Silent Tears of Fears

By Infinitis

Dis: I own a Kyo plushy and a kitten named Kyo and ten of the Fruuba books…nothing else! …I just want Kyo himself! T.T

When in dreams… Chapter 1

I had a dream last night…

Kyo-Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

I'm still scared of what it might mean.

Please talk to me!

Like in dreams, it was pitch black. It seemed in my saddened heart that his heart was also black.

Like in dreams, I ran. I didn't know why because he looked like he was walking away slowly, as if to his doom. And yet, to keep up with his slow pace, I quickened mine in fear of losing him. Fear, a desperate emotion I would never want to feel again.

His back faced my front and his head hung low. His hands were in his pockets while slacking in a way of laziness. Our figures could be seen through the darkness though there was no light source.

There was something about him, in his walk and in his features, that didn't seem right. I have always known him for his loud ways of expressing himself. Seeing him like this, I could almost feel my tears running down face. He wouldn't be this cut off from talking or looking at me. He was always open to my feelings, why could he tell his own feelings to me? I could read him like an open book, but in that book there would always leave cliff-hangers for me want to know more about him. But I couldn't because there was always something between us I did not know of. It's like a forbidden part of you that would never show the deadliest part of the book.

Onegai (please)! Don't leave me!

Why do I have this dream? Are my emotions of dooms-day coming reflecting on my thoughts? Kyo-kun. Kyo, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to be silent. I hope it's not too late to say what I want to say. I want to save you from your curse. You said to me once that I can be selfish sometimes. Well, now's my chance, because I want you. I want to be with Kyo, possibly for my whole life.

In my dream he stops walking and in my dream I run as fast as I can. Something was coming and I had to get to him on time.

Kyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I was at arms length and I could feel his soft and fiery cotton shirt starting to flow through my fingers. My mouth began to smile as I take a breath in content. Then I could feel his shirt moving downwards in a strange yet fast way. My eyes and mind then noticed the abyss under him. When I saw his blank face looking up at me, I knew it was too late. I couldn't move. I couldn't catch him as he fell into his depths of despair. And so I cried seeing him disappear to nothing as if he didn't exist. He didn't even put up a fight.

"Honda-san?"

My eyes blink twice to see Yuki-kun's concerned face hovering over my sitting figure just as well as the other people in my class. I must have been day-dreaming. How silly of me. I smile serenely.

"Daijobu desu (I'm ok)." I turn my eyes to the right and met with saddened red-orange orbs… My body feels cold and I shiver. An aftershock of that dream, I guess. A gentile, calloused hand touches my forehead.

"You feel warm…"

I can feel myself blushing. At the sound of his voice, I swear I could melt. B-but, I can't be sick! It's only three days until graduation! Three days till… I hold in my displeasure.

"No really, I'm fine." I giggle, trying to hold back my frightening fears.

Kyo takes off his hand from my forehead and looks at me directly in the eyes.

"Alright, but you worked hard last night at work. So if you get dizzy or feel faint or even trip, go home ok? I'll be watching you, so don't think about…"

Yuki-kun smacks the cat-boy behind his head. Everyone around us chuckles. I smile contently. It feels like things are normal.

"Tohru-kun said she's fine. Go to your seat before class starts."

Kyo grumbles and rubs the back of his head when going to sit.

I wish days like this could be forever.

In my dreams now, I cry. Not only that, but I don't think I can sleep soundly anymore without remembering that one nightmare.

I collapsed after his fall and broke down in rivers of tears. I thought I could make it, to reach him. I'm alone in my dreams now. The darkness envelops my hopes there.

Boom! Crackle, crackle, crackle.

Ah! Thunder! My tear-stained hands bring a pillow to my face. I can't help it. Tears start to flow once more from my pitiful face. Why does it still hurt? It was just a nightmare, right? But it seemed so real.

Boom! "Aieee!" I silently scream and dung my face deeper in my pillows. My ears could hear the rain pounding like angry fists on the roof through my dampened pillow. There seems to be a lot of rain this week. I wonder if God is crying for Kyo-kun. …Ah, wait. Kyo hates rain. But I bet God didn't men it that way. I sigh in mixed emotions and try to stop my tears. I give a silent prayer.

Please, I don't want Kyo to be locked up.

My ears start to hear something else in the pounding rain. No, it's not from the outside… I wipe my tears off on my sheets and get out of my bed. Its 12:30 at night, I think to myself as I look at the alarm clock.

Boom! There it goes again! It was after the thunder. The noise was louder then before and it seemed more…human? My eyes open in shock. What if…!

I suddenly run to my bedroom door. With haste and a little bit of clumsiness, I open my door. My breathing suddenly becomes erratic and I don't know why. I'm scared to think of what might happen next. I almost trip when scurrying through the hallway. My feet froze beside a certain door. I try to breathe in a steady breath. Slowly, I bring an ear to the door. There is sweet silence. Good, it's not him. My feet then moved lightly away in relief. I should go back to bed. Then, just as I turned to the direction of my room, noises of rustling sheets reach my ear. Groans of pain follow the restlessness of the sleeper behind that particular door. So…it is him. My chest tightens in empathy. I wish he didn't have this curse… If I can't wish it away, maybe someday I'll save him from it.

