The final chapter, and ironically the part that was conceived of first. : ) Enjoy, I know I did while writing it. After this I believe I'll get to writing up another comedy.
Lex shivered at hearing his father's voice, his words from earlier, coming from the angelic visage of his best friend. The tone, the attitude, the scorn, was exactly the same. If he hadn't seen Clark's mouth forming the words he would have sworn his father had spoken them. "Jesus," Lex breathed, taken aback as his mind replayed the moment.
Clark's dark lashes lifted exposing Lex to the hesitation that lurked deep within the blue-green orbs. He hasn't shared this with many other people, if anyone at all, Lex realized, surprised. "That's a frighteningly accurate impersonation of my father, Clark. I half expected to see him lurking in the shadows. Though, I find it hard to believe that hearing my dad say that would make you feel better."
Clark let the corner of his mouth turn upward into a mischievous grin, "Not exactly, I'd make him say stuff. Embarrassing stuff."
Lex arched a pale brow, "Do tell, Clark, what sort of embarrassing things did my 'father' say?" His mind offered scenarios where his father touted Jonathan's platitudes or professed a craving for a hair cut but was completely unprepared for the uncharted twisted turns Clark's mind held.
Clark closed his eyes and squealed in Lionel's voice, "Ooooh! That's an absolutely darling summer dress! Do you think I could have it in cotton candy pink? What am I saying? Of course I can, I'm a Luthor!" His father's baritone rose and fell in excited tremors, "I must have it Dominic, find it in my size! Oh and shoes, and the makeup!"
An exasperated sigh, "This will never do, it's got to have it's own entourage of accessories. Dominic! I want a new car," he demanded arrogantly. "Make it yummy," as Clark purred out the last word he cracked open an eye and saw something that was rarely seen by the world.
Lex Luthor, howling with laughter as he clutched helplessly at his stomach. Who knew that Lionel impersonating Lana Lang on a shopping spree could be so funny? Oh good god, what potential! The blackmail…he laughed himself off the edge of the couch, barely missing the coffee table on his way down. He could hear Clark's muffled giggles as he fought outright mirth at Lex's hysterics.
"You've," Lex gasped as he tried to suppress his giggles. "You've got to let me record you doing that!" He managed to turn them into snickers until Clark started laughing, which only fed his own laughter. He couldn't remember when he had laughed this hard, especially when his father was involved.
"I'll tell my dad he talks in his sleep, channeling his inner fairy," he snickered and gazed at Clark in a new light, desperately fighting the bubbling laughter that tried to escape. "You're evil Clark, just evil!"
Clark flashed him a predatory smile that caused a bolt of desire to spike in his stomach, his 'evil' look needing no work at all to convert the masses to his way of thinking. "Mmmm, polyester and spandex," Clark purred in his father's voice, eyes sliding to half-mast, head tilted back to expose his throat in a wanton display of pleasure as he sensually rubbed his stomach. While the pose and actions made Lex's flush burn brighter with desire it was overruled by the humor at hearing his father's voice saying such things.
"Oh god Clark! Stop! I'm gonna wet myself," Lex gasped between peals of hysterical laughter.
Clark sniggered as he braced himself against the back of the couch and his legs against the coffee table to rub one leg against the other. "I love the feel of stockings on my freshly waxed legs…they're such pretty legs…" He gazed appreciatively at his own sweats clad legs, completely missing the heat that flared in Lex's eyes when he displayed them for perusal. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty…" Clark warbled.
Lex rolled to his unsteady legs and staggered to the closest bathroom trying to escape Clark's imitation of his father. His knees gave out after he shut the door behind him, unable to contain his amusement. He rose quickly to take care of his overwhelming need to urinate before his bladder betrayed him as he laughed himself silly in the face of Clark's antics.
"Lex? Are you all right son? You really shouldn't laugh so hard at your poor old father," his father's voice chided him from the other side of the door, triggering another round of near silent giggles. "Do you realize how hard it was to find these darling sandal pumps in my size?" Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, he could feel his ears burning and a pressure build in his lungs as he tried to suck in a full breath of air.
"Lex? You alright?" Clark's voice came through the door as Lex rolled onto his back and coughed a few times to clear his lungs.
"Yeah, Clark, I'm okay. Just needed a breather," his panting slowing as he got a grip on himself. Assuming that Clark had returned to the entertainment room, he was surprised when it was Clark's concerned visage that greeted him on his way out.
"I don't think I've laughed quite so hard before," wiping the tears from his rosy cheeks. "Especially when my father was involved," he gave Clark a speculative gaze. "You're an evil man."
Clark rocked back slightly on his heels, a small smile crossing his lips before he turned back towards their waiting pizza. "Told ya, I made him say things to make me feel better."
Lex smirked as he resumed his place on the couch, "Mmmmm, makes me feel better too." He shifted so that his sprawl allowed him to nudge Clark with his foot, "So, will you let me record you impersonating my dad?"
Clark seemed to seriously consider the question for a while before he grinned and replied, "Only if you use it to blackmail your dad into leaving you alone."
Lex's smirk bloomed into a genuine grin, "I can do that. Now, do Pete's voice next!"
Clark just rolled his eyes at the foot prod and request but complied, "Man! You Luthors just don't know when to quit!"
"Not bad, not bad," Lex pursed his lips momentarily. "How 'bout mine?"
Lex watched as the most contradicting expression crossed Clark's face, the bright red flush nearly distracting him from the wicked gleam that sparked in his eyes.
"No, dad, those Hello Kitty hot pants don't make your ass look big," the droll sarcasm perfectly refuting the claim. Clark waited a moment after Lex had gaped before continuing, "Though I would have thought you had learned about wearing small leather garments the last time you ripped a badly sewn seam."
Lex's mouth gaped open and closed before he suddenly popped Clark on the shoulder. "Hey! What was that for?"
"I don't even want to even think about my father in hot pants," he shuddered. "Let alone the garment giving way…"
Clark snickered, "You've got to admit, if I were to prank call Dominic and have him order a pair for your dad…would he ask why or would he go and get them?"
They both erupted with laughter as their imaginations filled in the progressing looks of horror that would cross Dominic's face and then Lionel's face…"Should I get the phone?" Lex choked out.
Clark grinned.