It's all Greek to me

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I can't believe I went from temple guardian to baby-sitter in less than a day"

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I am re-writing another parody. Gasp, horror! Actually, I was going to re-write the Wild, Wild West parody, but I lost it all when my computer spazzed and somehow unformatted the disc. That will have to be written from scratch (sob) so it is now on the bottom of the parody pile.

This parody, however, is still fresh, not even a year old. So here is my Disney's Hercules parody, enjoy!

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ACT 1 - How the Story Goes

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We open in an old museum, very obviously the Greek section, with vases and statues around. A narrator starts...well..narrating)

"Why am I always the narrator?", whines Magneto, "I want a decent part for once!"

"Just say the lines so the chicks can start dancing", snaps Evan, a directors hat placed jauntily on his head.

"Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes", booms Magneto, "And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Samuel...wait you picked the farm boy!"

"Well, it was between him and Roberto", says Evan with a shrug, "unfortunately, though Roberto has the strength for the role, the personality is a little...off"

"Well! Soooorry for being confident and able to handle myself around the ladies", snorts Roberto, "I don't want the stupid part anyway!"

The camera centres on a vase with Sam fighting a big lion

"But what is the measure of a true hero?", asks Magneto, "Ah, that is what our story is..."

We zoom onto the vase, where Kitty, Dani, Jubilee, Rogue and Amanda are 'painted' on

"Muses...oh joy", mutters Kitty.

"Will you listen to him?", says Dani, pulling a sad mask over her face, "He's makin' the story sound like some Greek tragedy"

"Lighten up, dude", grins Kitty.

"We'll take it from here, darling", smiled Rogue pleasantly.

"Don't call me 'darling'", growls Magneto, "..ahem. You go, girls"

A music beat starts to hit, the girls (herefore known together as the muses) swaying to it.

"We are the Muses", says Rogue, "Goddeses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes"

Kitty grabs a fan, fanning her face with it

"Heroes like Samuel"

"Honey, you mean "hunk-uel"", buts in Dani, sliding down the vase, landing on the painted Sam's shoulder, sidling up to him, "Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him.."

"Err….", says Sam.

Rogue gives her a glare before smiling at the audience

"Our story actually begins long before Samuel", she says, "many eons ago.."

Rogue pulls the border of their vase, making it steps for them to walk down, as she begins to sing.

Back when the world was new

The planet Earth was down on its luck

And everywhere gigantic brutes

Called Titans ran amok!

They stop in front of a vase showing a picture of Amara, Lance and Bobby causing havoc with their powers, a chunk of pot barely missing Dani, who hitches her toga to get over it.

It was a nasty place!, she sings.

There was a mess wherever you stepped

Where chaos reigned and earthquakes

And volcanoes never slept!

We see more chaos, Storm included this time. Then...Sabertooth appears on another vase, holding a lightening bolt.

"I'm a hero", grins Sabes, "whoooot!"

"I think we need to talk to Todd Fan about her casting choices", mutters Kitty as she and the muses sing in unison.

And then along came Sabes

He hurled his thunderbolt

He zapped!

Locked those suckers in a vault!

They're trapped!

We see such an event happening on the vase, Storm, Lance, Amara and Bobby being trapped, as the muses continue to sing.

And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks

And that's the gospel truth!

The guy was too type A to just relax.

And that's the world's first dish

Sabes tamed the globe while still in his youth

Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble

That's the gospel truth!

They dance over to another plate, showing Mt Olympus...which looks suspiciously like Mt Humiliation.

On mount Olympus life was neat

And smooth as sweet vermouth

Ooooohhhh

Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble

That's the gospel truuuuuuuuuuth!

"And cut", says Evan, "Oh man, this is gonna be one nutty, nutty parody!"

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For fans of the Hercules animated show (I worshiped it) this title is actually the title of a song Hermes sings to explain these very events..in a different way. Do review. Until next time..