rude said, and began to lead his chocobo over the marsh.

"Psst! Elena, I bet you a million dollars Rude will make it across!" Sandy hissed starting to come out of her happy place. Elena thought for a moment. "Okay, you're on!"

Rude was halfway across until suddenly the Midgar Zolom arose through the marsh and stared at the now petrified Rude. The chocobo threw Rude off and ran away in fear leaving behind poor defenseless Rude. The giant snake suddenly lurched at the bald Turk and swallowed Rude and took him under the swamp.

"What…the…fuck? What the hell just happened?" Reno asked.

"We're just as confused Reno, just as confused."

"Ha! You owe me money Sandy!"

The bodyguard smirked, "Here ya go Laney!" Sandy said handing over one million dollars.

Elena did a quick cheer but then did a double take at the money. "Wait a minute! What is this?" She asked waving the million dollars around.

"It's called a dollar, it's a different currency that's used in an alternate universe, you can buy a lot of stuff with it there, but here, it's completely worthless." Sandy informed.

Elena let out a long string of curses and began to shred the money like there was no tomorrow, while Sandy rolled on the floor laughing her ass off.

Then Scarlet randomly started laughing along with Rufus. Reno, Reeve, and Tseng stared at them confused. "It's a blonde thing, kyah! When one laughs, for a dumb reason, we all do." Scarlet explained then beginning to crackle again.

"Right, well, this, is a red head thing," Reno said giving them a gesture you should never show your boss unless you want to get fired really badly. That made Sandy hit him, and she went off blabbering about how 'He threatened the President.' Even though all he did was give them the finger.

Tseng and Reeve, the sanest in the group, suppose it a dark haired thing; decided to get back on the subject about Rude being eaten by the snakes.

"Uh, guys, how do we save Rude?" Reeve inquired.

"Simple, the same way we saved Reno from Mr. Pokey Sock!" Sandy said, and then Reno clung to her afraid. "Is he here?" He asked scared.

"No…I was, just using an example."

"You want us to save Rude by doing absolutely nothing?" Tseng asked.

"No, that's not how we saved Reno, we saved him by trading him for some…no, wait a minute, I take it back, I'm thinking about the time I sold Reno to the Swedes." Sandy corrected.

"You sold me to Swedes? How come I don't remember this?"

"No comment…"

"Can we get back to saving my Turks ass!" Tseng demanded.

"No,"

"Why?"

"Because I don't remember what were doing here and why we're even here…oh look, a gil! It so shiny." Sandy then dove for the shiny gil that mesmerized her.

Tseng slapped a hand to his face and slowly dragged it down. "I'm surrounded by idiots I tell you…"

Suddenly, the Midgar Zolom rose and stared at the group of ShinRa employees.

"It's gonna eat us!" Elena screamed and then began to cling to Tseng in fear.

The giant serpent opened its mouth preparing to devour the group, but it suddenly began to make gagging and choking noises. It continued to gag until it finally spat out Rude, who shrieked and immediately scrambled back to the other seven screaming and crying like a baby while clinging to Elena.

"SNAKE! SAVE ME JEEBUS!" He cried.

"You think he's mentally scared?" Reeve asked. Everyone shrugged in response. Suddenly a snake slithered down Scarlet dress and inched its way towards Rude, who squeezed Elena so hard that her face began to turn violet from lack of air.

'Squeeze harder Rude! Off her!' Tseng mentally chanted.

Finally, Elena passed out due to lack of air. Sandy examined her open mouth and decided to shove an extra million dollars in her mouth…and Rude continued to freak out from a snake.

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"Not very funny." Maya said bluntly to which everyone agreed.

"Please tell me you have better moments than this…" Sephiroth said.

"Well, I think 'When Geese Take Over the World' is next." Rufus said.

"Who is it?"

"'Laney, Scarlet, and Tseng."

"Roll it."

(Video)

Sandy took a seat next to Rude and stared at him. "What's up?" she asked.

"…"

"No need to snap at me! GOSH!"

"…"

"It was just a simple question!"

"…"

"Fine, if that's how you want to play it…"

"…"

"…."

"…………"

"…………!"

"……………………."

"!#$$&(#$)($&!"

"!"

"&&!"

"……..$&!"

"…"

"Hey guys! What are you doing?" Elena asked the two.

"…!" Sandy exclaimed.

"Oh, I see playing the silent game, this'll be interesting."

"…" Rude said.

"…" Sandy claimed.

"Rude wins!" Elena declared.

"?" Sandy asked.

