Chapter 1 Stranger in the park

It was a beautiful sunny day but as far as the skinny bespectacled boy with dark unruly hair was concern it could have been raining, he didn't really care he was too wrapped up in his sadness to notice anything. It had been three days since he came back to Number Four Privet Drive for summer holidays but it seemed like forever.

Usually he would have been dying to go back to school but he was too wrapped up in his sorrows to care, granted his aunt and uncle has been civil towards him. That is if you call avoiding him at all cost or eyeing him suspiciously every time he enters a room civil. If he wasn't so wrapped up in sorrow and guilt he might have enjoyed his summer with the Dursleys' immensely, even Dudley went out of his way to avoid him. "I guess being threatened by crazy looking freaks" (in Uncle Vernon's opinion) "would do that to you" he thought with a sad smile on his way on one of his usual long walks in the park where he went over all the things that had happened to him in his mind.

All of it was his fault. He may as well have been the one to push Sirius through the veil. If he hadn't been so pig headed and listened to his best friend and went to find Dumbledore to let him know what he had seen in his vision about Sirius. If he had only continued his Occlumency lessons with Snape, if you could call them that, he wouldn't have fallen for Voldemort's trick and Sirius would still be alive. If he hadn't been so stupid he would have tried to contact Sirius in the mirror first before he ran off to save him endangering more people in the process and losing the one person who would have made his life happy for once.

He was going to move away from the Dursleys' forever and live with Sirius his godfather and be truly happy for once in his fifteen years, he was going to finally have a family all his own. Sirius was his family and now because he always jumps first and thinks later he had lost his family again, sure the Dursleys' were his only living blood relatives and because his mother had sacrificed herself to save him there was a special protection for him through their blood connection. And because of this they were forced into taking him in and they never let him forget it with the constant abuse they inflict upon him.

He never even knew what being happy was until he went away to school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry but even then he had to come back every summer to the torture because of the blood protection. Then he found Sirius and he was going to be his guardian in the wizarding world and he wouldn't have to come back to this wretched place but he had to go and ruin it with his bloody hero complex.

He was so busy beating himself up he didn't even realized how far he had walked until he had almost tripped and looked up to see that he had walked farther than he usually did, he was almost on the other side of Little Whinging. So he turned and walked back to the park were he decided to just sit and think for a while. He was so deep in his self-loathing that he didn't even hear it at first.

"Excuse me, excuse me are you alright?" a voice said to him

"Err err oh yes I am fine I was just thinking that's all." He replied wondering who was bothering him and feeling for his wand at the same time.

"Oh all right then, but whatever you were thinking about cannot be good because you were looking very gloomy and depressed." the voice continued.

"Oh it was nothing really." He said turning so he could see just who had to be so bloody nosey, he was going to tell them to mind their own business but was stopped dead in his tracks by the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He had never seen eyes that color before on a human, cats yes human no. "Well if you say so, my name is Amelia by the way." She extended a hand. "What is yours?"

"Oh I'm Harry" he shook her hand still staring into those eyes wondering how her eyes could be that color. "Well nice to meet you Harry, you know it's not healthy for you to be thinking about things like you are by yourself. Sometimes it's better to talk to someone." That did it he was out of his daze now he let go of her hand with a jerk.

"Oh, and what makes you such an expert." He snapped. "You don't even know me or what's going on with me but you want to give me advice." Immediately he felt terrible about yelling at the girl, but picking a fight seems like a good idea and he so wanted to relieve some of his anxiety even if it means taking it out on a total stranger. He didn't care if she was only trying to be nice to him. "Who are you to tell me how I should feel and that I need to talk to someone, and oh let me guess you would like me to talk to you about it uh. You don't even know me, you don't even know what I've been through or how I'm feeling so you don't have any right to say anything to me."