I walk slowly into Kyo's room then softly close his door from behind me. My eyes could not advert from the sight before me, though I wished it. Kyo's futon is a disaster-area. His blankets are strewn randomly on top of him giving the hint of a troublesome night's sleep. He lays there with his head lulled to one side. His face is contorted with mixed emotions. Beads of nervous sweat adorn his brow. … Oh Kyo-kun. I hold in a tear. Steadily, I walk to the sleeping young man and sit beside him. My fingers unconsciously run through his orangey hair and then I start to rub his aching head. He stirs to wake from the land of dreams. His eyes began to flutter open.

"Kyo, daijobu (are you ok)?"

His tired, half-mast eyes rests on my own. "Tohru, why aren't you sleeping?" His gentle gaze tells me otherwise.

"I couldn't sleep."

"You should try. We have to be in good shape for our finals." He sighs as he knots his eyebrows.

"Kyo…" Why do I worry so much about him? He closes his eyes, not for sleep. "Kyo, are you ok? Is there anything I can do-"

Boom! Boom!

He hisses a breath in. The hand with his white and orange beads makes a fist and goes to his chest as if to protect something. I dare not touch him, like he could break and scatter. "Don't worry about me," he says in a ragged voice. I look at him with concerned eyes.

"I can't help it." I reply with a lopsided smile. His red eyes open and connect with mine again. Within them held something I didn't notice before. His free hand lifts and brushes against my cheek. And with that touch, lightning runs up and down my spine. Kyo then plays with my bed head hair.

"Why can't you sleep?"

I look painfully to the side. "I have bad dreams…"

"I see," Kyo stops playing with my hair. "Nightmares, huh?" I could feel his gaze on my figure. My head lowers trying to hide my seeding tears. "I guess you don't want to talk about it." I shook my head no.

"Gomen Nesai (I'm sorry)." I hear him chuckle. Oh my. I shouldn't have to apologize. I mean it wasn't-.

He sighs contently. "It's not your fault. It's habit for you." My ears hear shifting noises beside me. "It is better then to not say sorry at all, although… I wish you would consider your feelings more often." A familiar hand touches my tear-stained chin to turn it wherever. I become worrisome to see Kyo sitting up beside my figure. I hope he's not using too much of his strength. Then, I notice his expression. He's worried over me too. It's silly, yet not in an idiotic way; almost sweet. Now…now I know how he feels, because I also don't want him to worry about me.

"Wha! What are you crying about?" he frets and wipes my tears away with his thumbs, palms in both of my cheeks. I smile deeply into his beautiful ruby eyes. Our hands touch as I put my own hand over his.

"K-Kyo…I may not be able to sleep, but," I pause for a second. I didn't want this to go the wrong way. The rain from the outside lightens. "May I lie beside you?"

A genuine smile he gives to me, albeit one-sided. He must think of me as a baka (idiot). He leans back to his futon. Our eyes never separate and, I believe, even without a blink. I have yet to get my answer. His hand glides out of my cheek and palm. Now a cold sensation is left, like an empty heart. As Kyo's head reached his pillow his mouth opens to speak.

"Do you really want to do this?" He looks toward the quieting storm.

I nod in a haste reply.

"You would have to lie above my head. I don't want anything to happen even if you are conscious. Shigure or that rat might get bad ideas."

Kyo… He keeps on rambling, but I don't care. I can't help but giggle. He gazes upon me once more.

"Just make yourself comfortable as much as possible, ok?" His look is sincere.

Quickly (with a kink of joy), I stand and gather some extra blankets from his closet. I come back to his bedside without noticing his half surprised half shocked look. I hold up a fist in promise. "Don't worry Kyo! I'll protect you from the mountain bears that try to eat you at night!" I yell in a whisper. My makeshift bed almost fell out of my arms as I finished my speech. I grab them franticly before they reached the ground. When this was happening, Kyo was trying to suppress his laughter. I noticed this walking back to him with a smile, giggling a bit.

"Now, THAT I haven't heard of in a long while."

Just as I finished my bed, I laid myself on my side, fetal position, and close to cradling his head. I can't see what his face looked like from this position, but I wonder if he's still awake.

"Kyo?"

Silence layered with even breathing.

I let out a breath.

Kyo…

Aishiteru

(I love you)

The door is open to a crack. I didn't see or hear a smile and sigh of gratefulness. His amethyst eyes look away and softly shut the door. A graceful hand runs through grey-silver hair.

"Alas, I can finally sleep without any restlessness tonight."

I did sleep that night, with my surprise. I dreamed of myself as a youth with Kyo leading me to a secret place where Yuki and the Juunshi were waiting for us to play. We were invited! It felt like being picked in the Fruits Basket game!

(AN) IT'S NOT OVER YET! Well, I'll need to have inspiration in order to finish. I have to feed my muses (sigh) and that is what they feast upon, your reviews! I hope I'll complete this story within a couple of chapters. Ja mata ne (see ya lata)! …I hope.