"It's simple even when you don't talk Sandy you do talk, with your body language and such, Rude on the other hand…doesn't."

"#$&!"

"Quit being a sore loser, you lost, get over it!"

"…" And Sandy stomped off.

"So Rude, have you seen Tseng anywhere? I've yet to see him today so I could tell him I love him to death." Elena asked.

Meanwhile in a locker room…

Tseng was stuffed in locker trying to avoid Elena; yes, he was that desperate to avoid the blonde's clutches that he was willing to stuff himself in a sweaty smelly locker. The one thing he didn't know was that said locker happened to have belonged to Reno and there were many lighters in there. About a second later his clothes burst into flames and Tseng ran screaming out trying to extinguish the flames; by the time he did, his clothes were charred and his clothing was reduced to a pile of ash.

"Great, now Elena will never let go of me," he sighed. "Must…find…clothing…" He chanted as he examined every locker trying to find something to cover him up. He stumbled upon Rhiana's bag of crossdressing materials and shuddered. "It's better than nothing." He sighed as he began to get in the puffy yellow dress.

When he finished he immediately felt someone tackle his waist and he feel to the ground with his attacker on top of him, he looked up and stared into the mischievous eyes of Reeve.

Tseng sighed and figured he was going to be his new stalker as long as he was in that dress but decided to deal with it. 'He beats Elena by a mile.'

Tseng dragged himself upstairs and into the lounge where he saw a drunken Elena tap-dancing on the table while singing the pickle song.

"What the–? And Reeve get off!" Tseng said while shaking his leg roughly, which sent Reeve flying out the window and crashing into a flying Cait Sith.

Tseng ran over to Elena and slapped her across the face and began to shake her roughly, "Snap out of it woman!"

Elena stared at Tseng blankly and drool dribbled down the corner of her mouth, it took her a minute to react to the pain and she stared at Tseng darkly, "No one hurts me, Queen of the birds, geese attack and take over the world!"

Suddenly a flock of geese flew in and began chasing Tseng around the lounge while snapping at him every opportunity they had.

Sandy gaped as the rabid white birds flew past her chasing the dark haired man, "Oh my god, oh my god! GEESE ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! AHHHHHHH!" She climbed up on the desk Elena was dancing on and clung to the tipsy blonde.

Scarlet walked in the lounge and was pushed into a trashcan when Tseng shoved her out of the way, then the geese pushed the trashcan down an escalator that went up and Scarlet tumbled down her never ending doom fall screaming each time because her fall would never end and she'd never be able to touch the ground again.

The geese destroyed everything in sight; they knocked down bookshelves that acted as catapults launching books into the heads of employees, crapped on people as they flew around, tried eating Tseng's wonderful hair, set things on fire, pushed people out windows, and all sorts of other insanity.

Sandy got bored of hiding from the geese and summoned another flock to attack Rufus, Reno, and Rude.

The three R's eyes widened as they saw the white birds dart after them, they ran around wildly in circles jumping around like maniacs and screaming their heads off. Somehow one goose actually managed to summon a huge tree to grow right through the center on the ShinRa building and it traumatized Rufus, monkeys were also apparently infested in the tree and they chased after Sandy who screamed in response.

"AHHHHH! IT'S MY WORST NIGHTMARE! MONKEYS REALLY ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD, CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?" She screeched at the top of her lungs. The idiotic blonde suddenly tripped over a bird with a colorful flashy tail. When she got a good look at the bird she tripped over her eyes widened and she curled up into fetal position and began to rock back and forth.

"No more peacocks mommy, I won't feed it a fry ever again…no more peacocks mommy," She murmured to herself over and over again. The peacock just stared at her strangely and walked off to where Tseng was resting; because the geese lost interest in him, and proceeded to evilly peck at his heels.

So there were two traumatized blondes on the floor traumatized from their greatest fears coming true, three Turks running away from rabid birds, a blonde falling perpetually to her never ending doom, and a drunk blonde Turk tap-dancing on a desk singing the pickle song while ruling the world with geese.

(End video)

"I still have to say the loco weed and pokey sock were the funniest of the bunch!" Cid barked.

"Oh yeah, just laugh at my idiocy and someone who's been mentally scarred, real funny." Rufus said sarcastically.

"But Ruffie, you laughed when Reno was sucked in." Sandy pointed out.

"Shut up!"

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A/N: OMIGOD! I actually updated this thing after a year…wow, I seriously lost my touch though…sorry for the crappy chapter…(sighs) review please and I guess I'll send out replies via PM.