She just stared at him with arms crossed and a raised eyebrow while he rant and rave about how he deserved to be depressed and it's all his fault and how no one knows what it's like to be him. By the time he was done he was breathing hard and glaring at her. But she didn't even bat an eye at him instead she sat down on the grass and motion for him to sit next to her, he just stood there looking at her in shock. She wasn't even going to yell at him and call him a prick for biting her head off. But she just pats the grass next to her again and smiled at him, he looked at her and saw a genuine smile she wasn't putting him on. There was only concern on her face. That did it his anger left just as suddenly as it had appeared. He sat down next to her on the grass still wishing she would at least yell back he so wanted a fight.

"Okay, if you are through ranting and raving and biting my head off." She smiled looking at him with eyes the color of a tropical sea. "I hope you are feeling better now that you blew off some steam."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean." Harry started

"You don't have to apologize." She stopped him before he could continue. "It's okay really, but you are right about a few things I don't know you or what you are going through, no don't interrupt" she stopped him before he could speak again. "And you are right about it not being any of my business. But you are wrong about me wanting to be the one you talked to about it. I wouldn't suggest such a thing we don't know each other yet," she said smiling at him. "Even though I've noticed you here everyday for the past three days moping about. And if you don't mind me saying this, you seem to be getting worst each day. That's the reason I suggested you talk to a friend or someone you trust soon because judging by the way you've been looking over the last couple of days you have a lot on your mind and it is eating you up inside, and you can't handle it on your own. If you keep bottling it up inside you're going to end up destroying yourself emotionally and physically."

Harry knew she was right but he didn't want to hear that right now. Merlin knows everyone has been telling him the same thing and right now that's not what he wanted to hear. "What are you some kind of shrink or something?" He snapped at her again. "If you are I must tell you I don't have any money to pay you. So maybe you should keep you advice to yourself or save them for your paying customers." He wished he could take the words back as soon has he'd said them but it was too late and he did want to scream at someone. "Look this is my problem and my life so why don't you just mind your own business and keep your damn advice to yourself. I didn't ask for nor do I need any advice from some little know it all girl I met in the park. How old are you anyway, like twelve? But you think you know so much that you can tell me what to do." He said scornfully he wanted her to make her mad; he wanted to fight with someone. He wanted some release and she was as good a target as any. She was looking intently at her feet now and Harry was glad. Why should he be the only one that's miserable besides she did ask for it. If she had minded her business and left him alone this wouldn't have happened. Harry was feeling malicious now, he was about to continue his onslaught when she looked up at him, and what he saw in those beautiful blue green eyes stopped him dead in his tracks and made him wish he had kept his mouth shut. Her eyes where filled with anger which seem to have given them a darker color. Instead of the warmth he had seen earlier they look like they could freeze him to the spot now. He opened his mouth to apologize but he was cut off before he could even say a word. "You insufferable, ungrateful, unthinking, irrational prick" she said in a low menacing voice. "How dare you?" She continued a bit louder, her eyes flashing. Harry knew then that he'd gone too far. "Yes it's none of my business, yes it is your problem and yes I was butting in. But you should consider yourself lucky that people care about you enough to offer advice to you. You are not the only person in the world that has problems, and I don't care what it is. I'm pretty sure whatever it is there's got to be at least fifty people out there that's got it worst. You need to suck it up and accept the fact that life is terribly unfair and it is up to us to figure out the best way to handle things. Because that is all we can do, handle it. Face it we live and then we die but the only thing that makes us all unique is the way in which we live our lives before we die. What is it uh? Did someone you love die or something?" She screamed at him. She didn't want an answer she just continued. "Let me guess they got killed by someone and you think it's all your fault right?" Harry couldn't believe his ears he couldn't even open his mouth to speak all he could do was nod, eyes wide staring at her. She let out a deep sigh and continued in a gentler tone. "Harry look, people get killed all the time, I'm not saying it's fair or right or anything like that. All I'm saying is, you can't blame yourself for it unless you were the one that did it. If you blame yourself and forget to live you are just giving the bad guys more power and at the same time dishonoring your love ones. You have to learn to grieve for your love ones and then you find a way to bring those responsible to justice. I'm not saying it won't hurt anymore or that you won't still miss them, because it will and you will miss them forever. But if you think of the good times instead of dwelling on the final part it will make it easier." She took a deep breath and continued "just think of it like this, let's say you were the one that got killed and the other person is the one still alive would you have wanted him to just exist, or would you have wanted that person to live his life to the fullest?"

Harry knew she was right. If he had died instead of Sirius he wouldn't have wanted Sirius to stop living. He would've wanted him to continue his life and enjoy it as much as he could and he knew Sirius would've wanted the same for him. Harry couldn't believe it here was a total stranger telling him exactly how he was feeling and it was actually making sense to him, and for some reason hearing her break it down like that had taken some of the edge off his pain. She looks so young but she seems to know what she was talking about. At least she hadn't yell at him for saying she was twelve. He was still musing over everything that just happened and also the fact that she wasn't pushing him to talk about his problems, or had tried to coddle him like everyone else had been doing. She just told him what was what and didn't pull any punches. Harry decided that he liked Amelia and he was going to try and get to know her better. He was so engross in his thoughts that he didn't even hear her until she taped him on his shoulder.

"Harry, Harry."

"Umm."

"You haven't heard a word I said, have you?" She asked

"Uh umm oh I'm sorry I didn't hear what were you saying?" he asked still thinking about all she had said.

"That's alright at least you weren't brooding this time. All I was saying is if you don't feel like talking to anyone yet you could always write it down."

"Write it down?" he asked looking confused "write what down?" "Whatever is bothering you of course" she replied "haven't you ever heard of a journal?"

"Yeah but what does that have to do with anything?" He asked now looking at her hair for the first time. She had hair the color of a brand new penny, kind of coppery and wavy. Harry was wondering why hadn't he noticed it earlier then remembered that he had been too busy being a prick to have noticed anything. I wonder if it's as soft as it looks, he thought to himself. He was thinking of how he could get to find out when her voice broke into his thoughts. "Well if something is bothering you and you don't have anyone to talk to, you could write it in your journal because sometimes just getting it out in the open helps."

"I understand about the talking about stuff part but I don't think writing my problems down is going to help anything," he replied still staring at her hair, he was mesmerized by the way the sun caused some parts to appear lighter than others.

"Harry" she said smiling at him, he liked her smile it was a warm smile. "Sometimes if you look at something from another angle it helps you to get a different perspective of things, in other words see it in a different light." What she was saying made sense to him but he wasn't sure that it would help him. But before he could tell her this she continued, "Just treat it as if it was a best friend that you tell your deepest darkest secrets to. Except it won't interrupt you or pass any judgment it just listens and allows you to clear your mind and learn from the mistake and go on with your life. Like for instance you could write for today, Dear Journal today I was very depressed so I took a walk in the park, and while I was there I picked a fight with a perfect stranger." She was laughing now, he liked her laugh it reminded him of a Phoenix song. "And almost bit her head off but not before I called her a twelve year old know it all. But now I'm feeling a little better."

They were both laughing now. He'd hoped she'd forgotten about the twelve year old know it all bit, but at least she didn't seem to be mad about it. "Sorry about that." He said sheepishly, "I guess I got carried away with that one."

"Don't worry about it", she said still laughing, "I've been call a lot of things before, but you're the first to ever call me a twelve year old know it all. It's kind of funny really but don't ever do it again. Because if you do I may have to do a lot more to you than just yell at you."

"I won't" he replied "as long as you promise to always tell it like it is."

"I promise" she replied laughing. They sat in the grass and laughed about what each had said to the other until their stomach ached and Harry decided it did feel better to talk with someone. They sat like that and got to know each other a little bit better until it was time to go. On his walk back to Privet Drive he thought about everything that Amelia had said and decided to give it a try. When he got to his room he pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill and started writing down some of the things that were bothering him he must have sat there for over a hour writing down his feelings on paper and he had to admit it did make him feel a little better and he was able to think about the events more clearly now that they were on paper. That night he slept without the nightmares.